Nothin’ quite like a few rich poopbags trying to dissect Sarah Palin’s reasons for scribbling shit all over her hands during a teabagging speech. Disturbed racial theorist Brian Kilmeade offers another story from his dark, repressed childhood on this morning’s Fox & Friends and adds, “I think that is — like you said before, Gretchen — folksy, absolutely, down-to-earth, I can identify.” Ha ha. It’s what the Common Man does! The Common Man cannot afford cue cards, or a sheet of paper, and so this is what the Common Man does during speeches. The Common Man feels LITERALLY MARRIED to Sarah Palin when she draws on herself like a child. [Think Progress]

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  1. (Homer picks up a note)

    Karl’s voice: Dear Mr. Simpson, I’ve taken the liberty of preparing your speech on the enclosed numbered 3×5 cards. All the big words are spelled phonetically.

    Homer: Phonanetically.

    Karl’s voice: God bless you. You are one of Springfield’s very special creatures. [camera pulls back to reveal Karl is standing there] Your obedient servant, Karl. Good luck, sir.

    Homer: [startles] Karl, so that just a sweet voice I heard inside my head.

  2. KILMEADE: But to sit there and look at, and do the interview and look down at her hand, I think that is — like you said before, Gretchen — folksy, absolutely, down-to-earth, I can identify.

    The only problem with that theory, Brian you idiot, is that if she’s being intentionally folksy then her sense of humor is waaaaay more advanced than the rest of her brain. It’s like if a monkey that couldn’t peel a banana went and build a Rube Goldberg contraption. For Palin to make a joke and then 1) recognize it, and 2) not point it out three or four times as she was making it just to be sure her Pavlovian audience wasn’t confused and frightened by it strikes normal humans as totally out of character. Also, Kilmeadeish is the new fuckin’ retarded.

  3. You knew this was coming. That her supporters could identify with writing answers on your hand. Much like these brave defenders of liberty did in high school when they wrote 1776, 1812, 1861-65, Dec 7, 1941 on their hands, bottom of their shoes for history class.

  4. Half the FOX viewers stand in front of the TeeVee with their cheeks separated just waiting for the smoke.

    For the other half, a wet pant leg really does mean it’s raining.

  5. The Common Man, like Sarah Palin, is a moron, but even he can remember that Republicans love to talk about tax cuts without a note.

    Actually, Palin did shock me with her intelligence here, since for the writing to work she must actually know how to read.

  6. Sure the ‘tards find this perfectly acceptable, it’s how they passed 8th grade. it’s that teloprompt thingy that HE uses that they find objectionable. besides how can you expect someone to remember things like cut taxes and energy without writing them down! lord have mercy!!! houston we have a problem!!

  7. You’d think she’d have something hard to remember–“And we need to repeal the union shop provisions in Section 14-b of the Taft-Hartley Act”–instead of just vague Powerpoint bullets about “America good, taxes bad.” Fuckin retard.

  8. I call bullshit. Common man thinks writin’s for elitist fags. The knowledge that Sarah Palin has a grasp of spelling, however rudimentary, will preclude her from masturbation fantasies across the Bible Belt.

  9. Meanwhile Sully’s continuing his own birther campaign about Trig. Who ever thought a bearish gay like that would spend so much time talking about water breaking?

  10. I . . .I . . Sweet mother of god. Poor baby Trigger obviously inherited his specialness from his retard mother. Really–this woman has the education of a third grader and the emotional development of a high school cheerleading Bitch.

    What baffles me here in Real America (where they never use words like baffle) is that the dumber she is, the more they like her. The more the hate bankers, the less they want to tax them. Just one, fucking insane belief after another.

    I watched the Temple Grandin biopic Saturday. If I had my druthers, I’m not sure whether I’d like to put my all-american neighbors through one of her humanely designed slaughter houses or just let them go through the old-fashioned way that they consider good enough for their own cattle.

  11. “The Common Man cannot afford cue cards, or a sheet of paper, and so this is what the Common Man does during speeches.”

    Nah, she can either afford a pen or still has a job to steal one from. Sounds like more than the Common Man to me. Or am I the only one whose ‘frigerator box didn’t come furnished with writing utensils?

  12. Sarah Palin writes down words on her hand to remember to do things like “lift American spirits.” According to Fox News, there are two and only two possible explanations:

    1. It was a highly intellectual visual metaphor intended to subtly jab at Obama. She got the idea for this from her years of deconstruction of popular trompe l’oeil themes and study of cross-lingual entendres.

