rumors on the internets

Matt Taibbi Gets Angry, Thrills The Internets

  • From the unfortunate musings of wingnut cartoon land: Keith Olbermann has no choice but to reluctantly gobble up Scott Hardbody’s warm, brown, salty tea bags. [RedState]
  • Introducing: The White Basketball League! It’s like the NBA but without a Negro dialect. [Think Progress]
  • The press are lining up for a chance to have their boobies autographed by the now-legitimate Tea Party Movement. [Weekly Standard]
  • Hell hath no fury like Matt Taibbi pooping all over David Brooks. [True/Slant: Matt Taibbi]
  • Michelle Malkin pretends to loathe the sexy new iPhone app that lets you Skype-sex with Barack Obama at the simple press of a button. [Michelle Malkin]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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39 comments

  1. zenferret

    So… the white basketball league is needed because a negro brought a gun to a stadium.

    But I thought the conservatives thought guns were good and we would be safer with more guns not less guns.

  2. bjkeefe

    Thanks for the Taibbi link. See also long-time Brooks watchdog Doghouse Riley. Haiti-column post here, others here

    On an unrelated note, will Rush Limbaugh be allowed to buy a franchise in the AABA? And does anyone here think the only reason they’re not calling this fun new league the White National Basketball Association is due to “WNBA” already being taken (by Negros)?

  3. DustBowlBlues

    I’ve been so carefully avoiding the newz, I had to go to Taibbi to look at the headline about Robert Parker’s death. I’m stunned.

    Sorry to shit on Young Riley’s excellent news round up. Now, back to our original programming.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    As though dealing with the Democratic piss-orgy weren’t bad enough, as a bonus we get to hear the smug satisfaction of Mary Katherine Ham and her ilk saying this legitimizes the teabaggers — their premature whooping it up is almost as brainless and twice as revolting. You know what this fucking legitimizes? The need for fucking war crimes tribunals. Now.

  5. S.Luggo

    In other news:
    Jonah says that the shiftless, colored Haitians deserve to be crushed by failing buildings. Every last one of them. Mexicans, not so much.
    http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/haiti_true_curse_b2jXL3a8JoXWcLSC8wzuQI#ixzz0dBGpAMe3

    HAITI’S TRUE CURSE, CULTURE OF POVERTY
    ***
    [L]ow-skilled Mexican laborers become 10 to 20 times more productive simply by crossing the border into the United States.

    Why? Because American culture not only expects hard work, but teaches the unskilled how to work hard.
    ….

  6. DustBowlBlues

    Save the poor Haitians from Christian charity. No, really, save them. One of our UMs who was on a short-term mission trip (where the missionaries pay the expenses and go to a special project for a week or two) was killed. She was there doing eye care.

    But most of these Xians are there to try to stuff Jesus down the throats of people they consider pagans. Maybe they should accept the Haitians native religion and do something for the Haitians. And the conservatives can complain about pointless aid all they want, but there’s an easy way to help a poor nation: educate the women.

    And if the teabaggers have been legitimized, then why don’t the Democrats do what the teabaggers want? Tax millionaires, fuck corporations, break up banks under the rallying cry, “No more Bush Bailouts. Never again.”

    You know–go absolutely nuts. Make liberals (jesus, I nearly typed progressive) happy in the bargain.

    Just go on fucking Jihad against banks and Wall Street. “I have heard you,” shit like that–But the Democratic response will be to go to the “middle” and compromise more than ever. Tax health care benefits so the Republics can go back to the tax and spend meme.

    Fucking Democrats never fucking learn.

  7. Paul Tardy

    All-American Basketball Alliance = Hoax, just like the teabaggers. Only the TBs metamorphosed into a non hoax somehow.

  8. EdFlinstone

    I hope the white NBA will have an all-star game, the slam dunk competition will be fucking hilarious.

  9. cashaholic

    Based on that (utterly repulsive!) cartoon, I’d say that wingnuts really do not know what “teabagging” means — or are they the truly sick fucks we’ve always thought they were?

  10. southern mark smith

    [re=498297]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Garrison Keillor was like a poor-man’s Taibbi-Lite today on the subject of the “premature whooping” of the teabaggers:

    “Arousing alarm is easy, teaching is tough. It takes patience and discipline to teach; any bozo can drop a book on the floor and make people jump”

    And just when I thought he was mostly irrelevant! (Apologies if you actually are Garrison Keillor. Never know when that’s going to bite me.)

  11. thegunner

    WHERE DA FUCK IS NIGERIANBUSINESSMAN? I have a friend who just received a confirmation for 50 millions dollar(fifty million dollars). I do not take this lightly,unless it comes with my lovely precious,MEgs MyCans.

  12. Neilist

    [re=498296]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Robert Parker’s dead? Dammnit. He wasn’t Raymond Chandler, but he had his moments:

    Chico grinned a little and crouched sightly and I kicked him in the groin. Chico gasped, doubled up, and fell forward onto the ground, the knife dropped from his hand, and I leaned over and picked it up by the blade. I handed it to Plante.

    “We get the job?,” I aksed.

    Chico was moaning on the ground. Plante looked a little startled.

    “He wasn’t ready,” said Plante.

    “It’s mostly being ready,” Hawke said.

    Robert Parker
    The Catskill Eagle

    [Too bad someone didn't tell a certain Dem Mass Senate seat candidate about that last. Too bad if you're a LIE-Brul, that is.]

  13. imissopus

    I hate that CNN even bothers to have Erick Erickson on. The guy is such a smug little prick. Yet one more reason I’m glad I don’t have cable anymore.

