INVOLVING DEVILISH MAN-SHEEP  2:33 pm February 3, 2010

Official Carly Fiorina Video Wins Current Hour Of Internet

by Jim Newell

OH MY GOD “Carlyfornia” Senate candidate Carly Fiorina has struck again on the Internet and the results are monstrous. It’s best at the beginning and end, especially the end, picking up steam at exactly 2:26. “2:26″ is the absolute most terrifying second of video on YouTube since the most recently uploaded clip of Roger Ailes. [YouTube]

 
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{ 130 comments }

agentstinky February 3, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Jesus, did David Lynch direct this shit? That was more terrifying than the alien baby thing.

Larry Fine February 3, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Shouldn’t their be cowboys humping each other in this video?

V572625694 February 3, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Is the big china dildo supposed to be Tom Campbell, whoever the fuck Tom Campbell might be?

sanantonerose February 3, 2010 at 2:41 pm

HOLY CRAP. I watched with the sound off and it was terrifying! I did enjoy the sheep falling off the pedestal, though.

JadedDIssonance February 3, 2010 at 2:43 pm

give us a bob February 3, 2010 at 2:44 pm

I thought folks had learned from the last time someone included livestock in their campaign ads:

http://wonkette.com/411667/georgia-gov-candidate-produces-citizen-kane-esque-technical-breakthrough-of-our-time

As for the laser-eyed thingy, it’s clearly a jawa in sheep’s clothing.

Flanders February 3, 2010 at 2:45 pm

The Sheep. The Ox. The Rat.

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend February 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Uh, is that a wolf in sheep’s clothing or what?

Hooray For Anything February 3, 2010 at 2:47 pm

That could easily be described as “The Wicker Man” of political ads. Or maybe “the Room”- I haven’t made my mind up

Flanders February 3, 2010 at 2:49 pm

OH MY FUCKING GOD

2:26

SlouchingTowardsWasilla February 3, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Hey, this man LITERALLY set the stage for the recent decline, and LITERALLY helped put California on the path to bankruptcy! Only a furry with glowing red eyes could possibly do something that evil at a theater or hiking trail near you.

hughman February 3, 2010 at 2:50 pm

donnie darko is a socialist commie. the end.

gurukalehuru February 3, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Good lord. She’s the craziest Republican candidate for governor of California since Arianna Huffington. Arnold isn’t even in the running.

Skwerl Nutz February 3, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Better than a David Lynch movie.

Noonan February 3, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Somebody with ‘puter skillz needs to make some animated gifs of that thing turning its head. Very, very promising stuff.

gurukalehuru February 3, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Is 2:26 the new 9/11? Because I’m cool with that.

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 2:53 pm

I’ll be baaahhhk!

FMA February 3, 2010 at 2:54 pm

So is this her way of wooing the furry zooiphile vote?

BlueStateLibtard February 3, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Look, she almost wrecked Hewlett-Packard, just like Dubya wrecked several companies and an entire country, what’s not to like?

Scruffy_The_Janitor February 3, 2010 at 2:57 pm

I suppose Tom Campbell fuc$*&* all those sheeps and is not willing to sign a pledge not to do it again!!!!

J. Robert Oppenheiner February 3, 2010 at 2:58 pm

You can hear the blood dripping from the narrator’s voice. Speaking of which, sounds a bit like Judd Hirsch doesn’t it?

Buzz Feedback February 3, 2010 at 2:59 pm

Pass the muthafukkin mint jelly.

Aurelio February 3, 2010 at 3:01 pm

[re=506854]Extemporanus[/re]: Yes, she’s ba-ack. Once you get into that circuit, there’s always a new opportunity for you no matter how much you screw up.

Gopherit February 3, 2010 at 3:01 pm

Jesus fuck. I still hate living in Arizona, but our GOP doesn’t bring the crazy like Cali conservatives. I’m pretty sure that falling sheep was a Lucifer metaphor. Klassy.

Hey, Fiorina…..you might not want to mention that you have free time to run for office after driving HP into the ground like a railroad spike.
Just saying. Keep the freaky sheep though. That’s awesome.

And what, no “pulling the wool over your eyes” references?

DickRod February 3, 2010 at 3:02 pm

“The power of Christ compels you!”

Advocatus_Diaboli February 3, 2010 at 3:03 pm

2:26
Never Forget!!1!!one!!

bitchincamaro February 3, 2010 at 3:05 pm

[re=506826]sanantonerose[/re]: Pedestal? I thought it was a vibrator in turbo-drive.

