Some person who “knows stuff like this” breaks down Carly Fiorina’s Laser-eyed Sheep Furry Of Death From Hell comedy film for FishbowlLA: “Wow…they did shoot all of that sheep stuff. It wasn’t stock footage. Paid crew for the sheep stuff and an editor for two days worth of cutting that stuff, titling, paid crew, equipment rental and effects plus the gathering of the rest of the stock footage…but there is an office scene too – probably $15,000.” One more facepalm for those ex-Hewlett-Packard shareholders. [FishbowlLA]

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  1. My mind simply refuses to accept this as a real ad. It MUST be a joke. It simply must be. It is so bad one wonders if Tom Campbell’s people made it themselves.

  2. I bet the image in the picture is similar to the one see by our biblical forefathers on cold desert nights.

    “Father…why must I crawl along on all fours when there are plenty of sheep available?”

  3. Similarities to Murakami’s book Wild Sheep Chase?

    “The unnamed narrator leads an ordinary life until one day he tries to publish a pamphlet with a picture of sheep back dropped by mountains. However amongst the sheep is a sheep with a star on its back. He is forced to drop his life under threat and go in search of this sheep by the right hand man of a powerful right-wing Boss who controls the media, advertising etc. So begins the mysterious wild sheep chase. Accompanying him is his new girlfriend, a girl with such exquisite ears that looking at them makes sex a thousand times better. Their only clue is Rat the narrator’s run-away friend who sent him the photo in the first place. The girl’s sixth sense leads them to encounter an ovine obsessed professor who directs them to where the mountains in the picture are. They travel to the mountains where he encounters a bizarre man in a sheep outfit and a ghost who drinks beer.”

    Discuss at your leisure.

  4. Given the simultaneous ridiculousness/horrific monstrosity that is that video, Fiorina will be voted Governor of California for Life within 10 months by those sheep. The People’s Republic of Berkeley will declare itself a sovereign nation 2 weeks later, and then an earthquake will come along and shake everyone west of Modesto into the Pacific. At that point, US Americans will call a special election to vote Governor-for-Life Fiorina to the Presidency because they’re all sad that the real Disneyland is gone, and then you’ll all feel the pain California is in. I’m a psychic. It’s for realz.

  5. And it’s almost three and a half mind numbing minutes of wtf. I think they used computer effects from “there’s a gay storm coming”…someone tell Maggie Gallagher that they’re infringing on her 2M4M copyrights.

  6. [re=507180]rmontcal[/re]: [re=507183]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Stole my joke. All I’m left with is a suggestion they shear the demon sheeple to see if there’s a “666” birthmark underneath all that wool.

    Maybe we should call PETA on the production company. I mean, how dare they make that sheep stand on that high pedestal without a parachute.

  7. [re=507191]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: Also known as “The shot herd ’round the world”.

    [re=507193]eclecticbrotha[/re]: The director fell a sheep at the pitch.

  8. [re=507209]S.Luggo[/re]: It does say she “cried for days” after he made his public admission. I think she still really loves him. I feel bad for her. The divorce is a wise move.

  9. Totally aside from the poor execution, I have to ask what audience was planned for this? The voters who consider themselves sheep and should be afraid of the glowing-eyed interloper?

  10. Should have hired Michael “Bayhem” Bay. Exploding sheep and lingering shots of Hollywood hottie du jour’s body with a kick ass sound track.

  11. Yeah, but the Furry probably came from free

    [re=507212]S.Luggo[/re]: You say Fakeeno, I say Facano– let’s call the whole thing off

  12. [re=507217]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Or painted the sheep blue and film it in 3D just to get the kid/geek vote. Or maybe have Tarantino do it and have it end with all the sheep shooting each other to death as (spoiler alert) a giant image of Fiorina’s face shrieks out how she’s the face of Fiscal Conservatism. The companion ad would show Campbell getting a large donkey carved onto his face by Aldo the FCINO Hunter.

  13. “Only one way to fall”? I’m literally gobsmacked to learn that there’s MORE THAN ONE WAY TO FALL when you’re not standing on a giant phallus. Have y’all been holding out on me? Can you really fall sideways? Or up? Am I the only one stuck with frumpy dial-up down-only falling?

    Also — “piety”? From politicians? Really? If that’s what you’re expecting, you are literally as dumb as a box of rocks.

  14. HEY, if anyone can make a not-too-big (~200-300 wide) animated .gif for the archives and e-mail it to TIPS@WONKETTE.COM, of the motherfucker popping out from behind the tree at 2:26 (never forget) or something else that is Funny, you’ll get five minutes with Intern Riley in a Demon Wolf-Sheep Furry Costume (but naked underneath!)

  15. maybe it’s just me, but seeing a bunch of livestock sheep with the yellow tags in their ears just kills the whole fairy tale aspect of this… Or maybe it’s the shoes sticking out of the furry’s cheap-sheep costume. Or maybe the Monty Python quality of the sheep on the pedestal. Who writes this shit? Who PAYS for this shit??? What a fleecing…

  16. [re=507210]Extemporanus[/re]: Herd shot round the world, I think….There’s a place up in Hollywood where you can get a herd shot round the world for $20.00, a

  17. [re=507179]blinky_twinkie[/re]: GAWDS! I hope West Modesto doesn’t fall in the ocean! Except Vintage Faire Mall–remove that blight of a teenager clubhouse out of my hometown.

    Its fun watching snark from the GrOPers: they always miss the target on ironic, sarcastic, or blatant humor, and it ends up being sad, depressing, or in this case FUCKIN’ SPOOKY!Same with being serious as well: watch “Reefer Madness” sober, and discuss….

