Is Scott Brown The Naked White Barack Obama?

  the answer is yes

King of the TeabaggersThis cat with the truck and the centerfold is, like our president, a formerly obscure state senator who then got elected to the US Senate. He is “young” and “exciting” and, unlike virtually every other Republican in the Senate, not a wart-covered old troll with a homosexual boyfriend problem. Ergo, Scott Brown will be president. One question, though: will we have to wait till 2012 to elect him?

Republicans from Lexington to Concord love them some handsome Scott Brown, who “brought change” to Massachusetts by bravely driving around in a truck — a vehicle once banned by the People’s Republic of Taxachusetts! Will his wild success at defeating a shitty candidate in a strongly anti-incumbent climate lead to further success, such as the presidency, immediately?

Remember, Barack Obama had only served in the Senate for two years when he announced he was running for President. There is no reason at all that Scott Brown can’t announce his candidacy retroactive to several months ago, so that he can be the New Barack Obama in a couple of years. Think about it!

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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73 comments

  1. I-man

    watching we Americans, at least when it comes to politics of forever fascinating. We gave the republicans 6 years to turn the country to merde! and starting from 2008 we only gave the democrats a year and some change to perform miracles before we returned to our abusive boyfriends. At least this guy is a hell of a lot better than Palin and yes he will run for President or should I say has begun running already.

  2. progressiveinga

    Is Cheney in charge of his VP search yet? There is one straight Cheney left, you know. Brown/Lil’ Cheney 2012!

  3. FMA

    [re=497707]I-man[/re]: Actually, conservatives have been turning this country to merde since 1980 and Democrats have had…Hey, look! A bright shiny object!

  4. bitchincamaro

    [re=497707]I-man[/re]: “At least this guy is a hell of a lot better than Palin”. So is a hot poker in the shitter, but I’m not lining up for that either.

  5. JMP

    [re=497707]I-man[/re]: What are you talking about? According to the mainstream media, nothing at all happened from 2000 to 2008; in fact, that span of time does not exist. Everything bad now is Obama’s fault, as he inherited a pristine blank slate.

    It’s also the Democrats’ fault that they can’t work in a bipartisan manner, forcing the Republicans to block everything they try to pass. And bipartisanship is what Americans want!

  6. Texan Bulldoggette

    Can’t wait for Snowbilly to call him a porn star. Didn’t Levi show just about as much skin & she was calling him Dirk Diggler or some shit? Family values indeed…

  7. donner_froh

    [re=497707]I-man[/re]: At least this guy is a hell of a lot better than Palin”

    Give him some time–he shows real potential. While he couldn’t be as bad as Sarah Scott could be a very strong second or third.

  8. WadISay

    A beer says he give the SotU response this year, though I am still holding out for Bobby Jindahl again.

    [re=497705]Prommie[/re]: He’s also got the slutty hot, stupid daughter thing nailed down.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, finally — I was starting to hardly recognize my country — what with the — um — um — socialism and stuff.

    PS — and Rush and Bill and Assity think we have a messiah complex?!

  10. torera

    He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer, either. Makes him especially suited for national republican politics. He IS a little better at Palin at remembering what his masters have told him to say: subject-verb-no Obamacare.

  11. Larry McAwful

    Are you sure Scott Brown is running for president already? He hasn’t said enough about how much he hates Massachusetts, like President Romney did.

  12. Whitey Did Katrina

    “He doesn’t have a homosexual boyfriend problem” IS NOT THE SAME AS “He doesn’t have a homosexual boyfriend.”

    Eventually his homosexual boyfriend will become a problem, like all the other GOP homosexual boyfriends. Give it time.

  13. Terry

    [re=497726]Larry McAwful[/re]:

    Sure, but he probably can name most of the Red Sox’s roster for the last few years and that’s what matters, really.

  14. Voyou Charmant

    I heard Scott Brown doesn’t even have drivers license. Has he proven that he is eligible to drive that truck?

