DON'T BLOW IT  3:42 pm February 8, 2010

David Paterson’s Insane Scandal Of Deadly Proportions Delayed Two Days

by Jim Newell

I'm in twoubleFor the last few days, hype has been building over a New York Times story of “Vicki Iseman Proportions” about New York Governor David Paterson, and how he has sex with ladies and does corrupt things and will have to resign, for having corrupt sex. The Times was going to run the story today but has delayed it until Wednesday, to work on its adjectives, perhaps. (“Should we keep it as ‘raw-dog,’ boss? Currently we have it as ‘raw-dog sex.’”)

NEW YORK (WPIX) – Governor Paterson reportedly is preparing to respond to scandalous rumors that have been swirling around him for the past ten days. A political source tells PIX News the governor will meet with editors of the New York Times tomorrow to answer questions regarding their investigation into his personal conduct.

The Times had been expected to publish a “bombshell” story as early as Monday, and that the governor’s resignation was likely to follow.

According to a source, the story hasn’t run yet because reporters were seeking additional corroboration and because attempts were still being made to have the governor respond to the allegations, which reportedly involve the governor and other women in a possible sex scandal. Latest indication is that the Times will run the story Wednesday.

Pix or GTFO, Times. Presumably they understand this, hence the delay.

Source: Looming Paterson Scandal Involves Affair With NY Woman [WPIX via Gawker]

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President Beeblebrox February 8, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Welcome to American Journalism, circa 2010: A Teevee story about a dead-tree story which might or might not run, but if does, might possibly cause the Gubnor to resign.

Somewhere, Eliot Spitzer is weeping.

Escape Goat Nation February 8, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Ha, looks like my prom photo.

Nappied Hypotenuse February 8, 2010 at 3:48 pm

This vapornews is totally working on me, though! I keep refreshing that NYT homepage in anticipation.

Come here a minute February 8, 2010 at 3:49 pm

[re=509481]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Why was this not Twittered on WPIX’s Facebook fan page?

hockeymom February 8, 2010 at 3:53 pm

I heard a certain Lt. Gov candidate from Illinois is now available.

Extemporanus February 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm

What you call “fingerbanging”, David Paterson calls “giving her vagina a good, hard look”.

Aurelio February 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm

Paterson sure gets a lot of pussy for a blind guy. I mean, he can’t even see them, but he manages to find them. Must be some kinda instinct that gets sharper when you lose your sight. Like a heterosexual gaydar.

SayItWithWookies February 8, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Governor Paterson will respond to the allegations as soon as he finds out which torrid affairs, group kinkytime to-dos, S&M sessions and/or fondue-intensive massage appointments the NYT is talking about.

donner_froh February 8, 2010 at 4:02 pm

[re=509500]Aurelio[/re]: He can hear it from a mile away.

qwerty42 February 8, 2010 at 4:03 pm

maybe they’re waiting until after Snowpocalypse III: Last Crusade of the Transformers . If that were coming my way, I’d sure want to clear the decks. Maybe stock up on whatever i could find in the stores. If any stores can open in the devastated wasteland that the mid-atlantic region has turned into. I dunno. goodluck, Jim.

Jim89048 February 8, 2010 at 4:03 pm

[re=509500]Aurelio[/re]: Heightened sense of smell?

V572625694 February 8, 2010 at 4:03 pm

[re=509500]Aurelio[/re]: I’m thinking the women tell Patterson they’re smokin’ hot, and he can’t see the difference.

Extemporanus February 8, 2010 at 4:05 pm

[re=509486]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: You went to prom with Michelle Obama?!

Wicka please!

Jim89048 February 8, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Wouldn’t it be great fun being a blind guy’s wing-man?

Gregoire February 8, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Wouldn’t it be easier at this point just to make marriage infidelities part of the job description of being New York governor?

AnnieGetYourFun February 8, 2010 at 4:09 pm

[re=509498]Extemporanus[/re]: Wow. Just wow.

Didn’t he enter office with the admission that he had fucked everyone, and then snorted coke off of our bare midriffs? Is this going to involve animals, boys, or dead women?

Bronkers February 8, 2010 at 4:13 pm

… was hearing about this from an upstate journo resource over the weekend, and it was sort of a more-the-merrier Plato’s Retreat-ish context. Not jes’ him, but the Missus, too. If both are happy, why a sad?

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 8, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Paterson would be laughed out of South Carolina for his lame marriage scandal.

V572625694 February 8, 2010 at 4:20 pm

[re=509523]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Ha ha, have you been listening to/looking at Jenny Sanford’s book-tour pimp-a-thon? Jeebus H Kreist, they deserve each other.

Barcode of the Apocalypse February 8, 2010 at 4:21 pm

As long as Governor Paterson just fucks ladies from New York, IN NEW YORK, there’s no scandal. The moment he crosses state lines for immortal porpoises, that’s a Spitzerfuck!

Jumping Jim February 8, 2010 at 4:22 pm

At least Ray Charles had drugs and amazing talent to attract women.

Autoo February 8, 2010 at 4:29 pm

[re=509534]Jumping Jim[/re]: I wonder if the gov does that Ray Charles trick where he gropes their wrists to make sure he’s not humping any fatties?

Paul Tardy February 8, 2010 at 4:35 pm

Pretty fly for a bind guy.

Jukesgrrl February 8, 2010 at 4:43 pm

If he goes can we haz old guv back? You know — the one who didn’t like men with munnies, even tho he R one? Pleeze?

