Poorly executed human mustache Thomas Friedman has a solution to our country’s unpopular “no jobs problem.” It involves like, everyone starting a business, right? But see the incentive (or “moral hazard”) is that everyone’s going to be selling products they invented themselves. “Obama should make the centerpiece of his presidency mobilizing a million new start-up companies that won’t just give us temporary highway jobs, but lasting good jobs that keep America on the cutting edge. The best way to counter the Tea Party movement, which is all about stopping things, is with an Innovation Movement, which is all about starting things.” If you have qualms, though, don’t have qualms! Thomas Friedman has already figured out where we’re going to get the child-aged middle schoolers (?) that are required for all new businesses.
Yup:
And to reignite his youth movement, he should make sure every American kid knows about two programs that he has already endorsed: The first is National Lab Day. Introduced last November by a coalition of educators and science and engineering associations, Lab Day aims to inspire a wave of future innovators, by pairing veteran scientists and engineers with students in grades K-12 to inspire thousands of hands-on science projects around the country.
America will be the #1 exporter of vinegar/baking soda volcanoes in under five years, minimum.
Extra credit for tipster “Mike G.” [New York Times]
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On a further note, his solution to the homeless problem is that everyone should buy a house. So elegant, so simple, so full of shit…
Love the Star 80 moustache, BITCH!!!
Yes, this will work. Banks are already pissing in the face of existing businesses that are requesting extentions of existing credit, but surely they will give me all the money I need to develop, patent and manufacture my revolutionary new FREEDOM TRAY accessory that allows you to carry and heat an additional 12 oz of nacho cheese via USB connection.
I got your jobs “incubator” right here.
[re=500133]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Cock-broom ‘stache, that one…
Has anyone here moved to Incorporate themselves yet, to better survive your new corporate order?
I heard that your ACLU was supporting this case on the corporatist side – is that true?
First of all most small businesses fail-look at the stats on the range of small businesses. even tech start-ups- I know because I worked with funding them. The money probably did a good job giving the guy who started it and a few others a job for 6 months or a year but lots of “brilliant” ideas can’t be made business viable.
For years, my home state has had a lot of school-age kids in labs with experienced chemists, and so far, no Nobel Prize winners.
Hiring someone to beat the shit out of Mr. Hot, Flat and Crowded is my jobs program.
Hands-on projects with Labrador Retrievers? Ewwwww.
“Hey guysOWW!!> MY MOUSTACHE!”
Wow he went a whole sentence without saying bangalore. Please Tom we love advice every since you said going to Iraq was necessary.
He’s clearly saying we should all start and star in our own internet porn sites, no?
[re=500139]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Don’t waste your money; there are plenty of us who would be willing to do it for free.
Investing in start-ups could never fail! Speaking of which, I need to go put some more money into pets.com….
Well, we could all become teevee talking head pundits and blather on about crap we came across whilesurfing the inter tubes. Hell, I do it for free now, why not charge for it?
Seriously, if only all those machinists and auto workers had heeded the roadside ads on the ride to the plant, asking them what they would do when a Chinese/Mexican low-wage solid-state robot began milling and installing the very parts responsible for getting them to the plant. It was a conundrum no blue-collar worker ever thought he’d have to ponder, let alone the real meaning of hot, flat, and mustachioed.
~crawling back in my Snuggie~
What is this “weblog ” of what you speak?
Flat, hot and out of control!!
I’ve invented a new accessory for the Freedom Tray that allows a fleshlight to be neatly installed on the underneath. The movement inside the fleshlight provides heat that melts the nacho cheese.
Bill Gates is also pimping innovation today, too, as well. I wonder which cylon writes their dialogue.
The world is flat, the sun revolves around the earth, and kids will hire parents as babysitters to create full employment.