    2. She did it because it’s folksy and gosh darn it, it’s adorable. In fact I’m reading from my hand right now!

    Next: Fox News discusses why Sarah Palin lifts her dress and takes a shit on national teevee. “It’s folksy! I do it myself all the time. Watch!”

  13. Yes, common man, she’s just like you. Now ask yourself, would the country be better of if you, common dipshit, were president?

  14. [re=509577]Serolf Divad[/re]:

    Allowing minorities who have no connections via affirmative action = unfair
    Letting under qualified kids of alumni into Ivy League Schools = US America Way

  15. [re=509548]Come here a minute[/re]: All together now! “She’s got the whole word in her hands, she’s got the whole word in her hands…”

    [re=509550]bitchincamaro[/re]: Until Sarah goes full Sagmeister, I refuse to take her seriously.

    [re=509552]SayItWithWookies[/re]: CARLSON: “I dunno, you guys. I think she did it on purpose.”

    You mean, as opposed to doing it by accident?

    Ya know, like that time I accidently tried to pay rent with my cock because it’s roughly the same size as a check and has pictures of cute little kittens all over it?

  16. [re=509582]Redhead[/re]: LOL the common man that just got paid 100 large to give this shitty speech and didn’t show her tits once.

    also, what is the acai berry shocker on the left of my screen? is that like the regular shocker?

  17. I still can’t believe she wrote the GOP mantra “Tax cuts” on her hand. Maybe she does have Down without the upside-down eyes? Seriously.

  18. Strangely, when I did something like that in match class, my math teacher did not say it was cute and folksy and praise me for it but instead said all sorts of negative things about me and gave me an F. Maybe my cries of “don’t call my mother, please don’t call my mother” wasn’t quite real American enough for him.

  19. On one of her recent FB posts, numbnuts started with, “What am I missing, folks?” I posted the following response, which really ticked off the her bots. I repost it here for your amusement, and because it seems appropriate at this time.

    I could while away the hours, conferrin’ with the flowers

    Consultin’ with the rain.
    And my head I’d be scratchin’ while
    My thoughts were busy hatchin’
    If I only had a brain.
    I’d unravel every riddle for any individ’le,
    In trouble or in pain.
    With the thoughts I’ll be thinkin’
    I could be another Lincoln
    If I only had a brain.
    Oh, I could tell you why
    The ocean’s near the shore.
    I could think of things I never thunk before.
    And then I’d sit, and think some more.
    I would not be just a nothin’ my head all full of stuffin’

    My heart all full of pain.
    I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry,
    If I only had a brain.

  20. [re=509584]PickneyPinchback[/re]: Had she done exactly that, hiked up her skirt and dropped a deuce on stage, not only would it have been to thunderous applause, Fox would have pronounced it pure folksy genius. Congressional candidates would pick it up as a campaign statement. “Shit on Taxes and Baby Killers and dispatriotical people and brown folks!”

  21. “I think that is — like you said before, Gretchen — folksy, absolutely, down-to-earth, I can identify.”

    Yeah. Big surprise. Sarah Palin could suck down a bottle of Veuve Clicquot, snort five lines of coke, hop in her Ferrari, mow down a bunch of orphans, back up and eat the bodies and these numbnuts would solemnly declare that it was folksy and down-to-earth.

    And then they’d start talking about Chappaquiddick because they’d REALLY want to change the subject.

  22. I just wish I could have seen Cindy’s face when this story broke and she suddenly realized the truth about that “my pen burst in my pocket” excuse John always used.

  23. She truly is so fucking retarded. She has been saying what was written on her hands for months. She had to scratch out budget and replace it with tax ‘cuz she did it wrong. Then, apparently, got her youngest child’s birthdate wrong. There’s nothing folksy about being fucking retarded. Why does Fox hate America?

  24. Thinking we should change the name of the Republican Party to the “Heartless Retard Party” and the Democratic Party to “The Two Strikes, No Balls Party”.

  25. Folksy, huh? I always thought assuming an informed position on an issue when you have no actual knowledge about it was referred to as ‘bullshitting.”

    No wonder Brian Kilmede identifies with her.

  26. Ticket to the Tea Bagger convention … $600

    12 Hour Ride from Bumfuck, Idaho with flat tire … $400

    Budget accomodations at the Motel 6 … $300

    Button Gwinnett kilt and costume … $500

    Seeing Sarah Palin read crib notes off her her hand … priceless

    Seeing everyone on YouTube laugh at you and Sarah Palin … UNOBTAINIUM, MAN

  27. [re=509617]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: which is ironic, the chappaquidick thing, because where I come from there is nothing folksier than getting shitfaced and wrecking your car. It’s about the only thing white guys go to jail for in the Buffalo area, anyway.