Another DC Lawyer (Again) February 3, 2010 at 3:06 pm

Holy shit…this is fucking terrifying…going to have nightmares tonight. Also, how did the get Orson Welles to comeback and do the narration in his scary Nostradomus movie voice…the one where in 1984 he said the world would end in 1997…

Flanders February 3, 2010 at 3:06 pm

There is so much to appreciate, so much material. The sheep zooming up on the pedestal, though…what is she insinuating there? It is a little alarming, a little erotic.

WadISay February 3, 2010 at 3:07 pm

FWIW, the sheep at 1:46 was the cutest.

TH42 February 3, 2010 at 3:08 pm

[re=506826]sanantonerose[/re]: I know! It’s actually SCARIER with the sound off. The worst part is the first 2:25 really gives no indication of how scary it is going to get.

Mad Brahms February 3, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Holy fuck! It’s a T-1000 in a Hannibal Lector mask!

Seriously, what the hell was that? And “FCINO”? Yeah, made up acronyms are great. The “common people” really love them.

The Church of Realism February 3, 2010 at 3:09 pm

[re=506878]bitchincamaro[/re]: Yep upside-down fake dong cannot support a falling fiscal sheep…wait, what?

The Church of Realism February 3, 2010 at 3:11 pm

The only thing that could have made this thing any better was if the sheep bleated “I’ve been baaaaaaad” as it fell.

WadISay February 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm

I am a little confused by the underlying market research and creative here. Do fiscal conservatives really see themselves as sheep? So that makes the lefties the ravening wolves; mmmm, delicious sheep, cool beans!

Jim89048 February 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Sheep lie!

ElitistMarxist February 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm

[re=506846]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Someone LITERALLY designed that costume for that setting. Someone should LITERALLY never be given a job in costume design again.

hedgehog February 3, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Sheep + Wonkette = Buttseks

ElitistMarxist February 3, 2010 at 3:17 pm

Oh, and I think Bizarro Keith Olbermann LITERALLY did that voice-over. Also.

edgydrifter February 3, 2010 at 3:17 pm

So she’s explicitly portraying her constituents as gullible sheeple. That’s awesomely, unconsciously, brutal. Naturally, none of them will get it.

Hooray For Anything February 3, 2010 at 3:18 pm

[re=506886]Mad Brahms[/re]: FCINO– just rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it?

As a Californian, all I can say is I really dread the upcoming Gubernatorial race. It’s going to be race between an 80 year old Democrat who was Governor almost 40 years and is most famous for banging Linday Ronstand, helping Prop 13 pass, and having the nickname “Governor Moonbeam” versus either somebody who destroyed a well known brand and got in trouble with the Feds, somebody whose never voted in an election before, and apparently a furry.

Minnie Mean February 3, 2010 at 3:20 pm

file under: Halloween costume ideas

One Yield Regular February 3, 2010 at 3:21 pm

It’s as though the California Livestock Council has produced its own version of “Henry V,” what with the dread and martial music and all the shots of fields.

Also, how does one pronounce “FCINO”?

ladymacbeth February 3, 2010 at 3:22 pm

i was waiting for rahm to show up. that would be some scary ass shepherding.

Smoke Filled Roommate February 3, 2010 at 3:22 pm

[re=506826]sanantonerose[/re]: Me too! When I wasn’t ‘holy fuck’ing in sheer terror, I couldn’t stop laughing..

irisheyesagain February 3, 2010 at 3:23 pm

Holy Fuck. That cannot be real. Somebody tell me it’s a joke.

Also-is that not the best campaign slogan ever? “Might there be a better choice?” Anything that ends with a question mark is a sure-fire winner!

Shmoopty February 3, 2010 at 3:24 pm

I will vote for anyone who can create a budget that will LITERALLY SET A STAGE.

ElitistMarxist February 3, 2010 at 3:26 pm

[re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: FuCk I dunNO

Tommmcatt February 3, 2010 at 3:27 pm

[re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]:

“For he today who screws a sheep with me shall be my brother,
Be he ne’er so vile, this day shall gussy-up his wool,
and gentlemen in farmyards now abed shall think themselves acursed they were not here,
and hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks,
that screwed with us upon St. Crispin’s day!”

