SEXYTIMES  4:10 pm January 22, 2010

K-Lo Sizin’ Up The Goods At Anti-Abortion Rally

by Jim Newell

Important National Review torture pope Kathryn Jean Lopez was alone when she went to an anti-abortion rally today. But you can bet your bottom zygote that she won’t go home that way! With which lucky 15-year-old churchy boy will she be stone cold doin’ the Jungle Jesus Boogie Woogie (“raping”)? Be on the lookout, boys. [Twitter via Instaputz]


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liquiddaddy January 22, 2010 at 4:13 pm


FMA January 22, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Great. Now I have to go home and start drinking to kill the brain cells harboring that image.
I was going to do that anyway, but still…

An Outhouse January 22, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Usually they all run away before she gets there. This time she arrived early and startled them.

SmutBoffin January 22, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Jesus. Is there anyone at NRO who isn’t a big fat perv?

edgydrifter January 22, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Given her corpulence, I’ve got to believe she does them mantis-style.

Godot January 22, 2010 at 4:16 pm

But how will this measure up to K-Lo’s favorite rally experience?

ManchuCandidate January 22, 2010 at 4:16 pm

Even chronic masturbating 15 year olds have standards, K-OverFed.

JMP January 22, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Those good old innocent boys, asserting their rights of ownership over the lesser sex’s uterus.

Although K-Lo might be able to make abortion unnecessary; the sight of her would make abstinence mandatory, on account of the impotence.

Texan Bulldoggette January 22, 2010 at 4:18 pm

That twitter doesn’t ‘even make sense–who did she expect to be outside a boys school? A bunch of goats or Mark Foley? (Hmmm….maybe both?)

Tommmcatt January 22, 2010 at 4:21 pm

It would take at least two, wouldn’t it? Fifteen-year-olds are small…maybe 3. It’s a lot of area to cover.

the problem child January 22, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Yeah, a fifteen-year-old boy is exactly who I want to have making decisions about women’s bodies.

assistant/atlas January 22, 2010 at 4:23 pm

WTF is wrong with these people? Her next twat was:

“Well some of them are giving out “free hugs” … Which means they’re 15 year old boys…”

How can this not be a clear case of sexual predation?

MzNicky January 22, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Now, why are these 15-year-old boys outdoors in the cold, and why are they speaking at a boys’ high school? Don’t they belong inside, where it’s warm? And where else would they speak? Huh? Huh, K- “I’m Writing As Bad As I can” -Lo? And reel your lolling tongue back into your pie-hole. Fat, stupid, and horny is no way to go through life, missy.

magic titty January 22, 2010 at 4:26 pm

And as you know, 15 year-old boys know everything.

Jim89048 January 22, 2010 at 4:27 pm

[re=499747]assistant/atlas[/re]: Front-hugs, or side-hugs? Because I’d think K-lo would have to sneak up from behind to hug anyone short of Rosie O’Donnell.

SmutBoffin January 22, 2010 at 4:28 pm

[re=499743]Tommmcatt[/re]: This comment makes me wish I could stab myself in the mind’s eye.

Hooray For Anything January 22, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Was Chris Hansen there?

One Yield Regular January 22, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Good heavens – boys outside speaking at a boys high school?!? Why isn’t the AP on top of this?!

Extemporanus January 22, 2010 at 4:31 pm

[re=499743]Tommmcatt[/re]: They are four 15-year-old boys in this photo of K-Lo.

See if you can spot them all!

widestanceromancer January 22, 2010 at 4:32 pm

[re=499743]Tommmcatt[/re]: Let’s see, 4 to hold back the flappiage, 2 to toss flour on her (sufficient to cover the area), and 3 to go for the wet spot (2 of which will be needed to ensure she knows they’re there), and 10 more to hold the ropes so the poor kids could get back out. I’m not an elitist, so I don’t do math, but I think that makes about 6.

SmutBoffin January 22, 2010 at 4:37 pm

[re=499762]widestanceromancer[/re]: FOR SATAN’S SAKE, STOP! Now I can only think about tiny, pimply boys crawling all over K-Lo like worker-drones, stuffing ho-hos in her mouth, coating her…bits…with their genetic material, and tending her larvae.

populucious January 22, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Wow, the idea of a boys school protesting abortion rights really really really makes me want to reinstate the draft. Cuz it’s totally cool when complete strangers, voters and governmental agencies get to decide how you’re going to live your life, isn’t it boys?

