what did we learn today?

Top Pundit Declares Obama Therapy Session A Victory, For America

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

While you people were quick to declare today’s Baltimore Blabfest (our alliterative powers suck right now, please help?) to be the greatest moment in Obama history and a righteous victory for truth and Hope etc., we refused to make any verdicts before reading what flush-faced Buffalo dauphin Luke Russert had to say, on Twitter.

Today’s events gave him a massive America Boner, hooray! Sigh of relief, people.

But what about those of us who despise American democracy? Who cares! It was just an elite bunch of powerful people debating; had nothing to do with democracy. Everyone and everything wins! The unemployed win. The deficits win. Targeted tax cuts win. (That’s everyone and everything, right?)

Today we are all Luke Russert’s Boner.


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Crank Tango

    How so? Really, what makes you say that?

    Also, Luke, maybe you should try my recipe from an earlier thread. You’re not a real journalist until you dress like a pimp and get arrested posing as a telephone repair man. Also you’ve never really been a porn star unless you’ve done the same.

  • Holy Cow!!

    We are in power now and no longer need to pretend. We are all communists who hate freedom, America, capitalism, babies, want to put everyone in FEMA camps and gay marrying the world.

    I’m so glad we’re not hiding that anymore.

  • charlesdegoal

    They say love – Love is blind
    And true love is hard to find
    It makes you wonder now you’re yesterdays news

  • An Outhouse

    Without the elitist legacy’s opinions, I would not know how to interpret the news of the day. Has Paris Hilton weighed in yet? How ’bout Megs? bet Megs wasn’t so impressed.

  • Come here a minute

    Charm City Chatfest?

  • V572625694

    And Little Luke has observed democracy in action for all of 19 years now, so has a good knowledge basis from which to make this twat.

  • Sussemilch

    I think if you’re a fan of Democracy it was a great moment – where people try to talk as if they were behind the curtain a little bit and discuss the rules and methods of their craft – but knowing that the Republicans were completely ignoring his appeal made it an ordinary shitty day for a lover of Democracy.

  • Extemporanus

    “Luke, I am your boner.”

  • Red Zeppelin

    This is why they should not allow children of famous people to rise to prominence in their parents’ field. Joey Meyer, Pat Knight, and now Luke Russert. Oh, and W.

  • Hooray For Anything

    But what did Big Russ think about it?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Some people should not drink and write.

  • SmutBoffin

    Congratulations on having a famous dad, Big Nut. We look forward to getting our conventional wisdom from you in the future.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, the GOP was there too? I thought that whole retreat was arranged and paid for by lobbyists and populated by their sock puppets.

  • Cheney Guevara

    [re=504460]Holy Cow!![/re]:

    I can’t wait to turn everyone gay.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I was wondering why I was feeling a little stiff today.

  • snideinplainsight

    I like the way they cropped the top of his head off in his Twitter ‘twitcon’ – it’s like he has so many brains they wouldn’t all fit in the picture.

  • Buzz Feedback

    I love America by hating Luke Russert and other legacies.

  • Not_So_Much

    I feel more like Luke’s taint right now…

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    B-More Bitchfest?

  • chaste everywhere

    [re=504472]Red Zeppelin[/re]: OTOH, how about Debby Boone?

  • Extemporanus

    [re=504475]Hooray For Anything[/re]: What did Big Russ think about Luke’s boner?

    Very little.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    Hey there! RussertXM_NBC has a boner!

  • Prommie

    [re=504486]chaste everywhere[/re]: Ohh, she lit up my life, thats fer sure, back in the day. Did I ever tell you about the time we were all popping qualuudes like they were jellybeans, and we got so wasted, we put on this Debby Boone album and turned it up so loud, the RA came and wrote us up?

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Hey Luke, try the hairon, it’s a local delicacy.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=504489]Extemporanus[/re]: We should give Luke a break as he’s being schooled by his better, more serious, award winning comrades in that both Halperin and Chuck Todd thought the whole thing was dumb and a waste of time. Of course, in a sane world, both Halperin and Todd would be doomed to doing the weather report at a small-town news station as it better fits their talent level but we don’t live in that sane world.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The Mobtown Beatdown?
    The Pummeling on the Patapsco?
    The Chesapeake Chastisement?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I, for one, cannot wait until they publish the collected twats of Luke Russert.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Proof that the Pumpkin don’t roll far from the Pumpkin Patch.

  • slappypaddy

    a victory for america? good, it’s about time america won one, it’s been a while.

  • Autoo

    [re=504471]Extemporanus[/re]: “Luke, I am your boner.”

    I wish my boner would talk to me. I’d never be lonely again.

  • Tlmsd

    [re=504506]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]:Don’t talk about that. Unless you have some.

  • Jukesgrrl

    What does the XM stand for, Extra Mental? But I would agree that today’s “display (?)” is “one of the best examples of our system,” since it accomplished nothing except Virginia Foxx getting a new autograph to put next to Redd Foxx’s autograph in her memory scrap yard, I mean book.

  • Snarkalicious

    Jim, I object to the implication that Wonketeers are poxy and neglected.

  • ohiolobbyist

    Since this is Wonkette, I’m going to go with Baltimore Buttfuck. amirite?

  • donner_froh

    [re=504472]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Joey Meyer the worst of the lot by far–except for W.

  • Red Zeppelin

    And what about those of us who love Russian Bolshevism?

  • Escape Goat Nation

    You can not put a price tag on the wisdom of our youthful future leaders.

  • Maus

    Perhaps Luke will one day be a grown man, but this is how adults are supposed to behave. That the pundits occasionally recognize this reflects worse on them, seeing as they use all of their powers to destroy this sort of dialogue.

  • mirrorball

    I used to be a fan, but Democracy hasn’t released a good album since the ’80s.

  • Sen. Schlong

    I’m just glad somebody in this country is starting the weekend with a massive American boner. USA! USA! USA!

  • Aurelio

    Is Luke Russert Tim Russert’s kid? Didn’t we secede from Britain to get rid of this hereditary aristocracy shit? That goes for Bill Kristol and his daddy Irv, too.

  • Maus

    [re=504646]Aurelio[/re]: Conservatives aren’t against the patriarchy and kingly lineage, they’re against the BRITISH patriarchy. Why else would they vote for pappa and baby Bush?

  • Aurelio

    Touché. Or “Douché,” as they say in France.

  • rocktonsammy

    This kid needs a girlfriend.

  • Mr Blifil

    If you hate American democracy you were probably too busy snorting meth and fucking roadkill raccoons to pay much attention, although it would be interesting to read live tweets from a person in the act of fucking a raccoon.

  • Oh hell to the no

    I became a “fan” of Democracy on facebook, so I know that shit is legit. Also, are there any Free James O’Keefe groups I can visit so that I can see if I need to defriend any of the members ASAP?

  • SmallPotatoes

    I believe Young Russ loves him some donuts. Ummmmm…..donuts

  • thesheriffisnear

    Ahhhh, the Dale Earnhardt Jr. of media.

  • getoffmylawn

    RussertXM? He can’t be sirius.

  • iburl

    Questions to the president at the House of Turds.

    Seems more like British Democracy.

  • This Cat

    Baltimoron moron…balting…I’m working on it.