About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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0 comments

  1. jodyleek

    There ya go Newt! 70% of Americans may “watch” Fox, but at least 65% of them think you and your Faux Newz powered funny car should drive off a cliff.

  2. Crank Tango

    How is it that these polls manage to be dead on once in a blue moon? Are there merry tricksters about?

  3. rafflesinc

    One Internet to the first wonketteer to find out who is spamming this poll (as well as the previous one giving Obama an “A”).

  4. SmutBoffin

    I’m surprised they even put the option on there.

    NEW POLL
    Are the Teabaggers…

    1) the founding Fathers reincarnated,
    2) a splendiferous cadre of anti-Socialist patriots, or
    3) a more highly-evolved form of humankind?

  5. SayItWithWookies

    Bah — that’s just a non-scientific solicitation of opinion. Very unlike the other FOX online polls that find authoritatively that President Obama is a lying Muslim double-agent sent here to teach our children about sacrificing themselves for the weak and having bisexual orgies.

  6. El Pinche

    Are the Teabaggers:

    4) An excuse to dress like Button Gwinnett to lure twelve year old boys into your windowless van.

  7. WaldoJeffersHead

    In my parents’ case, it represents “voicing outrage about socialist policies from which they personally benefit.”

  8. Limeylizzie

    [re=510903]sanantonerose[/re]: Isn’t that insanely exciting? I got an email from Jim in response to a tip last week and I came over all moist and nearly wet my knickers.

  9. mumblyjoe

    The very best news, of course, is that since Fox News is saying so, all Teabaggers everywhere are required by, let’s say, the law, to take it as the Gospel truth.

  10. Crank Tango

    [re=510911]pampl[/re]: If I wanted to know what they were “saying” I would just shit my pants and smear my own feces all over the monitor. In fact, I’d rather. Oh great now I can’t see what I’m typgsdgsgsdgeg

  11. Pandy

    Racist??? Hey, calling them racist is racist?!!! You un-merican elitist who actually thinks for yourself!!!

  12. I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    Fixed: “A mix of FRUITLOOPS, racism and consipracy theories.”
    Breakfast of Champions!

  13. Hooray For Anything

    \[re=510890]rafflesinc[/re]: It could be somebody spamming the poll or it could just be that Tea Baggers are really proud of who they are.

  14. glamourdammerung

    [re=510911]pampl[/re]: Best comment on the Fox site:
    rupertm
    California

    lemonparty.com join the revolution

  15. Captain Swing

    Alternative Poll.

    Tea Baggers hold the view that:

    “Big Government” is bad and should be doing less- 100%

    The Government is not doing enough for us- 100%

  16. justshocking

    66% racists and whatever-it-is.

    Because I am Snowed In, I had Time to read the comments. My favorite, “Politicians are all scumbag liars with white teeth and speechwriters.” White teeth? Obvious Mr. Fox Commenter has never seen photos of Senators Arlen Specter or Ben Nelson.

  17. Native of SL UT

    [re=510949]Zadig[/re]: What do 3 teabaggers and 1 politician have in common?

    1 complete set of white teeth.

  18. Snarkalicious

    [re=510894]drpangloss[/re]: This is clearly not enough ingredients to constitute a purity test. I would offer Astroglide, Cipro, Peppermint Schnapps and Wal-tussin DM as additions to your list.

  19. One Yield Regular

    [re=510949]Zadig[/re]: It’s the chewing tobacco, Tetracycline stains, and lack of socialist dental care insurance that makes for Real American teeth.

  20. bitchincamaro

    What is the Tea Party Movement about?

    Twice around the bowl, about two feet long, and pointed at both ends?

  21. justshocking

    [re=510949]Zadig[/re]: True. I imagine the commenter was picturing Joe Biden as he snarlingly wrote about white teeth. But those are white VENEERS, not white teeth.

  22. scooterKPFT

    [re=510884]Crank Tango[/re]: …tricksters out there

    Yup in this case I’ll bet it is the evil godless bastards at Pharyngula. One of the commenters discovered the poll and posted a link. They are the most vandalistic bunch of poll-crashing Atheist flying monkeys on the InterZone.

  23. Jukesgrrl

    So even after all the time and money Murdoch and Ailes have spent inundating America with their bizarre worldview, they’ve only succeeded in convincing 25% of the public and 50% of Congress?

  24. god.was.stingy

    It feels really good to be thanked for voting for fruitless racism, conspiracy theories. I should do that more often!
    [re=510952]Native of SL UT[/re]: What do colostomy bags and tea baggers have in common?
    They’re both filled with whoppers, bile and shit.

  25. Smoke Filled Roommate

    I love how the poll is entitled “You Decide”. Like You Decide what your fucking opinion is.

  26. BeWoot

    [re=510892]Red Zeppelin[/re]: I’m disappointed in the “other” option. I wanted to check other and say either Performance Art or Mass Hypnosis, but it turns out you have to sign up to explain other. And I just don’t trust Glenn Beck with my eddress.

    Doesn’t matter, though. The correct answer is: Montpelier.

  27. Crank Tango

    [re=510976]scooterKPFT[/re]: god bless us, everyone. And them. For today we are all fruitless whatever and such…

  28. Smoke Filled Roommate

    Instead of ‘fruitless’, why didn’t they just use familiar terms to conservatives like ‘impotent’, ‘barren’, or ‘infertile’?

  29. Serolf Divad

    Ha, ha, ha, ha! Fucking morons at Fox are completely fucking innumerate. They don’t seem to realize that they’ve drawn up a poll that’s going to provide results they won’t like. There are three pro-teabagger options and one anti-teabagger option. Statistically speaking, assuming a roughly evenly divided voting pool, they’ll wind up with three 16.6% pro votes and one 50% anti.

