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OH MY GOD “Carlyfornia” Senate candidate Carly Fiorina has struck again on the Internet and the results are monstrous. It’s best at the beginning and end, especially the end, picking up steam at exactly 2:26. “2:26″ is the absolute most terrifying second of video on YouTube since the most recently uploaded clip of Roger Ailes. [YouTube]
2:33 PM
on Wed February 3 2010
By
Jim Newell
20628 Views
Wonkette
Jesus, did David Lynch direct this shit? That was more terrifying than the alien baby thing.
Shouldn’t their be cowboys humping each other in this video?
Is the big china dildo supposed to be Tom Campbell, whoever the fuck Tom Campbell might be?
HOLY CRAP. I watched with the sound off and it was terrifying! I did enjoy the sheep falling off the pedestal, though.
I thought folks had learned from the last time someone included livestock in their campaign ads:
http://wonkette.com/411667/georgia-gov-candidate-produces-citizen-kane-esque-technical-breakthrough-of-our-time
As for the laser-eyed thingy, it’s clearly a jawa in sheep’s clothing.
The Sheep. The Ox. The Rat.
Uh, is that a wolf in sheep’s clothing or what?
That could easily be described as “The Wicker Man” of political ads. Or maybe “the Room”- I haven’t made my mind up
OH MY FUCKING GOD
2:26
Hey, this man LITERALLY set the stage for the recent decline, and LITERALLY helped put California on the path to bankruptcy! Only a furry with glowing red eyes could possibly do something that evil at a theater or hiking trail near you.
donnie darko is a socialist commie. the end.
Good lord. She’s the craziest Republican candidate for governor of California since Arianna Huffington. Arnold isn’t even in the running.
Better than a David Lynch movie.
Somebody with ‘puter skillz needs to make some animated gifs of that thing turning its head. Very, very promising stuff.
Is 2:26 the new 9/11? Because I’m cool with that.
I’ll be baaahhhk!
So is this her way of wooing the furry zooiphile vote?
Look, she almost wrecked Hewlett-Packard, just like Dubya wrecked several companies and an entire country, what’s not to like?
I suppose Tom Campbell fuc$*&* all those sheeps and is not willing to sign a pledge not to do it again!!!!
You can hear the blood dripping from the narrator’s voice. Speaking of which, sounds a bit like Judd Hirsch doesn’t it?
Pass the muthafukkin mint jelly.
Extemporanus: Yes, she’s ba-ack. Once you get into that circuit, there’s always a new opportunity for you no matter how much you screw up.
Jesus fuck. I still hate living in Arizona, but our GOP doesn’t bring the crazy like Cali conservatives. I’m pretty sure that falling sheep was a Lucifer metaphor. Klassy.
Hey, Fiorina…..you might not want to mention that you have free time to run for office after driving HP into the ground like a railroad spike.
Just saying. Keep the freaky sheep though. That’s awesome.
And what, no “pulling the wool over your eyes” references?
“The power of Christ compels you!”
2:26
Never Forget!!1!!one!!
sanantonerose: Pedestal? I thought it was a vibrator in turbo-drive.
Holy shit…this is fucking terrifying…going to have nightmares tonight. Also, how did the get Orson Welles to comeback and do the narration in his scary Nostradomus movie voice…the one where in 1984 he said the world would end in 1997…
There is so much to appreciate, so much material. The sheep zooming up on the pedestal, though…what is she insinuating there? It is a little alarming, a little erotic.
FWIW, the sheep at 1:46 was the cutest.
sanantonerose: I know! It’s actually SCARIER with the sound off. The worst part is the first 2:25 really gives no indication of how scary it is going to get.
Holy fuck! It’s a T-1000 in a Hannibal Lector mask!
Seriously, what the hell was that? And “FCINO”? Yeah, made up acronyms are great. The “common people” really love them.
bitchincamaro: Yep upside-down fake dong cannot support a falling fiscal sheep…wait, what?
The only thing that could have made this thing any better was if the sheep bleated “I’ve been baaaaaaad” as it fell.
I am a little confused by the underlying market research and creative here. Do fiscal conservatives really see themselves as sheep? So that makes the lefties the ravening wolves; mmmm, delicious sheep, cool beans!
Sheep lie!
SlouchingTowardsWasilla: Someone LITERALLY designed that costume for that setting. Someone should LITERALLY never be given a job in costume design again.
Sheep + Wonkette = Buttseks
Oh, and I think Bizarro Keith Olbermann LITERALLY did that voice-over. Also.
So she’s explicitly portraying her constituents as gullible sheeple. That’s awesomely, unconsciously, brutal. Naturally, none of them will get it.
Mad Brahms: FCINO– just rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it?
