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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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85 comments

  1. schvitzatura

    I forgot Tweety was a real journalist and not some Robert Altman-esque farcical prop of a journohack many moons ago.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    That’s what Michelle said after he got out of the swimming pool. Ba-dum-bump. Oh. Oh, I’m terribly sorry.

  3. Bearbloke

    Tweety: “Ladies and gentlemen, please forgive me for forgetting that President Obama is a Total Top, and only with teh ladiees. Thank you you and good night.”

  4. Brendan M.

    I’d prefer a retirement, but at least he isn’t Ed Schultz.

    New rule: Drink every time Chris Matthews says something stupid/gay, Olbermann says something obnoxiously self-righteous/pretentious, or Rachel Maddow says something that makes MSNBC tolerable.

  5. Sharkey

    America’s future is dependent upon Chris Mattews’. Can we all just agree to disagree on this issue?

  6. Joy

    [re=503160]WadISay[/re]: I can’t bear to watch/listen to it. And I can’t even ask you to attempt to translate it as I don’t know a single person that speaks ‘palinese.’

  7. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Don’t worry, Chris. Limbaugh and Beck will spend all of this year reminding you of that fact.

  8. stolichnayaaa

    Wait, Obama was black for a whole *hour*? What was it like? It sounds horrifying. Was it that hour in college when he put that hat on and smoked a blunt?

  9. DustBowlBlues

    No schadenfreude on my part. I say stupid things all the time. Poor bastard.

    Then again, I don’t have a teevee and I seldom go out in public.

    Still levitating over the Supreme Court being criticized.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    [re=503163]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Pronoun trouble on my part. “For an hour I forgot he was black” was what Michelle said about Barry…

  11. AnglRdr

    In Tweety’s defense, he recognized way after the horse was out of the barn that he “shouldn’t be saying this, but [he] [was] anyway.” So he gets credit for recognizing the odor of the shit he’d stepped in it after it was smeared all over his shoe.

  12. DustBowlBlues

    Oh my god, Sarah Palin is dumb as a fucking stump. Fox showed a closeup of Alito mouthing “not true” when Obama said foreign govts could give money to politicians and Sarah just shakes her head, so sad.

    “One of these men is lying” and she is sure that Americans will trust Alito.

    Does this dumb bitch not understand that there is a fucking written opinion? That is isn’t a matter of who is telling the truth?

    Jesus, what a stupid, stupid bitch. Oh, good. Focus group coming up, with Frank Lutz. The kind of teevee shit I hate, hosted by a dickwad on the Republic infomercial network. I don’t think so.

  13. Katydid

    [re=503184]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I just read your comment on the last post, and I seem to have missed something when I went outside to smoke. Did Hopey talk about ending DADT?

  14. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Well, that speech was dull, but at least we can look forward to Conan O’Brien ripping it apart on The Tonight Show in a few minutes, right guys?

  15. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=503191]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Remember, they film The Tonight Show in LA at around 5p PST, so it was over before the speech. We will all have to wait until tomorrow to hear Conan’s take on things. I suspect tonights show will fill all most like a rerun.

  16. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Did Hopey talk about ending DADT?

    Yes, in much the same way he always does these days, with a brief, “gosh, that’d be kinda nice, I guess, we’ll put that on the to-do list somewhere”. Except I literally spent more time on the topic in my fake version than he did in the real version.

  17. iburl

    Chris Matthews has never gone one single hour at a time without mentioning some form of the word “Ethnic”. I can’t believe that MSNBC sent him out to a black Texas college last week to do that special about the president, who, by the way is of a different ethnic background than most normal Americans.

  18. Extemporanus

    Tweety is the Tommy of teevee political pundits: tone deaf, blonde dumb, and color blind.

    “Alright, let’s play Pinball!

  19. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    @Lionel Hutz Esq.: Duh, you’re totally right! How dumb of me to forget. I will set my VCR right away!

  20. S.Luggo

    [re=503193]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]:
    DADT=Divided Attention Driving Test

    Huzzah. At last there will be no way to show why I drove over the neighbor’s pomeranian Miss McConnell other than pure spite.