  30. Ripley_in_CT

    Have you SEEN the teabaggers? There’s a reason they call it a “tooth” brush. It takes 32 of them to make a full set.

  31. imissopus

    At 6:30 PST the fruitless option has now garnered 70% of the vote. I assume that’s from everyone here clicking it.

  32. PomPom

    This is my favorite comment: “LIBERALS BEWARE! You have awakened a sleeping retard!”
    I’m still chortling to myself about that one.

  33. smitallica

    [re=510947]justshocking[/re]: Or do you think that poster was complaining because politicians have white teeth AND white speech writers?

  34. Crank Tango

    [re=511007]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: I like that one, but my favorite is the one for Round Table Pizza with the hot Italian chicks. Seriously it is the only commercial that I love to watch over and over. which is good, cuz they run it constantly here.

  35. Diana Davies

    I thought the tea party movement was about being simple-minded, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals who grunt at each other and pick lice out of each other’s densely matted back hair. What.

  36. smitallica

    So, “Middle-aged white people pissed because they lost an election to a black guy” wasn’t an option? This poll is scientifically baseless.

  37. Escape Goat Nation

    [re=511012]Crank Tango[/re]: We don’t have Round Table Pizza in my city. So I ain’t seen that one.

  38. El Pinche

    Fruitless sums up a chubby homeschoolers lunch menu. Bad poll. We know wingnuts hate fruit. Next time use Double-Whopperless, what angry double-chinner would pick anything void of Double Whoppers?

  39. Zadig

    Amazing comment from some white knight standing up for poor Mrs Snowbilly Queen, and Trig: “can you go in depth with some political examples that have merit. She controlled a state that has a communist country for its neighbor.Remember that not all Russians like us and would still like to harm us. So she had a lot on her plate just defending Alaska and the lower 48. So she technically has experience as a commander in chief of a state and also ran the biggest business in the states which would be the pipeline. So she would have to be pretty good with budgets and financial issues.”

    True Factual Fact of Truthiness: Every day in Alaska, the Soviets try to sneak over and get their Red Dawn on. Also, she did not defend Hawaii, to spite Commie-terrorist Inexperienced Manchurian Candidate Nobama.

  40. Zadig

    [re=511042]Zadig[/re]: Also, also? If, as is alleged, she “ran the biggest business in the states which would be the pipeline”, doesn’t that make her the biggest Commie in American History?

  41. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=511048]LordPretzel[/re]: No, that would be “I can has racizm n conspeepeery thingz?” 100%

  42. JesusButter

    [re=510890]rafflesinc[/re]: why, it’s the dailykosers of course. does my internet come with an iphone??

  43. Netmonger

    The reason why the poll is accurate is simply because its a real minority of the FOX viewers who are actually intelligent enough to use a computer and thus participate in the online poll..

  44. Flanders

    [re=511042]Zadig[/re]: I hope noone tells the good folks at Alyeska that Sarah runs their company. The consortium of companies that own TAPS today includes:

    BP Pipelines (Alaska) Inc. 46.93%
    ConocoPhillips Transportation Alaska, Inc. 28.29%
    ExxonMobil Pipeline Company, 20.34%
    Unocal Pipeline Company, 1.36%
    Koch Alaska Pipeline Company, L.L.C., 3.08%

    I don’t see Sarah’s lyin’ ass anywhere on the ownership committee.

  45. Zadig

    [re=511118]Flanders[/re]: That’s just because she’s too busy traveling between Alaskan high schools so she can personally scream “WOLVERIIIIIIINES” at the Soviet infiltrators, to actually attend a board meeting.

  46. Zadig

    [re=511048]LordPretzel[/re]: Probably not just them. There’s no guarantee that 4chan’s participation would be a net gain for the “that’s racist” option. Especially given moot’s recent addition of a /news/ board, which quickly (immediately) turned into /stormfront/.

  47. darkstar1st

    Most FoxNews are not Tea-Party or Tea-baggers as you say. Remember all the Ron Paulites throwing snow ballz at Hannity? Tea-Party is about 1 thing only, less tax, via smaller government. Maybe if more people ridicule tea-baggers they will stay home and stop sending their $ to people like Scott Brown who lives in a state most tea-baggers couldn’t find on a map, or GPS.

  48. taddred

    I completely agree with what is said here. It is terrible that in the 21st century such things as racism still take place. I have recently by means of one of rapidshare search engines downloaded a video with just terrible facts of recism… That’s why I cannot be indifferent to the words aired here.

  49. taddred

    [re=511118]Flanders[/re]: I completely agree with what is said in this video. It is terrible that in the 21st century such things as racism still take place. I have recently by means of one of rapidshare search engines downloaded a video with just terrible facts of recism… That’s why I cannot be indifferent to the words aired here.

  50. Darkness

    [re=511126]darkstar1st[/re]: I would be sadly surprised if the press didn’t FINALLY start to take offense. At the teabaggers convo when the speaker accused the media of bias (I guess the press are too incompetent to maintain 153% sycophancy 24 hours a day… because it isn’t for lack of trying) the conventioneers stood up and chanted at the assembled 100 fucking reporters who had stupidly shown up for this farce. If personal insult from the idiot group they follow around like lost babies doesn’t get them to pull their heads out of their asses, nothing will.

  51. SourMilk

    Don’t be retarded, this poll was swarmed by people from 4chan. If you don’t know that website you are saged.