EASIEST POSTS EVER  8:52 pm February 2, 2010

‘My Name Is Dick Swett,’ Person Says To President

by Jim Newell

There once was a Congressman named “Dick Swett.” Barack Obama called on him at that New Hampshire town hall today. When will this president put aside his childish impulses to summon “Dick Swett”? And when will “Dick Swett” realize that going by “Richard” would make his existence less comical? Hopefully never ever ever ever! Anyway, the inclusion of subtitles here makes up for the budget quality. Just look at that teevee get awkward and hesitate! [YouTube]

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Beowoof February 2, 2010 at 8:56 pm

At least it wasn’t Richard Head, Ben Dover, Terry Cloth, Chuck Wagon, Ivan Cutucockoff or any of those guys.

desertwind February 2, 2010 at 8:58 pm

Ha ha. Around these parts, we’ve got a local minister whose name is on a sign outside his church:

Pastor Dick Shook

memzilla February 2, 2010 at 8:58 pm

However, his wife’s name is Mulva.

ThePerfesser February 2, 2010 at 9:01 pm

Dick Swett ran for office up there a few years ago. His father-in-law was the late Tom Lantos, the California Congressman who survived the Holocaust by fighting alongside the partisans as a teenager.

Lantos moved from Hungary to the California to find freedom and get himself elected to Congress. His daughter moved from California to New Hampshire to marry some guy whose name elicits throughts of jock itch. Pass the Tinactin, please.

the problem child February 2, 2010 at 9:07 pm

So much for sensible discourse. Really, when will Clit Swett have her say?

Sleeves February 2, 2010 at 9:08 pm

[re=506395]memzilla[/re]: Close. Née Lantos. Yep.

Katydid February 2, 2010 at 9:12 pm

[re=506397]ThePerfesser[/re]: OK, which one of you fucked with Lantos’ Wikipedia entry? It says that his daughter Katrina married Dick Swett, and his daughter Annette married a guy named Timber Dick, who died in 2008.

Beowoof February 2, 2010 at 9:21 pm

Has Mr. Penis Perspiration commented on this yet?

Seanibus February 2, 2010 at 9:30 pm

And now I’d like to introduce you to a friend, the man who chaired my primary campaign in New Hampshire, Mr. Randy Trousermouse.

Sleeves February 2, 2010 at 9:32 pm

You can go as Richard “no balls” in hiding from no one, or Dick “Gotta love the balls on that guy.” Architect at Skidmore, Owings, and Merrill, Former United States Ambassador to Denmark, LDS but married Katrina Lantos.

I gotta love it, and I do.

ThePerfesser February 2, 2010 at 9:41 pm

[re=506402]Katydid[/re]: It’s true. One daughter married Dick Swett. The other married Timber Dick.

I guess you could say both daughters were in love with Dick.

Numbat Dundee February 2, 2010 at 9:42 pm

My Mum worked for a boss who insisted on being called “Randy” instead of Rndall, which went lovely with his surname, “Pope”.

N.S.Sherlock February 2, 2010 at 9:46 pm

Penis van Lesbian is he cousin.

thesheriffisnear February 2, 2010 at 9:49 pm

[re=506393]Beowoof[/re]: Everyone in Central Mass knows Dick Hurtz from Holden.

IgnatiusReilly February 2, 2010 at 9:52 pm

[re=506393]Beowoof[/re]: I went through school with Mike Hunt. Everyone including teachers used both names when addressing him. It wasn’t until years later that I realized the teachers were in on the joke.

AnnieGetYourFun February 2, 2010 at 9:54 pm

What, Hugh Jass was taken already?

iburl February 2, 2010 at 9:56 pm

Down in Texas we have a state hero named Heman Sweatt:

Also, Ima Hogg:

More wacky Texas names:

Sleeves February 2, 2010 at 9:57 pm

I thought “Fat, so be it.” It’s Germany and the Anglo-French Accord of Confidence. Gotta love the sweat on that mec…dick gui/guy..a sort of Dutch double.

Jim89048 February 2, 2010 at 10:00 pm

[re=506415]ThePerfesser[/re]: And Timber Dick’s company was called Tendix. See what he did there?

iburl February 2, 2010 at 10:02 pm

Too bad the Acorn Pimp is in the big house (Daddy’House) He could have partaken in some of his renoun’d minstrelsy and posed a question as “Ken Yan”

grevillea February 2, 2010 at 10:02 pm

At least he spruced himself up first. Unwashed Dick Swett can leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Buttery1000 February 2, 2010 at 10:04 pm

I saw the closed captioning on the teevee. It said “Dick Sweat.” Behind President Obomz in the crowd, there was an older lady fighting back laughter. Old ladies apparently find sweaty peens funny.

grevillea February 2, 2010 at 10:08 pm

[re=506428]Buttery1000[/re]: I know! I really expected Phyll McCracken to show a little more empathy.

