NEVER FORGET  6:04 pm February 3, 2010

So, How Much Did This Cost?

by Jim Newell

Some person who “knows stuff like this” breaks down Carly Fiorina’s Laser-eyed Sheep Furry Of Death From Hell comedy film for FishbowlLA: “Wow…they did shoot all of that sheep stuff. It wasn’t stock footage. Paid crew for the sheep stuff and an editor for two days worth of cutting that stuff, titling, paid crew, equipment rental and effects plus the gathering of the rest of the stock footage…but there is an office scene too – probably $15,000.” One more facepalm for those ex-Hewlett-Packard shareholders. [FishbowlLA]

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AnnieGetYourFun February 3, 2010 at 6:08 pm

I hadn’t watched that video yet, but without the sound, I can’t tell if they want me to eat the sheep, or fuck ‘em. Both?

Seanibus February 3, 2010 at 6:12 pm

My mind simply refuses to accept this as a real ad. It MUST be a joke. It simply must be. It is so bad one wonders if Tom Campbell’s people made it themselves.

Dashboard_Buddha February 3, 2010 at 6:14 pm

I bet the image in the picture is similar to the one see by our biblical forefathers on cold desert nights.

“Father…why must I crawl along on all fours when there are plenty of sheep available?”

give us a bob February 3, 2010 at 6:14 pm

Similarities to Murakami’s book Wild Sheep Chase?

“The unnamed narrator leads an ordinary life until one day he tries to publish a pamphlet with a picture of sheep back dropped by mountains. However amongst the sheep is a sheep with a star on its back. He is forced to drop his life under threat and go in search of this sheep by the right hand man of a powerful right-wing Boss who controls the media, advertising etc. So begins the mysterious wild sheep chase. Accompanying him is his new girlfriend, a girl with such exquisite ears that looking at them makes sex a thousand times better. Their only clue is Rat the narrator’s run-away friend who sent him the photo in the first place. The girl’s sixth sense leads them to encounter an ovine obsessed professor who directs them to where the mountains in the picture are. They travel to the mountains where he encounters a bizarre man in a sheep outfit and a ghost who drinks beer.”

Discuss at your leisure.

blinky_twinkie February 3, 2010 at 6:15 pm

Given the simultaneous ridiculousness/horrific monstrosity that is that video, Fiorina will be voted Governor of California for Life within 10 months by those sheep. The People’s Republic of Berkeley will declare itself a sovereign nation 2 weeks later, and then an earthquake will come along and shake everyone west of Modesto into the Pacific. At that point, US Americans will call a special election to vote Governor-for-Life Fiorina to the Presidency because they’re all sad that the real Disneyland is gone, and then you’ll all feel the pain California is in. I’m a psychic. It’s for realz.

rmontcal February 3, 2010 at 6:15 pm

Wow, that’s BAAAAAAAAD.

Judas Peckerwood February 3, 2010 at 6:15 pm

$15,000? Please, they spent more than that on the devil/wolf/sheep alone.

Dashboard_Buddha February 3, 2010 at 6:17 pm

[re=507180]rmontcal[/re]: “Hey…your daddy fucks sheep.” “No he don’t. Take that baaaaack”

M Lite February 3, 2010 at 6:17 pm

And it’s almost three and a half mind numbing minutes of wtf. I think they used computer effects from “there’s a gay storm coming”…someone tell Maggie Gallagher that they’re infringing on her 2M4M copyrights.

AnnieGetYourFun February 3, 2010 at 6:20 pm

Wow, that moment at 2:26 really is fucking terrifying.

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 6:21 pm

It wasn’t stock footage, it was flock footage!


Long Form Def Certificate February 3, 2010 at 6:22 pm


/hotter if I knew the person in the costume has the right genitals

Judas Peckerwood February 3, 2010 at 6:23 pm

[re=507188]Extemporanus[/re]: Livestock footage?

eclecticbrotha February 3, 2010 at 6:23 pm

[re=507180]rmontcal[/re]: [re=507183]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Stole my joke. All I’m left with is a suggestion they shear the demon sheeple to see if there’s a “666″ birthmark underneath all that wool.