  28. [re=509577]Serolf Divad[/re]: No, no.
    Brown law professor with funny name trying to haul the country out of a mess = Unamerican
    Moron bebreasted honky rabble-rouser = True Merkin Heroe!!1!!!

  29. This is so fucking stupid. Why would anyone need to write “energy” and “taxes” on their hands when they walked up to the podium with 17 sheets of loose leaf paper?

  30. During the Teabagging speech that our Sarah read from notes on her lectern she criticized Hopey for using a teleprompter. And then when answering pre-screened questions from a friendly audience, the poor woman had to use notes written on her hand to remember: Energy, Tax Cuts, and Lift America’s Spirits. And she was paid over $100k for that.

    The best part, though, was that the word “budget” was crossed out. She couldn’t remember her core values long enough to get them written out on her hand. Yeah, she’s not a retard at all. And since that was meant as satire, it’s okay to say according to our Sarah. In fact it was very Limbaugh-esque.

    Any minute now the same idiots who told us that our Sarah had more “executive” experience than Obama will tell us that she’s a political novice and that we have to give her some slack. If it’s folksy not to know what the hell you’re talking about than I think Fox News is really, really folksy. Folksy News?

  31. What’s bizarre is what she wrote down…energy and taxes…both of which she’s discussed a million times. And yet she needed a reminder.

  32. [re=509641]Crank Tango[/re]: In Buffalo everything is done with a Blue Light in one hand and chicken wing in the other as the car skids in the snow into a thieving Erie County policitican.

    Does my attendance at UB Law School show?

  33. If you watch the video, for a split second, you can see what little is left of Gretchen Carlson’s soul die just a little bit more when the ex-class Valedictorian/Stanford grad/Oxford attendee talks up how awesome Sarah Palin is for having to write her party’s talking points on a hand for a Q and A with her own supporters in case she forgets them.

  34. Now, what is she going to say to Willow & Piper when they are tempted to cheat in school?

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Trick question. Sarah’s not raising those kids. Nor is Todd, prolly.

  35. The genius in the bunch, ok ONE of the genuises, said, “I think she did it on purpose.” Oh really? you don’t think someone held her down and wrote it on her hand?

    What a gaggle of retards. And you can bet their talking-points will turn up on right-wing sites as perfectly sound reasoning. Like when President Shithead invaded Iraq it was fine with them because he “meant well”.

  36. Best case scenario: she’s the Libertarian candidate for President, on the ballot in most states, busily exchanging body blows with our dear friend Mitt Romney. She’ll get Idaho, Obama gets the rest, everyone wins.

  37. This Teabagger, Part of No stuff is really getting to me. I watched The Ed Show and found myself thinking that Anthony Weiner is sexy. Pray for me.

  38. [re=509654]Beowoof[/re]: To be fair, the only reason the car skidded was because there are absolutely no lines on any road in the greater B-Lo area. True story.

  39. [re=509573]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Drive them into the highway with blows from a cattle prod and let them perish in traffic. Don’t forget to count how many times per minute they moo.

  40. Remember when Ernie (Ernie & Bert) had a piece of string tied around each finger, cuz he wanted to remind himself that they were out of string? Yeah.

  41. She must be encouraged to run, this too great of an opportunity. Can you imagine a whole herd of republicans and teabaggers all trying to look more folksy and grassrootsy and dumber than this. God I pray for Glenn Beck, Hannity and Rush to join the fun. How will Mittens and Cantor run against something this stupid? This is true comic genius. She was absolutely correct, there was not even a suggestion of hypocrisy because everyone knows when Rush says retard 4 times in a broadcast it’s only irony thus completely acceptable.

  42. What kills me – is all the brainwashed idiots that I know that watch and believe Fox News. They will insist only Fox tells the truth, and the other newscasts have it in for her if they report this clearly odd act. Who could forget how Fox had it in for Bill Clinton, consistently casting everything he did in the worst light possible. Then glorifying everything Bush did. Including his truly retarded vanity war. Obama’s now in the white house everything in the worst light again. Aren’t you getting sick of all the Czars?
    Ahh, now I feel better. Had to vent!

  43. [re=509654]Beowoof[/re]: LOL I dunno about the UB law part, but the living in buffalo part sure does! Then again, I am an expat, so maybe things have totally changed.

