involving devilish man-sheep

Official Carly Fiorina Video Wins Current Hour Of Internet

OH MY GOD “Carlyfornia” Senate candidate Carly Fiorina has struck again on the Internet and the results are monstrous. It’s best at the beginning and end, especially the end, picking up steam at exactly 2:26. “2:26″ is the absolute most terrifying second of video on YouTube since the most recently uploaded clip of Roger Ailes. [YouTube]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • agentstinky

    Jesus, did David Lynch direct this shit? That was more terrifying than the alien baby thing.

  • Larry Fine

    Shouldn’t their be cowboys humping each other in this video?

  • V572625694

    Is the big china dildo supposed to be Tom Campbell, whoever the fuck Tom Campbell might be?

  • sanantonerose

    HOLY CRAP. I watched with the sound off and it was terrifying! I did enjoy the sheep falling off the pedestal, though.

  • JadedDIssonance
  • give us a bob

    I thought folks had learned from the last time someone included livestock in their campaign ads:

    http://wonkette.com/411667/georgia-gov-candidate-produces-citizen-kane-esque-technical-breakthrough-of-our-time

    As for the laser-eyed thingy, it’s clearly a jawa in sheep’s clothing.

  • Flanders

    The Sheep. The Ox. The Rat.

  • MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    Uh, is that a wolf in sheep’s clothing or what?

  • Hooray For Anything

    That could easily be described as “The Wicker Man” of political ads. Or maybe “the Room”- I haven’t made my mind up

  • Flanders

    OH MY FUCKING GOD

    2:26

  • SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    Hey, this man LITERALLY set the stage for the recent decline, and LITERALLY helped put California on the path to bankruptcy! Only a furry with glowing red eyes could possibly do something that evil at a theater or hiking trail near you.

  • hughman

    donnie darko is a socialist commie. the end.

  • gurukalehuru

    Good lord. She’s the craziest Republican candidate for governor of California since Arianna Huffington. Arnold isn’t even in the running.

  • Skwerl Nutz

    Better than a David Lynch movie.

  • Noonan

    Somebody with ‘puter skillz needs to make some animated gifs of that thing turning its head. Very, very promising stuff.

  • gurukalehuru

    Is 2:26 the new 9/11? Because I’m cool with that.

  • Extemporanus

    I’ll be baaahhhk!

  • FMA

    So is this her way of wooing the furry zooiphile vote?

  • BlueStateLibtard

    Look, she almost wrecked Hewlett-Packard, just like Dubya wrecked several companies and an entire country, what’s not to like?

  • Scruffy_The_Janitor

    I suppose Tom Campbell fuc$*&* all those sheeps and is not willing to sign a pledge not to do it again!!!!

  • J. Robert Oppenheiner

    You can hear the blood dripping from the narrator’s voice. Speaking of which, sounds a bit like Judd Hirsch doesn’t it?

  • Buzz Feedback

    Pass the muthafukkin mint jelly.

  • Aurelio

    [re=506854]Extemporanus[/re]: Yes, she’s ba-ack. Once you get into that circuit, there’s always a new opportunity for you no matter how much you screw up.

  • Gopherit

    Jesus fuck. I still hate living in Arizona, but our GOP doesn’t bring the crazy like Cali conservatives. I’m pretty sure that falling sheep was a Lucifer metaphor. Klassy.

    Hey, Fiorina…..you might not want to mention that you have free time to run for office after driving HP into the ground like a railroad spike.
    Just saying. Keep the freaky sheep though. That’s awesome.

    And what, no “pulling the wool over your eyes” references?

  • DickRod

    “The power of Christ compels you!”

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    2:26
    Never Forget!!1!!one!!

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=506826]sanantonerose[/re]: Pedestal? I thought it was a vibrator in turbo-drive.

  • Another DC Lawyer (Again)

    Holy shit…this is fucking terrifying…going to have nightmares tonight. Also, how did the get Orson Welles to comeback and do the narration in his scary Nostradomus movie voice…the one where in 1984 he said the world would end in 1997…

  • Flanders

    There is so much to appreciate, so much material. The sheep zooming up on the pedestal, though…what is she insinuating there? It is a little alarming, a little erotic.

  • WadISay

    FWIW, the sheep at 1:46 was the cutest.

  • TH42

    [re=506826]sanantonerose[/re]: I know! It’s actually SCARIER with the sound off. The worst part is the first 2:25 really gives no indication of how scary it is going to get.

  • Mad Brahms

    Holy fuck! It’s a T-1000 in a Hannibal Lector mask!