Maybe we should call PETA on the production company. I mean, how dare they make that sheep stand on that high pedestal without a parachute.

DoktorZoom February 3, 2010 at 6:35 pm

I think the “Fishbowl LA” linky you were looking for was this one:

Suds McKenzie February 3, 2010 at 6:36 pm

I was totally waiting for Dieter to show up at the end and say “Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance”.

S.Luggo February 3, 2010 at 6:42 pm

In other news, Palin unseated as “Most Completely and Absolutely Clueless Republican Woman in America”.

Just read the headline:

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 6:44 pm

[re=507191]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: Also known as “The shot herd ’round the world”.

[re=507193]eclecticbrotha[/re]: The director fell a sheep at the pitch.

S.Luggo February 3, 2010 at 6:45 pm

[re=507205]DoktorZoom[/re]: Has anyone figured out how to pronounce FCINO yet?

Sharkey February 3, 2010 at 6:50 pm

[re=507209]S.Luggo[/re]: It does say she “cried for days” after he made his public admission. I think she still really loves him. I feel bad for her. The divorce is a wise move.

Humpback February 3, 2010 at 6:51 pm

Totally aside from the poor execution, I have to ask what audience was planned for this? The voters who consider themselves sheep and should be afraid of the glowing-eyed interloper?

ManchuCandidate February 3, 2010 at 6:51 pm

Should have hired Michael “Bayhem” Bay. Exploding sheep and lingering shots of Hollywood hottie du jour’s body with a kick ass sound track.

Hooray For Anything February 3, 2010 at 6:55 pm

Yeah, but the Furry probably came from free

[re=507212]S.Luggo[/re]: You say Fakeeno, I say Facano– let’s call the whole thing off

Escape Goat Nation February 3, 2010 at 6:58 pm

My Sheep he got 3 leg
Your Sheep he got none

memzilla February 3, 2010 at 6:59 pm

Time for the joke whose punchline in “Yeah, but you picked the ugliest one.”

El Pinche February 3, 2010 at 7:03 pm

Hmmmm, a man dressed in sheeps clothing ON ALL FOURS. This definitely tickles a conservative’s fancy. Fiona is a marketing genius.

Hooray For Anything February 3, 2010 at 7:10 pm

[re=507217]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Or painted the sheep blue and film it in 3D just to get the kid/geek vote. Or maybe have Tarantino do it and have it end with all the sheep shooting each other to death as (spoiler alert) a giant image of Fiorina’s face shrieks out how she’s the face of Fiscal Conservatism. The companion ad would show Campbell getting a large donkey carved onto his face by Aldo the FCINO Hunter.

tranch coat February 3, 2010 at 7:20 pm

“Only one way to fall”? I’m literally gobsmacked to learn that there’s MORE THAN ONE WAY TO FALL when you’re not standing on a giant phallus. Have y’all been holding out on me? Can you really fall sideways? Or up? Am I the only one stuck with frumpy dial-up down-only falling?

Also — “piety”? From politicians? Really? If that’s what you’re expecting, you are literally as dumb as a box of rocks.

saggyboobedhag February 3, 2010 at 7:20 pm

Did they charge extra for the red eyes?

Jim Newell February 3, 2010 at 7:22 pm

HEY, if anyone can make a not-too-big (~200-300 wide) animated .gif for the archives and e-mail it to TIPS@WONKETTE.COM, of the motherfucker popping out from behind the tree at 2:26 (never forget) or something else that is Funny, you’ll get five minutes with Intern Riley in a Demon Wolf-Sheep Furry Costume (but naked underneath!)

proudgrampa February 3, 2010 at 7:22 pm

[re=507176]give us a bob[/re]: WTF???

Gopherit February 3, 2010 at 7:24 pm

[re=507188]Extemporanus[/re]: Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes. No need to ruminate further. That’s not flock footage.

