About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Yes, paper made of glass, electrons and photons.

  • HipHopOpotamus

    What, is it written in e-ink! Why ain’t no paper involved, are you a librul hippy!

  • Single Player

    Dear Bob, Actually, it’s YOUR paper, coming out of YOUR printer. Duh!

  • 4tehlulz

    This obviously is a troll; the spelling is too good to be real hate mail.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Bob done tried to wipe his butt with that there electronical paper and got a shock, also too.

  • the problem child

    And the delivery kid keeps throwing it in the rosebushes, even though we specifically asked for it to be placed on the doormat.

  • JMP

    Not only does Bob not know the difference between paper and a screen, he also doesn’t know that it’s physically impossible for paper to suck; although fan it the right way, it can blow.

  • bureaucrap

    Interesting that he starts with the word “how” rather than simply “Your paper sucks”. Perhaps he meant to include an attachment demonstrating how paper sucks carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, thus preventing (or causing) global warming.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    You guys! I think Bob is just propositioning SKS!

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Bob, if you can’t be constructive with your criticism why should we?

    Bob, Bob, Bob. Bob, Bob your ass.

  • toooldtocare

    he was in the middle of composing an “ode to Wonkette” of some sort:

    how your paper sucks….today
    i dearly want it in my hands,
    so I can hold it, crush it
    then throw it away!
    Now with these hands,and
    much frustration
    I’ll have to preform
    a masterbation

  • teebob2000

    He’d get more play if he faxed it in backwards.

  • prizepig

    Wonkette isn’t so much a newspaper as a scholarly journal of how to get white teeth and a flat stomach.

  • tombones

    who is cat now

  • bitchincamaro

    So this is all it takes to get one’s tips noticed at teh Wonkett? I been doin it rONg!

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=508187]toooldtocare[/re]: Well penned. Just remember though, there is always a “U” in “masturbation”.

  • Redhead

    I like the random ‘how’ he throws in there, just for fun. Is that supposed to be like the native american greeting or something?

  • CrunchyKnee

    [re=508192]prizepig[/re]: So true, sir/ma’am.

  • doxastic

    Incontrovertible proof that while brevity may be necessary, it is not sufficient for wit.

  • Come here a minute

    Can’t you morans do better than 20lb, 92 bright? That’s the same crap I buy!

  • JMP

    [re=508202]Redhead[/re]: It looks like there should be a list following, “How your paper sucks; let me count the ways:” – maybe bob accidentally hit send when he got distracted by his Japanese tentacle-schoolgirl porn in another window.

  • gurukalehuru

    Hi, Bob!

  • toooldtocare

    [re=508197]bitchincamaro[/re]: thanks….49 years as an esl student and I still can’t spell

  • Red Zeppelin

    [re=508189]teebob2000[/re]: My thought precisely. But why, and to whom, would Bob want to reverse fax our Wonkette? I am wondering, also, if they will have reverse fax machines at the teabaggers’ ball? That could be awesome.

  • Prommie

    Bob is a fucking precious little angel. Right up there with my secretary who asked if she should make a copy of a letter before she faxed it, so we would still have a copy. True story.

  • Barcode of the Apocalypse

    This is Chinglish, I hear it all the time. Chinese speakers frequently make a statement when they are asking a question in English. Translated into standard English, it would read “How does your paper suck?”. Bob has concluded that many Wonkette readers are gay men, and he wants to suck but doesn’t know if he is doing it right. Please, gay men, help Bob learn to suck!

  • TubeCity

    And your bicycle messenger is late!

    Remember when bicycle messengers thought they ruled? Right before faxes… Boy, did bicycle messengers smell bad. And boy, did they swagger.

    I would be so embarassed if a bicycle messenger came to my office every time I clicked on Wonkette.

  • rocktonsammy

    I thought all the fucking retards were busy in Nashville today.

  • Gopherit

    Give’m Heck, Bob!

    Personally, I think it’s just Walnuts finally getting on the intertubes.

  • Gopherit

    [re=508231]rocktonsammy[/re]: You know, I didn’t think about it til now, but they’re having their stupid convention on Superbowl weekend. What kind of commie shit is that?

  • Redhead

    [re=508213]JMP[/re]: hmmmm. You may be right (though “How your paper sucks; let me count the ways” sounds like a long sentence for his mind to put together).
    I am impressed that he spelled it all correctly!

  • JMP

    [re=508237]Gopherit[/re]: It may be a stroke of genius; no one is going to be paying attention to political news over this weekend, so the teabaggers could say whatever crazy shit they want and know it should go unnoticed. Then, they can get drunk together to watch the game and pointedly ignore the gay subtexts of both football and their own closets.

  • Sparky McGruff

    I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to read “Anals of print journalism”. Also.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=508216]toooldtocare[/re]: Nevar EVAR admit to unintentional misspellings here; we all misspell stuff here ‘ironickally.’ No one ever need know yer just dum.

  • Tundra Grifter

    [re=508192]prizepig[/re]: And covered in Siemens…

  • FlownOver

    [re=508216]toooldtocare[/re]: You’re right. For future reference it’s “easel.”

    The upside is that you must be an excellent artist by now.

  • Tundra Grifter

    From time to time NewsHounds runs emails it receives from people who think it’s part of Faux News. Bob is probably tired to writing from his AOL account to NewsHounds and thought it was time to give Wonkette a try…

  • Edywin

    Wonkette, your paper sucks, and I like it baby!

  • OzoneTom

    [re=508221]Prommie[/re]: If he runs out of paper we could fax him some.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    There is a lot of room for improvement in the sports section.

  • Mr Blifil

    Yr paper sux it is very scratchy on my buttocks and is not sufficiently absorbent to catch my thimblefuls of siemens.

  • AxmxZ

    Your paper is neither adequately soft nor sufficiently absorbent. Good day, sir!

  • AxmxZ

    [re=508292]Mr Blifil[/re]: ah, crap.

  • El Pinche

    Ooooooh, no he dehdahhhnttt!! He cut you deep, wonkett!

  • foulmouthed mrscreant

    Bob’s your fucking retarded uncle.

  • Binky

    Let me count the ways. 1, 2, 3 …

    I can’t wait to hear Bob’s retort: “First I’d just like to say.”

  • electoral grad student

    I think someone sold him some “Wonkette bonds.” It’s not just that they have no monetary value, it’s the gritty paper… and that sheep STARING at me…

  • Come here a minute

    “Bob” is the DC Trawler’s Jim Treacher, a.k.a. Octogalore.

  • P Drizzle

    He’s just pissed that you didn’t liveblog BO’s interweb summit yesterday when Prez answered all our questions about the smoke monster and the gay three-toe statue.

  • F*T*S*

    The “how” is a follow-up to the subject line “Tip.. About what?” As in, “Tip.. About what? How your paper sucks.” Elite librul retards.

  • Flanders

    Sarah, please reply to Bob and give him the link to this thread so that he can defend himself against our malicious snark about his little twat.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=508221]Prommie[/re]: Your seckeratary is a retard. Like Bob.

  • Darkness

    Careful there, Bob. “Your” instead of “You’re”? Really? If your edumacated hating neighbors catch you writing like that, it will be curtains.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    How your paper sucks!

    Is Bob an Injun?

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=508300]AxmxZ[/re]: Wow I’m so rarely on the other side of that equation, you must be retarded.

  • HuddledMass

    [re=508346]F*T*S*[/re]: No I think he’s trying to be all Ye Olde Englishe and say, “How doth thy paper suck, O vile Wonkette,” or … something. Or he’s an idiot. Is “idiot” still okay?