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‘My Name Is Dick Swett,’ Person Says To President

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There once was a Congressman named “Dick Swett.” Barack Obama called on him at that New Hampshire town hall today. When will this president put aside his childish impulses to summon “Dick Swett”? And when will “Dick Swett” realize that going by “Richard” would make his existence less comical? Hopefully never ever ever ever! Anyway, the inclusion of subtitles here makes up for the budget quality. Just look at that teevee get awkward and hesitate! [YouTube]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Beowoof

    At least it wasn’t Richard Head, Ben Dover, Terry Cloth, Chuck Wagon, Ivan Cutucockoff or any of those guys.

  • desertwind

    Ha ha. Around these parts, we’ve got a local minister whose name is on a sign outside his church:

    Pastor Dick Shook

  • memzilla

    However, his wife’s name is Mulva.

  • ThePerfesser

    Dick Swett ran for office up there a few years ago. His father-in-law was the late Tom Lantos, the California Congressman who survived the Holocaust by fighting alongside the partisans as a teenager.

    Lantos moved from Hungary to the California to find freedom and get himself elected to Congress. His daughter moved from California to New Hampshire to marry some guy whose name elicits throughts of jock itch. Pass the Tinactin, please.

  • the problem child

    So much for sensible discourse. Really, when will Clit Swett have her say?

  • Sleeves

    [re=506395]memzilla[/re]: Close. Née Lantos. Yep.

  • Katydid

    [re=506397]ThePerfesser[/re]: OK, which one of you fucked with Lantos’ Wikipedia entry? It says that his daughter Katrina married Dick Swett, and his daughter Annette married a guy named Timber Dick, who died in 2008.

  • Beowoof

    Has Mr. Penis Perspiration commented on this yet?

  • Seanibus

    And now I’d like to introduce you to a friend, the man who chaired my primary campaign in New Hampshire, Mr. Randy Trousermouse.

  • Sleeves

    You can go as Richard “no balls” in hiding from no one, or Dick “Gotta love the balls on that guy.” Architect at Skidmore, Owings, and Merrill, Former United States Ambassador to Denmark, LDS but married Katrina Lantos.

    I gotta love it, and I do.

  • ThePerfesser

    [re=506402]Katydid[/re]: It’s true. One daughter married Dick Swett. The other married Timber Dick.

    I guess you could say both daughters were in love with Dick.

  • Numbat Dundee

    My Mum worked for a boss who insisted on being called “Randy” instead of Rndall, which went lovely with his surname, “Pope”.

  • N.S.Sherlock

    Penis van Lesbian is he cousin.

  • thesheriffisnear

    [re=506393]Beowoof[/re]: Everyone in Central Mass knows Dick Hurtz from Holden.

  • IgnatiusReilly

    [re=506393]Beowoof[/re]: I went through school with Mike Hunt. Everyone including teachers used both names when addressing him. It wasn’t until years later that I realized the teachers were in on the joke.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    What, Hugh Jass was taken already?

  • iburl

    Down in Texas we have a state hero named Heman Sweatt:

    Also, Ima Hogg:

    More wacky Texas names:

  • Sleeves

    I thought “Fat, so be it.” It’s Germany and the Anglo-French Accord of Confidence. Gotta love the sweat on that mec…dick gui/guy..a sort of Dutch double.

  • Jim89048

    [re=506415]ThePerfesser[/re]: And Timber Dick’s company was called Tendix. See what he did there?

  • iburl

    Too bad the Acorn Pimp is in the big house (Daddy’House) He could have partaken in some of his renoun’d minstrelsy and posed a question as “Ken Yan”

  • grevillea

    At least he spruced himself up first. Unwashed Dick Swett can leave a bad taste in your mouth.

  • Buttery1000

    I saw the closed captioning on the teevee. It said “Dick Sweat.” Behind President Obomz in the crowd, there was an older lady fighting back laughter. Old ladies apparently find sweaty peens funny.

  • grevillea

    [re=506428]Buttery1000[/re]: I know! I really expected Phyll McCracken to show a little more empathy.

  • Flanders

    I am a big fan of Dick Swett.

  • american mutt

    I can’t trust a president that doesn’t laugh at the name, “Dick Swett”.

  • Red Zeppelin

    You gotta admire Barry. I would’ve totally cracked up. Like I do whenever I hear the name “Dan Balz.”

  • Mr Blifil

    I couldn’t watch NASCAR when Dick Trickle was on the tour. This is more unfortunate.

  • Mr Blifil

    Where was Lech McClean while all this was going down?

  • JeffGoldblum

    Dude’s name is fuckin gay, bro. Might as well be named “Khalid Sheikh Mohammed” or some other bullshit.

  • Extemporanus

    Ya know what this thick, throbbing, thread really needs? More sweat, baby.

    More sweet, sweet, sweat

  • Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    Wow. Joe Wilson is fucking retarded.

  • Red Zeppelin

    [re=506439]Mr Blifil[/re]: Yeah, DIck Trickle is a walking (or driving) ad for Flomax. Having experienced some of those problems myself, I really don’t want to be reminded of them.

  • Red Zeppelin

    And you know I worry about young Jim’s social life if he is posting stuff for us retards at an hour when he should be in the nearest ginger bar.

  • Pat Pending

    “Amanda Huggenkiss? I need Amanda Huggenkiss!!! Why can’t I find Amanda Huggenkiss?”

  • SouthernDem

    His wife is running for Congress… way to be on the ball(s?), wonkette.