  44. Her handlers have it all figured out.
    No more writing on her palm. Instead they are going to use that beehive of a hair-do to hide a teensy, wireless headphone, to prompt her along.

  45. “President Palin was rushed to the emergency room today, having ingested an entire can of play-dough. No word yet on what flavor color it was.”

    — Excerpt from The Washington Post, March 18, 2014 front page

  46. There’s probably many angles to this story, and Fox News [sic] just wants to be sure to cover every angle.

    Jeffrey Dahmer may have acted in self defense. Also, too.

  47. I can’t believe Gretchen didn’t wonder if it would show up if BHO wrote on his palm.

    On Sarah’s other hand, it simply says “Wipe”.

  48. [re=509621]foulmouthed mrscreant[/re]: She scratched out budget, because she doesn’t have a clue about the budget. She certainly can’t talk about it. Too many details, with those pesky numbers.

  49. I demand that effective immediately, all FOX news anchors stop reading the headlines from a teleprompter, and start reading it from their hands.

  50. Kilmeade’s mama told her son that the Zionist world conspiracy owned the lethally-poisonous ballpoint pen ink cartel (László Bíró, originator of the ballpoint pen…Hungarian Jew), also.

    But he failed to mention that factoid in this broadcast.

  51. If she winds up winning the repub primary (PLEEEEASE God, just do this one thing and I’ll stop fapping in the shower) it’s even money she”l crave a backward B on her cheek and blame Obama.

  52. [re=509710]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: “Fox News [sic] ”

    Kudos. I like that one.

    [re=509698]FlipOffResearch[/re]: I have a friend who has a college degree, experience as a banker, successful business man who, according to his wife (a Democratic friend of mine) only listen to the Sean O’Rushbeck universe because they “tell it like it is.”

    How does he fucking know? He doesn’t read or listen to anything but that shit and the “Daily Disappointment, I mean, “The Daily Oklahoman.” Does it never occur to these people that they could safely scan, say, the Christian Science Monitor without having their brains sucked out by liberals? In reference to my comment above about herding these people into a slaughterhouse, the person in question makes his living owning a cattle sale barn. And trust me, Temple Grandin would be laughed out of the place because purposeful cruelty is their hallmark. (Please, god, do not let anyone who lives in my county read this).

    No snark, sorry: Gandhi said you can judge a civilization by the way it treats its animals. I can’t help but think there is a link between these people’s attitudes toward animals and their blind belief that anything Sean O’Rushbeck spews out their anuses.

    Oops. Way too long. Sorry, we’re not used to a real winter here in the Dust Bowl, and the weather has just about made me crazy. Er, crazier.

  53. [re=509722]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Yeah, it’s a lonely fight out in the land of the willfully ignorant. Also, I find Temple Grandin fascinating. I first heard her on NPR, and ordered her book, Animals in Translation, the next day. An insightful book.

  54. If she doesn’t have her speech written on cards, what the hell is she staring down at between every fucking half sentence? Her hand?

    Jesus, this Stale Egg Broken Water Birth Lady worship just saddens me. Go back to worshiping the Blue Robed Cradling Blond Jewish Kid Lady, please!

  55. Well, at least now we know how she managed to finally graduate from “college”. She took her tests with crib notes on her hands while some half-asleep grad assistant napped.

  56. I would now like to hear about what somebody thinks about Think Progress’ coverage of Fox and Friends’ coverage of Palin, and then what somebody thinks about that coverage.

  57. [re=509734]Bassweasel[/re]: That half asleep grad student was looking up the carefully placed skirt she wore the day of the test. That explains why NOBODY at all the colleges she attended can remember her.

  58. One of the many amazing aspects of this dustup is how the FOX folks do stuff like this — making up the flimsiest rationalization for Palin’s pathologically stupid behavior, for instance — and then turn around and project their own weaknesses onto their opponents. Not a day goes by when one of the big three AM radio blatherers doesn’t fans of accessible healthcare, government oversight of the markets or other radical notions as being in Obama’s thrall, worshipping him as a messiah and excusing his worst moves.

    They accuse him of being inarticulate (while instead of playing recordings of the words President Obama said, Rush plays clips of all the uhs he utters when giving articulate, well-thought-out responses to questions), arrogance (while Palin blithely tells a roomful of sheeplike followers that capitalism is ordained in the Constitution) and socialist (while opposing cap-and-trade, an idea that conservatives claimed as their own a few years ago) and on and on.

