So one of President Scott “The Bush” Brown’s slave daughters, who just narrowly escaped her dad’s latest wacky attempt to auction her off last night, has a website dedicated to the glory of her song!

Ayla Brown, as a full 75% of Americans probably know, made it into like the final 100 on a recent season of the American Idol. Now she mostly shares her voice through this fixer-uppered Geocities/MySpace purple monster on the Internet. Her voice is THAT OF AN ANGEL! Too bad she sings in that annoying way that the kids these days love so much, all uppy and downy and labored… anyway now she will be rich, since every Teabagger will purchase each of her self-released albums.

(She will have so many stalkers!)

[Ayla Brown]

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  1. Does this mean that Scott Brown is going to come here personally and attempt to shame us with cunning barbs and hurtful invective, maybe even force us to read our spasmodic attempts at snark out loud to hear how vividly wanting they are? I hope that’s what it means. Oh, and blowjob lips. Also.

  2. She and Roger Clinton should team up to release a Klezmatics cover album, but set to honky-tonk. Maybe replace any references to Woody Guthrie with Patrick Henry, and they’re good to go. Keep people guessing for decades, that will.

  3. What a terrible picture. She looks like a very unpleasant person. I guess she’s still pissed about being named after a cave woman from that horrible book I read when I was a teenager.

  4. It’s called “oversinging”. At least that is the “nice” term for it.
    You know, I work in the music industry, meet hundreds of performers and studio geeks, hear thousands of new records, and I have never once watched American Idol, could not tell you one goddamn thing about it, and am still profoundly annoyed by it. Phooey!

  5. I thought the vocals on “No More” conveyed a certain freshness and enthusiasm lacking in most modern pop, though they were tempered with the kind of wisdom that only one who has lived a hardscrabble life like Ayla could provide.

    Can haz jerb in Brown administrashun now?

  6. [re=497874]Gorillionaire[/re]: Funny. I call it vocal masturbation. I am used to seeing it from singers who can’t actually hold a note….they kinda search for it the old fashioned way, and pretend like it sounds good.

  7. Jonah Goldberg is as astute at judging attractive femmes as he is at predicting the duration of the Iraq war. She is long faced, giant-jawed, eyeball-popping-out, prissy-mouthed bow-wow hound dog.

  8. What you do when you get oney,
    And nobody’s waiting by your side?
    You’ve been running and hiding much too ong.
    You know it’s just your fooish pride…

  9. [re=497874]Gorillionaire[/re]: Yeah, doesn’t it sound like they rely on melismatic spasms to finish a note because they have no support? (Or talent?)

  10. Ayla was busy working the crowd, performing with The James Montgomery Blues Band and The Uptown Horns while the results* trickled in.

    * By “results” I take it she means man-magma.

  11. [re=497865]Native of SL UT[/re]: “Now that Meghan McCain is of no use anymore, can I have her?”

    It would be a mitzvah. Give her a chance to date somebody who isn’t a redundant Republican wanker. Somebody who’s only interested in her mind, and not her political connections or her, um, physical attributes.

    That is why you’re attracted to her, isn’t it, Native of SL UT? Native of SL UT? Why won’t you answer me?

  12. [re=497900]Prommie[/re]: Haha! You just put her in Ayla in the same class with Chrissie Hynde. Those kinds of ridiculous comparisons seem to run in the Brown family.

  13. [re=497907]Gopherit[/re]: But I am sincere. Chrissie Hynde always circles around notes much, like bird never alighting on perch, so to speak, but is pleasant, to me; while Celine Dion singer-types, they all sound to me like ambulance siren.

  14. Nothing says “don’t read my Web Site” more than dark purple text on a black background. I won’t read it anyways cause that banner screams NSFW.

  15. Does this mean there’s more of this garden variety ‘pop’ shit coming down the pipeline? That’s a win for the unwashed masses, I’d venture to say. Kelly Clarkson can’t make ALL the albums after all.

  16. [re=497887]Terry[/re]: It’s really uncanny. By the power of layout, text color choice alone, if you take away the bedazzled top, she’s AY AY AYLA, as seen in”Dildo Queenz II: The Brown-ing” appearing at the EXXXECUTIVE for one week only!

  17. [re=497902]DemmeFatale[/re]: Pretty much. It is like a kid on a guitar trying to ape what his heavy metal hero does. Heavy metal hero probably practised scales for years and on at least some level knows what he is doing to get from point A to point B. Kid with guitar turns on all the pedals and puts the amp on 11 and just starts hammering until it someone says “stop!” These “singers” hear a few seconds of Marvin Gaye and think “oh man I can do that shit!” without ever realizing that Marvin spent hardworking years learning how to make good records before he ever opened his mouth in front of a mic.

