daily briefing

Whatever Washington D.C. Is Doing To Displease The Clouds So, Just Stop

  • Today Iran began enriching its uranium for what are definitely nuclear-type purposes. [New York Times]
  • Joe Jackson, the alive father of the dead pop star Michael Jackson, believes his son was killed in a conspiracy, which is a thing that commonly happens. [CNN]
  • Childhood obesity is Michelle Obama’s new thing, as obese children are the #1 cause of obese adults. [WSJ]
  • It’s going to snow again in D.C. Budget your weather puns accordingly. [Washington Post]
  • Toyota has recalled half a million more Priuses, which means we are that much closer to a consensus on the Latin accusative plural of “Prius.” [AP]
  • Oh thank heavens: the arbitrarily obstinate Richard Shelby has lifted his holds on Obama’s 70 nominees. [The Hill]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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42 comments

  1. Middy da Poo

    We never had snow storms like these when George W Bush was president. He kept us safe! This is all the muslin’s fault, dammit.

  2. rafflesinc

    But Ben Nelson announced he’ll vote to filibuster one of Obama’s labor nominees so it’s a wash.

  3. tootsieroll

    Again, the Maine mountains are getting squat from this. As an avid New England skier, would all y’all please burn someone in effigy or sacrifice a Senator from a warm state or something?

  4. JMP

    To be fair to Joe Jackson, Michael did die as a result of a criminal conspiracy – one between him and his doctor to get lots of tasty prescription drugs.

    I’d say that trying to fight childhood obesity is a good thing, but have already seen “Obama hates fat people!” posts from the Obama-is-really-a=conservative-and-sucks liberal blogs.

    Good on Shelby; except, of course, that it looks like he only dropped the hold over surprise that people were noticing what a dick he was being.

  5. Monsieur Grumpe

    I’m not surprised that obese kids are fattening. Try smaller portions people and when was the last time you ate a vegetable? I’m not talking about the Terri Schiavo kind.

  6. TGY

    You see what Iran gets up to without Dick Cheney to rub its nose in its little mess?

    Snow, eh? The Almighty’s gettin’ creative with the smites. ‘And thou shalt be deluged with innumerable cubits of snow, yea until thine arse be packed up with it, and silence shall dwell in the halls of the mighty and incontinent.’ Verily.

    ‘Arbitrarily obstinate’. Hmmm…’arbstinate’?

  7. Nappied Hypotenuse

    Asked about the tendency of the Prius’s brakes to ablate at high temperatures, Toyota President Jim Lentz responded, “Are they ablative? Absolutely.”

  8. queeraselvis v 2.0

    No no, Joe Jackson. A conspiracy is allowing Reebie Jackson’s “Centipede” to become a Top 10 single. Michael’s death is premeditated murder orchestrated by Bubbles in revenge for Michael spurning him in favor of a 10-year-old boy from Escondido. Duh.

  9. ella

    [re=509793]tootsieroll[/re]: Not exactly a warm state, but Connecticut hasn’t gotten much snow. Would Lieberman do?

  10. Holy Cow!!

    God is clearly punishing you for not tarring and feathering lobbyists who have destroyed his favorite country.

  11. gurukalehuru

    Joe Jackson (Michael’s father, not the baseball player who was indicted for throwing the World Series back in 1919)is a dick, and owns more than a minor share of the blame for Michael’s life-long fucked-upness.
    Although the other Joe Jackson was kind of a dick, too, I suppose.

  12. President Beeblebrox

    [re=509786]stew[/re]: Watch out. If you keep up that talk, retards and Paultards alike will start running the country. Did you know that if your name is typed in ALL CAPS, it’s not valid? And that any flag with a gold fringe on it is illegal?

    I found this site while trying to locate some flag graphics. Egads.

    http://www.sovereign-citizenship.net/00_toc.html

    Also, I learned that the Queen of England really owns the entire country. Lord have mercy.

    The Constitution was converted into a “trust”, which is possessed by the King of England (now Queen of England) and the Holy Roman Church. Everything you “think” that you “own” actually belongs to the one(s) who possess the “trust”. The “Trustees” are all federal and state public officials, which means that they are “agents” of a foriegn power.

  13. Surfeit O'

    I think it’s ‘Priora’; Prius is a comparative adjective, which are as a rule not i-stems.

    Oh, and Sarah Palin is a podex stultissima.