Flanders February 2, 2010 at 10:10 pm

I am a big fan of Dick Swett.

american mutt February 2, 2010 at 10:20 pm

I can’t trust a president that doesn’t laugh at the name, “Dick Swett”.

Red Zeppelin February 2, 2010 at 10:20 pm

You gotta admire Barry. I would’ve totally cracked up. Like I do whenever I hear the name “Dan Balz.”

Mr Blifil February 2, 2010 at 10:40 pm

I couldn’t watch NASCAR when Dick Trickle was on the tour. This is more unfortunate.

Mr Blifil February 2, 2010 at 10:43 pm

Where was Lech McClean while all this was going down?

JeffGoldblum February 2, 2010 at 10:52 pm

Dude’s name is fuckin gay, bro. Might as well be named “Khalid Sheikh Mohammed” or some other bullshit.

Extemporanus February 2, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Ya know what this thick, throbbing, thread really needs? More sweat, baby.

More sweet, sweet, sweat

Rev. Peter Lemonjello February 2, 2010 at 11:01 pm

Wow. Joe Wilson is fucking retarded.

Red Zeppelin February 2, 2010 at 11:01 pm

[re=506439]Mr Blifil[/re]: Yeah, DIck Trickle is a walking (or driving) ad for Flomax. Having experienced some of those problems myself, I really don’t want to be reminded of them.

Red Zeppelin February 2, 2010 at 11:04 pm

And you know I worry about young Jim’s social life if he is posting stuff for us retards at an hour when he should be in the nearest ginger bar.

Pat Pending February 2, 2010 at 11:26 pm

“Amanda Huggenkiss? I need Amanda Huggenkiss!!! Why can’t I find Amanda Huggenkiss?”

SouthernDem February 2, 2010 at 11:42 pm

His wife is running for Congress… way to be on the ball(s?), wonkette.

cj4 February 2, 2010 at 11:54 pm

I met Dick Swett back when I was at Dartmouth in the early 90s. He came to campus to talk with students. He was actually a really cool guy. Someone asked about his name and why he didn’t go by Richard to avoid the pain. He laughed and took it in stride and then said if he went by Richard, everyone would still put it together and snigger behind his back. He said it was better to just own it. Since my first name is the same as a breed of dog, I thought his response was pretty cool. I’d still want to kill my parents if I were him, though.

Extemporanus February 3, 2010 at 12:09 am

[re=506395]memzilla[/re]: Dolores!

[re=506394]desertwind[/re]: I wondered if he ever feels ashamed for embracing his name so hard.

[re=506420]IgnatiusReilly[/re]: HEY! I went to school with Mike Hunt, too!

Midwest, mid-80s, and no one seemed to pick up on its profane poetry, either. In fact, his nickname—due to a passing resemblance to the checkered overalls-clad frontman of Bob’s fine dining establishment—was fucking “Big Boy”! Big Boy!?

I can still recall quite vividly my high school chemistry teacher repeating, in a tone of increasing urgency, “Mike Hunt? Mike Hunt? Where’s Mike Hunt? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt? Anyone? No? Fine. Mike Hunt is this close failing this class.”

No matter how many times I tried to convince my classmates that his very own actually for real given birth name was goddamn solid gold, “Big Boy” always beat out “My Cunt”.

In college, I lived with a girl who went to school with a guy named “Richard Harry Ballslee(sp?)”. Surprise, surprise, he preferred “Dick”, and last I heard, still does.

Finally, my mom’s high school shop teacher was named Gerald Horr. He married one of his students whose name was Ima. They changed their last name to “Hart”.

[re=506427]grevillea[/re]: That’s why I never take it to the hole without wearing a red, white, and blue dick sweatband or two.

It’s also why I nicknamed my cock “Curly Neal”.

JeffGoldblum February 3, 2010 at 12:23 am

[re=506452]cj4[/re]: Pitbull is a badass name, though.

god.was.stingy February 3, 2010 at 12:34 am

[re=506420]IgnatiusReilly[/re]: Pfft. Everyone knows that in any bout of fisticuffs, York Hunt clobbers Mike Hunt.

