MEGHAN MCCAIN IS OLD HAT  12:54 pm January 20, 2010

Ayla Brown’s Website For President

by Jim Newell

So one of President Scott “The Bush” Brown’s slave daughters, who just narrowly escaped her dad’s latest wacky attempt to auction her off last night, has a website dedicated to the glory of her song!

Ayla Brown, as a full 75% of Americans probably know, made it into like the final 100 on a recent season of the American Idol. Now she mostly shares her voice through this fixer-uppered Geocities/MySpace purple monster on the Internet. Her voice is THAT OF AN ANGEL! Too bad she sings in that annoying way that the kids these days love so much, all uppy and downy and labored… anyway now she will be rich, since every Teabagger will purchase each of her self-released albums.

(She will have so many stalkers!)

[Ayla Brown]

 
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{ 100 comments }

azw88 January 20, 2010 at 12:56 pm

why such a long face?? oh, that’s right, forgot who your dad is…

SmutBoffin January 20, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Now on tour opening for that chick who fucked Spitzer!

BlueStateLibtard January 20, 2010 at 12:58 pm

This doesn’t look like a Web site for music, it looks like a Web site for something else. Been hanging around with my cat too much I guess.

bitchincamaro January 20, 2010 at 1:04 pm

[re=497857]SmutBoffin[/re]: What are the republican equivalents of whore diamonds? (he queried, knowing the answer, fully)

Native of SL UT January 20, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Now that Meghan McCain is of no use anymore, can I have her?

Mr Blifil January 20, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Does this mean that Scott Brown is going to come here personally and attempt to shame us with cunning barbs and hurtful invective, maybe even force us to read our spasmodic attempts at snark out loud to hear how vividly wanting they are? I hope that’s what it means. Oh, and blowjob lips. Also.

President Beeblebrox January 20, 2010 at 1:06 pm

[re=497858]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: My first impression was a tranny porn site.

widestanceromancer January 20, 2010 at 1:06 pm

“Ayla” does not look like an American name.
Also, she looks like she can’t decide whether to swallow or spit.

Gopherit January 20, 2010 at 1:07 pm

The Ayla Brown forum is hysterical. Her narcissism is mind boggling. I hope Jonah the Bonah finds it and makes himself her #1 fan.

give us a bob January 20, 2010 at 1:07 pm

She and Roger Clinton should team up to release a Klezmatics cover album, but set to honky-tonk. Maybe replace any references to Woody Guthrie with Patrick Henry, and they’re good to go. Keep people guessing for decades, that will.

Nigerian Business Executive January 20, 2010 at 1:07 pm

What a terrible picture. She looks like a very unpleasant person. I guess she’s still pissed about being named after a cave woman from that horrible book I read when I was a teenager.

InfiniteMonkey January 20, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Wait, his daughter is Alyssa Milano?

Ayla/Meghan’s Titties for preznit ’10 YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!1!!!!

SlouchingTowardsWasilla January 20, 2010 at 1:07 pm

When do we get to see her bush?

Gorillionaire January 20, 2010 at 1:07 pm

It’s called “oversinging”. At least that is the “nice” term for it.
You know, I work in the music industry, meet hundreds of performers and studio geeks, hear thousands of new records, and I have never once watched American Idol, could not tell you one goddamn thing about it, and am still profoundly annoyed by it. Phooey!

bitchincamaro January 20, 2010 at 1:07 pm

[re=497858]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: “hanging around with my cat”. Is that what you libs are calling porn-surfing these days?

Gopherit January 20, 2010 at 1:11 pm

[re=497873]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: Oh, if there’s a sex tape out there, it’ll be on TMZ before the end of the week.

Prommie January 20, 2010 at 1:12 pm

[re=497868]widestanceromancer[/re]: is number 1, this comment on indecision re: swallow or spit. FTW and suchwhat.

Fred of Arkansas January 20, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Why would she commission the same artist that designs party flyers for Zanzibar and H2O?

tygzbg1 January 20, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Is she a WWE wrestler?

