Turtles In Space!

  • Iran shot a rat, two turtles, and a worm into space. (This is what happens when Obama cuts the NASA budget.) [Los Angeles Times]
  • Having fixed the economy and America’s health care problems, President Obama now turns his attention to energy policy. [AP]
  • Admiral Mike Mullen thinks gays should be allowed to serve in the military. Is he aware that there’s a war on? [Wall Street Journal]
  • The president has embarked on a campaign to make Republicans look as dickish as possible for not working with him. [New York Times]
  • Illinois held a primary to determine who shall eventually replace the irreplaceable Senator Roland Burris. [Washington Post]
  • A new study shows an increasing number of consumers placing a higher priority on credit card payments than on their mortgage because, as one of the authors of the study puts it, “You cannot buy groceries with your house.” [Reuters]

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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Comments

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  • Sparky McGruff

    A rat, two turtles, and a worm walk into a bar… I think I forgot the punchline, damn.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    A message from the Iranian space program…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y

  • ManchuCandidate

    Does that mean that each of those animals gets 72 virgins? How would that work for a worm as they are the Ann Coulters of the animal world, hermaphrodites?

  • red sky

    Apparently Iranians are big fans of TMNT’s and hope they get Donatello, Michalangelo and Splinter when the capsule comes back after traveling throught the cosmic radiation of space. As far as the worm? I don’t know Earh Worm Jim? Who knew they were such big comic book fans. Does this mean Neda= April O’Neil? Too Soon??

  • gurukalehuru

    I’m tired of these motherfucking worms on this motherfucking spaceship!

  • ladymacbeth

    jammakin should listen to eddie izzard’s rumination on the strategic advantages of trannies in the military.

    might help with the whole cranky ‘get the gays off my lawn’ thing.

  • freakishlystrong

    I’m still laughing at the Dick Swett comments, I really need to stop having a life and just stay on Wonkett all night.

    That being said, I’m loving the making the Rethugs look dickish. They are the party of dicks and assholes. See, moar dicks!

  • Mild Midwesterner

    I prefer Christian societies that launch two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree into space.

  • TGY

    Handily, Republicans can make themselves look very dickish. It just needs a brighter spotlight.

    Does Iran have a plan for Ahmadinejad to eventually return to earth?

  • TGY

    “You cannot buy groceries with your house.”

    Hence the utility of gingerbread as a construction material.

  • choinski

    Do not be fooled – Iran is testing WEAPONS! Turtley, wormey weapons.

  • charlesdegoal

    In other news, US soldiers killed in a country where there are no US troops.

  • WadISay

    Obama’s plan to make Republicans look dickish will add to our children’s deficit, create a new federal burocracy, deprive the elderly of medical care, and encourage our terrorist enemies.

  • JMP

    According to a joint message from John McCain and Joe Lieberman, we must take the opportunity to immediately bomb the shit out of the Iranian space launch facilities, because they just may be able to someday possibly build a giant space laser that will threaten America and Israel.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=506504]JMP[/re]:
    A big FRICK’N Laser?

  • JMP

    [re=506492]red sky[/re]: They also sent up FOUR cosmic animals. Truly, the Iranians have learned to cover all their comic book bases.

  • Cape Clod

    I can’t wait until the turtle comes back as Gamera and destroys Tehran

  • red sky

    [re=506508]JMP[/re]: I over looked that FANTASTIC point.

  • Norbert

    [re=506509]Cape Clod[/re]: leaked video of Iranian space program: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-UACM_8q_Q

  • WadISay

    [re=506513]Norbert[/re]: Mothra is not going to like this.

  • JMP

    [re=506507]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Yes. And you know who else wanted to build big frick’n lasers in space?

    Ronald Reagan. Who also sold weapons to the Iranians. I’m sensing a conspiracy here…

  • plowman

    So Ahmadinejad, two of 89 vice-presidents and ‘Supreme Leader’ Khamenei have been shot into space? Let’s hope they skimped on the re-entry heatshield…

  • dijetlo

    Hmmm…Since the launch of the “Pubs are childish cocksuckers” campaign, NOBAMAS!1!!!11! job approval numbers are up 4 points and his negatives are down 4 points while Olbermanns market share ticked up a half a percent…of course this could just be a Dick Sweat bounce….

  • southern mark smith

    [re=506513]Norbert[/re]: I was thinking more like this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxlWvE2U0nw

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=506499]TGY[/re]: yeah, zero points for difficulty on that campaign.

    And OT, or to an earlier topic, is it really even NEWS now when Cranky McNasty changes his position on an issue?

  • mumblyjoe

    OH SHIT SPACE WORMS WE’RE ALL DOOMED.

    Clearly this is what the sentient space-moustaches have been trying to prevent, the whole time. If only we’d listened!

  • LittlePig

    Feh, the Soviets sent a turtle around the moon in ’68 (really). The Iranians have a lot of catching up to do.

  • Come here a minute

    Iran thought they could time travel using the worm’s holes.

  • Katydid

    Emboldened by the response to President Obama’s face-off with House Republicans last week…

    That reminds me of an old joke…

    Why did the lepers have to stop their hockey game?
    Because there was a face-off in the center of the rink.

    Ba dum dum

  • S.Luggo

    [re=506500]TGY[/re]: And for years Glenndy Beck ate lead paint chips and asbestos ceiling tiles instead of running to the grocery store every time his tummy rumbled. That turned out okay.

  • Sharkey

    I, for one, welcome our new Invertebrate Overlords.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=506617]Sharkey[/re]: We already had the Invertebrate Overload Administration from 2000-2008.

  • chaste everywhere

    “I have served with homosexuals since 1968,” Adm. Mullen said. “There are a number of things cumulatively that get me to this position.”

    Dunno know why, but to me there’s something so . . . sweet about that statement. The personal history, the convolutedly passive construction, the double entendre. Anyway . . .