TEABAGGERS FOREVER!  10:28 pm January 19, 2010

Scott Brown Is America’s Naked President!!!

by Ken Layne

love him!Ugh, Mitt Romney is introducing Scott Brown. Shouldn’t a *winner* introduce America’s Newest Teabagger Star? Well, not a lot of GOP winners around, lately, so unless Scott Brown wants to introduce himself — maybe, a naked Scott Brown could introduce the clothed Scott Brown? — then Mittens is the best opening act available. Let’s listen to your new GOP leadership!

10:30 PM — Scott Brown is FIRED UP.
10:31 PM — “And I bet they can hear this cheering all the way in WASHINGTON DC!” (Yeah they got the teevee in DC, too.)
10:32 PM — Who are the Amazonian babes, are those Scott Brown’s Sexy Daughters? They should have a folk duo, or a wrestling team.
10:33 PM — Oh he is happy about this, and kisses his wife’s … sort of left-jaw area? She then looks sad. And Prince Charles is standing behind him. Death to the Revolution, Victory to the Lobsterbacks!
10:33 PM — He’s got a Boston Herald! And he’s ON THE BOSTON HERALD.
10:33 PM — Wait, his Senate seat belongs to “no political party”? Does Karl Rove know about this? Does Micheal Steele know about this???!
10:34 PM — What … are … they … chanting?
10:34 PM — Good god these teabaggers want BLOOD.
10:35 PM — Well that is nice to say these things about Ted Kennedy and his wife.
10:36 PM — And he will be a “worthy successor to the late Senator Kennedy,” and he certainly will be a liberal hero!
10:40 PM — WHOA WHOA WHOA THE FUCK, Scott Brown about his daughters: “And they’re both available.”
10:40 PM — Let’s see, Arianna and … the other one, whoever. One’s on American Idol, the other is “pretty good on the court,” and, uhh, Scott Brown thinks he now gets to move into the White House and … wait, oh lord, is this guy actually CRAZY?
10:41 PM — Holy fuck this guy is actually insane, isn’t he?
10:43 PM — There is a sense, here at the Wonkette office, that he maybe should’ve stopped speaking about five minutes ago. (Or, actually, not, as we REQUIRE this, for your Wonkette daily content.)
10:55 PM — OH SHIT is he *still* talking?
10:56 PM — His name is Scott Brown, and he drives a truck. Are you listening, Fred Thompson? No?
10:57 PM — “I’m nobody’s senator.”
10:57 PM — Okay, that’s it, and here’s Greta, so let’s switch off from Fox before the THETANS get us.

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Hola wonkerados.

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sati demise January 19, 2010 at 10:35 pm


sati demise January 19, 2010 at 10:37 pm


El Pinche January 19, 2010 at 10:39 pm

Switch it to FoxNews! The entire foxnews cast is drenched in cum. Gretchen is fingerbanging the non-Steve Doochy guy, Billo is beast fucking Hannity on “news” desk. Glenn Beck is licking the mold from between Ailes ancient fat rolls. It’s absolute bliss!!

Way Cool Larry January 19, 2010 at 10:40 pm

I feel kind of Croakley

schvitzatura January 19, 2010 at 10:40 pm

Mitt Romney as Svengali of Masshole politics of division? Who knew!

BarackMyWorld January 19, 2010 at 10:41 pm

And Mitt Romney goes back to hiding behind a man who looks like Fraiser’s dad.

iburl January 19, 2010 at 10:42 pm

I just listened to his “speech”. What a ditz. The Male Palin.

iburl January 19, 2010 at 10:43 pm

You are all the machine.

schvitzatura January 19, 2010 at 10:44 pm

This fabled truck. 9/11, terrorism, truck, pissah, truck.

Frosh senator of Masshole is also senator from Southern MI, too.

Nerdalicious January 19, 2010 at 10:45 pm

[re=497523]El Pinche[/re]:
“Billo is beast fucking Hannity on “news” desk.”
I’m laughing so hard I split my spandex luge tights. Bearbloke?
Anyone take a guess at Olberman’s rabid special comment tomorrow?

chascates January 19, 2010 at 10:45 pm

Is this a sign of November 2010? And the Tea Baggers will be so loud and over the top people will think the GOP is really rational and centrist?

DeLand DeLakes January 19, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Whelp, we’re all going to die. I’m going back to drinking. Fuck you with something cold and jagged, Massachusetts.

Way Cool Larry January 19, 2010 at 10:48 pm

Is this really actually truly FINALLY the end of American as we know it??!!!1!??

Helio January 19, 2010 at 10:49 pm

My father is too pissed to look at the speech. The last thing I was able to get was something about Obama giving this great white hope some basketball tips? Is this guy foreal? Oh wait, he is! Shit.

BarackMyWorld January 19, 2010 at 10:50 pm

I thought I recognized Lenny Clarke. Man, he’s fucking terrible.