[re=500136]Bearbloke[/re]: Why is it that every time I see this putz, Friedman, I feel the need to take a hot shower. Oh, I know why:
http://www.zuguide.com/image/James-Woods-Casino.10.jpg
Don’t Friedman know a ‘stache cost Dewey the 48 election? Shmendrik!!!
At least now if we all incorporate ourselves we can spend as much as we want on political advertising.
America will be the #1 exporter of vinegar/baking soda volcanoes in under five years, minimum.
I believe this is what’s referred to as the “Peter Priciple”.
You know what would take a burden off start-up owners’ minds? Public Healthcare. Just sayin’
Oh, you mean a nice little family business like General Growth Properties, the outfit started by Mrs. Friedman’s family? The one that afforded Tom the 114,000 sq. ft. mansion he lives in while preaching about ecology? The one that is in Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection? Yeah, I should try that, bankruptcy probably has it all over the unemployment check I’m getting now.
[re=500138]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: After seeing a sampling of their science projects, I’m not in the least bit surprised.
*THEMSELVES* = JOOS?
Help me Wonketeers, I must have missed something.
Please tell me why Friedman is a douche.
(Thanks in advance.)
If we’re going to export baking soda volcanoes, they need to be like this.
New business opportunities abound in the Wall Street executive estate security services!
Startup costs:
“EBR”/M4 ~$1K-1.5K
Trijicon® ACOG® Ballistic Reticle Scope (the one with KJV Bible verses) ~$1K
Operators chest rig ~$250
high capacity magazines
Plenty of 5.56x45mm NATO
Bank-lending available upon swearing fealty to your new financial liege lord…
That’s a great idea if only most folk weren’t tied to their employer by health insurance. And if you’re already laid off then COBRA or individual insurance is bleeding you fucking white and you don’t have the capital to start a business, especially if you have a family…
[re=500132]Joshua Norton[/re]: Yes, that should work nicely. Also, the solution to the health care problem is that everyone should take a first aide course, the problem of orphans should be solved by having them become parents as soon as they hit puberty, global warming (and overcrowding!) should be solved by each family building their own self contained rocket ship, and the insurgency should be fought against by giving them guns and money. (oh wait, we already tried that last one)
Shorter Tom Friedman: My wife is starting a VC fund; please help me get her the fuck out of the mansion.
Also, Obama starts pushing more science in the schools, on the Teabaggers. What could possibly go wrong?
[re=500160]DemmeFatale[/re]: Because he’s supposedly the NY Times foreign policy columnist wizz but supported the Iraq War as it would somehow bring peace to the Middle East through magic, keeps on talking about how awesome globalization is and how awesome it is Bangalore is doing well but never talks about Detroit or any other place wiped out by globalization, and he’s written the exact same column about the environment/green technology for the past four years (seriously, you could do a Tom Friedman Mad Libs and you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference). Also, because like most pundits, nobody’s called him on any of it.
[re=500160]DemmeFatale[/re]:
Please tell me why Friedman is a douche.
Cliquez ici.
Add wireless USB to this Freedom Tray so we can wander around and still keep the nachos warm and I’ll buy 2.
[re=500166]Katydid[/re]: What could possibly go wrong?
See for yourself by taking a leisurely little scroll through the future of Real America…if you dare!
Because the way to stabilize an economy is to just let a bunch of amateurs slap it together. It’ll only be half the price, you see. Thomas Friedman is so gay for globalization that he thinks we should just outsource the entire economy…to ourselves
Yeah, here’s the problem with counting on more (Steve) Jobs as Friedman likes to say. Apple has 35,000 employees. Walmart has a little over 2,000,000. Maybe we should have more Walmarts?
All good in theory, but ever tried to get small business funding when banks are feeling flush, let alone starring as plodding Zombies of the Financial Stratosphere? Right. More inanity from the Rich and Permanently Outside the Real World. Too bad the newspapers and the teevee have viewpoints from nothing but. Just one of many reasons I will continue to toast each and every news outlet bankruptcy.
Why would anybody in there right mind want to build a business today?
