A RHETORICAL NIPPLE SLIP  12:13 pm January 28, 2010

Fox News Thing Major Garrett Gave Whore Recommendations, Via Twitter, During State Of The Union

by Juli Weiner

Last night, during the State of the Union, Fox News’ Major Garrett accidentally showed his support for a Las Vegas-based consortium of whores via Twitter. See, he Tweeted: “To overcome the numbing weight of our politics” and other Obama SOTU excerpts http://bit.ly/d6W Wed 27 Jan 18:22.” Except this URL does not redirect to whatever inane thing he had open in the tab next to the whores thing! The link opened to the whores themselves, one half of whom is pictured above, picking a wedgie like a gross person.

Watch as Major Garrett makes his way through the five stages of Twitter: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Alliteration:

I apologize. Bit.ly turned my original link to SOTU excerpts to a soft-porn link. NOT my intention. http://bit.ly/d6WZBu Wed 27 Jan 19:21

The link just posted works. Any frequent visitor here knows that is not my style. Sorry. Shld have caught it sooner. Wed 27 Jan 19:23

For those suckling snide syrup. I publicly acknowledged an innocent mistake and corrected it. If that’s not good enuf, take a hike. Wed 27 Jan 20:18

OMG FAUX PAS #2: Major Garrett just admitted he makes prostitutes suck snide syrup! Disgusting.

[Gawker]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 78 comments }

AxmxZ January 28, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Ew. Why do gross old men exist?

AxmxZ January 28, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Anyone else surprised the whore is female?

Dashboard_Buddha January 28, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Good help us all…this is the most watched news station…we are doomed.

Terry January 28, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Is this like the “mistake” Meagan McCain made when she posted that boobie photo to Twitter? Funny how these folks make such interesting mistakes, isn’t it?

geminisunmars January 28, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Wasn’t Major Garret a character from “Catch 22″?

Oldskool January 28, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Ha, a pre-emptive “take a hike”. He must know how it is on the intertubes. Ok then, I’m off to the App Trail.

Scott Brown' January 28, 2010 at 12:22 pm

Don’t worry Garrett, we prefer soft porn to anything Faux News throws on Twitter.

slappypaddy January 28, 2010 at 12:23 pm

[re=503417]geminisunmars[/re]: no, that was major minor — same person, though

Tommmcatt January 28, 2010 at 12:24 pm

[re=503417]geminisunmars[/re]:

I thought he was on “I Dream of Jeannie”.

Escape Goat Nation January 28, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Major Garret is Fox’s Military analyst expert.
Semper Phi!

proudgrampa January 28, 2010 at 12:26 pm

What happens in Vegas…

Radiotherapy January 28, 2010 at 12:27 pm

You Major Pussy, you better believe we’re suckling-syrup, spitting-mad that you didn’t give us some real porn.

SayItWithWookies January 28, 2010 at 12:29 pm

You.ly!

elburrito January 28, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Must have been a technical glitch if they were girl whores.

proudgrampa January 28, 2010 at 12:30 pm

[re=503417]geminisunmars[/re]: Actually, his full name was Major Major Major and he was a major: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_Major_Major_Major

Paul Tardy January 28, 2010 at 12:31 pm

[re=503410]AxmxZ[/re]: “Ew. Why do gross old men exist?” So you can pay into Social Security so they can … and keep the US government relevant to both of you. But if you were just willing to put out for free, the whole social security tax thing would be irrelevant and would not need to be collected. So it’s your fault.

proudgrampa January 28, 2010 at 12:33 pm

[re=503428]proudgrampa[/re]: Sorry, my link does not go to a porn site.

SmutBoffin January 28, 2010 at 12:33 pm

“suckling snide syrup”? What’s next, “horse hockey”? Sherman T. Potter he is not.

freakishlystrong January 28, 2010 at 12:38 pm

Um..Julie…um NSFW, yikes! Wait..is that Malkin??1!

Papas got a brand new teabag January 28, 2010 at 12:39 pm

sure, Major. blame it on the bitly.

rocktonsammy January 28, 2010 at 12:41 pm

“Take a hike”???

V572625694 January 28, 2010 at 12:42 pm

[re=503433]SmutBoffin[/re]: My mother breast-fed me on snide syrup. Helps grow strong snark 12 ways!

