About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • Mr Blifil

    Gee I hope he has insurance…


    Major Garrett still alive. Charlie Wilson dead. Just in case you were keeping score.

  • memzilla

    With the snow and the mechanical equipment passing in the background, I was hoping for a “Fargo” ending to his piece.

  • thesheriffisnear

    Major Garrett is a pussy. Shelby Scott would laugh at that dusting. Since much of this community is from the Bay State my reference is not as arcane as one might think.

  • thesheriffisnear

    Dick Hertz from Holden, also.

  • Ruhe

    Oh if only global warming was real, Major Garrett might still be with us.

  • thesheriffisnear

    Just for laffs I Googled Shelby Scott and came up with tons-o-hits.

    If you are so inclined:


    Alan Kaprielian reference in 3..2…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well, that was so amusing that nobody paid attention to what Garrett was saying about healthcare reform — but then again, it was FOX.

  • Extemporanus

    Keep fucking that exhaust pipe, Major!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=510848]Mr Blifil[/re]: Why would he need insurance?

    He’s festooned in a winter-defiant black & white striped golf umbrella.

    [re=510858]memzilla[/re]: Hell, I woulda settled for http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4jygQkP3Fk bustin’ in on those two studio fuckers.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=510848]Mr Blifil[/re]: Why would he need insurance?

    He’s festooned in a winter-defiant black & white striped golf umbrella.

    [re=510858]memzilla[/re]: Hell, I woulda settled for http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4jygQkP3FkShep bustin’ in on those two studio fuckers.

  • SmutBoffin

    Jeebus, I just can’t pay attention to that, cuz I keep thinking “That man is looking for prostitoots on his smartphone. Right now. As we watch. And he will give them money for whatever unspeakable acts that FOX News folks consider ‘sex’.”

  • Extemporanus

    rrrr./.- .. . ‘

  • bitchincamaro

    Much funnier if you imagine him in an asbestos open pit mine.

  • Katydid

    Major’s body language just screams, “My dick is up my own asshole and I can’t get it out!”

  • badmuthagoose

    He didn’t even have a fucking HAT on. He looked like a goddamned idiot, the kind with absolutely no sense in his head. I don’t know who this guy is, seriously, but how does he not choke when eating his food? How does he cross streets without getting run over by cars?

  • vaporware

    NBC needs to pick this up to fill Jay Leno’s 10pm slot.

  • The Unfairman

    I, for one, give credit to the man driving the snowblower past Major Leif Garret.

    Also, it seems to me like the driver was intentionally blowing the snow right at him, which caused the umbrella to malfunction.

    Fraken/Snowblower Driver 2012!

  • Scooter

    Hey, granted the snow is bad, but check out Faux News Wanker Greg Jarrett in this clip shot just east of Wichita in 1991:


  • El Pinche

    If Major Garrett dies, then journalism dies…then we all die ..inside.

    Jesus, please watch over this Angel of Journalism

  • durn

    Yes, Garrett, you and Fox are the cause of everything dribbling out of Kurtz’s mouth.

  • ez

    All right thinking Americans understand that this snow is God’s way of saying Snow Queen Sarah should be instantly installed in the (snow)White House. Only an Alaskan is able to lead the nation’s Capital, (and all the snow blind Politicans) to the promised land of Spring. Turn back from the Icelandic born Snowbama if you wish to ever see the Tulips again.