  18. [re=507268]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: I agree.
    I first read FCINO as Fuck If I Know.

    Then on further thought, I wonder if they want to keep the Hispanic vote away, FCINO mean Fucking Chino.

  19. [re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: 2:26!! NEVAR FURGETT!!1

    Jim, tonight, I will try to get drunk enough to make a poster for you to hang up in your animal husbandry sex bunker, right next to the wall-mounted Mane ‘n Tail® lotion-cum-lube dispenser.

    Upon receipt of said commemorative document, please bequeef my 5 minutes with Little Bo Riley to the elected ruminant of your choice. (I’m literally not into sheep.)

  20. [re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: oh nonononononono now i live in fear of my wonkette which is the ONLY thing that gets me thru my present daily incarnation.

    the pelosi gif wakes me up at night.
    the jammakin gif is unspeakable.

  21. Hey Blingtards!

    If you don’t feel like screenshooting the Sheepinator yerselves, you can download a big picture of the furrocious fiend—complete with “2:26” YouTube time stamp that you can keep or crop or whatever—YYYRIGHT HERE.

  22. [re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: Also, I really wish I could share with you and the other Furry yiffers here pictures from the Furry calendar photoshoot I worked on a few weeks ago:

    12 different Furries. Boardroom. Bathroom (homo/anthro sexytime!). On the train. On the Chinatown bus. Hanging like pelts on a rack in the Blair Witch-y basement of the client’s ancient office building.

    Perhaps someday, when I no longer care if I ever work in this town again…

    (Also, about that “NEVAR FURGETT” poster thing? I am almost out of booze, so please don’t count on it.)

  23. I kept waiting for a dwarf to talk backwards. But what was up with that woman who says “PURITY” in a porn star voice? “Purity … piety … wholesome … juicy … mmmmmmmm … “

  24. [re=507230]memzilla[/re]: How about the one where the punchline is ” yeah, but that’s the Sheriff’s girlfriend”

    And what about the pigs???

  25. The ethnically diverse sheep was a nice touch. I think a herd of sheep in a political commercial should look like America, because America looks like a herd of sheep. Seems like it might be fun to change the sound track, goofng with that Hitler video has gotten old.

  26. [re=507176]give us a bob[/re]: This is one of those moments where I think, you know, the world is crazy. Then I come here and I think, no, the world is quite mundane, really.

  27. [re=507215]Sharkey[/re]: She wasn’t crying for him. She was crying over the realization that she had second-guessed herself — and that she was wrong to talk herself out of buying that contraband stash of arsenic the last time she was in Myrtle Beach.

  28. Seriously, Portfolio Magazine voted her into their 20 Worst CEOs of All Time, for the Compaq Merger Fail, bugging the boardroom, and halving the value of HP by the time she left with a $40 million golden parachute.

    Of course, executive performance like this puts her into the Bush League, so, perfect for the reThuglicans.

  29. I am amazed just how much you all are underestimating the Furry and Sheep Fucker vote in the Republican Primaries. What is $15,000.00 when you are reaching over half your voters?

  30. [re=507215]Sharkey[/re]: “It does say she [Jenny] “cried for days” after he made his public admission [of multiple porkings over time of an Argentine divorcee].”

    Jenny Sanford felt so terribly, awfully shocked, shocked, particularly after years of knowing that dickwad Marky had omitted “fidelity” from their marriage vows.

    No rocket science involved, Jenny. No pity.

  31. Let me see if I got this right:

    A man – or woman – in sheep’s clothing – pretending to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing – pretending to be Tom Campbell fleecing Californians – who are pretending to be sheep – whose governor is the Terminator – who also has glowing eyes – and is fiscally conservative like Tom Wolfe – who wears a white suit.

  32. Ah! Between this and the retard thread, it’s been a great gust of fresh air on the Wonkette today. The past month has been really dismal, with the voting and the bullshit, now I can look forward to a joyous Furryary on Wonkette!

  33. I’m surprised no one posted Fiorina first video:

    Tourist: Oh, good for you. Uh…those ARE sheep aren’t they?
    Shephrd: Yeh.
    Tourist: Hmm, thought they were. Only, what are they doing up in the
    Shephrd: A fair question and one that in recent weeks ‘as been much on
    my mind. It’s my considered opinion that they’re nestin’.
    Tourist: Nesting?
    Shephrd: Aye.
    Tourist: Like birds?
    Shephrd: Exactly. It’s my belief that these sheep are laborin’ under
    the misapprehension that they’re birds. Observe their be’avior.
    Take for a start the sheeps’ tendency to ‘op about the field
    on their ‘ind legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from
    tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as…plummet.

    Tourist: Yes, but why do they think they’re birds?
    Shephrd: Another fair question. One thing is for sure, the sheep is not
    a creature of the air. They have enormous difficulty in the
    comparatively simple act of perchin’.

    Trouble is, sheep are very dim. Once they get an idea in their
    ‘eads, there’s no shiftin’ it.
    Tourist: But where did they get the idea?
    Shephrd: From Harold. He’s that most dangerous of creatures, a clever
    sheep. ‘e’s realized that a sheep’s life consists of standin’
    around for a few months and then bein’ eaten. And that’s a
    depressing prospect for an ambitious sheep.
    Tourist: Well why don’t just remove Harold?
    Shephrd: Because of the enormous commercial possibilities if ‘e succeeds.

  34. [re=507250]Jim Newell[/re]: He popped out from behind a tree? I saw it as the demon popping out of an ewe’s uterus. My interpretation is much scarier.

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