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The ACORN douche-pimp. The one who bones Scott Brown’s Daughter. And now we have the one who wrote an anti-feminist parody of The Vagina Monologues called The Penis Monologues, for his conservative George Washington University newspaper, THE PATRIOT. Let’s see what Stan Dai wrote, in The Penis Monologues!

Quoth “The Giant Coochie Snorcher That Could,” about a local Giant Coochie Snorcher lady.

“The Giant Coochie Snorcher That Could”

It all began when I moved into Crawford Hall… I had a bad feeling about coochie snorchers. In the past, they had been nothing but trouble–big trouble. But then one day, I walked out of my building and met my “neighbor,” Joan. Joan is a GIANT COOCHIE SNORCHER, a 5-foot-tall vagina with a black plastic wig on her head! After Joan blocked my path and gave me a palm card for the March for Women Who Aren’t Babies’ Lives, I couldn’t resist an invitation to her apartment– Marvin Center 417. She slipped into fancy lingerie and lo and behold, I “now worship Joan,” just as the placard around her “neck” said. If that’s what it takes to be a feminist, just to worship a 5-foot-tall vagina, I’m a guy…I am so there!

“My Angry Penis”

MY PENIS IS ANGRY!!!!!!! You want to know what happened to my penis? Joan happened to my penis! There I was, sleeping peacefully when Joan stormed in and dragged me out for “an educational program.” I thought was going to see Mr. Rogers! But nooooooo! It turned out to be the “Whine-gina Monologues!”

An afterword, or forward, or both:

What are these vaginas angry about? Tampons, thong underwear, and gynecologists. Shouldn’t feminists be more concerned with encouraging women to go to the gynecologist to prevent cervical, uterine, and breast cancer (which, of course, are the fault of evil repressive men)? Why must the only reference to the sanctity of motherhood be given to a lesbian couple? Can’t men be more than just sperm donors and rapists in a feminist’s world? Justice Blackmun doesn’t even get a shout-out! If feminists want to really make a difference, why don’t they get out and change the world, instead of sitting in basements writing a litany of complaints to depress the world.

God, someone buy this kid a prostitute and let him finally get it over with, right?

Is this the same Stan Dai arrested for trying to bug Mary Landrieu’s office? [Lindsey Beyerstein]
The Penis Monologues [TPM]

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124 COMMENTS

  1. So, what use is GW anyway? Before this yahoo, it mainly seemed to be an overly expensive finishing school for the children of wealthy Jewish-American and Arab families (oddly enough). Are they required to go to classes there or is the payment of each semester’s bill enough to keep a student in good standing there?

  2. When teh fucktard conservatives attempt humor, especially satire, and even mere sarcasm, the results are not pretty. Its like when a little kid plays airplane by stretching his arms out and running around, turning this way and that, while making a “brrrrrrrr” sound, conservative fucktards trying to be funny are exactly as far from funny, as that little airplane kid is from being Captain of the Space Shuttle.

  3. Those poor, poor men, getting oppressed by those awful feminists; why, it’s gotten so awful that only 7/9 of the Supreme Court justices are.

    Someone who’s as afraid of vaginas as Stan here might want to look at the man in the closet before blaming feminists for everything.

  4. How come “the basement” is the default location for snarks about blogging? I live on the top floor and putting in a basement for my computer is pretty much out of the question.

  5. His penis will have alot to say after he spends a few years serving as a prisoner’s little white bitch. He’s just lucky Joan didn’t beat his useless little penis with a hammer.

  6. I just don’t understand why this “man” is so angry. A vagina with a nicely trimmed and neat bush is one of the great pleasures of being alive.

  7. [re=501897]ManchuCandidate[/re]:

    penis monologue?
    here’s a penis dialogue:
    Stan’s hand and his dick.

    Ahem, note seven syllables in the 2nd line.

  8. “Shouldn’t feminists be more concerned with encouraging women to go to the gynecologist to prevent cervical, uterine, and breast cancer (which, of course, are the fault of evil repressive men)?”

    Oh, he almost had a sensible point to make, but then he had to bugger it up.

  9. Also from the Penis Monologues:

    To be an insufferable dick or not to be an insufferable dick – that is the question.

    I think we all know which way he went with that one.

    These dudes are a comedy goldmine. I love it.

  10. [re=501884]Prommie[/re]: True, but eventually conservatives will create their own reality for humor, too, viz:

    1. Conservative A tells knock-knock joke.
    2. Conservative B twats joke to Redstate, which “reports” it as hysterical.
    3. Beck/O’Rielly/Limbaugh/VanSustern report Redstate report.
    4. Entry in Conservapedia, concluding with “Martin Luther King would have loved this joke.”
    5. Interviews, book tour.

  11. [re=501905]rmontcal[/re]: [re=501919]ManchuCandidate[/re]: So should doubleclick.net consider marketing to the douchtard demographic, say with doubleprick.net?