Paul Tardy January 28, 2010 at 12:42 pm

BTW, he seems to be the first in the whole googleverse to put those three words together. So SSS or 3S or S^3 may be his shot at immortality.

magic titty January 28, 2010 at 12:44 pm

[re=503426]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oh man.

Crank Tango January 28, 2010 at 12:44 pm

ooh but these “diet tips” along the left-hand side of the screen are a good start. And a refreshing change from scot brown’s charlie browns.

Suds McKenzie January 28, 2010 at 12:45 pm

“Soft Porn”, …. on the Internet, Pull it Together “Major”.

Crank Tango January 28, 2010 at 12:46 pm

[re=503437]freakishlystrong[/re]: no thank god! and no, that’s not a soft-core porn site, those are straight-up hookers, no?

Way Cool Larry January 28, 2010 at 12:47 pm

this would never have happened if we had a normal white presnit

Tundra Grifter January 28, 2010 at 12:48 pm

[re=503447]Suds McKenzie[/re]: “Soft Porn?” Speak for yourself, Major! The only thing soft I saw on that site (and, BTW, thanx for the link!) was a whole lotta airbags. I give it 4 Whore Diamonds…

dijetlo January 28, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Of course were sucking snide syrup over here…
If you mix it with the funny.
You get sweet, delicious, snark

Fox heads flack shamelessly for bankrupt ideologies
While assuming morally superior poses
And we laugh at it.

There is a certain mathematical balance to the universe
And I for one, thank Major Malfunction for contributing this little coefficient to the equation.
Bravo sir.

Katydid January 28, 2010 at 12:51 pm

Why’s he gotta be such a dick about it? It was funny, either eat some humble pie or STFU.

Georgia Burning January 28, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Certainly better looking than the rest of the whores on Fox.

WadISay January 28, 2010 at 12:53 pm

We do understand, Major; everyone needs his butt flossed from time to time.

doxastic January 28, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Major Garrett: When aspirational naming meets limited aspirations.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 28, 2010 at 12:56 pm

I love snide syrup, especially on waffles.

Red Zeppelin January 28, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Thanks for the info, Major. I don’t get nearly enough whore links on pop-ups when I’m visiting teh p0rn sitez.

Say, wasn’t he a character in Catch-22?

El Pinche January 28, 2010 at 12:59 pm

God damn the clipboard.

SmutBoffin January 28, 2010 at 12:59 pm

[re=503453]Katydid[/re]: Or even better, one more tweet saying “Yeah I was looking for internet whores during the Preznit’s speech. Gotta problem?”

Gopherit January 28, 2010 at 12:59 pm

So Major Garrett is planning a visit to Vegas, huh?

AutomaticPilot January 28, 2010 at 1:00 pm

[re=503441]rocktonsammy[/re]: he meant on the Appalaichain Trail

AutomaticPilot January 28, 2010 at 1:02 pm

[re=503418]Oldskool[/re]: oh shit… maybe I should read the comments instead of just skimming them

TGY January 28, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Freudian URL?

ella January 28, 2010 at 1:03 pm

There once was a Fox guy on Twitter,
A wingnut whose life seemed quite bitter.
When a porn site we spied
He blamed and bit.lyed
But in truth he just couldn’t quit her.

Jim89048 January 28, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Giant Coochie Snorcher or GTFO!

geminisunmars January 28, 2010 at 1:07 pm

And the Snide Syrup award goes to [re=503469]ella[/re]:

SmutBoffin January 28, 2010 at 1:12 pm

[re=503469]ella[/re]: A daring old Major from FOX
went out cruising for some hot “box”
his link went astray
when he found he must pay
now he sits at home stroking his…

comicbookguy January 28, 2010 at 1:13 pm

[re=503417]geminisunmars[/re]: Marjorie Garrett was the headmistress in The Facts of Life.

[re=503437]freakishlystrong[/re]: For that, you win a ping pong ball!

Wasn’t there a news article about how Republicans are way ahead on this intertubes thing b/c so many of them twitter? Today, we are all grateful for that.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 28, 2010 at 1:13 pm
proudgrampa January 28, 2010 at 1:17 pm

[re=503476]SmutBoffin[/re]: He has more than one???

jodyleek January 28, 2010 at 1:20 pm

[re=503478]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Michelle Bachman dropped out too. But, I think she
is still going to have the Holy Mother of Trig campaign with her this spring.

