Dennis Hastert, you remember this comically repellent monster? Once he was a Speaker of the House, and then he resigned to go work in George W. Bush’s secret cryogenics laboratory where he toils to this day trying to make the Earth’s largest dildo out of recycled human organs. Anyway, Hastert has a son who wanted to run for Congress, but now he can’t, because he lost in the GOP primary yesterday.
When Denny Hastert resigned from Congress in the wake of the whole “Mark Foley sent dirty text messages to teenaged boys because of alcoholism” scandal, a Democrat won his seat in a special election. Denny’s son, Ethan, wanted to defeat that Democrat, maybe for Honor?
Illinois state Sen. Randy Hultgren has defeated attorney Ethan Hastert in the race to face Rep. Bill Foster (D-Ill.).
Hultgren’s win Tuesday came at the expense of the Hastert legacy. Ethan Hastert is the son of former House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.), who resigned the seat in 2008 before Foster won it in a special election. He was favored heading into Tuesday.
Two funniest words in the English language: “Hastert legacy.”
Hultgren upends Hastert [The Hill]
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Bye Grimace!
It’s almost as if the Bush legacy has made Americans wary of turning our public offices into informal noble estates to be passed along to whatever cretinous hemophiliac has been spawned by the current set of sociopathic frauds running our country.
Ethan? That’s not a good downstate name. You some sort of queer, boy?
About time too.
The scene looked a lot like this:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_0viO-Dm52sM/SN_4pmMwjdI/AAAAAAAAJnU/Xvdq0Vry9u0/s400/LeiaStranglesJabba.jpg
Really, if anyone deserved to be named Dick Swett……
This is good news for Rand Paul.
So first we’ve got the Iranians turtles in space program, now here’s a mention of Bill Foster (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Goliath) running for reelection in Congress. Today is apparently comic book-related news day at Wonkette.
(Though how can Dr. Foster be in Congress when he was killed by the Thor clone a few years ago?)
At least he has his looks and health.
Dynasty, actually.
Dennis and Ethan Hasbeen
It didn’t help that the big thing on Ethan Hastert’s resume, besides being a Chicago lawyer, was having been an assistant to Dick Cheney.
I thought the Hastert Legacy was sausage-blocked arteries?
Hastert Legacy: Mark Foley’s cum stains on Senate page’s pants?
Whenever I see a picture of Hastert, I think gee, he looks like the biggest, dumbest high school gym teacher ever. Then I remember that’s what he really was before becoming one of the most powerful people in Congress.
Said it before, said it again: Democracy doesn’t work!
[re=506528]JMP[/re]: Or, since the parenthesis apparently fucked up the link, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Goliath
Strangled in a crib? Shouldn’t they be drowning it in a bathtub? I think I have VMF (violent metaphor fatigue).
And the two most disgusting words on the planet are “Hultgren upends Hastert.” And yes, The Hill actually made that the headline. So now I’m off my food, and I need to lose a couple two tree pounds (as they say in parts of Stamford), so that’s good.
Sorry, fellow libtards, I’m ‘fraid Illinoise is the next blue-to-red state conversion, and Obama’s ex-seat to boot. This fall ain’t gonna be pretty unless the preznit can get his mojo back.
Otherwise we’ll have to rely on the old fall-back, “Chicago-style politics as usual”…
>>Hultgren upends Hastert
Heh heh.
In the linked picture above, Bush and Hastert look like bad actors playing the villain’s stooges in a Superman movie. They will be killed about ten minutes after they appear on screen.
[re=506544]Scaggsville guy[/re]: “Those who can do, those who can’t teach,those who can’t teach coach”
Another nail in the coffin of political families. Yay!
I thought the Hastert legacy was teaching wrestling to young boys and covering up pedophilic stalking by one’s cronies. If that’s not redundant.
[re=506571]Come here a minute[/re]: Is there a piano crate large enough to serve as a coffin for Dennis Hastert?
Dennis Hastert has a son?! I thought that campaign manager he shared his DC apartment with was a man!
[re=506584]donner_froh[/re]: Meh, it’s been done…
http://en.allexperts.com/e/r/ro/robert_earl_hughes.htm
Oswego Comm. High commencement ceremony, ca. June 1999
DENNIS HASTERT: “Wrestling and I know your consumer ed. teacher from wrestling coaching in the 70′s and the principal and something about how I’m the Speaker of the Fucking House but somehow can’t manage to deliver a simple, coherent commencement address that’s not about wrestling or Yorkville or some shit.”
ME: “It is 90 fucking degrees and I am sweating gin. I pray to God your son soils your family legacy by handily losing his primary battle to some turd in ten years and also that you are visited via a comical security breach by a crazed Indian Christian minister, thereby resulting in all your constituents realizing your home looks like a late-term aborted Hallmark.”
God = real
wait! why didn’t i know dennie hastert fought the cover-up over anna nicole smith??? this changes everything.
[re=506560]teebob2000[/re]: well yeah except for the fact that IL has never been deep blue or even all that reliably blue. but yes, the punditocracy will make any repub win a loss for o’bama.
I always knew there was some reason why the Republicans were so adamant about stem cell research. It takes a lot of 2 day old blastulas to make a giant dildo.
I always thought if they made a new Ninja Turtle movie, Denny could snag the role of an elder turtle.
[re=506571]Come here a minute[/re]: If only that would happen
I don’t think that Ethan’s law school drunk driving conviction probably helped much.
Still loving Fat Hastert. Republicans aren’t nearly as funny today as they were then. Some days I even longingly wish for the return of Rick Santorum…
Too bad. ethan hastert is cute. i would like to upend him.
Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Today, we all hastert a sad.
[re=506524]Jim Demintia[/re]: I wish we could get some of that dynasty-avoidance here in New York. We’re not so happy with the current political scion running things (Paterson), so we want Andrew Cuomo to fuck things up instead. Hell, we love dynasties so much Harold Ford Jr. thinks he can get all up in our shit. “Who does this Kirsten Girliebrand think she is,” he asks himself, “getting her plebeian juices all over the Seat of Kennedy and Clinton?”
[re=507275]hunter.blatherer[/re]: Thank G-d Koch and Bloomberg are gay, at least!
& a little bit more of my eighteen-years-old self dies. Has it really been twelve years since Gingrich left office, to be replaced by Livingstone, who was quickly replaced by Hastert after the revelation of Bob’s extramarital dalliances? (Another C Street Success Story!) I remember the College GOP at my campus in the town that birthed the GOP being ecstatic over The Wrestler’s ascendence — “Finally, a real Conservative” — &, well, that didn’t go so well. But it was fun while it lasted.
Brooklyn Zoo! Brooklyn Zoo!
The truth is you can’t stop the Old Dirty Hastert; all you can really do is slow him down.
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