LIBERAL TELEPHONES  4:05 pm January 25, 2010

You Can Be In The White House From Your Telephone Now, Oh Boy

by Jim Newell

This is what $100 trillion in party donations gets your company: an official White House product endorsement! (PEOPLE WHO USE BLACKBERRIES GO TO GITMO FROM NOW ON.) (EXCEPT OBAMA.) So for those of you who are into “new telephones” — the American economy’s last remaining growth sector. TELEPHONES. — there is a new porno deal for the app button or some such. “Fuck you Ed Schultz,” also. [White House]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Godot January 25, 2010 at 4:09 pm

iPhone users go to the White House, Blackberry users go to Gitmo… Where do Android users go? I already know that WinMo users go to their own personal hell.

Gopherit January 25, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Where’s the app for sucking off the republicans?

red sky January 25, 2010 at 4:16 pm

They got the wrong guy from the “I’m a Mac” add to promote iPhone apps.

Larry Fine January 25, 2010 at 4:23 pm

They should try to get a phone that is more easily insertable into the anus for vibration functions

bitchincamaro January 25, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Lemme know when the “Dodge This Fucking Shoe” app is released. I’ll def d/l that sucker.

rottenart January 25, 2010 at 4:24 pm

Ummm, guys?


That is all.

bfstevie January 25, 2010 at 4:25 pm

We can only wait, and dream, about Michael Steele’s response to this. If only I could come up with something really, really smart and funny. Then I could write for the Daily Show. Or be a Wonkette intern.

Aurelio January 25, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Now Gibbs can go suck Steve Jobs’ cock, also, too.

SayItWithWookies January 25, 2010 at 4:29 pm

This is too fast. There hasn’t been enough debate. We don’t know everything that’s in this app — Nobody knows everything that’s in this app. Have you looked at it? It’s over 2,000 lines of code. The Obama administration should scrap it and start all over again.

These talking points brought to you by the FOX News app, which hasn’t come out yet.

Tommmcatt January 25, 2010 at 4:29 pm

You have different standards for porn than I do, Jim.

BigDupa January 25, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Blackberry = Canada, iPhone = China (product of via Cupertino) We must first pay the rent to our overlords. Although Black Barry likes Blackberry. My bad, half black.

Holy Cow!! January 25, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Gibbs wasting taxpayer money again.

Extemporanus January 25, 2010 at 4:39 pm



BrrrrrrrrINGGG!! BrrrrrrrrrINGGG!!

Telll. Eee. Fone?




Com. Poot. Durrr!


Nooo…Butt-ons! No butt-ons! Nooope nope-nope-nope!



Viiibe. Raaiddd. Durrr?



V572625694 January 25, 2010 at 4:39 pm

[re=500641]rottenart[/re]: Right you are, we don’t have health insurance reform yet. And we’re not gonna have it, unless it involves tax cuts and “mandates” in the form of subsidies to Aetna, BCBS, etc. Thanks, Massachussetts — you got a temporary senator who’s a likable dipshit with cute daughters, knows which team Curt Schilling or Pfennig or whatever is name is plays for, but you fucked up the rest of the country.

rottenart January 25, 2010 at 4:40 pm

[re=500653]BigDupa[/re]: Blackberries are Canuckistani? Wow. There’s a joke here somewhere about why they’re so crappy but I won’t make it because they have universal health care and I do not. Gibbs, you’re full of shit.

Capitol Hillbilly January 25, 2010 at 4:45 pm

Like the man said, I don’t need power when I’m hypnotized:

rottenart January 25, 2010 at 4:50 pm

[re=500663]V572625694[/re]: Yeah, it’s easy to blame Mass for their cock-up but seriously, do I need Gibbs’ smug penis head telling me how cool the new WH app is? What am I going to check on? What the WH has refused to get involved in today? Oh the places I won’t go…

Not to mention that spot is like the Mac/PC commercials took the worst annoying traits from both actors and created some new, hideous abomination from them after giving it a focus-group-tested “cute” southern drawl.

AbeServer January 25, 2010 at 4:52 pm

If only the Salahi’s had had this ap. They might have stayed out of trouble.

EdFlinstone January 25, 2010 at 4:52 pm

Great more ammunition for a paranoid Glenn Beck/Michele Bachman rant about hopey indoctrinating our precious little ones. Surely theres some sort of tracking software in that app to make it easier to get em into the FEMA death panel concentration camps.

rottenart January 25, 2010 at 5:00 pm

[re=500663]V572625694[/re]: But, you’re right. Martha Coakley should be boiled in pine tar. She might not mind the cold then.

snideinplainsight January 25, 2010 at 5:03 pm

Yes, but with the WH App, you can see them all ignoring their Gitmo promise, caving on Abu Graib photos, forgetting the middle-class jobs bill, vacillating on health care legistlation IN NEAR-REAL TIME! It’s almost like you’re right there, in the room with them all!

Sharkey January 25, 2010 at 5:05 pm

[re=500665]rottenart[/re]: Yep. Wouldn’t surprise me if they outsourced the development of the WH app to India. When us Americans aren’t busy playing with our Chinese iPhone apps, Canadienne Blackberets, Japanese PS3s and Wiis, etc. then we’re too scared from terrorism, taxes, health care or whatever, to do any innovation ourselves anymore.

Make me want to ignore the news and the internet. I’ll be the first person in the 21st century US to actually make a new product.

AggieDemocrat January 25, 2010 at 5:07 pm

[re=500681]EdFlinstone[/re]: Well, they totes use the GPS function to tell the FEMA black helicopters where you are …

problemwithcaring January 25, 2010 at 5:28 pm

[re=500681]EdFlinstone[/re]: I thought you were going to say Beck would claim the app is stealing our thoughts or something, but your claim seems just crazy enough to be likely.

cashaholic January 25, 2010 at 7:44 pm

[re=500665]rottenart[/re]: Ha Ha. Who cares if our smartphones are dumb?

needanickname January 25, 2010 at 8:05 pm

I’ve been waiting patiently for the Wonkette app. When does it arrive?

Mr Blifil January 25, 2010 at 11:13 pm

Need things on your plate, so you can say you have a lot of things on your plate? There’s an app for that.

libwakman January 26, 2010 at 10:33 am

President Obama, this is me on my fucking something pretty please.

libwakman January 26, 2010 at 10:35 am

If there is an app for assholism, it is free to all good teabaggin’ fuckwarts.

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