  14. JMP

    [re=509793]tootsieroll[/re]: Please, take this fucking shit. It’s hard to imagine that anyone would want it, but we’re happy to give it away. Unfortunately, I’d imagine most skiers are too stoned to actually come down and actually take the snow.

  15. donner_froh

    Senator Shelby should put a hold on the snowstorms before they get to Washington. Simple and quick.

  16. Prommie

    [re=509807]gurukalehuru[/re]: Joe Jackson is the composer of the soundtrack for Tucker, The Man and the Machine, and he sang the classic 80s makeout tunes Steppin Out and Breaking Us In Two, everybody knows that.

  17. donner_froh

    [re=509809]President Beeblebrox[/re]: That is a great site. It hangs together in such a wonderfully insane way that it can’t be satirical. Here is some great advice from it, to avoid being arrested:

    “The omission of the Christian name by either plaintiff or defendant in a legal process prevents the court from acquiring jurisdiction, ”
    -Bouvier’s Law Dictionary, 8thed., pg. 2287

    This means that corporations cannot lawfully bring suit against humans. But humans can bring suit against corporations.

    How about this idea?

    Go to a court of record and change the all caps birth certificate name:

    FIRST MIDDLE LAST

    to: DONT HAVE ONE

    or: SOVEREIGN AMERICAN CIVILIAN

    …and then send the name change to the State for a new birth certificate and SS#

  18. Prommie

    [re=509809]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Shit, dude, wanna hear weird? In my fair State, one of the original Colonies, all land titles are derived from a deed from the Duke of Gloucester to some dudes called “The Proprietors” (there names were Lord Berkeley and Lord Carteret) back in the 1600s; but here is the strange part; there is a small privately held corporation that is the descendant of the Proprietors, and to this day, if a piece of land is discovered that belongs to know one (these things show up sometimes when surveys are done, pieces of property located between tracts which had been thought to be adjacent, for example) that land reverts back to the Proprietors Company, who owns it through that deed from the Duke, the King’s brother.

  19. thefrontpage

    About Saturday the 6th at noon, I got stuck in my Prius on the Beltway in the snowstorm while listening to a Michael Jackson song on the radio!

  20. dijetlo

    [re=509809]President Beeblebrox[/re]:
    The Paultards want to arrest Sister Sarai, seems they don’t appreciate her fluffing the cons for a war with Iran. They want to repeal the patriot act, they want us to pull our troops back to the US and cut the defense budget to something sustainable…their economic policies are neo-feudalism but as wingnuts go…these guys aint so bad…

    Did we get them anything for Christmas?
    Seriously, fellow libtards, as long as we don’t let them handle the money, I think we could work with these clowns…

  21. Paul Tardy

    You have a problem with snow pendejo. What’s this too much snow shit? What’s this bullshit? I don’t fuckin’ care! It don’t matter to The Jesus. But you’re not foolin’ me, man. You might fool the fucks in the heartland, but you don’t fool Jesus. This bush league whining stuff. Laughable, man – ha ha! I fucked you in the ass Saturday. I will fuck you in the ass this Wednesday too. Wooo! Washington DC you got a date Wednesday, baby!

  22. Jim89048

    Last night I saw my first mea culpa Toyota commercials on TV. I think mass seppuku would be better at regaining the world’s collective trust in their products.
    No snark here: this ain’t about sticking gas pedals. It’s malfunctioning computers. No mechanical linkage between the pedal and throttle body. you could reach down and physically pull up on the pedal and it wouldn’t respond because a sensor is telling the computer to supply more fuel to the engine, with predictable results…

  23. Manos: Hands of Fate

    With Michael gone, I thought I wouldn’t have to be reminded that the Jacksons are a whole lot of crazy.

  24. Autoo

    [re=509803]ella[/re]: As a lifelong skier, I don’t think Sen Lieberman would be very good for skiing on, but as there’s so little snow on the mountains this year, I’m willing to try. Send him over.

    Let me sharpen my edges first.

  25. Hello Sunshine

    A couple of years ago the British government got rid of pretty much all the cars used to ferry ministers around and replaced them with a fleet of shiny new Priuses. I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere, if anyone wants to have a go.

  26. Jukesgrrl

    Didn’t you people read the line in the Bible that says, “God will know his terrible Anger. And the Snow of the Lord shall fall upon you until healthcare is free at last!”? It’s in Jobs 2:10.

  27. steverino247

    [re=509801]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Leave Escondido out of this! I don’t want those fuckers trolling anywhere near my grandkids.

Comments are closed.