  18. [re=497918]american mutt[/re]: Well, honestly, I was starting to miss the honesty of empowered retardation. I’m looking forward to once again slapping my forehead repeatedly for the foreseeable future.

  19. [re=497873]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: When do we get to see her bush? I have a sickening feeling we kinda already have, if you know what I mean, genes being what they are.

    Speaking of bushes, like a good Republican, Ayla is using her newfound fame to boost her career and make money by pretending to care about the poors, in Haiti.

    JANUARY 18

    “…Portions of proceeds from the CD sales will be donated to the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund in support of the victims of the earthquake in Haiti last week. After you cast your vote for Scott Brown, be sure to stop by to show your support!

    Proceeds, portions of proceeds, what’s the dif? Libruls are such word Nazis, taking away our freedoms to mislead and defraud commonsense conservative teabaggers. U-S-A U-S-A

  20. This post has been up for over an hour but the message boards at President Ayla’s website have not been defiled by wonketteers. I’m so dissapointed.

  21. I’m pretty sure the whole democracy thing has run its course given that it was supposed to operate on the idea that people would vote their enlightened self interest. But it has now degenerated into a popularity contest among birthers, deathers, loud mouthed hypocrites, semen stained trailer court trash and brain damaged dry cleaner.

  22. [re=497962]Rodney Badger[/re]: You actually have to sign up to post on her site. I have the kind of attention span that works only with instant gratification.

  23. She looks a lot like the girl from that WB witch soap opera who wasn’t Alyssa Milano or Shannon Doherty. That color scheme certainly adds to the semi-gothy impression, too.

  24. From the front page of her site (written in a fashion where she pretends she isn’t the one actually writing it since she’s almost famous… but of course seriously, who else would be writing it?):
    “Last night, Ayla and her family had much to celebrate, as her father Scott Brown won the special election… over democrat Attorney General Martha Coakley in what was one of the most historic events in recent political memory.”

    If by ‘in recent political memory’ you mean ‘in 2010, so far’?
    The irony of today being the one year anniversary of the inauguration of a black man as president of the US drips thickly from this quote.

  25. You DO have to admit, it looks like a billboard you might see near an airport, advertising one of those places where a girl and her pole is a match made in heaven.

  26. How do we know she is Scott Brown’s child and was hatched after her parent got married?

    I am just asking questions, that is all. Why can Brown not just give us the proof to end this controversy?

  27. [re=497977]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: [re=498001]Rodney Badger[/re]: What city advertises tranvestite strip clubs at its airport?

    Well, if this billboard for Teazers is to be believed, there are at least 6 cities in South Africa which do so.

    Since South Africa is the Texas of Africa, I think it’s safe to infer that Houston, Dallas, Ft. Worth, San Antonio, Lubbock, and Midland do so as well.

  28. [re=498025]Extemporanus[/re]: I think that is a lame dig at that South African runner chick who everyone thought was a dude and was forced to undergo gender testing after she won some medal or something last year.

    The equation:

    Muscular black women who win footraces = bad.
    Slinky white females in Strip Clubs = good.

  29. [re=498029]Trisha56[/re]: Scottish pensioners are allowed to look at pr0n? On the Internets?

    Oh Patricia, how will your obese Cairn terrier lick its balls now?

  30. [re=497893]Gopherit[/re]: They sing every song as if they were auditioning. Need to listen to some Ella F … don’t hafta show off all your chops on every number.

    The horns sound good though. Really.

  31. [re=497932]teebob2000[/re]: Gaaaaah! That pic almost made me gay, but then the pics of Daddy Brown made me straight again. It sure plays havoc with your sexuality hangin’ with these Browns.

    [re=497993]Prommie[/re]: Yeah, that sounds about right.

  32. This poor lady basketball player was horrified at what her dad was saying last night, because she assumed he was about 24 seconds from saying “just kidding, what I really meant was she’s not available to guys.”

  33. [re=497976]Vartan84[/re]: It’s sort of a case study in the Republican art of simultaneous hyperbole and expectation-lowering. First, the bet-hedging “one of,” the then rather boasty “historical events” and they close with a context that both excuses the hyperbole AND somehow makes the word “history” nonsensical by adding “in recent memory.”

    The honest version is: For a party committed to jumping from news cycle to news cycle, this is a pretty epic win, but by definition a fleeting one. And that’s actually pretty good analysis.

  34. [re=498001]Rodney Badger[/re]: South Carolina, home of some of our most hilarious public servants, is basically made entirely of gun, firework, church and sex-toy billboards. Or at least that’s what I-95 would have you believe.

  35. Who is that transsexual impostor in the purple page photo that looks nothing like the scallop shell braed girl in the other topic?

    And be transexual I mean hideously ugly not quite human horse faced thing, and not some Holly from Miami F L A who shaved her legs.

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