    Seriously, what the hell was that? And “FCINO”? Yeah, made up acronyms are great. The “common people” really love them.

  • The Church of Realism

    [re=506878]bitchincamaro[/re]: Yep upside-down fake dong cannot support a falling fiscal sheep…wait, what?

  • The Church of Realism

    The only thing that could have made this thing any better was if the sheep bleated “I’ve been baaaaaaad” as it fell.

  • WadISay

    I am a little confused by the underlying market research and creative here. Do fiscal conservatives really see themselves as sheep? So that makes the lefties the ravening wolves; mmmm, delicious sheep, cool beans!

  • Jim89048

    Sheep lie!

  • ElitistMarxist

    [re=506846]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Someone LITERALLY designed that costume for that setting. Someone should LITERALLY never be given a job in costume design again.

  • hedgehog

    Sheep + Wonkette = Buttseks

  • ElitistMarxist

    Oh, and I think Bizarro Keith Olbermann LITERALLY did that voice-over. Also.

  • edgydrifter

    So she’s explicitly portraying her constituents as gullible sheeple. That’s awesomely, unconsciously, brutal. Naturally, none of them will get it.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=506886]Mad Brahms[/re]: FCINO– just rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it?

    As a Californian, all I can say is I really dread the upcoming Gubernatorial race. It’s going to be race between an 80 year old Democrat who was Governor almost 40 years and is most famous for banging Linday Ronstand, helping Prop 13 pass, and having the nickname “Governor Moonbeam” versus either somebody who destroyed a well known brand and got in trouble with the Feds, somebody whose never voted in an election before, and apparently a furry.

  • Minnie Mean

    file under: Halloween costume ideas

  • One Yield Regular

    It’s as though the California Livestock Council has produced its own version of “Henry V,” what with the dread and martial music and all the shots of fields.

    Also, how does one pronounce “FCINO”?

  • ladymacbeth

    i was waiting for rahm to show up. that would be some scary ass shepherding.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=506826]sanantonerose[/re]: Me too! When I wasn’t ‘holy fuck’ing in sheer terror, I couldn’t stop laughing..

  • irisheyesagain

    Holy Fuck. That cannot be real. Somebody tell me it’s a joke.

    Also-is that not the best campaign slogan ever? “Might there be a better choice?” Anything that ends with a question mark is a sure-fire winner!

  • Shmoopty

    I will vote for anyone who can create a budget that will LITERALLY SET A STAGE.

  • ElitistMarxist

    [re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: FuCk I dunNO

  • Tommmcatt

    [re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]:

    “For he today who screws a sheep with me shall be my brother,
    Be he ne’er so vile, this day shall gussy-up his wool,
    and gentlemen in farmyards now abed shall think themselves acursed they were not here,
    and hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks,
    that screwed with us upon St. Crispin’s day!”

  • Extemporanus

    [re=506821]Larry Fine[/re]: I wish I knew how to quit ewe!

    [re=506869]Aurelio[/re]: I was wondering how one might spell a sheep saying the word “back”.

    In retrospect, my otherwise brilliantly pithy comment loses something due to the fact that I spelled “back” exactly the same way Ahhhnold says it, thereby diluting the very witty sheep-cum-Terminator “Governator” reference.

  • FMA

    [re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: Finocchio? Actually, finocchio is Dago slang for “gay.”

  • Minnie Mean

    [re=506902]Hooray For Anything[/re]: reminds me of the Dead Kennedy’s classic hit: California Uber Alles – “You will croak, you little clown / When you mess with President Brown” Maybe Jello Biafra can be Jerry’s campaign manager. Good times!

  • bhosp

    Reminds me of “The Village”.

  • JMP

    [re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: It most naturally reads as “fukino,” either another sign of marketing cluelessness or an incredibly sophisticated attempt at subliminal advertising.

    Or in particle physics, it could be the hypothetical super-partner of a fuck; or super-fuck.

  • 4tehlulz

    YIFF IN HELL TOM CAMPBELL

  • Tommmcatt

    [re=506928]bhosp[/re]:

    So does her platform.

    ZING!

  • frailamerica

    Never go behind Winkies!

  • chaste everywhere

    [re=506917]Tommmcatt[/re]: Don’t forget the part where they strip and show their scars.

    Governor Brownagain. I be countin’ the daze.

  • snideinplainsight

    Conservatives – they’re good roast with pear, or a little mint jelly.

  • SmutBoffin

    Wow. Thanks for the nightmare fuel.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: Fuck if I know

  • Alexander the Large

    Why do I feel so hungry and compelled to engage in illicit satanic ritual?

