of course he emails about this

Hooray, John McCain Would Like To Chime In!

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Oh looky here, John McCain, for the first time ever, is squeezing himself into a situation that doesn’t involve him at all. My friends, let this man sit down! Fill out my form to buy Scott Brown a stool! He has been standing for so long and must sit. He must be seated LITERALLY RIGHT NOW IN THE SENATE! 100% of Americans want Scott Brown to elect himself president and take the Oval Office by about oh say 4:30 p.m. tomorrow, but first he must sit in the Senate — in any chair whatsoever within the physical Senate chamber — for a few minutes! AMERICA NEEDS THIS. [Cuntry First PAC]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Scruffy_The_Janitor

    Seat him now!!! and make sure his daughters are available for interviews with the McDaddy McCain

  • Jim Demintia

    Scott Brown, on finally getting his chair: Thank you very much, Senator McCain.

    Senator McCain: Please be seated, you cunt.

  • Extemporanus

    I say we pants him, then we seat him!

  • Snarkalicious


  • ella

    Lieberman was the first to sign.

  • hockeymom

    John McCain.
    The name rings a bell, but I can’t quite place it.

  • weejee

    No shit, McCain want to buy Scott Brown a stool. Wallnutz, that’s turdally awsum uf u.

  • bitchincamaro

    I’ll let Walnuts push his stool in.

  • magic titty

    I only read John McCain’s Twitter so I missed this.

  • S.Luggo

    If you could wait 5 1/2 years, so can Brown.

  • mollymcguire

    Nakedness is a fucking valuable thing. You don’t just give it away.

    Oops, he alrady did. Sorry.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=497987]weejee[/re]: Same thing, only different?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Let’s measure McCain’s enthusiasm for the actual process outside of partisanship, shall we? We’ll take his eagerness to have Brown seated — that’s 100% — and divide it by his eagerness to seat Al Franken and we get — oops, that’s a divide-by-zero error.
    Sorry Little John — you fail. But you might get a bonus point if you can advertise your daughter’s availability in a more vulgar way than your future colleague.

  • Scruffy_The_Janitor

    [re=497986]hockeymom[/re]: –> (.)(.) does this set of boobs help recollect your memories of the name McCain?

  • pondscum

    Is someone trying to STOP Brown from being seated? Or is McCain making up issues again.

  • doxastic

    This is reaching manufactured-controversy singularity.

  • BigDupa

    Seat him next to Senator Al Franken- and take the appropriate amount of time to make sure the Lizard People are accounted for.

  • Hooray For Anything

    Typical Walnuts– runs into some situation with guns blazing without bothering to even do a search on Google to see that the rules clearly say that Brown has to wait at least 13 days. God only knows the wars he would have started as President just because he failed to look at a map and see that France isn’t in between Iran and Iraq

  • glamourdammerung

    McCain just wants it done in the next few minutes before his position on this changes.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=497996]pondscum[/re]: Yeah, that was my question. Teh Noose this morning said that the MA Sec of State would certify the election results as soon as possible. The Dems have been absolutely fucking stupid since January 21, 2009, but even they are not dumb enough to try to pull a stunt like that.

    I guess WALNUTS! is trying to stay relevant now that Brown is Preznit of Massachusetts.

  • hockeymom

    [re=497982]Extemporanus[/re]: “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin like a fool….”
    Or somesuch.

  • S.Luggo
  • DustBowlBlues

    Is it just my wishful thinking, or is Scott Brown just another big old sex scandal waiting to happen?

    Why do I think this? His giant ego, my friends, his ego. It fucks men up every time. He already had the attitude and now he’s the biggest deal in American politics. To Teabagging Republics, Brown’s shit doesn’t even stink. And unlike most pols, he isn’t ugly, except we don’t know if he still looks good nekkid. But I’ll bet some lucky lady whose last name isn’t Brown is fixin’ to find out.

    My theory will be confirmed if there is any connection between him, the Fellowship, and the Fuck street house.

    Would I be wrong to pray that he’s fucking a boy?

  • JMP

    Yes John; how dare the Democrats abuse arcane procedural rules in order to push for their own partisan advantage. Only Republicans are supposed to be allowed to do that.