SmutBoffin January 28, 2010 at 1:24 pm

[re=503481]proudgrampa[/re]: Uh, poetic license?

[re=503478]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Palin won’t drop out, since she has no credibility to lose by attending and speaking and taking the $$$.

Suds McKenzie January 28, 2010 at 1:29 pm

[re=503450]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Can I just call him “Major Porn” now??

Snarkalicious January 28, 2010 at 1:30 pm

[re=503481]proudgrampa[/re]: Children don’t have property rights, so they’ve got to belong to someone.

steverino247 January 28, 2010 at 1:31 pm

[re=503478]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Maybe TEA should be changed to EPA (Enough Palin Already). $549 each to get in so Palin can get 100K for speaking? What would it take so she never spoke again? I’d pay $549 for that.

lawrenceofthedesert January 28, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Major Garrett is no Major Taylor, but Lance Armstrong might be — or the delightfully named Levi Leipheimer, which sounds like a Scandinavian oath. Heck, Major Garrett isn’t even a Major Lance, who, after all, had some hits. (Shouldn’t he be Minor Garrett?)

yellowdogdem January 28, 2010 at 1:36 pm

[re=503417]geminisunmars[/re]: The most important major in Catch-22 was “Major Major Major Major.”

Jim89048 January 28, 2010 at 1:39 pm

[re=503478]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: See, if they had never been allowed to gay-marry, this would have been unpossible!

Sen. Schlong January 28, 2010 at 1:39 pm

The lovely lass has all the qualities needed to be elected US Senator from Massachusetts.

qwerty42 January 28, 2010 at 1:40 pm

[re=503411]AxmxZ[/re]: Anyone else surprised the whore is female?
he’s bi?

proudgrampa January 28, 2010 at 1:45 pm

[re=503486]SmutBoffin[/re]: Just wanted to make sure you’re not still on a learner’s permit.

El Pinche January 28, 2010 at 1:50 pm

[re=503496]qwerty42[/re]: Major is doing the best he can. FoxNews per diem ain’t much, and ladyboys ain’t cheap.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 28, 2010 at 1:52 pm

I refuse to believe anyone at FOX News did this delibritly as the words “Young,” “Gay,” “German,” “Bondage,” “Boys,” or “Leather” do not appear in the URL.

blader January 28, 2010 at 2:01 pm

my dog ate the proper hyperlink

the problem child January 28, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Twatting skills for dummies: Learn to cut and paste the whole thing. (No, not cunt and pasties.)

betterDeadThanRed January 28, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Today we are all fat fingered twotterers.

Hopey dont play that game January 28, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Major Garrett gave me major wood.

Paterlanger January 28, 2010 at 2:29 pm

[re=503458]Red Zeppelin[/re]: No, you’re thinking of Caleb.

desertwind January 28, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Ha ha. Anybody read that WaPo article (and chat!) about how Republicans now own the internets?

Me neither.

Cheney Guevara January 28, 2010 at 2:37 pm

[re=503450]Tundra Grifter[/re]:

please, wonkette some clarification on soft vs. hard

Capitol Hillbilly January 28, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Snide Syrup is an essential ingredient of Purple Drank

Deacon Frank Orris January 28, 2010 at 3:13 pm

[re=503417]geminisunmars[/re]: I thought Major Garrett was the guy Larry Hagman played on “I Dream of Jeannie.”

I-man January 28, 2010 at 3:52 pm

I am not going to moralize here, but this is why you don’t mix porn and work.

EdFlinstone January 28, 2010 at 4:18 pm

You might think that was a whore site but actually those are FoxNews interns.

problemwithcaring January 28, 2010 at 4:28 pm

[re=503426]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Man, where are your props for that? I was rolling.

SocialistMuslin January 28, 2010 at 4:52 pm

Oh give Major Garret (Aside: this ISN’T a GI Joe action figure?) a break. Like YOU can tell the difference between soft porn and Fox News!

Also “suckling snide syrup”? Didn’t Larry Craig get arrested for that a few years ago?

comicbookguy January 28, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Needs myGOP link frame

mollymcguire January 28, 2010 at 9:16 pm

[re=503411]AxmxZ[/re]: My first thought.

hunter.blatherer January 28, 2010 at 11:29 pm

Hey, alliterations work. Ladies Love Cool James.

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