PALM AUTOPILOT  9:44 am February 9, 2010

Zoom Function Is Rosetta Stone Of Sarah Palin’s Hand

by Juli Weiner

Here is a close-up of Sarah Palin’s new temporary tattoo. It raises so many more questions than it answers, technically! The Huffington Post did an impression of journalism and has now bequeathed unto the world revelations about what specifically those words are, namely “Energy,” “Tax,” “Lift American Spirits,” and “Budget cuts.” This information will amass even greater relevance when the New York Times reveals that it is an anagram for “RSVP for David Paterson Key Party.” [Huffington Post]

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The Huffington Pogue February 9, 2010 at 9:52 am

She’s getting closer to nailing that 5-7-5 pattern for Haikus.

pampl February 9, 2010 at 9:56 am

I prefer reading it as “Energy Cuts,” “Tax Lift America,” “Spirits”

JMP February 9, 2010 at 10:00 am

Tax lift American spirits? While true (more accurately, programs funded by taxes do so), that’s a gross violation of conservative principles. Also, it should be “TaxES lift …”

gurukalehuru February 9, 2010 at 10:02 am

That 2nd word, after the crossed out budget, seems to be busts, which is the answer to the question, what are you all guys staring at? Also

bureaucrap February 9, 2010 at 10:04 am

Olbermann raised an excellent point last night: What does it mean that Sarah Palin has to use crib notes just to remember what her big overarching themes are? Does it mean that she’s a delta-minus semi-moron? That’s a start.

Oldskool February 9, 2010 at 10:06 am

Using “hand notes” as a slur, the HN-word, will not be tolerated unless it’s satirical.

Monsieur Grumpe February 9, 2010 at 10:08 am

It appears to be written with a Retard Font.
Elegant no?

parenthetical February 9, 2010 at 10:08 am

No no no! It’s “Budget Cuts” with the “Budget” crossed out and “Tax” added instead (as in Tax Cuts), which is the insane incoherent plan of the Republicans and the Tea Baggers: cut taxes without proposing any way to pay for it with budget cuts. Hooray for America!

One should note that a right wing politician writing these things on her hand is something like Bill Gates coming to the podium with “Computers are important” written on his palm.

Gorillionaire February 9, 2010 at 10:16 am

Seriously, Tina Fey could have walked up there cold and improved anything that snowbilly would have ever wanted to say, and it would have been funnier too.

Crank Tango February 9, 2010 at 10:18 am

[re=509818]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: on msword it’s Tardana 12pt

El Pinche February 9, 2010 at 10:19 am

Apparently Sarah needs a wrist band to remember her son’s name. She has to be retarded. I demand to see her medical records.

rj77 February 9, 2010 at 10:21 am

[re=509824]Gorillionaire[/re]: Ya think Second City has an opening for Palin?

President Beeblebrox February 9, 2010 at 10:22 am

… & of course she is wearing one of those Soldier Bracelets that you can’t run for office without, bearing her son’s charmingly weird name.

Am I the only person who thinks she may have WANTED the retards in US America to actually see those crib notes?

Berkeley Bear February 9, 2010 at 10:22 am

It sure looks like the one thing she learned from McCain was get the questions beforehand. Unfortunately she didn’t understand that doesn’t mean actually write your answer on your hand before the “unscripted” Q&A session.

I guess she was trying to make sure the moderator didn’t call b.s. on her like Glenn Beck was forced to in his lovefest interview.

Pithaughn February 9, 2010 at 10:33 am

She has to have a visual reminder of her name also there, on her sleeve. Tell me again why 600 people paying to listen to a word salad speaker who quit her job deserves so many media cycles?
Did I mention only 600 people?

thefrontpage February 9, 2010 at 10:34 am

It’s too bad there isn’t a real-life “Lost” island, because that’s the only place that’s suitable for Sarah Palin–marooned in a fantasy world where she can’t get back to reality.

donner_froh February 9, 2010 at 10:35 am

The equivalent in real person terms would be Obama forgetting to mention “hope” and “change” during the 2008 campaign.

If she ever gets another vote for any office it will show this country isn’t ready for particaptory democracy.

Terry February 9, 2010 at 10:35 am

The best part is that her notes are for absolutely EASY things to remember. Imagine what the state of Palin’s brain must be if she needs a prompt to talk about energy and taxes.

southern mark smith February 9, 2010 at 10:42 am

I’m impressed she was able to write so legibly on her own butt.