Only to have Wall St. and the government fuck it up.
[re=500170]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh what heck:
http://www.fileden.com/files/2009/2/22/2334311/friedman.jpg
A spin off of the Wheaton joke, but I’ll make any excuse to photoshop Friedman’s head on something.
[re=500158]Extemporanus[/re]: There’s some overlap, but there are some gems the other entry missed here, particularly 6, 7 and 8.
HC2H3O2 + NaHCO3 = gentle fizzy reaction
NH4NO3 + CnH2n+2 + Seismogel = orders bigger gentle fizzy reaction
To do what Friedo suggests you have to reduce the size of government to cause a shift of people and capital to the ‘private sector’.
Has Friedman fucked Peggy Noonan yet?
[re=500180]Paul Tardy[/re]: Yeah. Like that’s gonna happen…
Come to my lab, Tom. I have a 600 amp power supply I’d like to clamp to your nipples.
Mr. Flintstone anticipated my comment when he said know this guy was a moron “every since you said going to Iraq was necessary.”
I’d never know this idiot existed until he started pimping himself to every teevee show that would have him to dictate his wisdom to us all, that this war was going to fix terrorism forever. Since this thing was such a huge and obviously stupid mistake that a semi-literate monkey who’d seen “Battle in Algiers” while drunk could figure it out, I’ve forever thought this guy was a waste. ‘Stache just reinforces it.
You just have to love it when the pundit class is as out of touch as the pre-revolution French aristocracy was: The peasants have no bread! No problem, let them eat cake. The middle class has no jobs! No problem, let them become entrepreneurs and inventors! On a positive note, it sounds like the Times is going for a pay for access scheme soon so we can pay money for these nuggets of wisdom emitted (deposited? extruded?) by Mr. Friedman.
Extruded is le mot juste.
A militia can be a business. Right?
[re=500182]spandrelmatic[/re]: that may be the only thing he hasn’t pontificated on. So no, not yet.
I’ve scaled back my hopes and expectations. I’ll be perfectly satisfied simply to see the American people suffer.
[re=500190]Servo[/re]: Just be sure to incorporate in a small-market-media area with a mediocre congressman who just barely wins his always-uncontested elections…. Militia/Anarchy 2012!!!
[re=500168]Aurelio[/re]: I have to go OT a minute and say something about this video clip, which I’d not seen before.
Seriously? Iraq is justified because we popped the terrorism bubble (what kind of idiot could possibly equate a stategy to a bubble) by proving to homicidal Islamic fundamentalists that we’re such crazy fuckers we’ll just cold bomb anyone handy in retaliation for shit you do to us? The Nigerian guy with the exploding underpants came over from–England, was it? Does that mean Canada should duck?
WTF is this guy talking about? Why TF does he not shut up and go groom that nasty mustache of his?
And a final rule of thumb that you can take to the bank (quickly, before it’s insolvent): whenever someone being interviewed on the teevee is lying, doesn’t know what they fuck they’re talking about or is otherwise being disingenuous, they always–always–use the interviewer’s first name. “In what sense, Charley?” It must be in some kind of guide to how to be teevee interviewed.
[re=500178]schvitzatura[/re]: Is that shit real science and you’re just showing off because you know most of us majored in stuff like English, History or other disciplines that don’t counting involve counting?
Or did you just make this up and only you and a few others get it.
Or both, and you’re just a lot smarter than I am.
Friedman should hire himself to shut the fuck up.
So I’m supposed to sell my cardboard box under the bridge and hope someone has enough money to buy it… and then just sleep on a park bench while I use the money from selling my cardboard box to invent something (most likely ridiculous and unnecessary) and then try to sell it to other people who have no money and sold their last bag of fritos or their last can of bud lite to start their OWN companies.
But hey, if we all start our own bankrupt companies, that don’t have enough to pay any of us, at least we’re not unemployed. Right?