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 3:29 pm

[re=506821]Larry Fine[/re]: I wish I knew how to quit ewe!

[re=506869]Aurelio[/re]: I was wondering how one might spell a sheep saying the word “back”.

In retrospect, my otherwise brilliantly pithy comment loses something due to the fact that I spelled “back” exactly the same way Ahhhnold says it, thereby diluting the very witty sheep-cum-Terminator “Governator” reference.

FMA February 3, 2010 at 3:30 pm

[re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: Finocchio? Actually, finocchio is Dago slang for “gay.”

Minnie Mean February 3, 2010 at 3:30 pm

[re=506902]Hooray For Anything[/re]: reminds me of the Dead Kennedy’s classic hit: California Uber Alles – “You will croak, you little clown / When you mess with President Brown” Maybe Jello Biafra can be Jerry’s campaign manager. Good times!

bhosp February 3, 2010 at 3:36 pm

Reminds me of “The Village”.

JMP February 3, 2010 at 3:36 pm

[re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: It most naturally reads as “fukino,” either another sign of marketing cluelessness or an incredibly sophisticated attempt at subliminal advertising.

Or in particle physics, it could be the hypothetical super-partner of a fuck; or super-fuck.

4tehlulz February 3, 2010 at 3:38 pm

YIFF IN HELL TOM CAMPBELL

Tommmcatt February 3, 2010 at 3:39 pm

[re=506928]bhosp[/re]:

So does her platform.

ZING!

frailamerica February 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Never go behind Winkies!

chaste everywhere February 3, 2010 at 3:41 pm

[re=506917]Tommmcatt[/re]: Don’t forget the part where they strip and show their scars.

Governor Brownagain. I be countin’ the daze.

snideinplainsight February 3, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Conservatives – they’re good roast with pear, or a little mint jelly.

SmutBoffin February 3, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Wow. Thanks for the nightmare fuel.

gurukalehuru February 3, 2010 at 3:51 pm

[re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: Fuck if I know

Alexander the Large February 3, 2010 at 3:53 pm

Why do I feel so hungry and compelled to engage in illicit satanic ritual?

StrangelyBrown February 3, 2010 at 3:55 pm

This is the worst episode of Doctor Who I’ve ever seen.

Mapmonger February 3, 2010 at 3:56 pm

[re=506904]Minnie Mean[/re]: YES YES YES

JadedDIssonance February 3, 2010 at 3:57 pm

[re=506829]JadedDIssonance[/re]: Stupid.

Insert Sheeple Comment Here.

Elephants Gerald February 3, 2010 at 4:01 pm

[re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: It rhymes with Al Pacino – ATTICA!!!!!! ATTICA!!!!!!!!!

Berkeley Bear February 3, 2010 at 4:02 pm

[re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: fu chino is my guess, like cappucino. Look for it on the menu at your local Starbucks, with extra creamy foam.

Darkness February 3, 2010 at 4:02 pm

The Brooklyn accent on the voice over only adds to the general non-sequitur.

I-man February 3, 2010 at 4:12 pm

I officially hate California and anything connected to it. Oh who am I kidding the end was pure crazy awesomeness.

Hedley Lamar February 3, 2010 at 4:16 pm

Well, she’ll get the furry vote.

Gun-toting Progressive February 3, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Man! The Superbowl commercials really suck this year.

AxmxZ February 3, 2010 at 4:19 pm

TUMBLING SHEEP RED ALERT! TUMBLING SHEEP RED ALERT!!

DoktorZoom February 3, 2010 at 4:23 pm

I knew I’d seen this candidate somewhere before.

AxmxZ February 3, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Cue Verdi’s a ‘Da Vinci Code’-esque choir intoning: “In-ter o-ves lo-cuni praesta, Et ab hae-dis me se-que-stra…”

thesheriffisnear February 3, 2010 at 4:28 pm

All I could think of was the Woody Allen movie, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex… when Gene Wilder tried to fuck the sheep. Now I know that isn’t the message it was trying to convey but what the fuck WAS the message it was trying to convey? Just askin’.

ImpureScience February 3, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Tom Campbell is apparently that most dangerous of animals, a clever sheep.

ms_mcgee February 3, 2010 at 4:29 pm

2:38. SHEEPLE!!!

TVarmy February 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Hurr, I’m a corporate sheep.

Way Cool Larry February 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm

That is the greatest fucking political commercial, ever!

The end.