  • cj4

    I met Dick Swett back when I was at Dartmouth in the early 90s. He came to campus to talk with students. He was actually a really cool guy. Someone asked about his name and why he didn’t go by Richard to avoid the pain. He laughed and took it in stride and then said if he went by Richard, everyone would still put it together and snigger behind his back. He said it was better to just own it. Since my first name is the same as a breed of dog, I thought his response was pretty cool. I’d still want to kill my parents if I were him, though.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=506395]memzilla[/re]: Dolores!

    [re=506394]desertwind[/re]: I wondered if he ever feels ashamed for embracing his name so hard.

    [re=506420]IgnatiusReilly[/re]: HEY! I went to school with Mike Hunt, too!

    Midwest, mid-80s, and no one seemed to pick up on its profane poetry, either. In fact, his nickname—due to a passing resemblance to the checkered overalls-clad frontman of Bob’s fine dining establishment—was fucking “Big Boy”! Big Boy!?

    I can still recall quite vividly my high school chemistry teacher repeating, in a tone of increasing urgency, “Mike Hunt? Mike Hunt? Where’s Mike Hunt? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt? Anyone? No? Fine. Mike Hunt is this close failing this class.”

    No matter how many times I tried to convince my classmates that his very own actually for real given birth name was goddamn solid gold, “Big Boy” always beat out “My Cunt”.

    In college, I lived with a girl who went to school with a guy named “Richard Harry Ballslee(sp?)”. Surprise, surprise, he preferred “Dick”, and last I heard, still does.

    Finally, my mom’s high school shop teacher was named Gerald Horr. He married one of his students whose name was Ima. They changed their last name to “Hart”.

    [re=506427]grevillea[/re]: That’s why I never take it to the hole without wearing a red, white, and blue dick sweatband or two.

    It’s also why I nicknamed my cock “Curly Neal”.

  • JeffGoldblum

    [re=506452]cj4[/re]: Pitbull is a badass name, though.

  • god.was.stingy

    [re=506420]IgnatiusReilly[/re]: Pfft. Everyone knows that in any bout of fisticuffs, York Hunt clobbers Mike Hunt.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Dick Swett’s okay with the name by now. In fact, all his friends call him Subacious Genital Heat Dissipation.

  • Escape Goat Nation

    I knew this guy named Ima Bigfuckingpussy.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=506454]Extemporanus[/re]: My mother was a Hoare until the day she got married. My grandmother on the other hand, became a Hoare when she got married.

    Apparently, the neighborhood lads back in the 40’s and 50’s used to make great sport of saying: “Let’s all go down to the Hoare house and play.” A very dear friend of the family used to laughingly tell this story every time he’d come over for a family gathering; until his death a few years ago at age 92.

  • El Pinche

    Hi I’m Cock Shit!

  • El Pinche

    But my Congressional buddies and constituents call me Joe Wilson.

  • imissopus

    [re=506461]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: You know Richard Cohen?

  • Judas Peckerwood

    Dick Swett’s dad, Engorged Cock Swett, only wanted a better life for his son. Why won’t you media vultures leave this struggling family alone?

  • SayItWithWookies

    My name is Dick Swett
    I drive a red ‘vette
    I repped up in Nashua way

    I didn’t fuck Rielle Hunter
    Then haul ass and punt her
    So when they make fun of my name I just say

    My name is Dick Swett
    I drive a red ‘vette
    I repped up in Nashua way…

  • Hooray For Anything

    Is he the one who makes those yummy Swetty Balls?

  • Bearbloke

    [re=506474]Hooray For Anything[/re]: No mate, that would be this guy here…

  • Suds McKenzie

    [re=506452]cj4[/re]: Ownage!

  • Marsvin

    That Wikipedia entry is no joke. Katrina Lantos & her sister Annette both went to the same college as I did. Katrina was a year ahead of me, Annette 2 years ahead. In fact, I ended up getting Katrina’s single my senior year. I had to repaint the whole damn thing since she had painted it pink. There was even a pink light bulb in the ceiling fixture. Anyhow, I can vouch for the fact that Timber Dick is real since he was also there at the time. As you might expect, he was the butt (ahem…) of some jokes even then. One of the more popular involved him marrying a woman who actually lived in the same entryway called Suk Mah Wa (you can do the math…)

  • gertrudis

    [re=506472]SayItWithWookies[/re]: More verses please!

  • doxastic

    [re=506419]thesheriffisnear[/re]: INDEED! My significant other grew up in Sturbridge, and has told me about Dick Hurtz. I tried to one-up with Harry Bever (pronounced as you think) the Northern VA gynocologist.

  • Snarko Marx

    At least he didn’t call on Hugh G. Rection. Or Hugh Jardon.

  • coolcatdaddy

    I thought Dick Swett was in some 80’s boy band.

  • TGY

    Low humor meets high brow.

  • The Huffington Pogue

    This is nothing new for Dick Swett. You should have seen the interchange between Dick and Prince Albert of Monaco back when Swett was the Ambassador to Sweden.

  • bureaucrap

    Still, for members of congress, nothing so far has beaten Swindell, Delay and Obey.

  • Gopherit

    I’ve got nothing. You people took all the low hanging fruit.

  • thefrontpage

    An interesting fact about Dick Swett: He named his kids Peter, Richard and Johnson.

  • liquiddaddy

    Dicks don’t sweat; they glow.

  • thesheriffisnear

    [re=506486]doxastic[/re]: Certainly more relevant than Dick Hurtz from Leominster. I assume ur better half knows how we pronounce that?

  • HonestInjun

    [re=506519]bureaucrap[/re]: Not even Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?

  • grnmnster

    I knew both Dick Swett and Timber Dick at Yale in the 70’s. Both were nice guys. Talk about an, “I know that guy moment” when Jon Stewart went off on poor Dick.