SmutBoffin January 20, 2010 at 1:13 pm

I thought the vocals on “No More” conveyed a certain freshness and enthusiasm lacking in most modern pop, though they were tempered with the kind of wisdom that only one who has lived a hardscrabble life like Ayla could provide.

Can haz jerb in Brown administrashun now?

Terry January 20, 2010 at 1:16 pm

The website banner looks an awful lot like an ad for a “Gentlemen’s Club”, doesn’t it?

The Church of Realism January 20, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Looked at that website fast and thought Circles was a new strip bar that A.B. was being featured at.

Sharkey January 20, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Tits or GTFO.

Gopherit January 20, 2010 at 1:18 pm

[re=497874]Gorillionaire[/re]: Funny. I call it vocal masturbation. I am used to seeing it from singers who can’t actually hold a note….they kinda search for it the old fashioned way, and pretend like it sounds good.

hedgehog January 20, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Ayla will be returning to American Idol to sing her new songs “Die, Healthcare, Die” and “Times They Are A’ Changing … Back.”

Prommie January 20, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Jonah Goldberg is as astute at judging attractive femmes as he is at predicting the duration of the Iraq war. She is long faced, giant-jawed, eyeball-popping-out, prissy-mouthed bow-wow hound dog.

Guppy06 January 20, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Looking at that picture, I realize I’m not “into that sort of thing.”

Extemporanus January 20, 2010 at 1:19 pm

What you do when you get oney,
And nobody’s waiting by your side?
You’ve been running and hiding much too ong.
You know it’s just your fooish pride…

Fox n Fiends January 20, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Why isn’t she in Iraq defending our freedom?

Prommie January 20, 2010 at 1:20 pm

[re=497893]Gopherit[/re]: Its OK when Chrissie Hynde does it, though.

Gopherit January 20, 2010 at 1:20 pm

[re=497888]The Church of Realism[/re]: That’ll be next year when her dad s taken down by some man-scandal.

DemmeFatale January 20, 2010 at 1:21 pm

[re=497874]Gorillionaire[/re]: Yeah, doesn’t it sound like they rely on melismatic spasms to finish a note because they have no support? (Or talent?)

WadISay January 20, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Ayla was busy working the crowd, performing with The James Montgomery Blues Band and The Uptown Horns while the results* trickled in.

* By “results” I take it she means man-magma.

Katydid January 20, 2010 at 1:24 pm

[re=497865]Native of SL UT[/re]: “Now that Meghan McCain is of no use anymore, can I have her?”

It would be a mitzvah. Give her a chance to date somebody who isn’t a redundant Republican wanker. Somebody who’s only interested in her mind, and not her political connections or her, um, physical attributes.

That is why you’re attracted to her, isn’t it, Native of SL UT? Native of SL UT? Why won’t you answer me?

ForTheTurnstiles January 20, 2010 at 1:25 pm

I thought her name was Aylur, not Ayla. That’s what her daddy says anyway.

Gopherit January 20, 2010 at 1:26 pm

[re=497900]Prommie[/re]: Haha! You just put her in Ayla in the same class with Chrissie Hynde. Those kinds of ridiculous comparisons seem to run in the Brown family.

Gopherit January 20, 2010 at 1:31 pm

[re=497903]WadISay[/re]: Gives a whole new meaning to “working the crowd.” Whatever gets daddy elected, I guess.

proudgrampa January 20, 2010 at 1:31 pm

The smirk in that picture tells me she’s a total bitch.

Prommie January 20, 2010 at 1:32 pm

[re=497907]Gopherit[/re]: But I am sincere. Chrissie Hynde always circles around notes much, like bird never alighting on perch, so to speak, but is pleasant, to me; while Celine Dion singer-types, they all sound to me like ambulance siren.

Extemporanus January 20, 2010 at 1:33 pm

To everyone bashing Ailya’s website design, I’d like to say one thing in her defense:

At least she’s a Mac.

An almost 10-year-out-of-date Mac, perhaps, but still.