  • StrangelyBrown

    This is the worst episode of Doctor Who I’ve ever seen.

  • Mapmonger

    [re=506904]Minnie Mean[/re]: YES YES YES

  • JadedDIssonance

    [re=506829]JadedDIssonance[/re]: Stupid.

    Insert Sheeple Comment Here.

  • Elephants Gerald

    [re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: It rhymes with Al Pacino – ATTICA!!!!!! ATTICA!!!!!!!!!

  • Berkeley Bear

    [re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: fu chino is my guess, like cappucino. Look for it on the menu at your local Starbucks, with extra creamy foam.

  • Darkness

    The Brooklyn accent on the voice over only adds to the general non-sequitur.

  • I-man

    I officially hate California and anything connected to it. Oh who am I kidding the end was pure crazy awesomeness.

  • Hedley Lamar

    Well, she’ll get the furry vote.

  • Gun-toting Progressive

    Man! The Superbowl commercials really suck this year.

  • AxmxZ

    TUMBLING SHEEP RED ALERT! TUMBLING SHEEP RED ALERT!!

  • DoktorZoom

    I knew I’d seen this candidate somewhere before.

  • AxmxZ

    Cue Verdi’s a ‘Da Vinci Code’-esque choir intoning: “In-ter o-ves lo-cuni praesta, Et ab hae-dis me se-que-stra…”

  • thesheriffisnear

    All I could think of was the Woody Allen movie, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex… when Gene Wilder tried to fuck the sheep. Now I know that isn’t the message it was trying to convey but what the fuck WAS the message it was trying to convey? Just askin’.

  • ImpureScience

    Tom Campbell is apparently that most dangerous of animals, a clever sheep.

  • ms_mcgee

    2:38. SHEEPLE!!!

  • TVarmy

    Hurr, I’m a corporate sheep.

  • Way Cool Larry

    That is the greatest fucking political commercial, ever!

    The end.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=506999]AxmxZ[/re]: “locuni”? locum, surely…

  • Neilist

    Me Mum’s Australian. And I’ve heard WAY TOO MANY STORIES

  • Way Cool Larry

    [re=506864]J. Robert Oppenheiner[/re]: yeah, almost but not quite. It’s an actor who I can picture but can’t think of the name. But that was easily, the best commercial narration ever.

  • Neilist

    [Sorry if that last didn’t work. Anyway, as I was saying . . . .]

    Me Mum’s Australian. And I heard WAY too many bedtime stories about “Mutant Abbo Vampire Sheep,” thank you very much.

    Or maybe it was “Sloe Eye, Incredibly Attractive, Coy Sheep”?

    Same thing, really . . . to an Australian.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    I just got home from the eye doctor with fully dilated pupils. I recommend everyone watch this video in this state. It’s truly a work of art.

  • TGY

    O-kay.

  • Hart88

    needs more midgets to be a David Lynch flick.

  • Come here a minute

    I think the correct pronunciation is “verkakte”.

  • Liquid

    Tom Campbell.

  • Liquid

    The Rat.

  • Cheney Guevara

    i think sarcasm sounds dumber when it’s conservative

  • Gunner

    [re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: ef-SEE-no, like FCINO Man. Remember that movie?

  • marioninnyc

    I’ll never look at livestock the same way again!

  • lochnessmonster

    Was this done by her high schooler in their TV production class? This is jeuvinile at best.

  • Curved

    That was fucking wicked retahded! 2:26 – Never Forget!

  • DoktorZoom

    [re=507009]ImpureScience[/re]: Notice that they don’t so much fly as plummet.

  • J. Robert Oppenheiner

    That sheep is academy award worthy.

  • Nigerian Business Executive

    [re=507182]J. Robert Oppenheiner[/re]: Why not? If they can nominate Sandra Bullock, why not some guy dressed up in a possessed sheep sex slave outfit?

  • Humpback

    A direct quote–“Multi-billion dollar…deficits…will…per…s…ist” !!!!!

  • DirtyHarriett

    What the hell WAS that? Monstrous, indeed!!

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    Still not as loathsome as what they wanted to condone with a No on Eight.

    /santorum’d

  • Gopherit

    [re=507161]DoktorZoom[/re]: “I swear to god, I thought they could fly!!!”

  • LOLqat

    This ad is quite clearly a DSCINO (demon sheep commercial in name only). True demon sheep go barefoot!

    Also – Piety. Purity. Wholesome. Cranberry. Sidewalk. Lightbulb. Beelzebub. Locksmith…

  • the problem child

    That is one baaaad sheep impersonator.

