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Here is Democratic Illinois lieutenant governor nominee Scott Lee Cohen, of steroids, prosititutes, knife-cutting, knife-cutting prostitutes while on steroids, etc etc, fame, res… HE’S RESIGNING? He can’t resign — we just ordered three more shipments! Crybabies. [YouTube]
12:54 PM
on Mon February 8 2010
By
Jim Newell
2478 Views
Wonkette
Awwwww, isn’t that cute. Another round on the house.
Who is the kid laughing hysterically in his lap?
How do “resign” from being a candidate.
And did he borrow that crying kid from Santorum?
Did Rick-manondog loan out one of his kids?
A truly razzie-worthy performance.
I think his son is dating Santorum’s crying daughter.
Looks a bit like Larry Flynt, doesn’t he?
who will replace him on the ticket? can anyone match his special qualifications for the job?
another Q- how did they talk him into resigning? threats? promises? or….
can someone pen some speculations about this; it would make a great Mamet
dialogue for a film on politics!
Resigning from a post he doesn’t even hold is the hardest thing he’s ever done in his life? Well, I hereby resign from being the potential Prime Minister of Iceland. There! Not so hard. And see? I didn’t even shed a tear.
Damn, politics has changed. It was discovered that he was a hyper-violent, knife wielding woman beater, and yet his resignation comes as a surprise.
Perhaps OJ has one career change left in him yet.
I woulda thought the hardest thing he’s ever done was destroying all the evidence from that time he sliced up his hooker-girlfriend while on steroids.
i love this video even more than that crying fat kid loves cake
One Yield Regular: But is your kid crying?
This would never have happened in South Carolina.
Is the kid crying because this means his prostitute-cutting father will be spending more time with the family?
why do these assholes put their kids through this shit?
Also, has anyone noticed all the fat kids in the world these days? They are everywhere. I guess I can stop worrying about wanting to bang 18 year-olds when I am 40, cuz they are all gonna be huge. Then again I turn 40 in november. Never mind.
I pray with all my heart that I didn’t hurt the ones I love (*sob*).
http://www.imagepoop.com/image/1438/Priest-With-Boy-in-Suggestive-Stained-Glass-Image.html
Maybe they can take a page from the GOP playbook and nominate Alan Keyes to replace him on the ticket. Oh, the hilarity!
I’m still waiting for them to find the prostitute girlfriend so she can clear his name. I think OJ is putting up the reward money.
I feel like such a heel for having laughed at this video. I still laughed at it really hard, though.
marioninnyc: At a séance yesterday, Johnny Cochran reportedly said, “If you find the whore, he runs for four!”
“If he pooped in his diaper while cutting his hooker GF on steroids then he didn’t need to resign.”
-David Vitter R-LA
What’s weird is that this means the Illinois lieutenant governorship has a higher moral standard than the Nevada governorship where, apparently, beating a cocktail waitress on camera in a parking garage is just fine. Mr. Cohen just needs to relocate and he’ll do fine.
That’s his kid in his lap? I thought he was just demonstrating his suitability for a switch to the GOP by multitasking with the gay hooker he picked up on the way to the bar.
Larry McAwful: It’s all right to laugh at someone else’s misfortune if you feel bad about it, just like it’s okay to stab a prostitute you thought was a massage therapist, if you feel bad about it afterward. Bitch had it coming, though!
Why didn’t the fat kid just lean in the other direction if he didn’t want his face on camera?
Why isn’t he petting the kid, instead of patting his shoulder?
“I pray with all my heart that I didn’t hurt the ones I love.” He says, as his child sobs uncontrollably at his side.
Curse the sudden but inevitable cries from the right of “HAW HAW TEH DEMONCRAP PARTY IS CORRUPT!!!1 WERE TAKIN OVER IN NOVEMBER FROM TEH MUSLIN PREZNIT!!!!1″
WadISay: As seen on “Six Feet Under.”
Hey, Jim, what gives? Are you sure he is a Democrat? He seems awfully close to R territory here, both on account of the hooker problem and the horrible kid.
gurukalehuru: Seriously. When did it become commonplace for these people to think, “Fuck yeah, I’ll fit in as a politician!” Oh, wait.
Who resigns at a Bennigans?