As a Californian, all I can say is I really dread the upcoming Gubernatorial race. It’s going to be race between an 80 year old Democrat who was Governor almost 40 years and is most famous for banging Linday Ronstand, helping Prop 13 pass, and having the nickname “Governor Moonbeam” versus either somebody who destroyed a well known brand and got in trouble with the Feds, somebody whose never voted in an election before, and apparently a furry.
file under: Halloween costume ideas
It’s as though the California Livestock Council has produced its own version of “Henry V,” what with the dread and martial music and all the shots of fields.
Also, how does one pronounce “FCINO”?
i was waiting for rahm to show up. that would be some scary ass shepherding.
sanantonerose: Me too! When I wasn’t ‘holy fuck’ing in sheer terror, I couldn’t stop laughing..
Holy Fuck. That cannot be real. Somebody tell me it’s a joke.
Also-is that not the best campaign slogan ever? “Might there be a better choice?” Anything that ends with a question mark is a sure-fire winner!
I will vote for anyone who can create a budget that will LITERALLY SET A STAGE.
One Yield Regular: FuCk I dunNO
One Yield Regular:
“For he today who screws a sheep with me shall be my brother,
Be he ne’er so vile, this day shall gussy-up his wool,
and gentlemen in farmyards now abed shall think themselves acursed they were not here,
and hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks,
that screwed with us upon St. Crispin’s day!”
Larry Fine: I wish I knew how to quit ewe!
Aurelio: I was wondering how one might spell a sheep saying the word “back”.
In retrospect, my otherwise brilliantly pithy comment loses something due to the fact that I spelled “back” exactly the same way Ahhhnold says it, thereby diluting the very witty sheep-cum-Terminator “Governator” reference.
One Yield Regular: Finocchio? Actually, finocchio is Dago slang for “gay.”
Hooray For Anything: reminds me of the Dead Kennedy’s classic hit: California Uber Alles - “You will croak, you little clown / When you mess with President Brown” Maybe Jello Biafra can be Jerry’s campaign manager. Good times!
Reminds me of “The Village”.
One Yield Regular: It most naturally reads as “fukino,” either another sign of marketing cluelessness or an incredibly sophisticated attempt at subliminal advertising.
Or in particle physics, it could be the hypothetical super-partner of a fuck; or super-fuck.
YIFF IN HELL TOM CAMPBELL
bhosp:
So does her platform.
ZING!
Never go behind Winkies!
Tommmcatt: Don’t forget the part where they strip and show their scars.
Governor Brownagain. I be countin’ the daze.
Conservatives - they’re good roast with pear, or a little mint jelly.
Wow. Thanks for the nightmare fuel.
One Yield Regular: Fuck if I know
Why do I feel so hungry and compelled to engage in illicit satanic ritual?
This is the worst episode of Doctor Who I’ve ever seen.
Minnie Mean: YES YES YES
JadedDIssonance: Stupid.
Insert Sheeple Comment Here.
One Yield Regular: It rhymes with Al Pacino - ATTICA!!!!!! ATTICA!!!!!!!!!
One Yield Regular: fu chino is my guess, like cappucino. Look for it on the menu at your local Starbucks, with extra creamy foam.
The Brooklyn accent on the voice over only adds to the general non-sequitur.
I officially hate California and anything connected to it. Oh who am I kidding the end was pure crazy awesomeness.
Well, she’ll get the furry vote.
Man! The Superbowl commercials really suck this year.
TUMBLING SHEEP RED ALERT! TUMBLING SHEEP RED ALERT!!
I knew I’d seen this candidate somewhere before.
Cue Verdi’s a ‘Da Vinci Code’-esque choir intoning: “In-ter o-ves lo-cuni praesta, Et ab hae-dis me se-que-stra…”
All I could think of was the Woody Allen movie, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex… when Gene Wilder tried to fuck the sheep. Now I know that isn’t the message it was trying to convey but what the fuck WAS the message it was trying to convey? Just askin’.
Tom Campbell is apparently that most dangerous of animals, a clever sheep.
2:38. SHEEPLE!!!
Hurr, I’m a corporate sheep.
That is the greatest fucking political commercial, ever!
The end.
AxmxZ: “locuni”? locum, surely…
Me Mum’s Australian. And I’ve heard WAY TOO MANY STORIES
J. Robert Oppenheiner: yeah, almost but not quite. It’s an actor who I can picture but can’t think of the name. But that was easily, the best commercial narration ever.
[Sorry if that last didn't work. Anyway, as I was saying . . . .]
Me Mum’s Australian. And I heard WAY too many bedtime stories about “Mutant Abbo Vampire Sheep,” thank you very much.
Or maybe it was “Sloe Eye, Incredibly Attractive, Coy Sheep”?
Same thing, really . . . to an Australian.
I just got home from the eye doctor with fully dilated pupils. I recommend everyone watch this video in this state. It’s truly a work of art.
O-kay.
needs more midgets to be a David Lynch flick.
I think the correct pronunciation is “verkakte”.