    Oh, and the most popular zinger over at TheFoxNation when Palin’s little crib note is asked about? “Well Obama said corpse-man instead of corpsman” in some speech that Limbaugh or someone widely excerpted. Yeah, all of Dubya’s and Palin’s horrific manglings of actual processes of thought and logic are as a single tear in the ocean compared to corpse-man. That Muslim dude is gonna destroy this country. Corpse-man. Can you imagine?

  59. [re=509746]obfuscator[/re]: Oh, he’s earned it anyway. Actually, Corpses-Man would be more fitting, considering the zillions he’s responsible for.

  60. [re=509745]obfuscator[/re]: I just had what a fucking retard, radical agenda, Saul Alinsky, tele-prompter, and Constitution tattooed on the thenar eminence of my left hand. What hurt the most was the line thru all of them. amerika, fuck yeah. Guess what my tramp stamp says!!??

  61. It has been a few years since I watched “Idiocracy,” but I’m getting on ETrade tomorrow morning to buy stock in Fuddrucker’s, Carl Jr’s, and Gatoraid.

  62. O/T but the government is finally about to make Dubya answer some serious questions about his baseless hysterical runup to the Iraq war. Unfortunately it’s not the US government, but at least it’s a start.
    Also, they seem to have some serious evidence that Dubya was determined to go to war whether Saddam was in violation of UN resolutions or not. For some reason the same sort of chickenshit defense of extralegal aggression (“Let’s look to the future, not dwell on the past”) don’t cow legislative majorities in other countries.

  63. [re=509755]SayItWithWookies[/re]: So sad…the US will never make him accountable for anything. If something happens I bet the WH blocks his extradition some how. Like I said before, we could have video footage of Cheney himself shooting American soldiers in the face, and we still wouldn’t do anything. Bush’s personal christian soldiers, Xe, may get billion dollar contract in Afghan. .
    But who knows, justice may prevail , just don’t bet too much on it.

  64. I’m surprised her speech wasn’t garbled into something about ‘spirit energy’ and ‘lifting America’s taxes’.

    [re=509754]scwrud[/re]: Welcome to Costco. I love you.

  65. [re=509761]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Actually, I know what was really written on that hand. Something to the tune of “I can has 2012 nomination?”

  66. [re=509593]Crank Tango[/re]: It’s probably just as well she doesn’t show her tits. They might be saggy and unappetizing to anyone but Trig.

    By the way, is she conservative enough that she actually suckles Trig? Or does she go the bottle of Nestle’s fake milk route? Or put soda pop in the bottle? Enquiring minds want to know!

  67. [re=509577]Serolf Divad[/re]:

    I’m starting to think that the people who can’t set the time on their household electronics are really sort of p.o.’d that the rest of us make fun of them.

  68. [re=509654]Beowoof[/re]: Fortunately, if you find yourself carrying an Erie County lawmaker on your hood while wiping blue cheese dressing off your copy of Prosser on Torts, legal help is just a billboard away.

  69. If Sarah Palin keeps writing on her hand, she risks alienating her base, the illiterate, who support her as passionately as they oppose the census and bathing.

  70. They say I’m a madwoman, Charlie,
    but I’m not mad at anyone.
    Honest, I’m not.

    Most guys I just feel sorry for.
    It tears me up inside
    to think about what
    they’re going through,
    how trapped they are.
    I understand it.

    I feel for them.

    So I try and help them out.

  71. [re=509574]MysteriousHoatzin[/re]: Comparing Sarah to the Rotten Meat Bootleggers for whom 30 million Americans are Suckers! is very apropos regarding Sarah, also.

  72. [re=509722]DustBowlBlues[/re]: True. Easiest way to make a wingnut uncomfortable to the point of crapping his pants in under 10 seconds is to start talking about animal abuse. They fucking love it, they know it is sick, and they hate to have it pointed out to them. Comedy to a wingnut is putting ten kittens in a clothes dryer and yucking it up. Notice how they reserve their vilest spewage for PETA and the ASPCA and vegetarians and whatnot. I would love to introduce every one of these asshats to my rescued pit bulls.

  73. [re=509544]Joshua Norton[/re]: Seriously – I’m surprised she doesn’t write on her hand daily to remind herself to breathe in and breathe out.

  74. I’ll own up to copying the letters of the chemical elements onto one sheet with another sheet behind, so that while the sheet behind looked blank, it had the impressions from the top sheet on it. It was the only test I ever cheated on. Exam regurgitation is never pretty.

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