And you just know that kid’s crying because he went all badass on some bigger kids at school, and now is facing high school life without a bodyguard.
ZombieRichardFeynman: Win.
SayItWithWookies: it’s as if you are saying that Vegas is a place of sin or something.
also, is there a youtube of said beating? I tried to catch up on that story a while back but I never saw the video…
Well, at least he won’t be too busy to give me a value on this watch, wallet and wedding band I just picked up off the ground at Normal and 37th.
Red Zeppelin: More than one generation of Daley’s, Blagojevich, Burris and now this guy. Illinois Democrats are a whole nother breed of Democrat.
i hate picking on kids unless it’s a special needs palin (only kidding, snowbilly), but j/c that kid is morbidly obese.
Gopherit: or a Hop Haus, for that matter.
It was said “party leaders” convinced Cohen to quit. My guess, since his other job is being a pawn broker, the discussion involved a couple of cops and talk about whether he had all the right paperwork for all the crap in his place. At least that’s how they break the pawn brokers on my TV.
That, or he was offered first crack at Blago’s hairpiece once they throw his sweet Serbian ass in the Federal pen.
Gopherit: “Uh, waitress, we’ll have two diet Cokes with extra ice, one diet Dr. Pepper, no ice, and 16 microphones.”
Phatsotawnie Phil sees his shadow @ 0:16; six more weeks of winter.
bitchincamaro: “Uh, waitress, we’ll have two Cokes with extra ice, one Dr. Pepper, no ice, and 16 microphones.”
/fixed
Dude, based on the evidence, I think you hurt the people you love so much.
Back up the tape 15 seconds earlier, and you’d have known the reason the kid was crying. Waitress just told him there is a 5 minute wait for the fresh tortilla chips refill.
“Here is Democratic Illinois lieutenant governor nominee Scott Lee Cohen, of steroids, prosititutes, knife-cutting, knife-cutting prostitutes while on steroids, etc etc, fame, res . . . ”
Jim, you sure this guy is a Democrat? He sounds more like one of my party.
I mean, assuming that the prostitutes are cute little twinks, that is.
[Unless your "prosititutes" is a reference to some glandular condition. Caused by too much fisting or whatever.]
[Followup: Is it possible, even in theory, to have "too much fisting"? Must check with Rush L.]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Fail.
Isn’t it kind of gauche to resign while receiving a blow job? From your son?
Lord know how these get chosen, but among the ‘related’ videos that youtube points you to are the timeless classics:
“Man Invents Toilet Autoflush To Avoid Touching Handle”
“Hooters Girl Makes Mojitos On Her Head”
Mel Gibson Calls Reporter A**hole WGN-TV”
“Life Unexpected Parody WIFE Unexpected funny LOL”
Another opportunity for Roland Burris
My god, after all the pain the boy’s already been through, why did Stabby McKnifer have to drag the poor Star Wars Kid on camera again?
I’m expecting news of his party switch any second now.
Hey, that is not just any old bar, that is Hophaus, a badly spelled sports bar with the best hamburgers in Chicago. Don’t tell anyone, it’ll get overrun with wanna pols and other unsavory types. Oh, wait…
Perhaps it’s best when resigning due to reasons of choking a bitch and knife-threatening that you send the kids to a movie while the press is in attendance.
Um, I’d say his sadism is written all over. Your kid didn’t want to be there.
Cheer up Scott! You can buy Senate seats in Illinois, so it only stands to reason that you can pawn them, as well.
Note to self: always schedule press conferences before Long Island ice teas.
Why do I have the nagging feeling that this man’s life story is - in actuality - a very very shitty Philip Roth novel? All it needs is an ice-skating scene.
marioninnyc: they found the hooker and she didn’t have anything helpful to say.
at least for scott.
god i love IL politics.
The blowjob is always better when the stripper….er, little kid….is crying.
gurukalehuru: “‘nother breed of Illinois Democrat”. Naw. We grow ‘em in petrie dishes; blagojecacuses and rahmulites and scottcone.difficiles. Don’t even think about where our Reps come from. Way beyond the South Side of Chicago, there is a South Side of Hell.
Papas got a brand new teabag: I think I shed so many tears of joy reading this.