SnarkNotFark February 9, 2010 at 10:44 am

I was going to write “I expect to see this as a T-Shirt on CafePress by the end of the day.” but I thought I’d check first.,431617427
Thank you Americans, my Spirit is Lifted.

El Pinche February 9, 2010 at 10:45 am
Socialist hip replacement February 9, 2010 at 10:46 am

I love that she can’t manage to write six words on her palm without changing her mind halfway through. Cross-outs rule rool.

Gopherit February 9, 2010 at 10:53 am

[re=509846]Terry[/re]: I think she took a real chance not writing down her positions on those.

Energy cuts = bad
tax = bad
lift Amer spirit = good

JadedDIssonance February 9, 2010 at 10:54 am

Putting words into coherent sentences is hard enough. Sheesh. You guys expect too much.

Buttery1000 February 9, 2010 at 10:54 am

This has nothing to do with anything, BUT … how many peens do you think that hand has held? Discuss.

Crank Tango February 9, 2010 at 11:00 am

[re=509859]SnarkNotFark[/re]: hahahaha i made my own version of her crib sheet and put it as my FB profile pic:
stay off internet (struck through) facebook
food good
take a bike ride

thanks sarah!

SayItWithWookies February 9, 2010 at 11:02 am

[re=509846]Terry[/re]: Hey, she’s got cred on energy issues — which is why, when asked about them, she was able to rattle off “gas” and “coal” in the middle of a mushy, rambling, long-winded and substance-free answer. If only she were the scion of a wealthy oil family, she’d be the second coming of Dubya.

bored with gravity February 9, 2010 at 11:05 am

[re=509861]Socialist hip replacement[/re]: She quit halfway through.

Ruhe February 9, 2010 at 11:07 am

I wonder why she decided that you don’t want to refer to “cuts” as “budget cuts”? Seriously. What’s the thought behind that?

arewethereyet February 9, 2010 at 11:11 am

Introducing the new and improved “palm pilot”

HuddledMass February 9, 2010 at 11:16 am

[re=509838]Pithaughn[/re]: “Did I mention only 600 people?”

So 600 people X $560 cost of admission = $336,000 – $100,000 for Palin’s speaking fee = a profit of $236,000 – other costs of putting on this tardvention = $????

Not worth it.

artpepper February 9, 2010 at 11:31 am

[re=509882]Ruhe[/re]: Budget cuts = you might lose your Red State welfare. Tax cuts = you get your Red State welfare for free!

Anonymous Office Zombie February 9, 2010 at 11:39 am

It’s the crossed-off word that baffles me. Is she unaware that skin unlike paper is washable? Was she furiously scribbling these cheats during those very last seconds before deadline so as to make water access out of the question at that point?

What up?

Dashboard_Buddha February 9, 2010 at 11:43 am

What kills me…what absolutely slays me is that while I despise each and every one of these rightwingnuts and I can give a red meat speech to them WITHOUT crib notes. Wtf, people….wtf?

Schmannity February 9, 2010 at 11:50 am

The other hand says
cash in
leave family in AK

Texan Bulldoggette February 9, 2010 at 11:56 am

[re=509859]SnarkNotFark[/re]: ha ha ha ha ha…if I wasn’t so poor, I’d get one of those. Most of the stupid rubes around here wouldn’t understand it, but it would be great fun to see them pretend that they did!

Autoo February 9, 2010 at 12:00 pm

I just figured out why the penmanship on her hand-notes is so poor. She’s left handed.

Alternate theory: Trig is the one who takes her dictation.

Cape Clod February 9, 2010 at 12:05 pm

She uses this same technique when she needs to remind herself where she left Trig.

JMP February 9, 2010 at 12:20 pm

[re=509965]Cape Clod[/re]: Maybe she named him after the disease he has because otherwise she wouldn’t remember which one is the fucking retard / special little angel.

teebob2000 February 9, 2010 at 12:26 pm

[re=509859]SnarkNotFark[/re]: No no, THIS is the one you want.

teebob2000 February 9, 2010 at 12:31 pm

[re=509945]Schmannity[/re]: You’re making a pretty big assumption that she’d know AK is short for Alaska.

Cape Clod February 9, 2010 at 12:32 pm

[re=509991]JMP[/re]: It kind of suprises me that she didn’t actually name him ‘Tard’ if that’s true. Though she probably considered it.

OzoneTom February 9, 2010 at 12:32 pm


snideinplainsight February 9, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Lift and separate? What could that mean?