Manos: Hands of Fate January 20, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Nothing says “don’t read my Web Site” more than dark purple text on a black background. I won’t read it anyways cause that banner screams NSFW.

RoscoePColtraine January 20, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Does this mean there’s more of this garden variety ‘pop’ shit coming down the pipeline? That’s a win for the unwashed masses, I’d venture to say. Kelly Clarkson can’t make ALL the albums after all.

american mutt January 20, 2010 at 1:35 pm

i give up on america. goodbye 2012.

doxastic January 20, 2010 at 1:36 pm

People of Massachusetts, take a long, hard look at that atrocious web design. This is what happens when you get huffy about paying for stuff.

lawrenceofthedesert January 20, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Sounds like a lounge act, waddles like a lounge act, preens like a lounge act. So whaddya think it is?

Sharkey January 20, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Who’s your daddy?

teebob2000 January 20, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Her lil’ sis is freakin smoking hot!! Rawr!!!

http://www.aylabrown.com/gallery/albums/poses/Ayla_-_AA_Shoot3.jpg

doxastic January 20, 2010 at 1:46 pm

[re=497887]Terry[/re]: It’s really uncanny. By the power of layout, text color choice alone, if you take away the bedazzled top, she’s AY AY AYLA, as seen in”Dildo Queenz II: The Brown-ing” appearing at the EXXXECUTIVE for one week only!

Jim89048 January 20, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Needs more autotune.

Flanders January 20, 2010 at 1:47 pm

I’d hit it.

gradgrind January 20, 2010 at 1:48 pm

What’s Web 2.0 for “Daddy’s little centerfold”?

Gorillionaire January 20, 2010 at 1:50 pm

[re=497902]DemmeFatale[/re]: Pretty much. It is like a kid on a guitar trying to ape what his heavy metal hero does. Heavy metal hero probably practised scales for years and on at least some level knows what he is doing to get from point A to point B. Kid with guitar turns on all the pedals and puts the amp on 11 and just starts hammering until it someone says “stop!” These “singers” hear a few seconds of Marvin Gaye and think “oh man I can do that shit!” without ever realizing that Marvin spent hardworking years learning how to make good records before he ever opened his mouth in front of a mic.

bhosp January 20, 2010 at 1:50 pm

“Circles” = Vaginas?

InfiniteMonkey January 20, 2010 at 1:50 pm

[re=497918]american mutt[/re]: Well, honestly, I was starting to miss the honesty of empowered retardation. I’m looking forward to once again slapping my forehead repeatedly for the foreseeable future.

Katydid January 20, 2010 at 1:53 pm

[re=497873]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: When do we get to see her bush? I have a sickening feeling we kinda already have, if you know what I mean, genes being what they are.

Speaking of bushes, like a good Republican, Ayla is using her newfound fame to boost her career and make money by pretending to care about the poors, in Haiti.

PROCEEDS FROM AYLA’S ELECTION NIGHT CD SALES TO BENEFIT HAITI EARTHQUAKE VICTIMS
JANUARY 18

“…Portions of proceeds from the CD sales will be donated to the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund in support of the victims of the earthquake in Haiti last week. After you cast your vote for Scott Brown, be sure to stop by to show your support!

Proceeds, portions of proceeds, what’s the dif? Libruls are such word Nazis, taking away our freedoms to mislead and defraud commonsense conservative teabaggers. U-S-A U-S-A

takes12no1 January 20, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Daddy’s banging her for sure.

Georgia Burning January 20, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Can we set her up with Levi? Just wondering…

samsuncle January 20, 2010 at 2:00 pm

A quote from her website “she has accomplished many feats in such a short time”. Feats don’t fail me now.

SlouchingTowardsWasilla January 20, 2010 at 2:01 pm

[re=497932]teebob2000[/re]: I’m pretty sure those are mannequins.

Jim89048 January 20, 2010 at 2:02 pm

[re=497941]bhosp[/re]: Or at least “O-face”?

snideinplainsight January 20, 2010 at 2:02 pm

COMING SOON!

snideinplainsight January 20, 2010 at 2:03 pm

HIGHLY ANTICIPATED!

