ANNALS OF PRINT JOURNALISM  9:07 am February 5, 2010

Reader Objects To Poor Quality Of Wonkette Newspaper

by Sara K. Smith

'bob' is Cindy McCain.Poor frustrated reader “bob” has clearly driven himself insane, trying to print out this Internet thing.

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Hola wonkerados.

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ManchuCandidate February 5, 2010 at 9:09 am

Yes, paper made of glass, electrons and photons.

HipHopOpotamus February 5, 2010 at 9:10 am

What, is it written in e-ink! Why ain’t no paper involved, are you a librul hippy!

Single Player February 5, 2010 at 9:12 am

Dear Bob, Actually, it’s YOUR paper, coming out of YOUR printer. Duh!

4tehlulz February 5, 2010 at 9:13 am

This obviously is a troll; the spelling is too good to be real hate mail.

CrunchyKnee February 5, 2010 at 9:14 am

Bob done tried to wipe his butt with that there electronical paper and got a shock, also too.

the problem child February 5, 2010 at 9:16 am

And the delivery kid keeps throwing it in the rosebushes, even though we specifically asked for it to be placed on the doormat.

JMP February 5, 2010 at 9:16 am

Not only does Bob not know the difference between paper and a screen, he also doesn’t know that it’s physically impossible for paper to suck; although fan it the right way, it can blow.

bureaucrap February 5, 2010 at 9:18 am

Interesting that he starts with the word “how” rather than simply “Your paper sucks”. Perhaps he meant to include an attachment demonstrating how paper sucks carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, thus preventing (or causing) global warming.

Naked Bunny with a Whip February 5, 2010 at 9:23 am

You guys! I think Bob is just propositioning SKS!

Monsieur Grumpe February 5, 2010 at 9:28 am

Bob, if you can’t be constructive with your criticism why should we?

Bob, Bob, Bob. Bob, Bob your ass.

toooldtocare February 5, 2010 at 9:31 am

he was in the middle of composing an “ode to Wonkette” of some sort:

how your paper sucks….today
i dearly want it in my hands,
so I can hold it, crush it
then throw it away!
Now with these hands,and
much frustration
I’ll have to preform
a masterbation

teebob2000 February 5, 2010 at 9:31 am

He’d get more play if he faxed it in backwards.

prizepig February 5, 2010 at 9:35 am

Wonkette isn’t so much a newspaper as a scholarly journal of how to get white teeth and a flat stomach.

tombones February 5, 2010 at 9:35 am

who is cat now

bitchincamaro February 5, 2010 at 9:35 am

So this is all it takes to get one’s tips noticed at teh Wonkett? I been doin it rONg!

bitchincamaro February 5, 2010 at 9:37 am

[re=508187]toooldtocare[/re]: Well penned. Just remember though, there is always a “U” in “masturbation”.

Redhead February 5, 2010 at 9:44 am

I like the random ‘how’ he throws in there, just for fun. Is that supposed to be like the native american greeting or something?

CrunchyKnee February 5, 2010 at 9:44 am

[re=508192]prizepig[/re]: So true, sir/ma’am.

doxastic February 5, 2010 at 9:47 am

Incontrovertible proof that while brevity may be necessary, it is not sufficient for wit.

Come here a minute February 5, 2010 at 10:02 am

Can’t you morans do better than 20lb, 92 bright? That’s the same crap I buy!

JMP February 5, 2010 at 10:05 am

[re=508202]Redhead[/re]: It looks like there should be a list following, “How your paper sucks; let me count the ways:” – maybe bob accidentally hit send when he got distracted by his Japanese tentacle-schoolgirl porn in another window.

gurukalehuru February 5, 2010 at 10:08 am

Hi, Bob!

toooldtocare February 5, 2010 at 10:09 am

[re=508197]bitchincamaro[/re]: thanks….49 years as an esl student and I still can’t spell

Red Zeppelin February 5, 2010 at 10:16 am

[re=508189]teebob2000[/re]: My thought precisely. But why, and to whom, would Bob want to reverse fax our Wonkette? I am wondering, also, if they will have reverse fax machines at the teabaggers’ ball? That could be awesome.

Prommie February 5, 2010 at 10:17 am

Bob is a fucking precious little angel. Right up there with my secretary who asked if she should make a copy of a letter before she faxed it, so we would still have a copy. True story.

Barcode of the Apocalypse February 5, 2010 at 10:20 am

This is Chinglish, I hear it all the time. Chinese speakers frequently make a statement when they are asking a question in English. Translated into standard English, it would read “How does your paper suck?”. Bob has concluded that many Wonkette readers are gay men, and he wants to suck but doesn’t know if he is doing it right. Please, gay men, help Bob learn to suck!

TubeCity February 5, 2010 at 10:25 am

And your bicycle messenger is late!

Remember when bicycle messengers thought they ruled? Right before faxes… Boy, did bicycle messengers smell bad. And boy, did they swagger.

