Here’s Democratic lieutenant governor candidate Scott Lee Cohen, of “tries to stab and murder his prostitute girlfriend” fame, trying to “clear his name” on the teevee yesterday or maybe today. Also: no alimony payments, steroids… good lord! Was his primary opponent Rod Blagojevich? [YouTube]
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{ 40 comments }
How can this guy be named Cohen? Jews don’t do this shit.
Also, Debra York-Cohen gives me a major soft-off.
Jesus. I bet he couldn’t get from the Green Room to the studio without stabbing, like, 6 women.
Is there a fire hose big enough to wash Illinois politicians into Lake Michigan? It might kill off those pesky Asian Carp.
Add in a sheep and a twelve-year-old boy and voila! Republican!
Oh, I get it — yesterday I thought the prostitute-assaulting was caused by all the stress from the divorce and the tax problems. Now I know it was a result of the affairs and the steroids and running his business into the ground. Too bad Mr. Cohen’s dad wasn’t a rich Texas congressman or he’d be GOP presidential timber.
And I just got a lesson in not prejudging. His ex looks to me like she couldn’t string three five-letter words together, but she actually sounded pretty darn well-spoken, if a bit mealy-mouthed.
Once he gets in and then Quinn has to resign or blow his brains out or summat, Scotty’ll be the pertiest governor by whom Illinois has been governed since at least as far back as Otto “The Kerner Report” Kerner. I mean, rilly! Makes Blago look like Moe Howard (or did he already?).
Who ARE these people??
needs moar green balloons
It’s choke, people, as in “don’t make me choke a bitch!” Gosh, what’s it with the stabbing?
See, people? This is why you need to pay attention to who’s running even when it’s for a little dipshit position like Lt. Gov.
Of course, it might make a bit more sense to stop electing every single little position in most states and cities, since even more informed voters aren’t going to know who a lot of these people are. Hell, we’re always having judicial elections here, and I’m a lawyer and still have no idea who most of the people running are; we even elect people to traffic court, for fuck’s sake.
Best line of the day: “I never knew her as a prostitute. She was a massage therapist.”
Ain’t that Mrs. Dog The Bounty Hunter?
It was all a big misunderstanding, he meant to carve her heart out of her chest and have her eat it while she died, but there just wasn’t time. He has already apologized for this people, let’s move on and carry out the business of government already.
[re=508449]bitchincamaro[/re]: She’s got the same hair stylist, at least.
[re=508445]bfstevie[/re]: He was also shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here.
[re=508445]bfstevie[/re]: I guess he went for the unhappy ending.
He needs more blagohair.
[re=508433]proudgrampa[/re]: These are the finest politicans that money can buy. I love, love, love, Illinois politics. One would think the voters in Illinois would give a bit more thought to who becomes Lieutenant Governor since it is an even money be the Governor won’t last the term.
Scott Cohen will be fine once he learns to knot his tie properly.
Odds are he’s a Scorpio.
[re=508425]snoidoid[/re]: I had the same reaction. BTW, what is it about Illinois politicians? Are they a representative sample of Illinoisians? Is there something in the water?
[re=508465]donner_froh[/re]: Scott Cohen will be fine once he learns to knot his tie properly.
His shirt is unbuttoned. That’s why his tie looks that way. I guess his neck has gotten fat from all the steroids.
The real story behind Cohen is that the vote wasn’t so much for The Pawnbroker as AGAINST the African American primary candidate, Rep. Art Turner. The Daley Machine assumed their anointed would waltz in — sound like Massachusetts, maybe? — and didn’t take care of business. If old man Daley were still running the Machine, heads would be rolling in true French Revolution style; he wouldn’t let you in his office if you didn’t carry your precinct. So Cohen is more like the other Scott (Brown) than meets the eye. He won’t resign lightly — a pawnbroker knows how to negotiate — and all the Blago comparisons in the world won’t make him.
Yet the GOP senate candidate that covered for Mark Foley is getting no media scrutiny. Damn that liberal media.
Nothing that driving around the state in a pickup truck shouldn’t fix.
As a NYer, it’s just freaking me out that a guy named Cohen (who looks the part) talks like somebody from freaking Fargo. It’s just wrong.
He actually smiles/smirks at around 21 seconds as the interviewer describes the woman’s scars!
Even by Illinois standards, this is amazing….
“If they could find her…”
Was this a 48 hours mystery thing? “It was a bad time in my life.”
I’m stunned. And I’m from NY where are ex gov was a 5 diamond whore patron.
[re=508445]bfstevie[/re]: “I was her client”.
Yeah my “girlfriend” is a “massage therapist” too. But I can only set up “dates” through her “massage parlor”. Well, actually, they have a block on my calls because I made some mild abrasions on my girlfriend’s neck with a knife once. Go figure. Women!
So, his girlfriend didn’t show up for the trial. Did she ever show up again? For anything?
Help us Obie Wan Kenobi your our only hope!
Anyone else notice what looks like a bruise on her left cheek?
Wha’dya tell a bitch wid two black eyes? Nuthin, ya already told ‘er twice!
Window To The World, I want my pledge back.
So how come Obama’s been such a wimp with the congressional Rep(tiles) and Dem(oniacs)? Can’t he threaten them somem with someone like this?
huh. guess i should have voted on tuesday.
I love Ill. politics, where “I thought she was a massage therapist” is your defense.
Monserrate/Cohen 2012!
[re=508483]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Spoken like a true Chicago man!
[re=508413]V572625694[/re]: They do in Chicago, and probably in Israel, too.
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