  14. WadISay

    Brooks probably has a point: economic progress could be made in Haiti if the Haitians could sell their organs and eat their young.

  15. rocktonsammy

    “Our tea bags taste like freedom.”

    Classic.

    3 conservative books for a dollar.

    Reading is now in Skoalrebel’s price range.

  16. Berkeley Bear

    Best premature Tea Bag whooping – they think because they helped elect a (at least for current times) moderate Repub in Mass, they are all powerful. To the point they are trying to take down Mark Kirk in Illinois, the only Republican with a snowball’s chance in hell of winning the Senate seat there, in favor of a “purer” conservative. I can only imagine who swelled Rubio’s head is at this moment, too. Which is great news! For Ron Meeks!

  17. Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=498311]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Tell that to the Filipinos. While there is a godless, terrorist, heathen Muslim population in the South of the country, & likewise, many of the ethnic Chinese cling to their native Tao or Buddhism, the majority of the country is Catholic. Yet, Wm Mc Kinley sold the Spanish-American War as an effort to “Christianize & Civilize”. &, more than an hundred years later, you still have people like Tim Tebow & his father pitching “their” Christ to the Archipelago. What… the… fuck?

    Catholic officialdom needs to stop diddling pre-teen boys & start taking it to the Evangelicals.

    Oh, & those “voodoo” people in Haiti? Also Catholic. It’s called SYNCRETISM, David Brooks, you dumb four-eyed circumsized fuck.

  18. Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=498379]Berkeley Bear[/re]: Rubio just needs to spend one romantic evening with Gov. Crist. Then, Mark will come around.

  19. SayItWithWookies

    [re=498298]S.Luggo[/re]: Wow — Is Goldberg trying to distract people from Pat Robertson’s twisted and self-righteous divine seismology? Because he’s sure making Robertson look like the compassionate one of those two. Reading that made me imagine coming across a one-car accident — maybe having slid into a creek — and finding Jonah Goldberg in the driver’s seat, trapped under the dashboard as the water swirls around his mouth. As he pleads for help I lean down and say “You really ought to get over this culture of dependency that’s keeping you down.”

    It takes a nasty, stupid, arrogant, spoiled, self-righteous princess of a man to make me think such things about him.

  20. Barrelhse

    [re=498342]thegunner[/re]: If ya can’t find Megs try Cindy (Sin-dy!), that cougar. She likes the Duct tape. Maybe you could text Jugs a nice Valentine, like: “u and ur mom 4 3way?”

  21. Potater

    From Malkinista:
    “non-existent videos of his meetings with corporate socialist special interests”

    Cut out ‘videos of his meetings with’ and that would be a competent sentence.

  22. CanadianBacon

    Former GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin will be in Minnesota April 7 to campaign for Bachmann, the Republican congresswoman’s campaign announced Wednesday.
    Fox News’ Sarah Palin and Rep. Michele Bachmann will be featured at the first-ever National Tea Party Convention in historic Tennesee, birthplace of Gen.Nathan Bedford Forrest. If you would like to see Palin and Bachmann speak out on excessive government spending, tickets are only $549.00 (non-refundable) for the convention and banquet.

    Forrest Gump: Stupid is as stupid does.

  23. AddHomonym

    Goldberg (copying from Brooks): If a similarly powerful earthquake were to hit much more densely populated San Francisco or Los Angeles, the death toll would be much lower.

    That’s thanks to Democrat big government job-killing building codes and whatnot.

  24. S.Luggo

    [re=498395]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
    Jonah’s conclusion that Haitians merit their life in hell is UNLIKE the “Haitians worshipped Satan, so they now deserve to perish in God‘s punitive earthquake” statement of Robertson. Pat‘s utterance, although grossly dickheaded, was a religious justification for disaster. Jonah’s was purely and simply racial.

    I trust that I have resolved your misunderstanding. Warp out.

  25. S.Luggo

    [re=498395]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Coda.

    Jonah’s subtext: In comparison to the foot-dragging Haiti-ites, the SF and LA Mexican, Malkin, Chink, Squint, Gook and Jappo gardeners have been trained, by vicious Dobermans, on how to use their whirring leaf blowers to prop up a crumbling Bank of America branch office before the depositors can return. Simple. Yet, why haven’t the Haitians ever learned such work ethic?

  26. S.Luggo

    Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe that the info revealed in MM’s extended moue violates one or more provisions of Bush’s anti-terrorcyst acts.
    Should I turn her over to the FBI or Comedy Central?

  27. SayItWithWookies

    [re=498453]S.Luggo[/re]: Oh, I got all of that. Maybe my last sentence wasn’t clear — the nasty ass-pimple of a man to whom I was referring was Mr. Goldberg — in the sense that he’s such a horrible, horrible person that he gives Robertson an umbra of empatheticness by comparison.

    I actually had a more comprehensive and detailed rebuttal to Goldberg’s essay but upon reading it, it was so long and annoying that I’ll probably just spend the next hour twittering it in 140 character chunks and the really crazy motherfuckers can read the whole thing in reverse. It won’t be the stupidest thing liberals have done all month.

  28. lulzmonger

    [re=498338]southern mark smith[/re]: Today we are ALL Garrison Keillor … but without the royalties.

  29. bitchincamaro

    [re=498338]southern mark smith[/re]: After my Tuscon based, racist sister-in-law goes home next week, I’m emailing her that essay. She’s bought into the whole Robertson apparition and there’s a sliver of hope that she might actually listen to somebody like GK, certainly never Taibbi. Thanks for the post.

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