The New York Times is supposedly typey-typing its story that we already know will force David Paterson to resign before having any idea what’s in it. Why won’t David Paterson save the Times the trouble and just resign right now, for whatever?
David Paterson is really trying to put and end to the speculation he’s resigning.
“The only way I’m not going to be governor next year is at the ballot box. And the only way that I’ll be leaving office before is in a box,” Paterson said, at a press conference in Albany.
He also said he conducted an interview with The New York Times and they did not ask about extramarital affairs or drug use, which were two of the topics rumored to be part of the big Times piece that has yet to be published.
Presumably those two topics were already pretty established, and didn’t need further elaboration. Besides, when Paterson’s teabagging Maureen Dowd and snorting meth from Gail Collins’ ass during the interview, it’s even better evidence than “two independent sources” for publication.
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{ 32 comments }
What he mean to say is that he’ll only be leaving with his dick in a box.
You forgot getting a Dirty Sanchez from Frank Rich.
“in a box” at least we know it’s a woman.
Right now, he’s too busy to resign, what with all the meth and Mother/Daughter combos he’s got lined up. Later he will be too tired. Governance is not for the weak of spirit.
The editors at the Times fucked up because at the hush-hush meeting with Paterson to discuss the terms of his surrender, the Times negotiator opened by saying “Look…”
[re=510337]rafflesinc[/re]: Yeah, but did he know it was a woman?
(Sorry, that was a groaner, I know)
maybe I am just being “sightist,” but seriously, what is the point in being a blind adulterer? Even a threesome can’t be all that special if you’re blind, amirite?
[re=510353]Crank Tango[/re]: The whole world is Gov. Paterson’s glory hole.
[re=510353]Crank Tango[/re]: you are wrong, and might want to consider closing your eyes during sex.
[re=510353]Crank Tango[/re]: I’d think being blind makes adultery more enjoyable — you’re never freaked out by what last night’s partner looks like sober and in the light of day.
“And the only way that I’ll be leaving office before is in a box.”
This made wonder if there are any blind mimes.
[re=510342]Mr Blifil[/re]: “Can’t you see how important…oh, sorry, Governor.”
[re=510363]SayItWithWookies[/re]: and I guess you’re not always looking over your shoulder, afraid of getting caught.
[re=510362]Cheney Guevara[/re]: I never thought of that before–I’ll try that next time.
[re=510361]hedgehog[/re]: LOL
Do you know how hard it is to imprint Braille crib notes on the palm of your hand? C’mon, the deaf, dumb and blind kid sure likes a mean eight-ball.
[re=510376]Crank Tango[/re]: it’s how i made it through college.
[re=510361]hedgehog[/re]: When you put it that way…pass the fuckin ice pick!
[re=510363]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I, for one, appreciate being able to see the strap-on on the bedside table.
[re=510381]Snarkalicious[/re]: For real. When I was growing up, I was always told I’d go blind if I didn’t stop fapping. Now, Paterson makes it look pretty good.
Damn, was I stupid back then.
This editorial board scenario sounds like it should be ending with “The Aristocrats!”, really. I’d have to do a lot of cocaine *before* I got anywhere near Gail Collins’ ass, and let’s not even talk about Manohla Dargis, who would probably break down halfway through because rimjobs remind her of 9/11.
[re=510353]Crank Tango[/re]: Even a threesome can’t be all that special if you’re blind, amirite?
If by “threesome” you mean “seeing eye doggie style”, then “special” doesn’t even begin to describe it.
at any rate, it can’t be too much fun to do blow when you’re blind. Not since mcdonald’s got rid of those little spoons anyway. Then again I used to like just sticking the straw right in the bag but that is risky even when you can see how deep your in it…
[re=510347]JMP[/re]: Are you suggesting that he might be third eye-blind as well?
[re=510369]Dean Booth[/re]: Yes, though they prefer to be called “referees”.
[re=510391]Gopherit[/re]: Dude, you take it up the ass from your bedside table?!
And here I thought hate-fucking my neighbor’s patio furniture was kinky!
[re=510400]Crank Tango[/re]: i always heard blind people don’t enjoy cigarettes as much b/c half the fun is blowing out a cloud of smoke; not sure if that’s a myth
[re=510406]Cheney Guevara[/re]: !
They prolly also have no concept of how cool it makes them look. I submit the blind gov’s wedding pic as evidence. If he had any idea how to look cool, he’d be wearing shades.
I sure hope Gov. Paterson isn’t reading any of this.
Sometimes, you’ve got to read between the lines with the NYT. Here’s what I’ve garnered from the front page. Still putting it together, but need help:
analysts
unleashes
urges
stocks
Greek
plead
shaking all over
cometh
house of pain
fanatic
I know there’s a message here…
[re=510405]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh, the Embarrassment!
http://www.rhapsody.com/the-embarrassment/heyday-1979-83/patio-set
Talk about the blind leading the blind! Excuse me, “leding”, in proper newspaperese.
Once they saw the Stevie Wonder “red one” commercial during the Super Bowl, the NYT lawyers worried about a copyright infringement suit.
[re=510353]Crank Tango[/re]:I do things for the feel!
More proof that the New York Times deliberately tries to be unintersting.
It’ll probably turn out to be some boring thing, like he demanded sexual favors in exchange for Hillary’s senate seat. And Caroline, you know, wouldn’t go down on him.
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