Pat Pending February 3, 2010 at 7:25 pm

maybe it’s just me, but seeing a bunch of livestock sheep with the yellow tags in their ears just kills the whole fairy tale aspect of this… Or maybe it’s the shoes sticking out of the furry’s cheap-sheep costume. Or maybe the Monty Python quality of the sheep on the pedestal. Who writes this shit? Who PAYS for this shit??? What a fleecing…

schlock and flaws February 3, 2010 at 7:27 pm

[re=507210]Extemporanus[/re]: Herd shot round the world, I think….There’s a place up in Hollywood where you can get a herd shot round the world for $20.00, a

x111e7thst February 3, 2010 at 7:28 pm

[re=507232]El Pinche[/re]: A true conservative would demand a boy no older than 16. There a standards to uphold. For Jeebus and the troops.

bynrdskynrd February 3, 2010 at 7:32 pm

[re=507179]blinky_twinkie[/re]: GAWDS! I hope West Modesto doesn’t fall in the ocean! Except Vintage Faire Mall–remove that blight of a teenager clubhouse out of my hometown.

Its fun watching snark from the GrOPers: they always miss the target on ironic, sarcastic, or blatant humor, and it ends up being sad, depressing, or in this case FUCKIN’ SPOOKY!Same with being serious as well: watch “Reefer Madness” sober, and discuss….

scooterKPFT February 3, 2010 at 7:33 pm

I don’t understand what all the Fuss-cino is about

Radiotherapy February 3, 2010 at 7:34 pm

[re=507188]Extemporanus[/re]: This is shear comedy.
You say Fcino, I say Fiorino.

Tommmcatt February 3, 2010 at 7:37 pm

[re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]:

I’ve had that. It is only marginally worth the effort.

problemwithcaring February 3, 2010 at 7:38 pm

[re=507212]S.Luggo[/re]: I like an Italian pronunciation, “fachino!”

Dashboard_Buddha February 3, 2010 at 7:41 pm

[re=507212]S.Luggo[/re]: Fuckifino

Jim89048 February 3, 2010 at 8:02 pm
Marlowe February 3, 2010 at 8:12 pm

[re=507268]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: I agree.
I first read FCINO as Fuck If I Know.

Then on further thought, I wonder if they want to keep the Hispanic vote away, FCINO mean Fucking Chino.

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 8:18 pm

[re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: 2:26!! NEVAR FURGETT!!1

Jim, tonight, I will try to get drunk enough to make a poster for you to hang up in your animal husbandry sex bunker, right next to the wall-mounted Mane ‘n Tail® lotion-cum-lube dispenser.

Upon receipt of said commemorative document, please bequeef my 5 minutes with Little Bo Riley to the elected ruminant of your choice. (I’m literally not into sheep.)

ladymacbeth February 3, 2010 at 8:38 pm

[re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: oh nonononononono now i live in fear of my wonkette which is the ONLY thing that gets me thru my present daily incarnation.

the pelosi gif wakes me up at night.
the jammakin gif is unspeakable.

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 8:42 pm

Hey Blingtards!

If you don’t feel like screenshooting the Sheepinator yerselves, you can download a big picture of the furrocious fiend—complete with “2:26″ YouTube time stamp that you can keep or crop or whatever—YYYRIGHT HERE.

Radiotherapy February 3, 2010 at 8:49 pm

[re=507304]Extemporanus[/re]: A date and timestamp that will live in inframy.

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 8:55 pm

[re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: Also, I really wish I could share with you and the other Furry yiffers here pictures from the Furry calendar photoshoot I worked on a few weeks ago:

12 different Furries. Boardroom. Bathroom (homo/anthro sexytime!). On the train. On the Chinatown bus. Hanging like pelts on a rack in the Blair Witch-y basement of the client’s ancient office building.

Perhaps someday, when I no longer care if I ever work in this town again…

(Also, about that “NEVAR FURGETT” poster thing? I am almost out of booze, so please don’t count on it.)

KeepHopeyAlive!! February 3, 2010 at 8:56 pm

Wake up; SHEEPLE!!1!!1

Smoke Filled Roommate February 3, 2010 at 8:58 pm

Can we call the sheepguy ‘Fcino Man’?