“Poorly executed human mustache ” made my day. I’m going out right now to find someone to call it.
That’s it. I’m starting my own Blackwater and hiring myself.
The HuffPost wants us all to start our own bank. I’ll happily store your money under my matress.
I’ll volunteer to start up a cutting-edge innovative entrepreneurial start-up to shave Friedman’s mustache!
It’s kinda like the ol’ Andy Hardy (Mickey Rooney) movies…”Come on kids lets all put on a show and pay Mrs. Leary’s hospital bill!”
Which when ya think about it is kinda like bloggin’…well, except for the money part.
Our own businesses??!
Not everyone can have an unlicensed home day care and enter the yearly christmas craft show!
Jeebus!
This new idea of millions of stable, privately-owned businesses sounds suspiciously like the American middle class circa 1950.
Naw, I think I’ll stick with the soul-fucking corporate dystopia you’ve been toadying for the past thirty years.
[re=500175]El Pinche[/re]: I’d hit it.
LEMONADE/baking soda volcanoes are the perfect pairing of childhood entrepreneurship and scientific innovation.
[re=500160]DemmeFatale[/re]: If you don’t know by now, don’t mess with it.
@NYNYNY:
That is an awesome idea, you need to patent that right away. But forget the Freedom Tray (TM), you need to nail that FleshLight (TM) to the underside of the Steering Wheel Tray (TM).
Crusin’ down the 405, laptop running the Redtube Roulette, it’s a totally hands-free operation.
The president should also vow to bring the Network for Teaching Entrepreneurship, or NFTE, to every low-income neighborhood in America. NFTE works with middle- and high-school teachers to help them teach entrepreneurship.
Ah — so Friedman’s way of fixing the unemployment problem — which ideally should take effect in the next six months — is to work with ninth graders so that they can become entrepreneurs — in the next four to eight years. Well I certainly see how this man got to be a trusted authority on economic issues.
ENROLL IN THE TOM FRIEDMAN SUCK ON THIS SCHOOL OF LOLLIPOP TEST-MARKETING
Friedman being the guy who is famous for saying “Suck. On. This.” there may only be one kind of job he is qualified to encourage the start up of.
[re=500215]doctor_fu[/re]: Because I didn’t know what this “Redtube” is, I went there… and I was tricked into watching some disgusting filth bearing the alt-text title of “She loves it in her ass “, instead of its original English title “Thomas Friedman presestent the Wonderfal World of Neo-Con Globalisation “…
[re=500220]Bearbloke[/re]:
What ever you do, don’t go to “Tommy F’s hot and crowded site” aka fleshbot.com. You will grow hair on your palms.
I think of only two things when I think of Friedman (which is almost never):
1. SUCK ON THIS ( translation: I will suck corporate cock for war )
2. Matt Taibbi’s legendary fantastical pooping all over Friedman by example via Valerie Bertinelli’s ass.
I wish someone would outsource Friedman for a cheaper journalist/columnist/bullshitist overseas.
[re=500157]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Ooh, this is the kind of case that gets myz teeths all sweaty.
[re=500157]Jukesgrrl[/re]:
Watch out Tom, weeeeeee’re coming for youuuuu…
“If you don’t visit the bad neighborhoods, the bad neighborhoods are going to visit you.” – Thomas Friedman
I want to make things with my hands..ewwwww..I’m making a thing right nowww!!!
Today, we are all monogrammed t-shirt vendors.
Juli: Please. In the future, go ahead and write Tom Friedman posts in the style of Tom Friedman.
“And then so there I was, on a golf course in downtown Mumbai (nee Bombay) playing Australian rules football with a cricket bat. I had enjoyed a breakfast of curried beets, which I had purchased at, of all places, a McDonald’s inside of a Wal-Mart. I was in India getting a discount colonoscopy at a hospital which met or exceeded American standards. And then it hit me, that the world was getting so hot and so flat that it was time for child-aged middle schoolers to start doing the science projects again, like their subcontinent counterparts, with whom I had played ice hockey in Dubai last week…” and so on…
For decades, the Republicans and Democrats have found ever more innovative ways to gut our educational system and make each new generation more stupid than the last. In a country hellbent on teaching their kids that the universe sprang from the head of an invisible man who lives in the sky, don’t expect much in the way of new technologies or ideas.
