palm autopilot

Zoom Function Is Rosetta Stone Of Sarah Palin’s Hand


Here is a close-up of Sarah Palin’s new temporary tattoo. It raises so many more questions than it answers, technically! The Huffington Post did an impression of journalism and has now bequeathed unto the world revelations about what specifically those words are, namely “Energy,” “Tax,” “Lift American Spirits,” and “Budget cuts.” This information will amass even greater relevance when the New York Times reveals that it is an anagram for “RSVP for David Paterson Key Party.” [Huffington Post]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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65 comments

  1. JMP

    Tax lift American spirits? While true (more accurately, programs funded by taxes do so), that’s a gross violation of conservative principles. Also, it should be “TaxES lift …”

  2. gurukalehuru

    That 2nd word, after the crossed out budget, seems to be busts, which is the answer to the question, what are you all guys staring at? Also

  3. bureaucrap

    Olbermann raised an excellent point last night: What does it mean that Sarah Palin has to use crib notes just to remember what her big overarching themes are? Does it mean that she’s a delta-minus semi-moron? That’s a start.

  4. parenthetical

    No no no! It’s “Budget Cuts” with the “Budget” crossed out and “Tax” added instead (as in Tax Cuts), which is the insane incoherent plan of the Republicans and the Tea Baggers: cut taxes without proposing any way to pay for it with budget cuts. Hooray for America!

    One should note that a right wing politician writing these things on her hand is something like Bill Gates coming to the podium with “Computers are important” written on his palm.

  5. Gorillionaire

    Seriously, Tina Fey could have walked up there cold and improved anything that snowbilly would have ever wanted to say, and it would have been funnier too.

  6. El Pinche

    Apparently Sarah needs a wrist band to remember her son’s name. She has to be retarded. I demand to see her medical records.

  7. President Beeblebrox

    … & of course she is wearing one of those Soldier Bracelets that you can’t run for office without, bearing her son’s charmingly weird name.

    Am I the only person who thinks she may have WANTED the retards in US America to actually see those crib notes?

  8. Berkeley Bear

    It sure looks like the one thing she learned from McCain was get the questions beforehand. Unfortunately she didn’t understand that doesn’t mean actually write your answer on your hand before the “unscripted” Q&A session.

    I guess she was trying to make sure the moderator didn’t call b.s. on her like Glenn Beck was forced to in his lovefest interview.

  9. Pithaughn

    She has to have a visual reminder of her name also there, on her sleeve. Tell me again why 600 people paying to listen to a word salad speaker who quit her job deserves so many media cycles?
    Did I mention only 600 people?

  10. thefrontpage

    It’s too bad there isn’t a real-life “Lost” island, because that’s the only place that’s suitable for Sarah Palin–marooned in a fantasy world where she can’t get back to reality.

  11. donner_froh

    The equivalent in real person terms would be Obama forgetting to mention “hope” and “change” during the 2008 campaign.

    If she ever gets another vote for any office it will show this country isn’t ready for particaptory democracy.

  12. Terry

    The best part is that her notes are for absolutely EASY things to remember. Imagine what the state of Palin’s brain must be if she needs a prompt to talk about energy and taxes.

  13. Socialist hip replacement

    I love that she can’t manage to write six words on her palm without changing her mind halfway through. Cross-outs rule rool.

  14. Gopherit

    [re=509846]Terry[/re]: I think she took a real chance not writing down her positions on those.

    Energy cuts = bad
    tax = bad
    lift Amer spirit = good

  15. Buttery1000

    This has nothing to do with anything, BUT … how many peens do you think that hand has held? Discuss.

  16. Crank Tango

    [re=509859]SnarkNotFark[/re]: hahahaha i made my own version of her crib sheet and put it as my FB profile pic:
    cats
    stay off internet (struck through) facebook
    food good
    take a bike ride

    thanks sarah!

  17. SayItWithWookies

    [re=509846]Terry[/re]: Hey, she’s got cred on energy issues — which is why, when asked about them, she was able to rattle off “gas” and “coal” in the middle of a mushy, rambling, long-winded and substance-free answer. If only she were the scion of a wealthy oil family, she’d be the second coming of Dubya.

  18. Ruhe

    I wonder why she decided that you don’t want to refer to “cuts” as “budget cuts”? Seriously. What’s the thought behind that?

  19. HuddledMass

    [re=509838]Pithaughn[/re]: “Did I mention only 600 people?”

    So 600 people X $560 cost of admission = $336,000 – $100,000 for Palin’s speaking fee = a profit of $236,000 – other costs of putting on this tardvention = $????