  21. dijetlo

    Part of it is his age. Most of you guys are youngs, you don’t remember watching Walter Cronkite and being treated to the spectacle of the dark fellas gettin’ whooped by the law for bein’ uppity while our elected politicians spoke platitudes about “keeping the public peace”, or packs of cracker-retards in Boston trying to flip over school buses with little kids on them because “we aint havin’ none of them people sitting next to Junior in class, some of that black might rub off.”
    So, yeah, for some of us Olds, every time we see Hopey standing at the podium delivering the SOTU, we’re gonna be thinking…damn! That’s a negro.WTF! It aint that we aren’t happy about it (well, some of us are pleased) it’s that back then, if you’d have told us we’d elect a black President in our lifetimes we’d have told you you were crazy.
    Turns out it’s a crazy ol’ world.

  22. Radiotherapy

    [re=503175]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Yeah, I hear that lisp every time his answer to any problem is ‘szhell the liquor shztorsz’!

  23. Sparky McGruff

    [re=503203]dijetlo[/re]: It’s a crazy world, with them coloreds in office all righty. But if the election had gone the other way, we would have been one aneurysm away from a truly crazy person as president, you betcha! We would have had the opportunity to run the country the way the Meth capital of the West is run! Also.

  24. gradgrind

    It is my fond but useless hope that some day I’ll forget for an hour that Tweety’s as Irish as I am.

  25. dijetlo

    [re=503208]Sparky McGruff[/re]:

    with them coloreds in office all righty.

    I can only tell you, it’s still visually shocking to see Barack Hussein Obama II standing at the podium delivering the SOTU and yeah, I voted for him.
    As for the Snowbilly Grifter…meh. She’s not as evil as Cheny, She’s not as crazy as Goldwater and Reagan called Nancy “Mommy” because he was so senile he couldn’t remember her name.
    In my experience a foolish diatribe is a much smaller threat than an intelligent, highly motivated individual bent on securing power and using it for self aggrandizement. Snowbilly falls in the former category, Cheny the latter.

  26. Mr Blifil

    In Matthew’s defense, the President did seem to assiduously avoid invoking the Negroe Dialect, so it’s not hard to see where he’d become disoriented…

  27. Escape Goat Nation

    Dude I know, right! For an hour I forgot that Obama was a Racist, Nazi, Socialist, RADICAL, Communist, Maoist, RADICAL, Fascist, Black Nationalist, Muslim, Marxist, MOST RADICAL, East German, Idi Amin follower, RADICAL, drug addict, smoker, and Kenyan citizen.

  28. Oh hell to the no

    Chris, I forgot that you were a yellow-bird for the hour you were obviously an ig’nant white dude. Talk about post-retard America!

  29. S.Luggo

    [re=503203]dijetlo[/re]:
    “Part of it is his age.”
    No. Most (if not all of it) is due to Barry’s attempt to bring about change without picking and choosing his battles. [That’s called “horizontal priorities’.] Barry thinks he is FDR, but without the need to articulate and inspire. He follows the antique legal maxim, “Res Ipsa Loquitor“ (the thing explains itself), every goal pursued is obvious.
    This does not work in a time of economic distress, in which the Everyman has been thumped by, and now fears, change.

    “Most of you guys are youngs,” Not moi. I went through the killing of the Kennedys and MLK and that certain unpleasantness in South East Asia.

    Nothing to do with race (at for least for the Repubs in Congress, and not the TeaBuggers). The ReThugs tried the same trash-talk with Clinton, but he out-Foxed them with Dick Morris’ Triangulation.

    And so it goes.

  30. Oh hell to the no

    I’m amazed by the number of people who are surprised when I get pissed that they said, “you don’t seem black” or “I forgot you were black”.

    Seriously? Fuck you.

    Also, I read that shit in context expecting it to be made a little bit better. Nope. Nada. Fuck you, Matthews.

  31. imissopus

    [re=503218]Mr Blifil[/re]: Yes, and he certainly seems Well Spoken and his light-skin is remarkably Cleane.

    I’m sure Tweety in his head was trying to make some point about how we’re a post-racial society now, blah blah blah, as that seems to be a particular hobbyhorse of his. Unfortunately he is such an inarticulate numbskull that he instead said something that only glaringly highlights how we’re not post-racial anything. It’s when he forgets to mention that he’d forgotten the whole black thing for an hour that he can argue we’ve made progress.

  32. Mr Blifil

    What the fuck was Alito’s problem with the corkscrew face? This is how the man reacts to the world when he thinks he’s not being observed?

  33. Judas Peckerwood

    “…he is post-racial, by all appearances…”

    That’s just Tweety’s adorable way of saying “Holy shit, he’s a mulatto! In the WHITE House!”