Extemporanus January 22, 2010 at 4:39 pm

[re=499753]Jim89048[/re]: I believe the scientific name for the process is huggocytosis.

WadISay January 22, 2010 at 4:41 pm

[re=499759]Extemporanus[/re]: Including the dead ones? This, uh, person has the build only Mark Penn can satisfy.

Holden Caulfield January 22, 2010 at 4:42 pm

Nice to see the Catholic Church hasn’t lost its hold on pubescent boys.

Stranger Danger: “Would you like some candy?”
Fr. Stranger Danger: “Would like to attent a pro-life rally?”

slappypaddy January 22, 2010 at 4:42 pm

what do the boys say when they’re “outside speaking”? are the words different from when they’re “talking on the qt”? “giving the straight dope”? “spilling the tea”? is “outside speaking” different from or similar to “speaking truth to power”? discuss.

Extemporanus January 22, 2010 at 4:49 pm

[re=499778]WadISay[/re]: [re=499759]Extemporanus[/re]: Yes, and I apologize for the typo.

That sentence should’ve read: “They are four 15-year-old boys in this photo IN K-Lo.”

DP January 22, 2010 at 4:51 pm

I challenge K-Lo to name one boy’s high school she spoke at where they didn’t bombard her with spitballs and empty Red Bull cans.

chascates January 22, 2010 at 4:52 pm

Miss Five-by-Five should be forced to keep 200 yards distance from any public school. And shaking a dead fetus at them didn’t make any converts. (Converts to ANYTHING.)

Tommmcatt January 22, 2010 at 4:54 pm



Crank Tango January 22, 2010 at 4:59 pm

good to see kids are still willing to do anything to get out of being in school. is that the takeaway here?

Extemporanus January 22, 2010 at 5:02 pm

[re=499768]SmutBoffin[/re]: [re=499762]widestanceromancer[/re]: Oh, and don’t forget the boys pulling out her Twinkie® tampon and inserting her Ding Dong™ diaphram!

El Pinche January 22, 2010 at 5:05 pm

“Hahaha, dude , you’re mom looks like Meatloaf.”

the problem child January 22, 2010 at 5:10 pm

[re=499781]slappypaddy[/re]: They’re probably using their OUTSIDE VOICES. And trying not to crack.

Berkeley Bear January 22, 2010 at 5:10 pm

WTF? Why/how is it “good” that virgin pimply faced boys are anti-choice? The “grown up” versions of these idjits is the heart of the anti-choice group already – 40 something white male assclowns who still think women are property and must submit to their will, ala Rep. Bachmann.

the problem child January 22, 2010 at 5:12 pm

All this talk of 15 year old boys reminds me of how vile they were.

Autoo January 22, 2010 at 5:21 pm

When K-Lo talks about how “hungry she is for some fresh 15-year-old meat,” she’s speaking literally, about the hunger part. Run, 15 year old boys, run!

widestanceromancer January 22, 2010 at 5:22 pm

[re=499796]Extemporanus[/re]: You’re making me want to describe earning red wings while they’re all down there. . .would that be going too far?

Joshua Norton January 22, 2010 at 5:24 pm

If they buried K-Lo at sea, we’d end up with one less ocean.

Guppy06 January 22, 2010 at 5:41 pm

[re=499751]magic titty[/re]: They know plenty about getting 15 year old girls knocked up. It’s how not to get them knocked up they have problems with.

Min January 22, 2010 at 5:41 pm

Hey, it beats going to class.

BeWoot January 22, 2010 at 5:45 pm

[re=499747]assistant/atlas[/re]: See, usually the boys charge her for hugs. So this was a big day for the big girl.

Extemporanus January 22, 2010 at 5:51 pm

[re=499811]widestanceromancer[/re]: Well, they don’t call her “The Hostess with the Mostess” for nothin’…

S.Luggo January 22, 2010 at 6:09 pm

[re=499747]assistant/atlas[/re]: Ah, they were so young, and now they are so harmed and distorted by the experience. From such comes the gayness we hear so much of in the press.

Jim89048 January 22, 2010 at 6:28 pm

[re=499840]Extemporanus[/re]: Goddamn my eyes, they initially read that as “hostess with the moistness”, and that just ain’t right…

Mustang January 22, 2010 at 7:03 pm

I’m sorry, but I’m too tired right now to thoroughly proofread the previous posts. Did anyone else allude to the (Mark Twain?) joke – Outside of a dog I love books the best… or something. Oh I AM tired. Go ahead without me.

assistant/atlas January 22, 2010 at 8:43 pm

[re=499854]S.Luggo[/re]: Gheys and monks, also. And “To Catch a Predator”.