AxmxZ February 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm

[re=506999]AxmxZ[/re]: “locuni”? locum, surely…

Neilist February 3, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Me Mum’s Australian. And I’ve heard WAY TOO MANY STORIES

Way Cool Larry February 3, 2010 at 4:44 pm

[re=506864]J. Robert Oppenheiner[/re]: yeah, almost but not quite. It’s an actor who I can picture but can’t think of the name. But that was easily, the best commercial narration ever.

Neilist February 3, 2010 at 4:47 pm

[Sorry if that last didn't work. Anyway, as I was saying . . . .]

Me Mum’s Australian. And I heard WAY too many bedtime stories about “Mutant Abbo Vampire Sheep,” thank you very much.

Or maybe it was “Sloe Eye, Incredibly Attractive, Coy Sheep”?

Same thing, really . . . to an Australian.

Nigerian Business Executive February 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm

I just got home from the eye doctor with fully dilated pupils. I recommend everyone watch this video in this state. It’s truly a work of art.

TGY February 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm

O-kay.

Hart88 February 3, 2010 at 4:55 pm

needs more midgets to be a David Lynch flick.

Come here a minute February 3, 2010 at 5:01 pm

I think the correct pronunciation is “verkakte”.

Liquid February 3, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Tom Campbell.

Liquid February 3, 2010 at 5:07 pm

The Rat.

Cheney Guevara February 3, 2010 at 5:08 pm

i think sarcasm sounds dumber when it’s conservative

Gunner February 3, 2010 at 5:14 pm

[re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: ef-SEE-no, like FCINO Man. Remember that movie?

marioninnyc February 3, 2010 at 5:19 pm

I’ll never look at livestock the same way again!

lochnessmonster February 3, 2010 at 5:28 pm

Was this done by her high schooler in their TV production class? This is jeuvinile at best.

Curved February 3, 2010 at 5:32 pm

That was fucking wicked retahded! 2:26 – Never Forget!

DoktorZoom February 3, 2010 at 5:59 pm

[re=507009]ImpureScience[/re]: Notice that they don’t so much fly as plummet.

J. Robert Oppenheiner February 3, 2010 at 6:16 pm

That sheep is academy award worthy.

Nigerian Business Executive February 3, 2010 at 6:29 pm

[re=507182]J. Robert Oppenheiner[/re]: Why not? If they can nominate Sandra Bullock, why not some guy dressed up in a possessed sheep sex slave outfit?

Humpback February 3, 2010 at 6:48 pm

A direct quote–”Multi-billion dollar…deficits…will…per…s…ist” !!!!!

DirtyHarriett February 3, 2010 at 6:53 pm

What the hell WAS that? Monstrous, indeed!!

Long Form Def Certificate February 3, 2010 at 7:10 pm

Still not as loathsome as what they wanted to condone with a No on Eight.

/santorum’d

Gopherit February 3, 2010 at 7:22 pm

[re=507161]DoktorZoom[/re]: “I swear to god, I thought they could fly!!!”

LOLqat February 3, 2010 at 7:51 pm

This ad is quite clearly a DSCINO (demon sheep commercial in name only). True demon sheep go barefoot!

Also – Piety. Purity. Wholesome. Cranberry. Sidewalk. Lightbulb. Beelzebub. Locksmith…

the problem child February 3, 2010 at 7:58 pm

That is one baaaad sheep impersonator.

FreshCliches February 3, 2010 at 7:59 pm

I can only hope that the spinning-and-falling-off-the-pedestal sheep was done as homage to a Monty Python-era Terry Gilliam. Where is MST3K when you need them?

Otherwise, I invoke Poe’s Law on this one.

Marlowe February 3, 2010 at 8:07 pm

[re=506902]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Hey, don’t forget the coke and pot party Gov Moonbeam was letting the Eagles run out of the Gov’s mansion.
I still remember that anonymous crap from ABC’s Roone Arledge on behalf of Clinton on the eve of the NY primary 1992.

Beanball February 3, 2010 at 8:44 pm

Even with all the spoilers, I was completely unprepared for 2:29.

Totally awesome, and kudos all around for everyone involved in this triomphe de la fabrication de film.

I eagerly await FCINO, Part II: Snakes In the Motherfuckin’ Senate.