Fighting Bill February 8, 2010 at 4:48 pm

If there are no horses involved, there’s no story unless he’s been doing Elliot Spitzer’s wife and she swallowed.

artbot2000 February 8, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Another significant difference between politics and baseball.

anonymousryan February 8, 2010 at 4:56 pm

Is it really cheating if you can’t see the woman you’re fucking? I mean, for all Governor Paterson knows, he WAS having sex with his wife.

Paul Tardy February 8, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Why are state Troopers involved in this stuff all the time? Do they investigate real crimes?

Redhead February 8, 2010 at 5:02 pm

[re=509566]Fighting Bill[/re]: Maybe he was doing Elliot Spitzer and Spitzer’s wife (or Ashleeeee Dupreeee or whatever she calls herself these days) at the same time. Now THAT would be scandalous.

iwillsavethispatient February 8, 2010 at 5:02 pm

[re=509513]V572625694[/re]: Perhaps intentional on your part, but that was the exact line the mistress of the UK’s former Home Secretary, David Blunkett used. FACT!

So, if it was intentional, sorry for explaining the joke.

Snarkalicious February 8, 2010 at 5:19 pm

[re=509486]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: You were getting a handjob below frame in your prom photo, too? Huh. Small world.

Josh Fruhlinger February 8, 2010 at 5:19 pm

hype has been building over a New York Times story of “Vicki Iseman Proportions”

So you mean that it won’t affect his political career in any way and leading political figures will demand that the Times apologize for it?

Oh, wait, I forgot, Patterson is an unpopular Democrat!

Limeylizzie February 8, 2010 at 5:44 pm

[re=509498]Extemporanus[/re]: I literally screamed with laughter at this witticism. Win

bfstevie February 8, 2010 at 5:44 pm

He has a great career ahead of him playing Ed Bradely, or the black GI Joe.

getoffmylawn February 8, 2010 at 6:23 pm

NYC will be totally destroyed by the blizzard of blizzards on Wednesday so when this story gets about 30 seconds of air time or is buried somewhere in the Times, no one will notice it because everyone will be trying to hoard milk, eggs and bread due to the snow.

Beowoof February 8, 2010 at 6:39 pm

Hey, he thought he was doing his wife and he is sticking with that story until someone proves he saw someone different.

Sparky McGruff February 8, 2010 at 7:02 pm

[re=509578]anonymousryan[/re]: aah, the “She tricked me!” defense. Or, alternatively, “It wasn’t me! I’ve never even seen this woman!”

Pithaughn February 8, 2010 at 7:03 pm

[re=509655]getoffmylawn[/re]: Is there a French Toast contest? Try putting some Frangelico in the batter, WIN!

hunter.blatherer February 8, 2010 at 7:18 pm

Just another example of how Spitzer was the superior governor. When he had a sex scandal, it was a surprise, like it’s supposed to be; and the more we learned the weirder it got.

Now, if it involves Paterson, Gillibrand and Adam Clayton Powell III in an Applebees bathroom, and erotic asphyxiation using umbilical cords from aborted fetuses, then I’ll feel like I live in a well-represented state.

hunter.blatherer February 8, 2010 at 7:21 pm

[re=509655]getoffmylawn[/re]: Sorry to disagree with you and Pithaughn there, but no, we are not scared of the snow in New York. In fact, we’ve been kind of jealous of all y’all Virginians: we want you to take our garbage barges, not our blizzards!

LOLqat February 8, 2010 at 7:32 pm

I’m really hoping that this affair somehow dovetails with the new Bravo show “Kell on Earth” in which a dowdy shrew with a fashion-show seating-chart business screams at dyslexic 20somethings every day for their inability to use Microsoft Office / the phone.

Tommmcatt February 8, 2010 at 7:50 pm


When was that? You’d think I’d remember something like that.

Maybe not, but still.

donner_froh February 8, 2010 at 8:02 pm

[re=509588]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: David Blunkett is quite the dude. He was forced to resign from two different cabinet postions, four years apart, under Tony Blair and recently was run over by a stampeding cow.

Lake Affected February 8, 2010 at 9:20 pm

So the upshot of this is that upstate FUBO asshats still pissed off about the loss of Randy Kuhl, who held a gun to his ex-wife’s head, will gloat about the immoral Democrat [sic] governor Paterson and his downfall. And everyone will be like, who the fuck cares? And then some other jerk will be governor of this broke-ass state. Right.

Mr Blifil February 8, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Tonight. I Celebrate My Love. For you.

villageatrois February 9, 2010 at 3:53 am

Holy cow, what would be scandalous in New York? Not just humping woman or man, nor multiples thereof. Had to be somebody famous — no wait, that’s been done. Must be someone unlikely…. Did he meet Hillary at some party event, and then she passed the wrist cankles test, and then, and then, and then — NYT cocainely demures, until Wednesday.

Editor: If so, that would be an adverb thing that NYT is working on. If they’re restricting their search to the adjective domain, that may explain the delay. At their age, it couldn’t be poor circulation.

Smoke Filled Roommate February 9, 2010 at 4:02 am

[re=509731]Mr Blifil[/re]: No– Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?

disgustedcitizen February 9, 2010 at 8:59 am

Well, at least Democratic sex scandals involve men sleeping with women, unlike our “Family Values” Repug politicians.

Dashboard_Buddha February 9, 2010 at 9:08 am

I know the guy is blind, but damn…could they have come up with a more disturbing picture? He looks like he has the googly eyes of a refrigerator magnet. Or the googly eyes of the “Bumble” in Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Also*.

*(this is my first Also.)

inedalo February 9, 2010 at 5:34 pm

[re=509509]donner_froh[/re]: i think you mean he can SMELL it a mile away

libwakman February 10, 2010 at 10:06 am

I would suggest the “love is blind” defense.

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