    Also; is there any reason I should not be able to date his lovely, available (basketball playing so probably a lesbian) daughter? Sure I’m liberal and she is probably secretly liberal, and it looks like she is taller than me, but my penis is large and I’m somewhat attractive by any modern standards.

    What I’m saying is; Scott Brown’s lovely daughter, will you go out with me?

  15. Chickensmack

    [re=497720]donner_froh[/re]: I just looked at his website. It and Wikipedia do not match on abortion, and he’s a bit of a pussy on marriage (Wiki says he won’t fuck with the Mass law, while his website pusses out on “states’ rights”, which makes him a Confederate).

    Wow, just think about it… if he becomes the darling of the Repulsicans just because he was the only dude running (and since turned 60 into 59), he just might become a better darling of the right than Sarah. She’ll become a lame duck pundit.

    God dammit, if no one will listen to her anymore, she may have to quit Fox!!

  16. Whitey Did Katrina

    [re=497729]Terry[/re]: But can he name them naked, with his dong artfully tucked into the binding crease of a ladies’ glossy? CAN HE??

  17. Mr Blifil

    [re=497728]Whitey Did Katrina[/re]: Problem is, jocks don’t know they have homosexual boyfriends, even with the ass slapping, and teabagging. They just call them “buds.”

  18. freakishlystrong

    Jesus H. Tittyfucking Christ, he’s not even sworn in yet and teabaggers are already jizzing all over the ‘tubes. Fuck you teabaggers/wingnuts.

  19. Larry McAwful

    [re=497731]Voyou Charmant[/re]: Well, I’ve never seen his driver’s license. WHERE IS SCOTT BROWN’S DRIVER’S LICENSE? SHOW US THE DRIVER’S LICENSE!

  20. Manos: Hands of Fate

    This punk will have enough trouble holding on to his seat in 2012. God what a creep. The only thing worse than George Allen is George Allen with a Massachusetts accent.

  21. Paul Tardy

    Looks like he is driving because he inherited Kennedy’s place on the No Fly List(tm).

    Why did Sen. Kennedy have to drop his pants to pee? He was on the No Fly List(tm).
    Why didn’t Sen. Kennedy just jump over the Chappaquiddick river? He was on the No Fly List(tm).
    Why doesn’t Sen. ever need to check if there is a fly in his soup? He was on the No Fly List(tm).
    I thought that material would be timeless.

  22. Terry

    [re=497736]Whitey Did Katrina[/re]:

    Tucked? I thought from that photo that he might not have one or at best a teeny one easily hidden by his fingers.

  23. Larry McAwful

    [re=497729]Terry[/re]: That makes sense. Plus Martha Coakley won bigger in western Massachusetts, where there are more Yankees fans, like Curt Schilling.

    When we replace our primary system with the World Series, only then will democracy win.

  24. An Outhouse

    This post is sexist and offensive to women. Its Sarah’s turn to run for president. The porn star will have to settle for vice in 2012.

  25. surfacenoise76

    Now, I’ve been around MA, so I know it’s not all Cambridge intellectuals and Northampton lesbians, but the fact that he got by with the driving-around-in-a-pick-up bullshit almost makes me want to kill myself. Massachusetts? WTF?

  26. Paterlanger

    [re=497747]Larry McAwful[/re]: Oh, excellent! I can see Fox’s lead in to the Series now: “This time it counts for something!”

  27. surfacenoise76

    Is he sufficiently Jesus-y for the mainstream GOP? I don’t think he’s a rabid Catholic, and I think MA is one of the lucky states where non-goofy (i.e., mainstream, excluding Baptists) Christians are still in the majority.

  28. Zadig

    This guy is most definitely running for President in 2012, in the primary at least. After all, if he does anything but switch the letter next to his name or abstain from all congressional votes, he’s not going to win re-election in Massachusetts. Especially if the Democratic name on the ticket doesn’t rhyme with “Cartha Moakley”. He’s got everything he could possibly hope for in that state, if he’s got any brains whatsoever (or if his handler does, whoever) he will be looking beyond it. And who knows? Against a field like Mittens, Giuliani going back on his vow not to run again, Ron Paul, and maybe Huckabee, his only real competition is Sara. And if there’s one vote that Michael Steele can rig for the whole decade, he might want to shut out Palin from winning that primary, because her name would be death to a Republican ticket.