  • give us a bob

    [re=497996]pondscum[/re]: Only pesky things like the MA state constitution, and the time required for the election board to certify results. Nevertheless, given its current tack, MA may soon be fully unencumbered by such bothersome things as a constitution or a Commonwealth, and head back to jolly old days of being a colony of Wasilla.

  • Scruffy_The_Janitor

    I think it’s time for a good old fashion civil war.
    Split the country in half. Stupid Republicans can have the right half of the Country.
    Smart people can have the left. You travel at your own peril.

  • sarcasticusername

    obviously the typically camera shy mccain, will now be forced to give dozens of interviews to make sure that the injustice of a wingnut having to follow basic rules does not go unnoticed.
    the media will be frothing at the mouth over this manufactured outrage any minute now.

    seriously, how much more stupid can the world put up with before it explodes?

  • One Yield Regular

    Pardon me, but didn’t “listening to anything John McCain says” become completely obsolete after his choice of VP candidate in the last election?

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    I’d rather “pants” him now than seat him, thank you very much.

  • Sharkey

    Will Meghan write a children’s book called “My Boyfriend, Scott Brown”? Then again, maybe Twitter’s good enough.

  • Sharkey

    You know what, Brown can have my stool for free.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=498017]sarcasticusername[/re]: There’s two sure things that will occur over the next few days:

    -John McCain will appear on all three cable news stations and up to 2 Sunday talk shows (I’m sure David Gregory is already ordering McCain’s favorite snack for the green room)

    -FOX news will turn the delay in seating Brown into an outrage not seen since the 2000 election and at some point a countdown clock will appear showing the amount of time Democrats have delayed him in being seated. I expect at least one Glenn Beck crying jag and one call by Brit Hume for the Democrats to seat him as soon as possible because Jesus would want it that way.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=498005]hockeymom[/re]: Neil Young’s version of that song is absolutely haunting.

    “With the gold in your mouth, hat turned sideways.
    Pants hit the ground, pants hit the ground…”

  • S.Luggo

    Egbert Sousé has signed the petition.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=498000]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Guns blazing, case in point:


  • Extemporanus

    [re=498020]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: [re=497982]Extemporanus[/re]: I say first we atomic wedgie him, then we pants him, and then we seat him on a Judas cradle carved out of lava rock!

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=498028]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Oddly enough, Glenn Beck’s revelations have told him that Scott Brown is not to be trusted. It has something to do with giving away his daughers on national television, possibly — but anyway, be prepared for Brown to be outed as a closet Democrat or something.

  • germansteel

    The Democrats should agree to John McCain’s demand that they ignore Senate rules and seat Brown without waiting for the required certification from the Massachusetts election official. At the same time that they are violating that Senate rule, they should ignore, and abolish, another Senate rule of procedure – called the cloture rule or as more popularly known, the filibuster – and enact the compromise health care legislation.

  • Gorillionaire

    [re=498010]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Been pondering that same idea since I first heard of this guy. He certainly seems dumb enough to get burned by some calculating opportunist with a nice hairdo and some young boobs.

  • Jim89048

    Turn the stool upside-down, and there’s room for Brown, his wife and both daughters!

  • JMP

    [re=498010]DustBowlBlues[/re]: “Would I be wrong to pray that he’s fucking a boy?”

    It would be wrong not to.

  • chascates

    Reid has said they won’t vote on healthcare until Brown is seated so there’s no reason for McCain to soil his Depends.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=498043]Jim89048[/re]: Nice.

  • McDuff

    [re=498004]President Beeblebrox[/re]: The Dems have been absolutely fucking stupid since January 21, 2009, but even they are not dumb enough to try to pull a stunt like that.

    Ah, they’re Democrats and they never seem to miss an opportunity to shoot themselves in the truck nuts.

  • S.Luggo

    Not to change the subject (okay, so I changing it; it’s gone stale) Rush says, “It’s the Joos”.