Rodney Badger January 20, 2010 at 2:07 pm

This post has been up for over an hour but the message boards at President Ayla’s website have not been defiled by wonketteers. I’m so dissapointed.

Extemporanus January 20, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Any ideas on how we can make this picture of Ayla and a young, nipple-masticating female fan into a mini-scandal?

[It is entirely safe for work, unless you work with Chris Hansen.)

Ducksworthy January 20, 2010 at 2:09 pm

I’m pretty sure the whole democracy thing has run its course given that it was supposed to operate on the idea that people would vote their enlightened self interest. But it has now degenerated into a popularity contest among birthers, deathers, loud mouthed hypocrites, semen stained trailer court trash and brain damaged dry cleaner.

Rodney Badger January 20, 2010 at 2:12 pm

[re=497965]Ducksworthy[/re]: But have you seen Scott Brown’s awesome truck.

Gopherit January 20, 2010 at 2:13 pm

[re=497962]Rodney Badger[/re]: You actually have to sign up to post on her site. I have the kind of attention span that works only with instant gratification.

doxastic January 20, 2010 at 2:14 pm

Well, Jonah Goldberg is definitely highly anticipating a circle-something, but I don’t think it’s a CD. (Also, CD? In 2010?)

JMP January 20, 2010 at 2:17 pm

She looks a lot like the girl from that WB witch soap opera who wasn’t Alyssa Milano or Shannon Doherty. That color scheme certainly adds to the semi-gothy impression, too.

Vartan84 January 20, 2010 at 2:18 pm

From the front page of her site (written in a fashion where she pretends she isn’t the one actually writing it since she’s almost famous… but of course seriously, who else would be writing it?):
“Last night, Ayla and her family had much to celebrate, as her father Scott Brown won the special election… over democrat Attorney General Martha Coakley in what was one of the most historic events in recent political memory.”

If by ‘in recent political memory’ you mean ‘in 2010, so far’?
The irony of today being the one year anniversary of the inauguration of a black man as president of the US drips thickly from this quote.

RoscoePColtraine January 20, 2010 at 2:20 pm

You DO have to admit, it looks like a billboard you might see near an airport, advertising one of those places where a girl and her pole is a match made in heaven.

Prommie January 20, 2010 at 2:29 pm

[re=497977]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I saw that Billboard, in Pheonix, on Van Buren.

Rodney Badger January 20, 2010 at 2:31 pm

[re=497977]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: What city advertises transvestite strip clubs at its airport?

glamourdammerung January 20, 2010 at 2:36 pm

How do we know she is Scott Brown’s child and was hatched after her parent got married?

I am just asking questions, that is all. Why can Brown not just give us the proof to end this controversy?

glamourdammerung January 20, 2010 at 2:36 pm

[re=498001]Rodney Badger[/re]: What city advertises transvestite strip clubs at its airport?
Most of them are in Red States.

Prommie January 20, 2010 at 2:40 pm

[re=498001]Rodney Badger[/re]: Phoenix.

Sharkey January 20, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Click here for a hot, steamy, LIVE WEBCAM chat with “Ayla Brown”.

JMP January 20, 2010 at 2:43 pm

[re=498001]Rodney Badger[/re]: Las Vegas?

Extemporanus January 20, 2010 at 2:47 pm

[re=497977]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: [re=498001]Rodney Badger[/re]: What city advertises tranvestite strip clubs at its airport?

Well, if this billboard for Teazers is to be believed, there are at least 6 cities in South Africa which do so.

Since South Africa is the Texas of Africa, I think it’s safe to infer that Houston, Dallas, Ft. Worth, San Antonio, Lubbock, and Midland do so as well.

ja January 20, 2010 at 2:48 pm

[re=497868]widestanceromancer[/re]: oh thats funny man,, on a website full of funny comments that’s the best Ive read in a while

Trisha56 January 20, 2010 at 2:52 pm

I have never seen such a ridiculous and hateful site. What a waste of bandwidth on the internet.