S.Luggo February 3, 2010 at 8:55 pm

[re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: Pronounced:
1. “Hewlett Packard ass fucker”
2. “Oily Taitz”
3. “Santorum-eater”

Meamwhile, back in Sacremento, the Governator plans to do an Enrico IV (wha?) to DC to get more ObamaBucks.

imissopus February 3, 2010 at 9:40 pm

Dear California,

I’m out.

Love,

imissopus

DemmeFatale February 3, 2010 at 9:54 pm

eff-a-chino right?

(The playful Monty Python vibe belies the true horror to come.)

TheRealJimbo February 3, 2010 at 10:12 pm

With all due respect to every other Wonkette commenter, videos like this are funny when they’re from candidates from Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, New Jersey, Upstate New York, Minnesota, Montana and Arizona. But when it originates from my home state, all I can thing is “Jesus, we’re no better than them.”

Hooray For Anything February 3, 2010 at 10:43 pm

[re=507285]Marlowe[/re]: I forgot about him hanging out with the Eagles. I hate the fucking Eagles. I dislike the idea of Brown winning so much I would have happily voted for Newsom and as I live in San Francisco, I’m fully aware of the fact he sucks

[re=507305]Beanball[/re]: I’ve had it with these motherfucking FCINO’s in this motherfucking state

NYNYNY February 4, 2010 at 12:26 am

I loved that. That was so worth watching. Of couse, I’m insane.

simpethesis February 4, 2010 at 12:36 am

2:48ish is money. Good to know its some type of crazy vegan wolf in sheep clothing. Damn California hippies. Get your tree hugging furry fetish off my lawn.

Smoke Filled Roommate February 4, 2010 at 12:59 am

[re=507108]Gunner[/re]: I agree– “eff-see-no”.

Lascauxcaveman February 4, 2010 at 1:05 am

[re=507273]LOLqat[/re]: Piety. Purity. Wholesome. Cranberry. Sidewalk. Lightbulb. Beelzebub. Locksmith…

You, sir, are a genius.

Grumpy Old Man February 4, 2010 at 1:09 am

[re=506821]Larry Fine[/re]: Don’t you mean cowboys eating pudding?

Weeping Jesus February 4, 2010 at 3:49 am

I’m not forming an opinion until I get Palin’s take on this.

teebob2000 February 4, 2010 at 7:32 am

[re=506817]agentstinky[/re]: You mean Eraserhead? It’s not an alien baby, moran, it’s fucking retarded.

plowman February 4, 2010 at 7:39 am

If that’s the kind of political speach unlimited corporate money gets us then bring it on, wheeeeeee!

Captain Swing February 4, 2010 at 7:41 am

I thought the sheep falling from the pedestal was a metaphor for HP under her stewardship.

Hey, Cargoyle- Rather than using sheep in your Z grade video on teh Youtubes, why not use rhinos instead? I mean, anyone who would stand for public office after almost running one of the world’s top companies into the ground, rather than slink quietly into luxurious obscurity – financed by the huge check said company gave you to get the fuck outta Dodge – has to have a thick hide, right?

La Cieca February 4, 2010 at 7:49 am

“Highpoint is de-coffinated, and the flavah’s maavehlous!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu66EDMxAbI

teebob2000 February 4, 2010 at 8:30 am

Sooo… how do you cut that down to a 30-second spot and still capture the furry grandeur?

rebellitor February 4, 2010 at 9:10 am

At least we’re all in agreement that they’re sheep.

Ruhe February 4, 2010 at 9:16 am

So being a sheep is good?

frumious_bandersnatch February 4, 2010 at 11:29 am

[re=507273]LOLqat[/re]: Also – Piety. Purity. Wholesome. Cranberry. Sidewalk. Lightbulb. Beelzebub. Locksmith…

Honestly, it kinda freaks me out when I come to Wonkette and read comments that are this obscure and this perfect–like somehow you’re all maybe hiding under my bed. Which is actually fine, as long as you don’t mess with my sheep suit.

Mauver February 4, 2010 at 11:47 am

I think of FCINO as italian or something; it’s a fa-chino.

scotack February 4, 2010 at 12:58 pm

leaving but one way to fall.

avoidinggradingpapers February 4, 2010 at 1:24 pm

[re=507652]scotack[/re]: I pondered that for a long time. Really, what are the options? There are options?

tunamelt February 5, 2010 at 1:42 am

I have got to move out of this state.

Mr Blifil February 5, 2010 at 11:53 am

Why did Gene Simmons agree to do the voiceover?

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