Tom Campbell.
The Rat.
i think sarcasm sounds dumber when it’s conservative
One Yield Regular: ef-SEE-no, like FCINO Man. Remember that movie?
I’ll never look at livestock the same way again!
Was this done by her high schooler in their TV production class? This is jeuvinile at best.
That was fucking wicked retahded! 2:26 - Never Forget!
ImpureScience: Notice that they don’t so much fly as plummet.
That sheep is academy award worthy.
J. Robert Oppenheiner: Why not? If they can nominate Sandra Bullock, why not some guy dressed up in a possessed sheep sex slave outfit?
A direct quote–”Multi-billion dollar…deficits…will…per…s…ist” !!!!!
What the hell WAS that? Monstrous, indeed!!
Still not as loathsome as what they wanted to condone with a No on Eight.
/santorum’d
DoktorZoom: “I swear to god, I thought they could fly!!!”
This ad is quite clearly a DSCINO (demon sheep commercial in name only). True demon sheep go barefoot!
Also - Piety. Purity. Wholesome. Cranberry. Sidewalk. Lightbulb. Beelzebub. Locksmith…
That is one baaaad sheep impersonator.
I can only hope that the spinning-and-falling-off-the-pedestal sheep was done as homage to a Monty Python-era Terry Gilliam. Where is MST3K when you need them?
Otherwise, I invoke Poe’s Law on this one.
Hooray For Anything: Hey, don’t forget the coke and pot party Gov Moonbeam was letting the Eagles run out of the Gov’s mansion.
I still remember that anonymous crap from ABC’s Roone Arledge on behalf of Clinton on the eve of the NY primary 1992.
Even with all the spoilers, I was completely unprepared for 2:29.
Totally awesome, and kudos all around for everyone involved in this triomphe de la fabrication de film.
I eagerly await FCINO, Part II: Snakes In the Motherfuckin’ Senate.
One Yield Regular: Pronounced:
1. “Hewlett Packard ass fucker”
2. “Oily Taitz”
3. “Santorum-eater”
Meamwhile, back in Sacremento, the Governator plans to do an Enrico IV (wha?) to DC to get more ObamaBucks.
Dear California,
I’m out.
Love,
imissopus
eff-a-chino right?
(The playful Monty Python vibe belies the true horror to come.)
With all due respect to every other Wonkette commenter, videos like this are funny when they’re from candidates from Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, New Jersey, Upstate New York, Minnesota, Montana and Arizona. But when it originates from my home state, all I can thing is “Jesus, we’re no better than them.”
Marlowe: I forgot about him hanging out with the Eagles. I hate the fucking Eagles. I dislike the idea of Brown winning so much I would have happily voted for Newsom and as I live in San Francisco, I’m fully aware of the fact he sucks
Beanball: I’ve had it with these motherfucking FCINO’s in this motherfucking state
I loved that. That was so worth watching. Of couse, I’m insane.
2:48ish is money. Good to know its some type of crazy vegan wolf in sheep clothing. Damn California hippies. Get your tree hugging furry fetish off my lawn.
Gunner: I agree– “eff-see-no”.
LOLqat: Piety. Purity. Wholesome. Cranberry. Sidewalk. Lightbulb. Beelzebub. Locksmith…
You, sir, are a genius.
Larry Fine: Don’t you mean cowboys eating pudding?
I’m not forming an opinion until I get Palin’s take on this.
agentstinky: You mean Eraserhead? It’s not an alien baby, moran, it’s fucking retarded.
If that’s the kind of political speach unlimited corporate money gets us then bring it on, wheeeeeee!
I thought the sheep falling from the pedestal was a metaphor for HP under her stewardship.
Hey, Cargoyle- Rather than using sheep in your Z grade video on teh Youtubes, why not use rhinos instead? I mean, anyone who would stand for public office after almost running one of the world’s top companies into the ground, rather than slink quietly into luxurious obscurity - financed by the huge check said company gave you to get the fuck outta Dodge - has to have a thick hide, right?
“Highpoint is de-coffinated, and the flavah’s maavehlous!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu66EDMxAbI
Sooo… how do you cut that down to a 30-second spot and still capture the furry grandeur?
At least we’re all in agreement that they’re sheep.
So being a sheep is good?
LOLqat: Also - Piety. Purity. Wholesome. Cranberry. Sidewalk. Lightbulb. Beelzebub. Locksmith…
Honestly, it kinda freaks me out when I come to Wonkette and read comments that are this obscure and this perfect–like somehow you’re all maybe hiding under my bed. Which is actually fine, as long as you don’t mess with my sheep suit.
I think of FCINO as italian or something; it’s a fa-chino.
leaving but one way to fall.
scotack: I pondered that for a long time. Really, what are the options? There are options?
I have got to move out of this state.
Why did Gene Simmons agree to do the voiceover?