S.Luggo January 22, 2010 at 9:48 pm

To be snagged in “To Catch a Predator” requires un petit peu’ nimbleness and mobility to add desperate action to the capture money-shot, plus the absolute fortitude by the culprit not to first lunge into the nearest Subway shop (’Extra Mayo, Jesus goddammit, and chips, Snack Doodles and a large Coke with that“).

Hence, I believe that K-Lo is completely immune from ambush-video reportage. Exposure on the wide screen, perhaps not so much.

CanadianBacon January 22, 2010 at 11:24 pm

Ha Ha Eneryone knows true conservative 15 year olds at a boys only school would not be engaging in sex that could lead to a pregnancy. A Santorum perhaps, not a pregnancy. This is good.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 23, 2010 at 12:27 am

If I get this right, she was speaking at a boy school, and most of the boys decided they would rather be outside in winter than listen to her?

Still, when I think about the struggle over abortion, I can’t help but think of 15-year-old boys, who are by far impacted the most by it.

[re=499737]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Perhaps she was just trying to alert fellow Republicans that she had found a new cruising site that was virtually untouched?

Mr Blifil January 23, 2010 at 12:44 am

Meanwhile the girls were off fucking the blax.

EdFlinstone January 23, 2010 at 2:02 pm

[re=499743]Tommmcatt[/re]: It will take at least three to hoist up that FUPA. Remember boys, lift with the legs.

Swingin' January 23, 2010 at 4:12 pm

Okay, maybe I’m being a little too literal, but I’ll leave the prospects of Shamu fucking a child alone for now. K-Lo invariably was sort of gellactating outside a catholic boys school, which naturally brings more examples of massive conservative hypocrisy to mind. Here’s what I came up with: Conservatives bitch incessently about public universities being “indoctrination centers” for liberal views. Let’s not forget those are grown adults attending these schools by choice; they even pick the classes and instructors. Yet when you bring up the fact that Catholic schools teach young, impressionable children that Jesus literally descends to the Earth and blows up abortion clinics, this they don’t mind. Hitler and Goebbels rightly knew that indoctrination was most potent if practiced on young children and that religion makes for the best delivery system. If a secular school teacher DARES to shows their class a cartoon that teaches tolerance towards non-traditional families conservatives heads explode in fury over massive blood rushing to their pasty faces (oh I wish).

But if those same children’s parents force the little monsters to attend catholic or evangelical schools or homeschool them (even better, now they can learn that dinosaurs really did exist 6,000 years ago when the world was young) along with bigoted churches where they’re taught to hate, hate, hate and thats all good, it’s parental choice. Anyway, just thought I’d bring that up, and why this is never used as a counterweight issue when they start their school-bashing meme is beyond me….fucking cowardly democrats. Now that I’ve said my piece about once again wingut totalitarianism, I can commence making fun of K-Lo like everyone else. I was wondering, if it takes 200 15 year olds to carry her in here massive, stadium sized litter from place to place…how many does it take to hold up her taint?

Redhead January 23, 2010 at 6:39 pm

[re=499771]populucious[/re]: I love you for that comment.

Darkness January 23, 2010 at 10:47 pm

[re=499827]Guppy06[/re]: 15 year old pregnant girls get pregnant by 28+ year old men aka total losers. (further interesting statistic, 30% of those girls have suffered some kind of sexual abuse). So, those 15 year old boys are just dreamers. But it’s cute on them.

Darkness January 23, 2010 at 11:04 pm

K-Lo is right to identify the 15 year old male as the future Chastity Verification Panel of her wet dreams. You know, the one that gets to examine all the pretty girls then send them off for stoning. I guess it’s good that these jackfucks don’t actually honor that oh so important holy book of theirs, since shit like this is pretty clearly spelled out and they have gotten rather sloppy about their important righteous duties.

[re=500060]Swingin’[/re]: Thems a whole lot of words to say “Conservatives suffer from a permanent case of Psychological Projection.” The right’s biggest single terror is that the left will actually start doing the creepy shit the right do all the time, hence the non-stop pre-emptive screeching. Programming their children is the conservatives only hope. No wonder their freak out on this topic the most stunning.

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