    Not worth it.

  20. artpepper

    [re=509882]Ruhe[/re]: Budget cuts = you might lose your Red State welfare. Tax cuts = you get your Red State welfare for free!

  21. Anonymous Office Zombie

    It’s the crossed-off word that baffles me. Is she unaware that skin unlike paper is washable? Was she furiously scribbling these cheats during those very last seconds before deadline so as to make water access out of the question at that point?

    What up?

  22. Dashboard_Buddha

    What kills me…what absolutely slays me is that while I despise each and every one of these rightwingnuts and I can give a red meat speech to them WITHOUT crib notes. Wtf, people….wtf?

  23. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=509859]SnarkNotFark[/re]: ha ha ha ha ha…if I wasn’t so poor, I’d get one of those. Most of the stupid rubes around here wouldn’t understand it, but it would be great fun to see them pretend that they did!

  24. Autoo

    I just figured out why the penmanship on her hand-notes is so poor. She’s left handed.

    Alternate theory: Trig is the one who takes her dictation.

  25. JMP

    [re=509965]Cape Clod[/re]: Maybe she named him after the disease he has because otherwise she wouldn’t remember which one is the fucking retard / special little angel.

  26. teebob2000

    [re=509945]Schmannity[/re]: You’re making a pretty big assumption that she’d know AK is short for Alaska.

  27. Cape Clod

    [re=509991]JMP[/re]: It kind of suprises me that she didn’t actually name him ‘Tard’ if that’s true. Though she probably considered it.

  28. DirtyHarriett

    [re=510000]teebob2000[/re]: Even better than the last one!

    Are we really surprised she wrote on her hand? Remember what she did to her “McCain/Palin hat on vacation? She’s trying to show her base how “practical” she is. Yeah, that’s it….showing what a real ‘merikan does with limited brain functions!

  29. Escape Goat Nation

    You’re supposed to write the 10 Commandments on your hand to give you constant hourly reminders to not kill people and steal stuff.

  30. doxastic

    I’ve long availed myself of the palm pilot technique for grocery lists, appointments and room numbers, but using it to remember “energy” “tax” and “lift american spirits” is the GOP equivalent of reminding yourself to eat, shit and breathe.

  31. Snidely

    Sarah is a smart woman. Unlike with those pesky electronic devices, she will always have her right SnowBilly TelePrompTer available if this left one goes down. Or if it smudges when she wipes. Also.

  32. finallyhappy

    [re=509843]donner_froh[/re]: we probably aren’t- given the extreme stupidity of anyone who supported Palin. Only one person actually had the gall to ask me(anyone who knows me should have known it was a huge huge error) why if I am so in favor of women’s rights that I was not supporting Palin. I looked at the woman and said I am supporting Barack Obama because like him I am a black man and I make all of my voting decisions like that(I am a white woman but hey, I could change)

  33. Diana Davies

    [re=509931]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: If she tried to wash off that one word and accidentally washed off the others, someone would have to remind her of her values because she’s a fucking retard also.

  34. cheeto_jeebus

    [re=509931]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: I think we’re underestimating Sarah. This whole crossed out thing is definitely a nod to Jacques Derrida. Perhaps she is positing her word salad as an offshoot of Deconstruction and a commentary on modern politics? Poor Sarah is simply agreeing that all writing is but mad scribbles chiseled in pain and sorrow communicating that which is intransmissable. Or she is just a fuckin retard.

  35. PickneyPinchback

    She continued her talking points on the other hand. It said “Jobs.” That was her job hand.

  36. Starrigavan

    Yeah, I want to elect the Tea Party! They’re so good at budgeting and spending. $100K for a keynote speaker who was so ill prepared she couldn’t remember three core talking points and had to write them on her hand and sneak looks while answering pre-screened questions from her fans. Not a single new idea in the speech, just a string of badly worded zingers stolen from badly spelled Tea Party protest signs. I must say, a la Rush, not Rahm, she’s an effing retard.

  37. Veritas78

    [re=510104]JMP[/re]: Is this true? (Seriously, is this true? Because then she is truly evil.)

    Personally, I hope she gets pregnant again & again. The next five will be revealing: Prima, Crystal, Flak, Lawyer, & Bunker.

  38. CanadianBacon

    I can’t believe everyone was so easily fooled by this Palin-palm-note. In order to convey the illusion of being literate she had one of her staffers write some talking points on her hand. The points were simple ones so if anyone asked she could pretend she was “reading” them off her hand. The whole thing was staged to fool the world into thinking she was able to read and write.

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