DirtyHarriett February 9, 2010 at 12:39 pm

[re=510000]teebob2000[/re]: Even better than the last one!

Are we really surprised she wrote on her hand? Remember what she did to her “McCain/Palin hat on vacation? She’s trying to show her base how “practical” she is. Yeah, that’s it….showing what a real ‘merikan does with limited brain functions!

Escape Goat Nation February 9, 2010 at 12:43 pm

You’re supposed to write the 10 Commandments on your hand to give you constant hourly reminders to not kill people and steal stuff.

doxastic February 9, 2010 at 12:44 pm

I’ve long availed myself of the palm pilot technique for grocery lists, appointments and room numbers, but using it to remember “energy” “tax” and “lift american spirits” is the GOP equivalent of reminding yourself to eat, shit and breathe.

Snidely February 9, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Sarah is a smart woman. Unlike with those pesky electronic devices, she will always have her right SnowBilly TelePrompTer available if this left one goes down. Or if it smudges when she wipes. Also.

finallyhappy February 9, 2010 at 1:03 pm

[re=509828]rj77[/re]: I’ll check they are here in DC now.

finallyhappy February 9, 2010 at 1:16 pm

[re=509843]donner_froh[/re]: we probably aren’t- given the extreme stupidity of anyone who supported Palin. Only one person actually had the gall to ask me(anyone who knows me should have known it was a huge huge error) why if I am so in favor of women’s rights that I was not supporting Palin. I looked at the woman and said I am supporting Barack Obama because like him I am a black man and I make all of my voting decisions like that(I am a white woman but hey, I could change)

JMP February 9, 2010 at 1:49 pm

[re=510010]Cape Clod[/re]: Trisomy G, or Tri-G, is the scientific name for Down syndrome; so she did!

Diana Davies February 9, 2010 at 1:52 pm

[re=509931]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: If she tried to wash off that one word and accidentally washed off the others, someone would have to remind her of her values because she’s a fucking retard also.

cheeto_jeebus February 9, 2010 at 1:57 pm

[re=509931]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: I think we’re underestimating Sarah. This whole crossed out thing is definitely a nod to Jacques Derrida. Perhaps she is positing her word salad as an offshoot of Deconstruction and a commentary on modern politics? Poor Sarah is simply agreeing that all writing is but mad scribbles chiseled in pain and sorrow communicating that which is intransmissable. Or she is just a fuckin retard.

Extemporanus February 9, 2010 at 1:58 pm

[re=509945]Schmannity[/re]: She’s combined those sentiments in her brand new tattoo.

Extemporanus February 9, 2010 at 2:08 pm

[re=509868]Buttery1000[/re]: Rumor has it that Rosetta Palm took Walnuts out for a drink.

norbizness February 9, 2010 at 2:09 pm

Somebody check her word processor screen for white-out.

PickneyPinchback February 9, 2010 at 2:20 pm

She continued her talking points on the other hand. It said “Jobs.” That was her job hand.

Socialist hip replacement February 9, 2010 at 3:08 pm

That’s odd … all the B’s are backwards …

Starrigavan February 9, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Yeah, I want to elect the Tea Party! They’re so good at budgeting and spending. $100K for a keynote speaker who was so ill prepared she couldn’t remember three core talking points and had to write them on her hand and sneak looks while answering pre-screened questions from her fans. Not a single new idea in the speech, just a string of badly worded zingers stolen from badly spelled Tea Party protest signs. I must say, a la Rush, not Rahm, she’s an effing retard.

Maynah February 9, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Written on her right hand: Other hand

Veritas78 February 9, 2010 at 6:11 pm

[re=510104]JMP[/re]: Is this true? (Seriously, is this true? Because then she is truly evil.)

Personally, I hope she gets pregnant again & again. The next five will be revealing: Prima, Crystal, Flak, Lawyer, & Bunker.

forager February 9, 2010 at 9:09 pm
CanadianBacon February 9, 2010 at 9:59 pm

I can’t believe everyone was so easily fooled by this Palin-palm-note. In order to convey the illusion of being literate she had one of her staffers write some talking points on her hand. The points were simple ones so if anyone asked she could pretend she was “reading” them off her hand. The whole thing was staged to fool the world into thinking she was able to read and write.

IonaTrailer February 10, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Writin’ on yer hand is a hillbilly palm-pilot.

IonaTrailer February 10, 2010 at 1:18 pm

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