Poor frustrated reader “bob” has clearly driven himself insane, trying to print out this Internet thing.
ANNALS OF PRINT JOURNALISM 9:07 am February 5, 2010
Reader Objects To Poor Quality Of Wonkette Newspaper
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 56 comments }
Yes, paper made of glass, electrons and photons.
What, is it written in e-ink! Why ain’t no paper involved, are you a librul hippy!
Dear Bob, Actually, it’s YOUR paper, coming out of YOUR printer. Duh!
This obviously is a troll; the spelling is too good to be real hate mail.
Bob done tried to wipe his butt with that there electronical paper and got a shock, also too.
And the delivery kid keeps throwing it in the rosebushes, even though we specifically asked for it to be placed on the doormat.
Not only does Bob not know the difference between paper and a screen, he also doesn’t know that it’s physically impossible for paper to suck; although fan it the right way, it can blow.
Interesting that he starts with the word “how” rather than simply “Your paper sucks”. Perhaps he meant to include an attachment demonstrating how paper sucks carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, thus preventing (or causing) global warming.
You guys! I think Bob is just propositioning SKS!
Bob, if you can’t be constructive with your criticism why should we?
Bob, Bob, Bob. Bob, Bob your ass.
he was in the middle of composing an “ode to Wonkette” of some sort:
how your paper sucks….today
i dearly want it in my hands,
so I can hold it, crush it
then throw it away!
Now with these hands,and
much frustration
I’ll have to preform
a masterbation
He’d get more play if he faxed it in backwards.
Wonkette isn’t so much a newspaper as a scholarly journal of how to get white teeth and a flat stomach.
who is cat now
So this is all it takes to get one’s tips noticed at teh Wonkett? I been doin it rONg!
[re=508187]toooldtocare[/re]: Well penned. Just remember though, there is always a “U” in “masturbation”.
I like the random ‘how’ he throws in there, just for fun. Is that supposed to be like the native american greeting or something?
[re=508192]prizepig[/re]: So true, sir/ma’am.
Incontrovertible proof that while brevity may be necessary, it is not sufficient for wit.
Can’t you morans do better than 20lb, 92 bright? That’s the same crap I buy!
[re=508202]Redhead[/re]: It looks like there should be a list following, “How your paper sucks; let me count the ways:” – maybe bob accidentally hit send when he got distracted by his Japanese tentacle-schoolgirl porn in another window.
Hi, Bob!
[re=508197]bitchincamaro[/re]: thanks….49 years as an esl student and I still can’t spell
[re=508189]teebob2000[/re]: My thought precisely. But why, and to whom, would Bob want to reverse fax our Wonkette? I am wondering, also, if they will have reverse fax machines at the teabaggers’ ball? That could be awesome.
Bob is a fucking precious little angel. Right up there with my secretary who asked if she should make a copy of a letter before she faxed it, so we would still have a copy. True story.
This is Chinglish, I hear it all the time. Chinese speakers frequently make a statement when they are asking a question in English. Translated into standard English, it would read “How does your paper suck?”. Bob has concluded that many Wonkette readers are gay men, and he wants to suck but doesn’t know if he is doing it right. Please, gay men, help Bob learn to suck!
And your bicycle messenger is late!
Remember when bicycle messengers thought they ruled? Right before faxes… Boy, did bicycle messengers smell bad. And boy, did they swagger.
I would be so embarassed if a bicycle messenger came to my office every time I clicked on Wonkette.
I thought all the fucking retards were busy in Nashville today.
Give’m Heck, Bob!
Personally, I think it’s just Walnuts finally getting on the intertubes.
[re=508231]rocktonsammy[/re]: You know, I didn’t think about it til now, but they’re having their stupid convention on Superbowl weekend. What kind of commie shit is that?
[re=508213]JMP[/re]: hmmmm. You may be right (though “How your paper sucks; let me count the ways” sounds like a long sentence for his mind to put together).
I am impressed that he spelled it all correctly!
[re=508237]Gopherit[/re]: It may be a stroke of genius; no one is going to be paying attention to political news over this weekend, so the teabaggers could say whatever crazy shit they want and know it should go unnoticed. Then, they can get drunk together to watch the game and pointedly ignore the gay subtexts of both football and their own closets.
I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to read “Anals of print journalism”. Also.
[re=508216]toooldtocare[/re]: Nevar EVAR admit to unintentional misspellings here; we all misspell stuff here ‘ironickally.’ No one ever need know yer just dum.
[re=508192]prizepig[/re]: And covered in Siemens…
[re=508216]toooldtocare[/re]: You’re right. For future reference it’s “easel.”
The upside is that you must be an excellent artist by now.
From time to time NewsHounds runs emails it receives from people who think it’s part of Faux News. Bob is probably tired to writing from his AOL account to NewsHounds and thought it was time to give Wonkette a try…
Wonkette, your paper sucks, and I like it baby!
[re=508221]Prommie[/re]: If he runs out of paper we could fax him some.
There is a lot of room for improvement in the sports section.
Yr paper sux it is very scratchy on my buttocks and is not sufficiently absorbent to catch my thimblefuls of siemens.
Your paper is neither adequately soft nor sufficiently absorbent. Good day, sir!
[re=508292]Mr Blifil[/re]: ah, crap.
Ooooooh, no he dehdahhhnttt!! He cut you deep, wonkett!
Bob’s your fucking retarded uncle.
Let me count the ways. 1, 2, 3 …
I can’t wait to hear Bob’s retort: “First I’d just like to say.”
I think someone sold him some “Wonkette bonds.” It’s not just that they have no monetary value, it’s the gritty paper… and that sheep STARING at me…
“Bob” is the DC Trawler’s Jim Treacher, a.k.a. Octogalore.
He’s just pissed that you didn’t liveblog BO’s interweb summit yesterday when Prez answered all our questions about the smoke monster and the gay three-toe statue.
The “how” is a follow-up to the subject line “Tip.. About what?” As in, “Tip.. About what? How your paper sucks.” Elite librul retards.
Sarah, please reply to Bob and give him the link to this thread so that he can defend himself against our malicious snark about his little twat.
[re=508221]Prommie[/re]: Your seckeratary is a retard. Like Bob.
Careful there, Bob. “Your” instead of “You’re”? Really? If your edumacated hating neighbors catch you writing like that, it will be curtains.
How your paper sucks!
Is Bob an Injun?
[re=508300]AxmxZ[/re]: Wow I’m so rarely on the other side of that equation, you must be retarded.
[re=508346]F*T*S*[/re]: No I think he’s trying to be all Ye Olde Englishe and say, “How doth thy paper suck, O vile Wonkette,” or … something. Or he’s an idiot. Is “idiot” still okay?
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