I would be so embarassed if a bicycle messenger came to my office every time I clicked on Wonkette.

rocktonsammy February 5, 2010 at 10:26 am

I thought all the fucking retards were busy in Nashville today.

Gopherit February 5, 2010 at 10:27 am

Give’m Heck, Bob!

Personally, I think it’s just Walnuts finally getting on the intertubes.

Gopherit February 5, 2010 at 10:28 am

[re=508231]rocktonsammy[/re]: You know, I didn’t think about it til now, but they’re having their stupid convention on Superbowl weekend. What kind of commie shit is that?

Redhead February 5, 2010 at 10:36 am

[re=508213]JMP[/re]: hmmmm. You may be right (though “How your paper sucks; let me count the ways” sounds like a long sentence for his mind to put together).
I am impressed that he spelled it all correctly!

JMP February 5, 2010 at 10:38 am

[re=508237]Gopherit[/re]: It may be a stroke of genius; no one is going to be paying attention to political news over this weekend, so the teabaggers could say whatever crazy shit they want and know it should go unnoticed. Then, they can get drunk together to watch the game and pointedly ignore the gay subtexts of both football and their own closets.

Sparky McGruff February 5, 2010 at 10:42 am

I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to read “Anals of print journalism”. Also.

Lascauxcaveman February 5, 2010 at 10:45 am

[re=508216]toooldtocare[/re]: Nevar EVAR admit to unintentional misspellings here; we all misspell stuff here ‘ironickally.’ No one ever need know yer just dum.

Tundra Grifter February 5, 2010 at 10:58 am

[re=508192]prizepig[/re]: And covered in Siemens…

FlownOver February 5, 2010 at 11:00 am

[re=508216]toooldtocare[/re]: You’re right. For future reference it’s “easel.”

The upside is that you must be an excellent artist by now.

Tundra Grifter February 5, 2010 at 11:02 am

From time to time NewsHounds runs emails it receives from people who think it’s part of Faux News. Bob is probably tired to writing from his AOL account to NewsHounds and thought it was time to give Wonkette a try…

Edywin February 5, 2010 at 11:07 am

Wonkette, your paper sucks, and I like it baby!

OzoneTom February 5, 2010 at 11:13 am

[re=508221]Prommie[/re]: If he runs out of paper we could fax him some.

Capitol Hillbilly February 5, 2010 at 11:27 am

There is a lot of room for improvement in the sports section.

Mr Blifil February 5, 2010 at 11:28 am

Yr paper sux it is very scratchy on my buttocks and is not sufficiently absorbent to catch my thimblefuls of siemens.

AxmxZ February 5, 2010 at 11:38 am

Your paper is neither adequately soft nor sufficiently absorbent. Good day, sir!

AxmxZ February 5, 2010 at 11:38 am

[re=508292]Mr Blifil[/re]: ah, crap.

El Pinche February 5, 2010 at 11:47 am

Ooooooh, no he dehdahhhnttt!! He cut you deep, wonkett!

foulmouthed mrscreant February 5, 2010 at 11:59 am

Bob’s your fucking retarded uncle.

Binky February 5, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Let me count the ways. 1, 2, 3 …

I can’t wait to hear Bob’s retort: “First I’d just like to say.”

electoral grad student February 5, 2010 at 12:20 pm

I think someone sold him some “Wonkette bonds.” It’s not just that they have no monetary value, it’s the gritty paper… and that sheep STARING at me…

Come here a minute February 5, 2010 at 12:34 pm

“Bob” is the DC Trawler’s Jim Treacher, a.k.a. Octogalore.

P Drizzle February 5, 2010 at 12:55 pm

He’s just pissed that you didn’t liveblog BO’s interweb summit yesterday when Prez answered all our questions about the smoke monster and the gay three-toe statue.

F*T*S* February 5, 2010 at 12:57 pm

The “how” is a follow-up to the subject line “Tip.. About what?” As in, “Tip.. About what? How your paper sucks.” Elite librul retards.

Flanders February 5, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Sarah, please reply to Bob and give him the link to this thread so that he can defend himself against our malicious snark about his little twat.

RoscoePColtraine February 5, 2010 at 1:11 pm

[re=508221]Prommie[/re]: Your seckeratary is a retard. Like Bob.

Darkness February 5, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Careful there, Bob. “Your” instead of “You’re”? Really? If your edumacated hating neighbors catch you writing like that, it will be curtains.

Accordion-o-rama February 5, 2010 at 2:28 pm

How your paper sucks!

Is Bob an Injun?

Mr Blifil February 5, 2010 at 2:53 pm

[re=508300]AxmxZ[/re]: Wow I’m so rarely on the other side of that equation, you must be retarded.

HuddledMass February 5, 2010 at 3:53 pm

[re=508346]F*T*S*[/re]: No I think he’s trying to be all Ye Olde Englishe and say, “How doth thy paper suck, O vile Wonkette,” or … something. Or he’s an idiot. Is “idiot” still okay?

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