About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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Hola wonkerados.

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56 comments

  1. the problem child

    And the delivery kid keeps throwing it in the rosebushes, even though we specifically asked for it to be placed on the doormat.

  2. JMP

    Not only does Bob not know the difference between paper and a screen, he also doesn’t know that it’s physically impossible for paper to suck; although fan it the right way, it can blow.

  3. bureaucrap

    Interesting that he starts with the word “how” rather than simply “Your paper sucks”. Perhaps he meant to include an attachment demonstrating how paper sucks carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, thus preventing (or causing) global warming.

  4. Monsieur Grumpe

    Bob, if you can’t be constructive with your criticism why should we?

    Bob, Bob, Bob. Bob, Bob your ass.

  5. toooldtocare

    he was in the middle of composing an “ode to Wonkette” of some sort:

    how your paper sucks….today
    i dearly want it in my hands,
    so I can hold it, crush it
    then throw it away!
    Now with these hands,and
    much frustration
    I’ll have to preform
    a masterbation

  6. prizepig

    Wonkette isn’t so much a newspaper as a scholarly journal of how to get white teeth and a flat stomach.

  7. bitchincamaro

    [re=508187]toooldtocare[/re]: Well penned. Just remember though, there is always a “U” in “masturbation”.

  8. Redhead

    I like the random ‘how’ he throws in there, just for fun. Is that supposed to be like the native american greeting or something?

  9. JMP

    [re=508202]Redhead[/re]: It looks like there should be a list following, “How your paper sucks; let me count the ways:” – maybe bob accidentally hit send when he got distracted by his Japanese tentacle-schoolgirl porn in another window.

  10. Red Zeppelin

    [re=508189]teebob2000[/re]: My thought precisely. But why, and to whom, would Bob want to reverse fax our Wonkette? I am wondering, also, if they will have reverse fax machines at the teabaggers’ ball? That could be awesome.

  11. Prommie

    Bob is a fucking precious little angel. Right up there with my secretary who asked if she should make a copy of a letter before she faxed it, so we would still have a copy. True story.

  12. Barcode of the Apocalypse

    This is Chinglish, I hear it all the time. Chinese speakers frequently make a statement when they are asking a question in English. Translated into standard English, it would read “How does your paper suck?”. Bob has concluded that many Wonkette readers are gay men, and he wants to suck but doesn’t know if he is doing it right. Please, gay men, help Bob learn to suck!

  13. TubeCity

    And your bicycle messenger is late!

    Remember when bicycle messengers thought they ruled? Right before faxes… Boy, did bicycle messengers smell bad. And boy, did they swagger.

    I would be so embarassed if a bicycle messenger came to my office every time I clicked on Wonkette.

  14. Gopherit

    [re=508231]rocktonsammy[/re]: You know, I didn’t think about it til now, but they’re having their stupid convention on Superbowl weekend. What kind of commie shit is that?

  15. Redhead

    [re=508213]JMP[/re]: hmmmm. You may be right (though “How your paper sucks; let me count the ways” sounds like a long sentence for his mind to put together).
    I am impressed that he spelled it all correctly!

  16. JMP

    [re=508237]Gopherit[/re]: It may be a stroke of genius; no one is going to be paying attention to political news over this weekend, so the teabaggers could say whatever crazy shit they want and know it should go unnoticed. Then, they can get drunk together to watch the game and pointedly ignore the gay subtexts of both football and their own closets.

  17. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=508216]toooldtocare[/re]: Nevar EVAR admit to unintentional misspellings here; we all misspell stuff here ‘ironickally.’ No one ever need know yer just dum.

  18. FlownOver

    [re=508216]toooldtocare[/re]: You’re right. For future reference it’s “easel.”

    The upside is that you must be an excellent artist by now.

  19. Tundra Grifter

    From time to time NewsHounds runs emails it receives from people who think it’s part of Faux News. Bob is probably tired to writing from his AOL account to NewsHounds and thought it was time to give Wonkette a try…

  20. Mr Blifil

    Yr paper sux it is very scratchy on my buttocks and is not sufficiently absorbent to catch my thimblefuls of siemens.

  21. Binky

    Let me count the ways. 1, 2, 3 …

    I can’t wait to hear Bob’s retort: “First I’d just like to say.”

  22. electoral grad student

    I think someone sold him some “Wonkette bonds.” It’s not just that they have no monetary value, it’s the gritty paper… and that sheep STARING at me…

  23. P Drizzle

    He’s just pissed that you didn’t liveblog BO’s interweb summit yesterday when Prez answered all our questions about the smoke monster and the gay three-toe statue.

  24. F*T*S*

    The “how” is a follow-up to the subject line “Tip.. About what?” As in, “Tip.. About what? How your paper sucks.” Elite librul retards.

  25. Flanders

    Sarah, please reply to Bob and give him the link to this thread so that he can defend himself against our malicious snark about his little twat.

  26. Darkness

    Careful there, Bob. “Your” instead of “You’re”? Really? If your edumacated hating neighbors catch you writing like that, it will be curtains.

  27. Mr Blifil

    [re=508300]AxmxZ[/re]: Wow I’m so rarely on the other side of that equation, you must be retarded.

  28. HuddledMass

    [re=508346]F*T*S*[/re]: No I think he’s trying to be all Ye Olde Englishe and say, “How doth thy paper suck, O vile Wonkette,” or … something. Or he’s an idiot. Is “idiot” still okay?

Comments are closed.