SUCKS TO BE 'MAJOR GARRETT'  4:22 pm February 10, 2010

Snowstorm, Devil-Umbrella Murder Major Garrett

by Jim Newell

Fox News’ failure of a URL-shortener, Major Garrett, died in the snow today, maybe. [Guardian]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 22 comments }

Mr Blifil February 10, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Gee I hope he has insurance…

WIDTAP February 10, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Major Garrett still alive. Charlie Wilson dead. Just in case you were keeping score.

memzilla February 10, 2010 at 4:31 pm

With the snow and the mechanical equipment passing in the background, I was hoping for a “Fargo” ending to his piece.

thesheriffisnear February 10, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Major Garrett is a pussy. Shelby Scott would laugh at that dusting. Since much of this community is from the Bay State my reference is not as arcane as one might think.

thesheriffisnear February 10, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Dick Hertz from Holden, also.

Ruhe February 10, 2010 at 4:38 pm

Oh if only global warming was real, Major Garrett might still be with us.

thesheriffisnear February 10, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Just for laffs I Googled Shelby Scott and came up with tons-o-hits.

If you are so inclined:

http://archive.southcoasttoday.com/daily/02-96/02-24-96/1shelby.htm

Alan Kaprielian reference in 3..2…

SayItWithWookies February 10, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Well, that was so amusing that nobody paid attention to what Garrett was saying about healthcare reform — but then again, it was FOX.

Extemporanus February 10, 2010 at 4:42 pm

Keep fucking that exhaust pipe, Major!

Extemporanus February 10, 2010 at 4:54 pm

[re=510848]Mr Blifil[/re]: Why would he need insurance?

He’s festooned in a winter-defiant black & white striped golf umbrella.

[re=510858]memzilla[/re]: Hell, I woulda settled for http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4jygQkP3Fk bustin’ in on those two studio fuckers.

Extemporanus February 10, 2010 at 4:54 pm

[re=510848]Mr Blifil[/re]: Why would he need insurance?

He’s festooned in a winter-defiant black & white striped golf umbrella.

[re=510858]memzilla[/re]: Hell, I woulda settled for http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4jygQkP3FkShep bustin’ in on those two studio fuckers.

SmutBoffin February 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Jeebus, I just can’t pay attention to that, cuz I keep thinking “That man is looking for prostitoots on his smartphone. Right now. As we watch. And he will give them money for whatever unspeakable acts that FOX News folks consider ‘sex’.”

Extemporanus February 10, 2010 at 4:58 pm

[re=510880]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=510882]Extemporanus[/re]: GAHHH! WHAT’S HAPPENING?! SO MUCH SNOW. CAN’T SEE. WHAT? WHAT?! MOM? I’M SO COLD MOM! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?? SOOO COLLD. SO VERRRY VRRRR COOOLLL.
.
A
.D
Rr
rrrr./.- .. . ‘

bitchincamaro February 10, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Much funnier if you imagine him in an asbestos open pit mine.

Katydid February 10, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Major’s body language just screams, “My dick is up my own asshole and I can’t get it out!”

badmuthagoose February 10, 2010 at 6:35 pm

He didn’t even have a fucking HAT on. He looked like a goddamned idiot, the kind with absolutely no sense in his head. I don’t know who this guy is, seriously, but how does he not choke when eating his food? How does he cross streets without getting run over by cars?

vaporware February 10, 2010 at 8:00 pm

NBC needs to pick this up to fill Jay Leno’s 10pm slot.

The Unfairman February 10, 2010 at 9:01 pm

I, for one, give credit to the man driving the snowblower past Major Leif Garret.

Also, it seems to me like the driver was intentionally blowing the snow right at him, which caused the umbrella to malfunction.

Fraken/Snowblower Driver 2012!

Scooter February 10, 2010 at 9:05 pm

Hey, granted the snow is bad, but check out Faux News Wanker Greg Jarrett in this clip shot just east of Wichita in 1991:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHBZylcxIvw

El Pinche February 10, 2010 at 11:09 pm

If Major Garrett dies, then journalism dies…then we all die ..inside.

Jesus, please watch over this Angel of Journalism

durn February 11, 2010 at 3:09 am

Yes, Garrett, you and Fox are the cause of everything dribbling out of Kurtz’s mouth.

ez February 11, 2010 at 3:37 am

All right thinking Americans understand that this snow is God’s way of saying Snow Queen Sarah should be instantly installed in the (snow)White House. Only an Alaskan is able to lead the nation’s Capital, (and all the snow blind Politicans) to the promised land of Spring. Turn back from the Icelandic born Snowbama if you wish to ever see the Tulips again.

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