SayItWithWookies February 3, 2010 at 12:34 am

Dick Swett’s okay with the name by now. In fact, all his friends call him Subacious Genital Heat Dissipation.

Escape Goat Nation February 3, 2010 at 12:50 am

I knew this guy named Ima Bigfuckingpussy.

Lascauxcaveman February 3, 2010 at 12:59 am

[re=506454]Extemporanus[/re]: My mother was a Hoare until the day she got married. My grandmother on the other hand, became a Hoare when she got married.

Apparently, the neighborhood lads back in the 40′s and 50′s used to make great sport of saying: “Let’s all go down to the Hoare house and play.” A very dear friend of the family used to laughingly tell this story every time he’d come over for a family gathering; until his death a few years ago at age 92.

El Pinche February 3, 2010 at 1:37 am

Hi I’m Cock Shit!

El Pinche February 3, 2010 at 1:42 am

But my Congressional buddies and constituents call me Joe Wilson.

imissopus February 3, 2010 at 1:43 am

[re=506461]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: You know Richard Cohen?

Judas Peckerwood February 3, 2010 at 1:52 am

Dick Swett’s dad, Engorged Cock Swett, only wanted a better life for his son. Why won’t you media vultures leave this struggling family alone?

SayItWithWookies February 3, 2010 at 2:29 am

My name is Dick Swett
I drive a red ‘vette
I repped up in Nashua way

I didn’t fuck Rielle Hunter
Then haul ass and punt her
So when they make fun of my name I just say

My name is Dick Swett
I drive a red ‘vette
I repped up in Nashua way…

Hooray For Anything February 3, 2010 at 3:03 am

Is he the one who makes those yummy Swetty Balls?

Bearbloke February 3, 2010 at 3:19 am

[re=506474]Hooray For Anything[/re]: No mate, that would be this guy here…

Suds McKenzie February 3, 2010 at 5:34 am

[re=506452]cj4[/re]: Ownage!

Marsvin February 3, 2010 at 7:49 am

That Wikipedia entry is no joke. Katrina Lantos & her sister Annette both went to the same college as I did. Katrina was a year ahead of me, Annette 2 years ahead. In fact, I ended up getting Katrina’s single my senior year. I had to repaint the whole damn thing since she had painted it pink. There was even a pink light bulb in the ceiling fixture. Anyhow, I can vouch for the fact that Timber Dick is real since he was also there at the time. As you might expect, he was the butt (ahem…) of some jokes even then. One of the more popular involved him marrying a woman who actually lived in the same entryway called Suk Mah Wa (you can do the math…)

gertrudis February 3, 2010 at 8:48 am

[re=506472]SayItWithWookies[/re]: More verses please!

doxastic February 3, 2010 at 8:50 am

[re=506419]thesheriffisnear[/re]: INDEED! My significant other grew up in Sturbridge, and has told me about Dick Hurtz. I tried to one-up with Harry Bever (pronounced as you think) the Northern VA gynocologist.

Snarko Marx February 3, 2010 at 8:51 am

At least he didn’t call on Hugh G. Rection. Or Hugh Jardon.

coolcatdaddy February 3, 2010 at 8:59 am

I thought Dick Swett was in some 80′s boy band.

TGY February 3, 2010 at 9:04 am

Low humor meets high brow.

The Huffington Pogue February 3, 2010 at 9:52 am

This is nothing new for Dick Swett. You should have seen the interchange between Dick and Prince Albert of Monaco back when Swett was the Ambassador to Sweden.

bureaucrap February 3, 2010 at 9:52 am

Still, for members of congress, nothing so far has beaten Swindell, Delay and Obey.

Gopherit February 3, 2010 at 10:08 am

I’ve got nothing. You people took all the low hanging fruit.

thefrontpage February 3, 2010 at 12:15 pm

An interesting fact about Dick Swett: He named his kids Peter, Richard and Johnson.

liquiddaddy February 3, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Dicks don’t sweat; they glow.

thesheriffisnear February 3, 2010 at 4:39 pm

[re=506486]doxastic[/re]: Certainly more relevant than Dick Hurtz from Leominster. I assume ur better half knows how we pronounce that?

HonestInjun February 5, 2010 at 6:40 am

[re=506519]bureaucrap[/re]: Not even Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?

grnmnster February 6, 2010 at 3:39 pm

I knew both Dick Swett and Timber Dick at Yale in the 70′s. Both were nice guys. Talk about an, “I know that guy moment” when Jon Stewart went off on poor Dick.

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