IN HIS PANTS  12:53 pm February 10, 2010

Scott Brown’s Truck Found Where It Logically Should Be!

by Jim Newell

Look, a local human was walking by the Russell office building parking lot just yesterday and OH SHIT IT’S SCOTT BROWN’S TRUCK, where he banged Simon Cowell and won the presidency of Massachusetts by beating J. F. Kennedy 100-0 in the snow. He still drives this truck to his new job! Five more authenticity points to this naked monster. Do we still have to wait until 2012 to make him American president? [Second Rain]

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One Yield Regular February 10, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Hmm. Suspicious lack of snowfall on that truck. He clearly doesn’t keep this thing up on concrete blocks in the front yard. Does this everyman have a GARAGE?

SloppyCronkite February 10, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Obviously, not man enough or American enough to drive in the snow. East Coast pansies.

Sharkey February 10, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Bob Dylan was found sleeping in the cab.

Lascauxcaveman February 10, 2010 at 1:01 pm

If that’s 2WD, no way he should be driving it around in the snow, way unsafe. He should be a REAL murrican and get a Humvee. Or a real senator and get a Range Rover or top-o’-the-line Mercedes 4WD Wagon.

memzilla February 10, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Minus five whorediamonds if his vehicle does not have TRUCKNUTZ.

Sharkey February 10, 2010 at 1:03 pm

Wake me up when Scott Brown’s pants are actually located.

Jim89048 February 10, 2010 at 1:08 pm

How long before the insurance industry provides him with a car and driver?

Poochie February 10, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Hey Mr MassPrez,

Real men don’t use liners in their truck beds. And what’s with that “rope” you threw in the back? Tying up some purchases from the Pottery Barn?

Larry McAwful February 10, 2010 at 1:13 pm

Now you’ve got me wondering: does John McCain drive the Straight Talk Express to work every day?

freakishlystrong February 10, 2010 at 1:14 pm

The bumper sticker-age is a monster snowstorm of FAIL.

Sharkey February 10, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Kitty litter not good enough for you?

Ruhe February 10, 2010 at 1:20 pm

5 authenticity points? Is that like a 1-up in Mario Galaxy?

Red Zeppelin February 10, 2010 at 1:25 pm

[re=510592]memzilla[/re]: We demand to know if he has TRUCKNUTZ!!!!!!11111!!!

Terry February 10, 2010 at 1:29 pm

what’s he doing in the office during a bonafide blizzard? Afraid that they’ll take the office way from him if he doesn’t occupy it constantly? Perhaps he’s in there banging his first page or intern.

El Pinche February 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

No trucknutz=RINO

Fred Wertham Jr. February 10, 2010 at 1:40 pm

I don’t know about DC or Massachusetts, but it’s illegal to obstruct your rear window like that in California.

Buttery1000 February 10, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Fuck yeah, and it’s Amurican-made. Not that Prissusy Toyota crap with junky gas pedals or breaks or whatever. It’s almost as if Scott Brown’s spirit is near and is yelling, “GET THE FUCK INTO THE TRUCK!”

rottenart February 10, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Those are the crookedest stickers I’ve ever seen. I know rednecks with confederate flag and KKK stickers straighter than that.

Jim89048 February 10, 2010 at 1:55 pm

[re=510635]rottenart[/re]: Not straight=gay, obvs.

rottenart February 10, 2010 at 2:09 pm

[re=510655]Jim89048[/re]: That would explain the Triangle flag sticker…

Monsieur Grumpe February 10, 2010 at 2:23 pm

Where are the empty beer cans?

The Toot February 10, 2010 at 2:29 pm

USA Triathlon triangle sticker. Screams douchebaggery.

bitchincamaro February 10, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Unseen sticker: I’d Rather Be Tea-Baggin’

rottenart February 10, 2010 at 2:43 pm

[re=510704]The Toot[/re]: Oh, is that what it’s for? Honest to god, I was thinking “FSM protects us gay patriots”.

Accordion-o-rama February 10, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Could one of you Photoshop wizards paste his centerfold image into the bed of that truck?

Extemporanus February 10, 2010 at 3:56 pm

[re=510715]bitchincamaro[/re]: Also: “Proud Parent of an American Idol Semi-Finalist”

sanantonerose February 10, 2010 at 5:58 pm

[re=510635]rottenart[/re]: Rednecks and the KKK take pride in their work.

Speaking of KKK, that tie-down rope in the truck bed raises an eyebrow ever so slightly.

Up To Here Again February 10, 2010 at 7:08 pm

Hello? Senator?
We have someone on the line here,
the distinguished president Zuma of South Africa,
asking whether your offer from election night still stands. . .

stumpycuse February 10, 2010 at 10:36 pm

Palin-Brown or Brown-Palin….

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