    From the January 20 edition of Premiere Radio Networks’ The Rush Limbaugh Show:

    Rush: Many “people on Wall Street are Jewish. I wonder if there’s starting to be some buyer’s remorse” about Obama

  • Suds McKenzie

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Cindy is now all for TEH GAY MARRIAGE; and evidently bondage:


  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=498048]chascates[/re]: But in issuing that statement, it appears that Reid has soiled his.

  • Terry


    “Is it just my wishful thinking, or is Scott Brown just another big old sex scandal waiting to happen?”

    Jim should send Riley over to walk by Brown a few times, to lure Brown into his web of seduction. Riley could then blog about the affair and become Washingtonienne 2.0.

  • Red Zeppelin

    [re=498043]Jim89048[/re]: “the aristocrats!”

  • BeWoot

    That explains why I just got a call from “newly elected senator Scott Brown” who wanted me to call my senator, John McCain, and tell him how much I “appreciate his hard work against wasteful spending and to prevent a government takeover of health care.”
    Nice, plummy voice that Scotty’s got, but I didn’t call McCain. ‘Cause I’m an ingrate.

  • Rosie Scenario

    DAYS THE DEMOCRATS ARE MAKING SCOTT BROWN WAIT FOR HIS SENATE SEAT: One (and counting). Fox hosts to use similar in 3,2,1 . . .

  • Katydid

    [re=498010]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Would I be wrong to pray that he’s fucking a boy?

    You go to church, they may have an app for that. Try Leviticus 18:19 – “Thou shalt not approach to a woman having her flowers, neither shalt thou uncover her nakedness.” I’m pretty sure that’ll pray him into a gay.

  • american mutt

    i’m depressed. what do i do?

  • Ducksworthy

    [re=498034]bitchincamaro[/re]: If McWalnuts had been elected we would have bombed Copenhagen by now. Senile and highly aggressive is not a good combination.

  • grevillea

    Do not understand. How is it that in the US America, every minor procedural thing becomes big partisan hoo-ha? Couldn’t y’all, I dunno, maybe make some rules about these things in advance? Crazy gringos.

  • JMP

    [re=498054]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Reid soiling his pants and giving in to Republicans is about as surprising as McCain appearing on a Sunday show.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=498034]bitchincamaro[/re]: That’s awesome. I like how even after the guy told him everything he said was wrong, McCain continues on as if none of those pesky little facts mattered

    [re=498051]S.Luggo[/re]: Apparently, the Republicans have been wondering as of late why Jews don’t like them (especially Sarah Palin) and explain it off as it being just a matter of us being effete east-coast intellectual elitists who aren’t real Americans (a bunch of qualities nobody has ever accused of Jews being like). Guess Rush is doing some more outreach.

  • El Pinche

    McCain: “Seat him now….on my face.”

    [re=498058]Rosie Scenario[/re]: No HRC with public option, dems lose their ass in 2010, no Obama in 2012 (Madam Palin and Pissboy Brown), no Dems in power until 2120…of course, we’ll be third world nation by then.

  • grevillea

    [re=498061]Katydid[/re]: But he is a righteous man, like Lot, offering his daughters to that angry mob of sodomites last night.

  • jetjaguar

    Today, we are all Scott Browns.

  • Ducksworthy

    [re=498074]grevillea[/re]: He didn’t say how much did he? How about for a threesome?

  • proudgrampa

    [re=498063]american mutt[/re]: Pour yourself a martini or two. You’ll still be depressed, but you won’t care.

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    Russ Feingold, being all Junior Maverick, co-signed between slurps.

    Lindsay Graham get some face-time during that lull in internecine gaity.


  • Mr Blifil

    We’ll seat him when we’re ready. Now eat your pudding.

  • WesternCorrespondent

    I think Gov. Deval Patrick should tell Scott Brown that he’s perusing the Norm Coleman/Tim Pawlenty playbook on how to drag out an election outcome and certification of a newly elected senator.

  • libwakman

    Not seating Brown NOW proves the Dems don’t believe we are at war!!

  • libwakman

    John McCain suspended his reelection campaign today and rushed back to D.C. to aid & abet in the IMMEDIATE seating of Brownie. Saw it on Fox, gotta’ be true.