liberal telephones

You Can Be In The White House From Your Telephone Now, Oh Boy

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This is what $100 trillion in party donations gets your company: an official White House product endorsement! (PEOPLE WHO USE BLACKBERRIES GO TO GITMO FROM NOW ON.) (EXCEPT OBAMA.) So for those of you who are into “new telephones” — the American economy’s last remaining growth sector. TELEPHONES. — there is a new porno deal for the app button or some such. “Fuck you Ed Schultz,” also. [White House]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


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  • Godot

    iPhone users go to the White House, Blackberry users go to Gitmo… Where do Android users go? I already know that WinMo users go to their own personal hell.

  • Gopherit

    Where’s the app for sucking off the republicans?

  • red sky

    They got the wrong guy from the “I’m a Mac” add to promote iPhone apps.

  • Larry Fine

    They should try to get a phone that is more easily insertable into the anus for vibration functions

  • bitchincamaro

    Lemme know when the “Dodge This Fucking Shoe” app is released. I’ll def d/l that sucker.

  • rottenart

    Ummm, guys?


    That is all.

  • bfstevie

    We can only wait, and dream, about Michael Steele’s response to this. If only I could come up with something really, really smart and funny. Then I could write for the Daily Show. Or be a Wonkette intern.

  • Aurelio

    Now Gibbs can go suck Steve Jobs’ cock, also, too.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is too fast. There hasn’t been enough debate. We don’t know everything that’s in this app — Nobody knows everything that’s in this app. Have you looked at it? It’s over 2,000 lines of code. The Obama administration should scrap it and start all over again.

    These talking points brought to you by the FOX News app, which hasn’t come out yet.

  • Tommmcatt

    You have different standards for porn than I do, Jim.

  • BigDupa

    Blackberry = Canada, iPhone = China (product of via Cupertino) We must first pay the rent to our overlords. Although Black Barry likes Blackberry. My bad, half black.

  • Holy Cow!!

    Gibbs wasting taxpayer money again.

  • Extemporanus



    BrrrrrrrrINGGG!! BrrrrrrrrrINGGG!!

    Telll. Eee. Fone?




    Com. Poot. Durrr!


    Nooo…Butt-ons! No butt-ons! Nooope nope-nope-nope!



    Viiibe. Raaiddd. Durrr?



  • V572625694

    [re=500641]rottenart[/re]: Right you are, we don’t have health insurance reform yet. And we’re not gonna have it, unless it involves tax cuts and “mandates” in the form of subsidies to Aetna, BCBS, etc. Thanks, Massachussetts — you got a temporary senator who’s a likable dipshit with cute daughters, knows which team Curt Schilling or Pfennig or whatever is name is plays for, but you fucked up the rest of the country.

  • rottenart

    [re=500653]BigDupa[/re]: Blackberries are Canuckistani? Wow. There’s a joke here somewhere about why they’re so crappy but I won’t make it because they have universal health care and I do not. Gibbs, you’re full of shit.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Like the man said, I don’t need power when I’m hypnotized:

  • rottenart

    [re=500663]V572625694[/re]: Yeah, it’s easy to blame Mass for their cock-up but seriously, do I need Gibbs’ smug penis head telling me how cool the new WH app is? What am I going to check on? What the WH has refused to get involved in today? Oh the places I won’t go…

    Not to mention that spot is like the Mac/PC commercials took the worst annoying traits from both actors and created some new, hideous abomination from them after giving it a focus-group-tested “cute” southern drawl.

  • AbeServer

    If only the Salahi’s had had this ap. They might have stayed out of trouble.

  • EdFlinstone

    Great more ammunition for a paranoid Glenn Beck/Michele Bachman rant about hopey indoctrinating our precious little ones. Surely theres some sort of tracking software in that app to make it easier to get em into the FEMA death panel concentration camps.

  • rottenart

    [re=500663]V572625694[/re]: But, you’re right. Martha Coakley should be boiled in pine tar. She might not mind the cold then.

  • snideinplainsight

    Yes, but with the WH App, you can see them all ignoring their Gitmo promise, caving on Abu Graib photos, forgetting the middle-class jobs bill, vacillating on health care legistlation IN NEAR-REAL TIME! It’s almost like you’re right there, in the room with them all!

  • Sharkey

    [re=500665]rottenart[/re]: Yep. Wouldn’t surprise me if they outsourced the development of the WH app to India. When us Americans aren’t busy playing with our Chinese iPhone apps, Canadienne Blackberets, Japanese PS3s and Wiis, etc. then we’re too scared from terrorism, taxes, health care or whatever, to do any innovation ourselves anymore.

    Make me want to ignore the news and the internet. I’ll be the first person in the 21st century US to actually make a new product.

  • AggieDemocrat

    [re=500681]EdFlinstone[/re]: Well, they totes use the GPS function to tell the FEMA black helicopters where you are …

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=500681]EdFlinstone[/re]: I thought you were going to say Beck would claim the app is stealing our thoughts or something, but your claim seems just crazy enough to be likely.

  • cashaholic

    [re=500665]rottenart[/re]: Ha Ha. Who cares if our smartphones are dumb?

  • needanickname

    I’ve been waiting patiently for the Wonkette app. When does it arrive?

  • Mr Blifil

    Need things on your plate, so you can say you have a lot of things on your plate? There’s an app for that.

  • libwakman

    President Obama, this is me on my fucking something pretty please.

  • libwakman

    If there is an app for assholism, it is free to all good teabaggin’ fuckwarts.