  • FreshCliches

    I can only hope that the spinning-and-falling-off-the-pedestal sheep was done as homage to a Monty Python-era Terry Gilliam. Where is MST3K when you need them?

    Otherwise, I invoke Poe’s Law on this one.

  • Marlowe

    [re=506902]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Hey, don’t forget the coke and pot party Gov Moonbeam was letting the Eagles run out of the Gov’s mansion.
    I still remember that anonymous crap from ABC’s Roone Arledge on behalf of Clinton on the eve of the NY primary 1992.

  • Beanball

    Even with all the spoilers, I was completely unprepared for 2:29.

    Totally awesome, and kudos all around for everyone involved in this triomphe de la fabrication de film.

    I eagerly await FCINO, Part II: Snakes In the Motherfuckin’ Senate.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=506905]One Yield Regular[/re]: Pronounced:
    1. “Hewlett Packard ass fucker”
    2. “Oily Taitz”
    3. “Santorum-eater”

    Meamwhile, back in Sacremento, the Governator plans to do an Enrico IV (wha?) to DC to get more ObamaBucks.

  • imissopus

    Dear California,

    I’m out.

    Love,

    imissopus

  • DemmeFatale

    eff-a-chino right?

    (The playful Monty Python vibe belies the true horror to come.)

  • TheRealJimbo

    With all due respect to every other Wonkette commenter, videos like this are funny when they’re from candidates from Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, New Jersey, Upstate New York, Minnesota, Montana and Arizona. But when it originates from my home state, all I can thing is “Jesus, we’re no better than them.”

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=507285]Marlowe[/re]: I forgot about him hanging out with the Eagles. I hate the fucking Eagles. I dislike the idea of Brown winning so much I would have happily voted for Newsom and as I live in San Francisco, I’m fully aware of the fact he sucks

    [re=507305]Beanball[/re]: I’ve had it with these motherfucking FCINO’s in this motherfucking state

  • NYNYNY

    I loved that. That was so worth watching. Of couse, I’m insane.

  • simpethesis

    2:48ish is money. Good to know its some type of crazy vegan wolf in sheep clothing. Damn California hippies. Get your tree hugging furry fetish off my lawn.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=507108]Gunner[/re]: I agree– “eff-see-no”.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=507273]LOLqat[/re]: Piety. Purity. Wholesome. Cranberry. Sidewalk. Lightbulb. Beelzebub. Locksmith…

    You, sir, are a genius.

  • Grumpy Old Man

    [re=506821]Larry Fine[/re]: Don’t you mean cowboys eating pudding?

  • Weeping Jesus

    I’m not forming an opinion until I get Palin’s take on this.

  • teebob2000

    [re=506817]agentstinky[/re]: You mean Eraserhead? It’s not an alien baby, moran, it’s fucking retarded.

  • plowman

    If that’s the kind of political speach unlimited corporate money gets us then bring it on, wheeeeeee!

  • Captain Swing

    I thought the sheep falling from the pedestal was a metaphor for HP under her stewardship.

    Hey, Cargoyle- Rather than using sheep in your Z grade video on teh Youtubes, why not use rhinos instead? I mean, anyone who would stand for public office after almost running one of the world’s top companies into the ground, rather than slink quietly into luxurious obscurity – financed by the huge check said company gave you to get the fuck outta Dodge – has to have a thick hide, right?

  • La Cieca

    “Highpoint is de-coffinated, and the flavah’s maavehlous!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu66EDMxAbI

  • teebob2000

    Sooo… how do you cut that down to a 30-second spot and still capture the furry grandeur?

  • rebellitor

    At least we’re all in agreement that they’re sheep.

  • Ruhe

    So being a sheep is good?

  • frumious_bandersnatch

    [re=507273]LOLqat[/re]: Also – Piety. Purity. Wholesome. Cranberry. Sidewalk. Lightbulb. Beelzebub. Locksmith…

    Honestly, it kinda freaks me out when I come to Wonkette and read comments that are this obscure and this perfect–like somehow you’re all maybe hiding under my bed. Which is actually fine, as long as you don’t mess with my sheep suit.

  • Mauver

    I think of FCINO as italian or something; it’s a fa-chino.

  • scotack

    leaving but one way to fall.

  • avoidinggradingpapers

    [re=507652]scotack[/re]: I pondered that for a long time. Really, what are the options? There are options?

  • tunamelt

    I have got to move out of this state.

  • Mr Blifil

    Why did Gene Simmons agree to do the voiceover?