  12. If feminists want to really make a difference, why don’t they get out and change the world, instead of sitting in basements writing a litany of complaints to depress the world.

    Or why don’t they make an amateurish, sure to fail attempt to bug the office of United States Senator?

  13. Weird, because when feminists DO go out and change things, Angry Penises cry about how difficult everything is for them, because of the feminist changes, like insisting that vaginas make 67% of what penii do in the job market.

  14. [re=501894]PrairiePossum[/re]: He’ll probably be happy in prison; there’s no five foot tall vaginas there, or even the normal kind.

    [re=501912]the problem child[/re]: Considering how many of the anti-abortion zealots are trying to make sure girls don’t get the HPV vaccine, because they should face punishment if they ever the sex, his sarcastic comment is actually right on one of those diseases.

  15. [re=501924]Crank Tango[/re]: Is she the Gary Coleman-ish creature in his photo profile? Or am I mixing my criminals up? I’m so confused I can’t even read haikus correctly anymore.

  16. [re=501936]MzNicky[/re]: LOL no she’s the supposed co-author of ” the penis monologues,” also known by its working title of “cock talk.”

  17. Stan Dai???? WTF nationality is this clown? Chinese? Vietnamese? Check his immigration status then send him back home where he can wiretap the Politburo phones and see how long he lasts!!! Sonofabitch needs a few years in a labor camp!!!!

  18. [re=501913]Joshua Norton[/re]: Or that show on FOX, Red Eye with Greg Gutfield. You can literally hear comedy committing suicide in the midst of the show due to the fact the show tries to associate itself with it.

  19. instead of sitting in basements writing a litany of complaints

    And the Penis Monologues itself would be what class of discourse exactly? What is it with “conservatives” and self-awareness anyway? is this a brain chemical problem or a dropped on their head problem?

  20. Many, many and many of us readers today must question the very oddly and perhaps anti-Semitic reference to “wealthy Jewish-American” students who must somehow infiltrate George Washington University that was posted by a previous poster. First–what the holy hell is “Jewish-American?” What the hell is that? Jewish is not a nationality, it is a religion. There are Jews all across the world, in every country, just as there are Catholics, Protestants, Hindus, Buddhists and Wiccans all over the world. So in the future, to be fair, you, that odd poster, must be all-inclusive, and must also refer to Catholic-Americans, Protestant-Americans, Hindu-Americans, Hindi-Americans, Buddhist-Americans, Wiccan-Americans, and even Agnostic-Americans, Atheist-Americans and Satanist-Americans, too! While we’re at it: Lutheran-American, Baptist-American, Methodist-American and Evengelical-American, Morman-American, Seventh-Day-Adventist-American, and Jehovah’s-Witness-American must also be used. Second, there is no more greater number of “wealthy” people who happen to be of the Jewish faith and who happen to also be American at G.W. than there are anywhere else in the country. Additionally, G.W. happens to be a very good school in regards to numerous academic programs, and the school is recognized as such nationwide and internationally. In the future, if you don’t know anything about G.W., the Jewish faith, or people who happen to be Jewish and American, and if you happen to be anti-Semitic, please don’t comment.

  21. His obsession with gynecological health suggests that he is deeply disturbed… and also geh. No no. You can be both! But either way he was thinking about his mother when he wrote that part.

  22. News Flash. WAPO is correcting its original reporting on Watergate Jr. and now reports that the little rascals are only being charged with “entering the offices under false pretenses to tamper with the phone system” not the much juicier “wiretapping” charge we all orgasmed over. You knew that was too good to be true.

    [re=501958]thefrontpage[/re]: Good point.

  23. [re=501958]thefrontpage[/re]: Modern-Major-General-Americans? (Kinda started to pick up a rhythm there).

    Rhythm… er, um… um…

    …”Rhythm method to penis monologue linkage” FAIL.

  24. [re=502061]HuddledMass[/re]: Looks a little like the cho dude that did VA tech. Eh, I’m just saying that. But he also was a shitty, angry writer, no?

  25. [re=502054]bhosp[/re]:

    Ok, if you all tossed out L. Ron Hubbard, you get a pass on a range of things. But couldn’t you all have encouraged him into a different field rather than science fiction writing? Imagine how less zany certain social circles would be if Hubbard had been, say, a dentist.

  26. “He is co-founder of GW’s Students Defending Democracy”

    Defending democracy…really? When will he be joining the military? What’s that? Never? Ok.

    Also, I was looking at the mug shots of the LA Four and they all looked like the nasally laughing-at-shit-that-isn’t-funny, Braying Fratboy asswipes I went to college with way back in the day.

    Some things never change.

  27. Stan also writes: “Look, I’m no misogynist, I like women, just not crazy, screaming, vagina-obsessed ones! They scare me!”