    In the meantime, I look forward to being irritated for the next few weeks as all the teabaggers and old racists (I work on a car lot, they’re everywhere) act like they’ve just won the biggest victory since Waterloo, the Bulge, Gettysburg, Stalingrad, and the Children’s Crusade combined.

  29. RoscoePColtraine

    When Brown runs for president in 2012, and the demmy-crats joyfully make fun of the republicans for suddenly not minding having a candidate with “no executive experience,” republicans will tell the world about his dry cleaning business (one store, in Medford.) And they’ll do it with a straight face.

    Just you watch. They’re despicable.

  30. rottenart

    So, if he gets booted from office in 2012 are we allowed to crow about what a rebuke it is for the Teabag Nation? Because I got a hankerin’ for a spankerin’.

  31. Gopherit

    Feh. Scott Brown is an empty suit. He beat Coakley because she is both terrible politician and dumb as a bag of doorknobs. Brown doesn’t have Palin’s charisma, and is nearly as stupid as she is. He’ll blend into the background in the next 3 months. The silverbacks in the Republican party aren’t going to share 2010 or 2012 with him. Gratitude has a short half-life even with the best people……and I’m pretty convinced the Republicans are incapable of it.

  32. Jim89048

    I’ve driven pickups for about 40 years. They used to be a pretty good deal, a lot of iron for a relatively low price. Until Massholes like Brown started demanding shit like power windows and leather seats in ‘em, anyway. Once the manufacturers learned they could overcharge us for ‘em just like any other vehicle and market ‘em as “Cowboy Cadillacs”, it’s been downhill ever since. As with everything else, I blame reagan.

  33. BaconTime

    Okay you just declared your love for and then dumped McCain, Palin, and then Jindal; even calling up Mitt in your more desperate hours. Maybe if you Republicans stopped swooning at every new face you see, you could get a date to the prom. That Bobby Jindal was such a nice boy too; you should be ashamed.

  34. Balls!

    He’s mostly boring and looks good in and out of a suit. Soon enough the Freepers and Tea Baggers will be calling him a RINO. He’s pretty goddamn moderate and boring and on his platform page even goes on to say that abortion should be a choice between “A woman and her physician”. This alone mean he’s never make it The White House as a Republican. Unless he pulls a Bush Sr. and decides he’s against abortion after he was for it.

  35. doxastic

    You know, I mocked Michael Steele when he reacted to the NY-23 loss as though it were a total win, but now I sort of wish the Democratic party had a little of his self-deluded moxie. When they talk about turning crises into opportunities, it usually means an opportunity to panic and somehow punch themselves in the dong in the ensuing melee. And if we really can’t avoid reacting this way, could someone PLEASE try to Rochambeau Evan Bayh during the chaos? Thx.

  36. doxastic

    [re=497707]I-man[/re]: Baby, I know we’ve failed in the past. But this time, cutting taxes is really gonna work. And when it does, I’ll make you an honest woman. I promise. I didn’t WANT to run up the deficit, honey, you know that! But you were always complaining…well, never mind. That’s not the point. This isn’t about you, it’s about me. The point is, I love you, I’m really sorry, and I’ll never do it again. Dry your eyes, everything will be all right.

  37. BlueStateLibtard

    [re=497707]I-man[/re]: Republican Party as abusive boyfriend has got to be the best analogy I’ve heard of in my entire life. Let the beatings, humiliations and yelling start!

  38. SayItWithWookies

    You know who the real winner of this election was? Financial oracle Jim Cramer, who predicted today’s massive stock rally. Clearly this man deserves his position of trust — at least as much as the guy yelling Bible verses and movie quotes on the street corner does.

  39. Sparky McGruff

    [re=497787]Balls![/re]: He’s pretty goddamn moderate and boring and on his platform page even goes on to say that abortion should be a choice between “A woman and her physician”.