Sharkey January 20, 2010 at 2:57 pm

[re=498029]Trisha56[/re]: And yet you post this nonsense. Ironic, no?

President Beeblebrox January 20, 2010 at 2:59 pm

[re=498025]Extemporanus[/re]: I think that is a lame dig at that South African runner chick who everyone thought was a dude and was forced to undergo gender testing after she won some medal or something last year.

The equation:

Muscular black women who win footraces = bad.
Slinky white females in Strip Clubs = good.

Deacon Frank Orris January 20, 2010 at 3:03 pm

[re=498008]glamourdammerung[/re]: Houston, if I recall correctly.

El Pinche January 20, 2010 at 3:11 pm

How much does she charge? $150/hr? GFE? Greek?

zenferret January 20, 2010 at 3:12 pm

[re=497932]teebob2000[/re]: Okay I’m convinced.

Ayla was born Tyler but after a botched circumcision went too far was turned into a girl.

Extemporanus January 20, 2010 at 3:13 pm

[re=498029]Trisha56[/re]: Scottish pensioners are allowed to look at pr0n? On the Internets?

Oh Patricia, how will your obese Cairn terrier lick its balls now?

El Pinche January 20, 2010 at 3:15 pm

[re=497932]teebob2000[/re]: I thinks that’s JoJo. Don’t ask how I know this.

Capitol Hillbilly January 20, 2010 at 3:16 pm

[re=497893]Gopherit[/re]: They sing every song as if they were auditioning. Need to listen to some Ella F … don’t hafta show off all your chops on every number.

The horns sound good though. Really.

Joey Ratz January 20, 2010 at 3:16 pm

[re=497932]teebob2000[/re]: Gaaaaah! That pic almost made me gay, but then the pics of Daddy Brown made me straight again. It sure plays havoc with your sexuality hangin’ with these Browns.

[re=497993]Prommie[/re]: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Come here a minute January 20, 2010 at 3:31 pm

This poor lady basketball player was horrified at what her dad was saying last night, because she assumed he was about 24 seconds from saying “just kidding, what I really meant was she’s not available to guys.”

doxastic January 20, 2010 at 3:33 pm

[re=497976]Vartan84[/re]: It’s sort of a case study in the Republican art of simultaneous hyperbole and expectation-lowering. First, the bet-hedging “one of,” the then rather boasty “historical events” and they close with a context that both excuses the hyperbole AND somehow makes the word “history” nonsensical by adding “in recent memory.”

The honest version is: For a party committed to jumping from news cycle to news cycle, this is a pretty epic win, but by definition a fleeting one. And that’s actually pretty good analysis.

doxastic January 20, 2010 at 3:36 pm

[re=498001]Rodney Badger[/re]: South Carolina, home of some of our most hilarious public servants, is basically made entirely of gun, firework, church and sex-toy billboards. Or at least that’s what I-95 would have you believe.

Flanders January 20, 2010 at 3:59 pm

[re=498029]Trisha56[/re]: Trish, we need to hook you up with our friend Liz Becton. You two would make great couple, lots to talk about.

Flanders January 20, 2010 at 3:59 pm

[re=498029]Trisha56[/re]: Gah! I’m sorry, I just realized you were talking about Ayla’s site. Never mind. Carry on, everyone.

zenferret January 20, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Who is that transsexual impostor in the purple page photo that looks nothing like the scallop shell braed girl in the other topic?

And be transexual I mean hideously ugly not quite human horse faced thing, and not some Holly from Miami F L A who shaved her legs.

Snarkalicious January 20, 2010 at 5:29 pm

[re=497868]widestanceromancer[/re]: Also.

Paul Tardy January 20, 2010 at 7:18 pm

Damn she’s gonna make a great intern.

rocktonsammy January 20, 2010 at 9:33 pm

She is appearing on Sh-yawn Friday and Bleck on Monday.

Palin is so pissed.

Bristol that is.

Marlowe January 21, 2010 at 1:45 am

Why is she using that 25 year old font, Chicago?
It’s older than her.

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