    He has a point. Vaginas ARE scary to men. The terrifyingly softness, so responsive to sweet caresses, so readily engorged at the mere promise of a lover’s touch, the all-powerful clitorus, when teased, stroked, licked, sucked, starts pulsating, pulsating, pulsating, greedily compelling a woman to spread her legs wide, sometimes using her fingers to spread open the moist folds of her labia to entice him into entering her warm, tight, dastardly vagina, and as he repeatedly thrusts inside her in a futile attempt to get away, she writhes and bucks, moans and gasps, using every trick in her female arsenal to hold captive his poor penis inside the hell that is her vagina, until she has sucked into her his very manhood, consumed his life force, drained him dry, leaving them both spent, satisfied and joyous, while strangely desiring another go at the evil dance that vaginas gleefully inflict on helpless men.

  28. [re=502082]Harvey Birdman[/re]: American is to GW as GW is to Georgetown.

    [re=502095]Mojopo[/re]: Well, in prison he may be experiencing several penis dialogues.

  29. [re=502119]Katydid[/re]: I know how the guy feels. Look, I don’t have a thing against the retarded I like them, just not crazy, screaming, tax and teabag obsessed ones.! They scare me!

  30. [re=502141]Tommmcatt[/re]: ::puts panties back on:: Now, what was your complaint? (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

    I’m sincerely sorry for exposing you to hetero sex. It’s bad enough we do it in private, do we have to flaunt it in public?

  31. [re=502119]Katydid[/re]: Between the Brown images and this, Wonkette is looking more and more like a porn site every day. I need too need a smoke now.

    As for being forced to worship a five-foot tall vagina, maybe Stan was thinking of something like this?
    http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/cmovies/antman4.jpg
    Granted, that’s a six-inch man and a normal-sized vagina; but the effect’s similar. However, Hank looks pretty happy there; while Stan thinks the experience (and vaginas in general) would be unpleasant.

  32. [re=502179]teebob2000[/re]:

    His father is the acting US attorney for the Western District of Louisiana. Landrieu just appointed a full time person to that position who is conspicuously NOT Flanagan the elder.

  33. [re=502031]gurukalehuru[/re]: We’re not, but sensitity is good considering yet another anti-Semitic, stupid and ignorant remark–occurring on the 65h anniversary of the liberation of the Aushwitz concentration camp. Maybe if you lost your relatives to murderers in Germany, maybe you’d be a bit more sensitive, too. The point is: don’t be anti-Semitic, and don’t make stupid, ignorant anti-Semitic remarks here or anywhere. It’s not funny, it’s not snark, and it’s just dumb.

  34. “Coochie Snorcher”
    Um, I have heard lots of slang terms for a vagina–some meant to be flattering, some intended to be insulting, but WTF is a coochie snorcher?
    Perhaps I should be offended (his rant about feminists whining instead of changing the world is ridiculous since that is a perfect description of the FOX news crowd), but I (along with my coochie snorcher) am too busy ROTFLMAO…

  35. [re=502237]Allyson[/re]: I once endured a performance of the Vagina Monologues in an attempt to get laid.

    Miserable failure, as my girlfriend was going through this creepy second-wave feminist thing that is guaranteed to kill hetero relationships.

    The only thing I got from it was the term “coochie snorcher.”

  36. SURELY the long arm of the Wonkette (or recent former intern) has gotta have some experience going to school with one of these guys. I want some first-person story, as sordid as possible.

  37. [re=501883]Terry[/re]: [re=501958]thefrontpage[/re]: I just finished a graduate program there and saw nothing wrong with the characterization. I guess I am a racist.

  38. [re=502156]Mojopo[/re]: This would be a fine time for Manchu Candidate to come up with a Lion King-inspired song parody entitled ‘Vagina Dentata’

  39. [re=501912]the problem child[/re]: I know, right? I feel that the Vagina Monologues contain far too much bitching about internals, and I thought he might be on his way to making a half-intelligent point, but then he totally veered back into conservative cuntface land. And I don’t think my gyno checks for breast cancer down there. Also.

  40. [re=502235]thefrontpage[/re]: All very sad. Those of us without those relatives see half a million killed in Sudan and the international community yawning out, “oh, not white, not jewish, not 7 million . . . so, not a problem.”

  41. [re=501897]ManchuCandidate[/re]:

    It’s an identity crisis kind of thing: The Asshole that Thought it was a Penis.

    In haiku:

    Asshole, asshole, asshole.
    Penis? Asshole, asshole,
    asshole, asshole. Fixed.

  42. [re=502119]Katydid[/re]: My long established homosexuality has been called into question. I’ll have to tell my boyfriend, sugardaddy, rentboy, houseboy, and speedo-clad poolboy. How dare you break up our family!!

  43. Hey you guys, it’s so unfair to disrespect an anti-terrorism operations officer for the Department of Defense!!

    Oh, “Department of Defense” refers to an academic department at a right-wing college?

    Never mind.

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