    You honestly don’t think you can trust a Republican to be consistent in any way, do you? He’s going to do whatever the yahoo confederate flag-waving dickwads tell him to do. If Obama is for it, they’re against it, because it’s commie hippie marxist and it will kill grandma and destroy the universe. “Moderate” positions are what you use to get elected, then it’s YA-HOOOOOO!

  40. Xenopus

    [re=497728]Whitey Did Katrina[/re]: “Oh, [Scotty] Brown had lived an ordinary life/ Two kids, a dog, and a precautionary wife/ While it was all going accordingly to plan/ Then [Scotty] Brown fell in love with another man.” Nothing like a little pop music to forget the horrors of the morning news for a few minutes?

  41. yellowdogdem

    [re=497763]surfacenoise76[/re]: Oh, I dunno. Lexington (the birthplace of the U.S.) has a giant right-wing “Christian” church

  42. yellowdogdem

    [re=497735]Chickensmack[/re]: It’s nice that he won’t f*** with the Mass marriage law, given that U.S. Senators have no voice in state laws. He does want health care providers (for example, Catholic hospitals) to be allowed to refuse care to people on “moral” grounds, though. He’s a right-wing conservative, just wait and see. I also predict his hotness (meh!)will be enough to get him the Republican Presidential nomination.

  43. proudgrampa

    It’s taken me all morning (and a couple of martinis) to figure out how I feel about all this.

    I DO NOT FUCKING CARE.

    MASSACHUSETTS, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

    Well, that made me feel better.

  44. Georgia Burning

    One good thing, he’s already given New Hampshire voters a reason to hate him, being from Massachusetts and all.

  45. chascates

    Glenn Beck is worried about this guy; a potential ‘dead intern’ problem. Suggests he should wear an ankle bracelet.

    I say everyone in Congress should wear one.

  46. One Yield Regular

    Here’s a challenge – go to the “Issues” page of Candidate Brown’s web site (a.k.a. The Reactionary’s Bible) and try your best to find a single original idea, one single indication that Brown is capable of holding a thought that’s not simply a recycled, rhetorical iteration of grubby, righteous, miserly FOX-era conservatism’s greatest hits, one single suggestion that he’s considered the human complexity and impact of any issue on there.

  47. Swingin'

    If Scott Brown wanted to run for the GOP nod in 2012 in order to get attention he’ll have to out Palin, Palin. I suggest this simple three part strategy: 1) impregnate his daughter and then have her mother carry around the subsequent ‘tarded offspring that she “suddenly delivered” with no evidence of baby-belly previously. I know it’s been done, but Republicans really need a guy to have this kind of drama. Second, to capitalize on his short lived fame before fading into obscurity he needs to, rather than be seated pre-emptively quit and then ramble ill-fitting baseball metaphors while giving Curt Schilling a hand-job on fox, simultaneously of course. Why the drastic move? simple, Republicans get all weak kneed over complete moronic douchebags who quit their government jobs to go and cash in, yet refuse to admit they quit their jobs to go cash in. Third, start a facebook page in which he says all sorts of terrible and vile things about Obama….play up that he hates Obama’s mom and murdered his grandmother…that’ll get the far right. Oh and this is optional: drop Mrs. Cosmo-nude guy and marry Palin…or Bachman…and also, not know anything about policy except that he hates Democrats! I think he already has that one covered…but anyway, he’ll be ready for 2012.

  48. scwrud

    What is it with Massachusetts and women, anyway? In living memory, they’ve sent exactly two to congress: Paul Tsongas’s widow and that racist one-term potato-bag Louise Day Hicks.

  49. Larry McAwful

    [re=498300]scwrud[/re]: Well, women in Massachusetts don’t seem to want to get elected. Note Martha Coakley, for example, who liked to squeeze in a campaign appearance when there wasn’t a good “Rockford Files” rerun on, or when she wasn’t feeling too tired. All Massachusetts women are like this.

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