  34. Mr Blifil

    [re=503227]pampl[/re]: Well the President is only half-black, after all, so perhaps we should think of it as Matthews being only half-wrong.

  35. S.Luggo

    “Chris Matthews Has An Apology On The Way”
    Piffle. Don’t care.
    Response by Texas Senator John Cornym to the State of the Union Address:
    “The Negro said WHAT?”

  36. Bearbloke

    [re=503155]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=503180]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You apologize for that joke, then tell it again?

  37. S.Luggo

    [re=503180]SayItWithWookies[/re]: One “L”.

    [re=503241]Bearbloke[/re]: Posted from the Bureau of Redundancy Bureau?

  38. SayItWithWookies

    [re=503243]S.Luggo[/re]: Y’know, I thought that might’ve been on purpose, then ruled it out. Because that’s really icky.

    [re=503241]Bearbloke[/re]: Hey, Leno’s moving back to 11:30 — someone’s gotta tell every joke twice in this time slot.

  39. El Pinche

    Asshole of the night was not Matthews (he’s just a clowny jackass). It was Alito and his Joe Wilson moment. As SCOTUS, just keep your opinions to yourself ..at the least not in front of millions of people at the SoTUA for fuck’s sake.

  40. El Pinche

    I think next time they should liven up the State of the Union address and do it as roast for President Obama. They can invite Andy Dick and Lisa Lampanelli.

  41. S.Luggo

    [re=503246]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Do not count out that Bachmann is not open (so to speak) to new experiences (US Census excludded.)

    Because her husband’s gayness-cure clinic has resulted in a certain role reversal, who are we to predict? No, seriously.

  42. S.Luggo

    [re=503224]gurukalehuru[/re]: “Let Crist be Crist.” As of now, that’s not going too far to help his primary campaign. It’s like saying, “Let Tapioca be Tapioca, but without the chunks.” Pity that Charlie is up against the Cuban-American version of Scott Brown, ex-jock Marco Rubio. That’s an insult to Rubio, who is bilingual and doesn’t speak in word-salad in either language.

    [re=503249]Bearbloke[/re]: Are speaking of George Bush’s viceroy, Australian [former] Prime Minister John Howard?

  43. lawrenceofthedesert

    In addition to forgetting that Obama was black for an hour, it seems that Matthews has forgotten permanently that Obama is half-white. Maybe the show should be called “Oddball”?

  44. Army of None

    Wow! I hadn’t realized that my fellow Wonkette addicts put down Matthews as “Tweety.” Look: he gets paid to just run over at the mouth, without thinking, for hours on end. Naturally, from time to time he makes huge gaffes (“I got a tingle down my leg….” and again last night. Give the guy a break. His heart is in the right place. And his very bottle origin yellow hair is an interesting trademark, as well as his occasional proneness to spit, like a Shakepspearean actor who is declaming.

  45. Tlmsd

    [re=503259]Army of None[/re]: [re=503259]Army of None[/re]: You know who else had an occasional proneness to spit?

  46. schvitzatura

    [re=503259]Army of None[/re]: Alas, poor Tweety (spzzzt!)! I knew him, Army; a fellow of infinite gaffes, of most mediocre telejournocraft (spzzzt!).

  47. Manos: Hands of Fate

    [re=503154]schvitzatura[/re]: Speaking of real journalism. Anyone check out the cover of the “The Examiner” which is seemingly published in an alternative dimension? A dimension where some guy named “Bob McDonnell” is president and gave our State of the Union Speech last night.

  48. Barcode of the Apocalypse

    I can’t judge Chris too harshly — every time I look at him, I’m amazed at what an incredibly white white man he is!

  49. WarAndG

    [re=503155]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Whoaaaaaa! Your stage name could be SayItWithRickles. Neeeeeeeuuu!

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  51. Toomush Infermashun

    I’m giving Tweety a pass on this one. It’s like that last game of the Vikings & Saints… for an hour I forgot that Favre was a Packer…

  52. finallyhappy

    [re=503270]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: I just use it to wipe my feet on the Metro- I never actually take it or look at it.

    I understand running at the mouth- I talk way too much but I would never say something as stupid as Matthews. So why don’t I have a TV show?

  53. Sussemilch

    [re=503203]dijetlo[/re]: It’s a double-edge sword that America has no long-term memory. We can conveniently forget that we once treated blacks as second-class citizens, but unfortunately we also forget that Dick Cheney said “Reagan proved deficits don’t matter.”

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