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 8:59 pm

[re=507308]Radiotherapy[/re]: As will my mutilated—albeit functional—link.

(“YYY God?! YYYYY?!”)

artpepper February 3, 2010 at 9:15 pm

I kept waiting for a dwarf to talk backwards. But what was up with that woman who says “PURITY” in a porn star voice? “Purity … piety … wholesome … juicy … mmmmmmmm … “

Minnie Mean February 3, 2010 at 9:17 pm

so, since a sheep doesn’t have “fur” is this really a “furry”? I am adamant about nomenclature!

finallyhappy February 3, 2010 at 9:20 pm

[re=507230]memzilla[/re]: How about the one where the punchline is ” yeah, but that’s the Sheriff’s girlfriend”

And what about the pigs???

Paul Tardy February 3, 2010 at 9:26 pm

The ethnically diverse sheep was a nice touch. I think a herd of sheep in a political commercial should look like America, because America looks like a herd of sheep. Seems like it might be fun to change the sound track, goofng with that Hitler video has gotten old.

Jim89048 February 3, 2010 at 9:40 pm

Rachel’s all over the sheeps, too.

finallyhappy February 3, 2010 at 9:47 pm

[re=507325]Minnie Mean[/re]: true- there are wool sheep and hair sheep but no fur sheep.

progressiveinga February 3, 2010 at 9:53 pm

The Ishtar of political ads. Horrible. Long-suffering. Career-ending. Box office flop.

Darkness February 3, 2010 at 9:58 pm

[re=507176]give us a bob[/re]: This is one of those moments where I think, you know, the world is crazy. Then I come here and I think, no, the world is quite mundane, really.

WickedWitch February 3, 2010 at 10:10 pm

[re=507215]Sharkey[/re]: She wasn’t crying for him. She was crying over the realization that she had second-guessed herself — and that she was wrong to talk herself out of buying that contraband stash of arsenic the last time she was in Myrtle Beach.

Udargo February 3, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Ok, but you have to admit, FCINO has a real ring to it. It’s genius!

memzilla February 3, 2010 at 10:19 pm

[re=507352]Udargo[/re] [re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: It’s the FCINO Merino!

memzilla February 3, 2010 at 10:21 pm

Seriously, Portfolio Magazine voted her into their 20 Worst CEOs of All Time, for the Compaq Merger Fail, bugging the boardroom, and halving the value of HP by the time she left with a $40 million golden parachute.

Of course, executive performance like this puts her into the Bush League, so, perfect for the reThuglicans.

Darkness February 3, 2010 at 10:23 pm

How much did it cost? Oh, just the dream of being seated as senator.

Lionel Hutz Esq. February 3, 2010 at 10:43 pm

I am amazed just how much you all are underestimating the Furry and Sheep Fucker vote in the Republican Primaries. What is $15,000.00 when you are reaching over half your voters?

Darkness February 3, 2010 at 11:09 pm

The most dangerous of animals . . . a sheep in wingtips.

Dean Booth February 3, 2010 at 11:21 pm

[re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: The sheep is in the mail.

El Pinche February 3, 2010 at 11:23 pm
bitterz February 3, 2010 at 11:32 pm

Well hell-o, Dolly.

rottenart February 4, 2010 at 12:10 am

[re=507368]Dean Booth[/re]: Damn, beat me to it. Oh well, mine is in the mail too.

rottenart February 4, 2010 at 12:11 am

[re=507368]Dean Booth[/re]: Although mine does not have glorious LASER EYEZ!!11!!

S.Luggo February 4, 2010 at 12:20 am

[re=507215]Sharkey[/re]: “It does say she [Jenny] “cried for days” after he made his public admission [of multiple porkings over time of an Argentine divorcee].”

Jenny Sanford felt so terribly, awfully shocked, shocked, particularly after years of knowing that dickwad Marky had omitted “fidelity” from their marriage vows.

No rocket science involved, Jenny. No pity.

S.Luggo February 4, 2010 at 12:32 am

[re=507369]El Pinche[/re]: James O’Keefe manned the kissing booth.