As a recent small business owner, I have to agree 100 percent with Mr. Friedman. It’s the ingenuity and drive of the small businessman which will grow our economy.
And if you need to services of a debt collector or repo man, please drop me a line.
Strengthen and vigorously enforce antitrust laws and increase high earner graduated income tax and watch small business and middle class return to 1950′s levels. Didja think it was just coincidence?
I hadn’t been aware that running from tv studio to tv studio hollering “SUCK IT” was an example of entrepreneurial innovation.
Oh, and kids? Get cracking, those webcams won’t make the prØn by themselves…
Well since they’re apparently breeding like rabbits because *we* are feeding them, they might as well provide their *own* damn job recovery.
a million business plans based on “Weird Science”.
Hey Tom, here’s a new business idea I had: servicing your rich wife.
I just incorporated my lemonade stand. Anyone know a billionaire heiress I can marry?
This will do nothing but convince people like Vince from Sham-Wow and Slap Chop that people want their crap.
Oh, and Thomas Friedman is a walrus, not terribly unlike Wilford Brimley.
All of this innovation and job growth will happen in one Friedman Unit.
Hey, Tom. Two words: Dot.coms.
*****
But he’s right. I gonna go out an invent me the PC.
And, if you get sick while starting up your new innovative bidness, you can just bop in to your local no-waiting emergency room. Especially if you’re not a white male, then you’ll get better health care than anywhere in the world. They have a special on faces blown up by home-made volcanos.
This is like the time Mr. Friedman pointed with pride to an American who’d lost his job and had started printing T-shirts that read, “They shipped my job overseas and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt,” as proof of American ingenuity and innovation. That guy might have sold two or three of the loser T-shirts to his friends and relatives, more than making up for losing a steady job forever.
Now let one, two, a thousand lousy T-shirt mottos bloom!
[re=500394]saggyboobedhag[/re]: Still laughing at the handle and the comment.
When this place has provided tons of useful information on the new economy ranging from hobo stew recipes to organizing roving bands of heavily armed cannibals, why all this consternation and worry?
[re=500156]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Thank you, m’dear. Was going to say that what the Teabaggers are successfully stopping is the one thing that would allow me to finally start my own business.
So a man who makes his living mainly in the mainstream media is telling us how to plan for our economic future. Does anybody else see the problem here? NBC is losing money on the Olympics this year. The New York Times has to start charging for access to its web site. The Washington Times is laying off people left and right. Advertisement revenue has fallen drastically in print and video media. Maybe Mr. Friedman might want to start worrying about his own sector of the economy. He’s counting on those of us who’ve been most impacted by globalization to somehow have the money to buy his books and read his articles. Somebody needs to tell this idiot that the war (and the people behind the war) he promoted has bankrupted this country. We can’t afford universal health care because we spent too much pursuing Dick Cheney’s business ties in Iraq. And that means that nobody can quit his crappy job right now to become an entrepreneur without losing his health care and risking economic ruin.
The only group doing well in America today are the corporations who are sucking the treasury dry from the top. The military contractors, the lobbyists, the prison industry, the food industry, the pharmaceutical industry, and soon the insurance industry. And now the Supreme Court has ruled that a corporation is a person and that bribing government officials is “free speech.” If I see one more asshat senator telling us that government shouldn’t provide health care while he’s getting gold plated government supplied health care I’m going to light Friedman’s last book on fire and shove it up that senator’s “ay-uhss.”
Zoning laws most places prevent unemployed Americans from selling apples on the sidewalks or raising their own potatoes and onions.
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