the quiet american

Samuel Alito’s Rebellion Is *So* Derivative

Samuel Alito was on his absolute worst behavior last night, mouthing “not true, not true” when Obama criticized last week’s Supreme Court decision to allow corporations to download elections and politicians from iTunes. Anyway, sad thing for many South Carolinans today, when they eventually find out they cannot elect Samuel Alito. [TPMtv]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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  1. TGY

    In accords with the SCOTUS ruling declaring corporations ‘people’, I am going to date one. What do you bring on a first date with an Inc.? It’ll be expensive enough to have condoms for everybody.

  2. rafflesinc

    Guys guys, this is great news for liberals. In a couple years, when the challenge to the new legislation gets to the supreme court, liberal groups can use this to request that Alito recuse himself. It’ll just be like the time, after Scalia went duck hunting with Cheney, liberal groups tried to get Scalia to recuse in their pursuit of Cheney’s energy task force records.

    Spoiler: Scalia refused and issued a defiant screed.

  3. Capitol Hillbilly

    Since corporations are people, why don’t we have one on the SCOTUS?

    In the name of diversity, Halliburton must replace John Paul Stevens!

  4. gurukalehuru

    With all due deference to separation of powers, the Supreme Court is a bunch of assholes. Don’t even get me started on those fuckwits in the legislative branch.

  5. snoidoid

    So, I trying to figure out just what the truth is. Is Alito a corporate tool, and fully aware of what his decision means? Or is he just an ideological tool who doesn’t realize the import of his decision? Or is he a greedy tool who has been bribed by envelopes of cash that mysteriously appear in his Wall Street Journal? Or a the whole set of tools (made in China, of course)?

  6. Potater

    Afterwards, Alito continued his rampage by touching the Queen’s back, saying the word “negro,” and vomiting on the Japanese Prime Minister.

  7. norbizness

    Unfortunately, because of spineless Dems who never attempted to use the filibuster, we have this reactionary on the court for another 30 years, or put another way approximately 10 years after global warming kills us all.

  8. ella

    Just think, if that silly old tradition of SCOTUS appointments for life were still adhered to, we wouldn’t have every single president treating appointments as a bonus round. Then again, we’d be stuck with Alito till he died.

    And he’ll probably never die or retire, just out of spite. Unless some corporation pays him to.

  9. PerhapsSo

    [re=503296]TGY[/re]: I’ll do you one better: I’ll marry one. While they don’t want the gheyz to marry, I’m sure that if Boeing or Google or Alcoa and I wanted to get all wedded, they would be fine with it.

  10. gurukalehuru

    I remember in 5th grade – 5th fucking grade, mind you – we had to do a team presentation and then the rest of the kids in the class critiqued it. I came in for some pretty harsh criticism for making pretty much exactly the same face Alito made while my friend was speaking.
    Conservatives are all bloody 5th graders. Bad 5th graders, at that.

  11. BaconTime

    Republicans are stumbling all over themselves to explain why this frowny face is “bad news for Obama.” They are hilariously limited to (1) He’s right but he said it in a meanypants way and (2) The SCOTUS decision was actually awesome (or like, not THAT bad, if you’re talking to a teabagger).

  12. proudgrampa

    [re=503322]PerhapsSo[/re]: You beat me to it. But I was wondering, how do you tell an Inc’s gender?

  13. loquaciousmusic

    I read something somewhere on the Internet last week (Glenn Greenwald?) about how corporations basically control politics anyway (through their “PACs” or “TRUCKNUTZ”) and how this decision won’t appreciably change anything. Who knows?

  14. Joshua Norton

    how do you tell an Inc’s gender?

    It’s obvious they’re all male. If they were female they would be locked up for prostitution and the SCOTUS would be all “Oh, whatevs, now pass me my cilice”.

  15. Snarko Marx

    [re=503316]Sussemilch[/re]: Profound. I intend to pepper my speech with that phrase going forward. Thanks.

  16. converse

    First they came for the baseball stadiums and bowl games, and I did nothing. Then they came for the politicians…

  17. TubeCity

    He was just mad because he had to sit next to a girl who went to Princeton, despite his efforts to keep them out. The world will pay for that! Soon only corporations will vote! And go to Princeton!

  18. torera

    1) Maybe he really is the dumb one and actually thinks what Obama said is incorrect — Ayito is Scalia’s tool, after all.

    2) Sussemilch: I hope Jon Favreau hires you to write sound bites.

  19. Sparky McGruff

    If corporations are now officially “people”, with all the rights thereof, then they should go to prison when they willfully commit a crime. I want to see the board of directors of Halliburton in prison for electrocuting soldiers in Iraq. I figure, give the “corporation” a 99 year sentence; that probably works out to 8-10 per board member, right?

  20. One Yield Regular

    By any chance did Thomas say anything? Does he *ever* say anything? He’s like Bartleby the Scrivener, only less verbose.

  21. comicbookguy

    [re=503363]TubeCity[/re]: Aw look, our little corporation is all grown up and going off to college. Seems like only yesterday you were just a business plan that needed constant feeding and changing.

    Are the right-to-lifers going to start protesting the abortion of start-ups? Maybe one of them will shoot a VC who performs the operations. Life begins at incorporation you godless libruls!

  22. DustBowlBlues

    [re=503460]One Yield Regular[/re]: No need to say anything, ever, if your mind is made up on all cases you will hear, forever. The more reactionary, pro-business, anti-negro side wins.

    Why, pray tell, would Sen. Schumer be writing legislation to prevent foreign govts from contributing to US campaigns if it were something Hopey made up in the SOTU? I posted the first reference to this (yay me, cold scooping “my” wonkette) last night after Sarah Palin, daily proving herself to be even stupider than my worst imagination painted her, talked about this precise thing and said she figured “the people” would believe a Supreme Court judge before the believed a voodoo marxist Kenyan.

    The absurdity, as I astutely pointed out last night,is that this isn’t a fucking case of anyone being able to lie about what the opinion says–it’s in fucking writing. The issue is whether the Justice Dept, the lawyers in the WH and in the Democratic congress, are incorrectly reading what it means OR Alito didn’t understand what Scalia and Roberts were tricking him into. Would anyone be surprised if this light weight said, “Wait. Doesn’t this allow African and Mexican corporations to buy our elections?

    And Scalia corrected him and Roberts took him aside and said, “Don’t worry, little buddy. This opinion won’t let that happen.”

    Idiot doesn’t even understand it.

  23. lawrenceofthedesert

    When did Alito learn to shake his head? Didn’t his clerk used to take care of that for him? Mandatory retirement age for the SCOTUS fossils cannot come too soon and should be 70 or 75 at the max.

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