DC Hates Me February 4, 2010 at 12:37 am

Let me see if I got this right:

A man – or woman – in sheep’s clothing – pretending to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing – pretending to be Tom Campbell fleecing Californians – who are pretending to be sheep – whose governor is the Terminator – who also has glowing eyes – and is fiscally conservative like Tom Wolfe – who wears a white suit.

S.Luggo February 4, 2010 at 1:04 am

[re=507383]DC Hates Me[/re]:
No. Wolfe now wears see-thru panties and a bra.

El Pinche February 4, 2010 at 1:10 am

[re=507381]S.Luggo[/re]: No whites only sign needed.

El Pinche February 4, 2010 at 1:12 am

2:26 is quite compelling but 1:24 scares the dickens out of me:

electoral grad student February 4, 2010 at 2:11 am

Ah! Between this and the retard thread, it’s been a great gust of fresh air on the Wonkette today. The past month has been really dismal, with the voting and the bullshit, now I can look forward to a joyous Furryary on Wonkette!

Radiotherapy February 4, 2010 at 3:15 am

[re=507400]electoral grad student[/re]: There is nothing to furr, but furr itself!

Lionel Hutz Esq. February 4, 2010 at 5:12 am

I’m surprised no one posted Fiorina first video:

Tourist: Oh, good for you. Uh…those ARE sheep aren’t they?
Shephrd: Yeh.
Tourist: Hmm, thought they were. Only, what are they doing up in the
Shephrd: A fair question and one that in recent weeks ‘as been much on
my mind. It’s my considered opinion that they’re nestin’.
Tourist: Nesting?
Shephrd: Aye.
Tourist: Like birds?
Shephrd: Exactly. It’s my belief that these sheep are laborin’ under
the misapprehension that they’re birds. Observe their be’avior.
Take for a start the sheeps’ tendency to ‘op about the field
on their ‘ind legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from
tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as…plummet.

Tourist: Yes, but why do they think they’re birds?
Shephrd: Another fair question. One thing is for sure, the sheep is not
a creature of the air. They have enormous difficulty in the
comparatively simple act of perchin’.

Trouble is, sheep are very dim. Once they get an idea in their
‘eads, there’s no shiftin’ it.
Tourist: But where did they get the idea?
Shephrd: From Harold. He’s that most dangerous of creatures, a clever
sheep. ‘e’s realized that a sheep’s life consists of standin’
around for a few months and then bein’ eaten. And that’s a
depressing prospect for an ambitious sheep.
Tourist: Well why don’t just remove Harold?
Shephrd: Because of the enormous commercial possibilities if ‘e succeeds.

Cape Clod February 4, 2010 at 7:33 am

Hard to add anything that already hasn’t said. Jesus Christ in a chicken basket, that’s an awful video.

plowman February 4, 2010 at 7:47 am

I too am outraged that interesting political ads actually cost money to produce.

norbizness February 4, 2010 at 8:50 am

Sheeple get ready, there’s a crazy train a-comin’. Don’t need no ticket, you just get on board.

teebob2000 February 4, 2010 at 9:15 am

C’mon — if Fiorina was involved, it had to be at least $2.8 million. Look what she did to HP.

TGY February 4, 2010 at 9:46 am

Well, somebody got shorn.

Tundra Grifter February 4, 2010 at 9:55 am

As usual, Bugs Bunny said it best: “A wolf in cheap clothing.”

southern mark smith February 4, 2010 at 9:55 am

Haha! Chuck Todd just said “pound demon sheep on twitter.” Sure, Chuck.

Flanders February 4, 2010 at 10:16 am

[re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: He popped out from behind a tree? I saw it as the demon popping out of an ewe’s uterus. My interpretation is much scarier.

Flanders February 4, 2010 at 10:20 am

[re=507304]Extemporanus[/re]: Extemp – I love you.

smitallica February 4, 2010 at 10:30 am

[re=507179]blinky_twinkie[/re]: Cormac McCarthy, is that you?

The Church of Realism February 4, 2010 at 11:12 am

[re=507212]S.Luggo[/re]: sure, it’s pronounced Fiorina.

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