Bearbloke January 19, 2010 at 10:55 pm
BarackMyWorld January 19, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Is he really playing a Black Eyed Peas song? Really? Is this really happening?

snideinplainsight January 19, 2010 at 10:56 pm

I don’t know what is worse – seeing the guy’s cosmo spread everywhere, twenty years later, or the SEG on his face now. A total horndog jackhead – I give him two-point-five years in office before his wife files for divorce and restraining orders.

fivepercentyak January 19, 2010 at 10:57 pm

oh man this guy sucks!!! he closed his long ass speech with that retarded “tonites gonna be a good night” autotune bull crap song. this is gonna be a long six years or whatever

schvitzatura January 19, 2010 at 10:57 pm

He buys a candy factory for Cistercian nuns and Brown gets elected. I’m sure the Ulster Defence Association and Orange Order are way proud of Scotty lad!

clientnumber8 January 19, 2010 at 10:58 pm

[re=497542]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Does that blow your mind? THAT JUST HAPPENED.

Tonnnnnight’s gonna be a good, good niiiight…

Mazel tov.

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2010 at 10:58 pm

Geeze, I just caught the last ten minutes of this, but after reading the liveblog first, I had to recheck that CNN was streaming it live. He must’ve said his whole speech twice or something. And his slogan is “I’m Scott Brown, I’m from Mdkfjddham and I drive a truck?!” And he won?! Martha Coakley must’ve spent the campaign giving government-subsidized partial-birth abortions to be creamed by this tard.

Texan Bulldoggette January 19, 2010 at 10:58 pm

Well, hell. Looks like I’m stuck watching Food Network, Man Vs. Food & that channel where the wives are offing their husbands for a few days. This truly sucks–thank you Martha Coakley. God forbid you actually run a campaign for …gasp… a month!

chascates January 19, 2010 at 10:58 pm

[re=497541]Bearbloke[/re]: And are the Tories going to make a comeback across the pond?

Allyson January 19, 2010 at 11:04 pm

ONLY Wonkette could make me laugh over this news…God Bless.
In the meantime, for Way Cool Larry:

Jewbacca January 19, 2010 at 11:04 pm

I wonder if a woman who had posed nude for a centerfold could ever be elected Senator…

petehammer January 19, 2010 at 11:10 pm

[re=497553]Jewbacca[/re]: Of course not. At the PAGEANT level they are stripped of their crown. Here, it just proves he’s good enough to get the Noonster’s/Van Susterninin’s approval. I realize your question was rhetorical.

Requirements for GOP Candidate: visible treasure trail.

DoktorZoom January 19, 2010 at 11:12 pm

[re=497552]Allyson[/re]: And of course, this.

petehammer January 19, 2010 at 11:12 pm

Oh, and how long until Glenn Greenwald posts something about how he’s glad we dicked around with passing healthcare because it is better to have nothing than something imperfect. Yay for wasting time!

schvitzatura January 19, 2010 at 11:13 pm

Brown lifted the whole truck-locus campaign thing from Ken “Bridge at Remagen” Hechler, who drove the hell out of a little red jeep, campaigning in the hollers of Westbygodvirginny.

snideinplainsight January 19, 2010 at 11:18 pm

[re=497558]petehammer[/re]: Leave Glenn alone! He’s gai and all -

brown_recluse January 19, 2010 at 11:19 pm


Bearbloke January 19, 2010 at 11:20 pm

[re=497523]El Pinche[/re]: [re=497532]Nerdalicious[/re]: If you think that is distasteful, just be sure to wear a Full HAZMAT suit when you listen to Rush Fatnazishitscak Limpbag tomorrow… the joyously frothing santorum will be ejaculating with the power of freebased Viagra from his warm wet mushy pink gob in squealing multi-starburst ECSTASY!!!!!!!!1!!!11!!!

Buttery1000 January 19, 2010 at 11:21 pm


DoktorZoom January 19, 2010 at 11:25 pm

[re=497562]Bearbloke[/re]: You seem to be channeling Bill Hicks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F7Q7BkAbCk

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2010 at 11:35 pm

I hadn’t considered this, but another thing that pissed off a bunch of voters was the Mass. legislature’s changing the rules of succession to keep a Democrat in that seat. Talk about giving them a clear target — and combined with Coakley’s sense of entitlement during the campaign (which I’m just starting to read about) it certainly couldn’t have helped.

The dumbest reaction to the election, however, goes to my own Senator Jim Webb (who, might I add, was a Republican right before he decided to run for the damn seat) who uttered this gold-flecked truffle of idiocy:

“It is vital that we restore the respect of the American people in our system of government and in our leaders. To that end, I believe it would only be fair and prudent that we suspend further votes on health care legislation until Senator-elect Brown is seated.”

Translation: “Suicide squad — attaaaaaaaaack!”

Nerdalicious January 19, 2010 at 11:40 pm

Bobsled ass shot is Rethuglican type porn.
I hope I don’t offend anyone here, but I think this is partially racist. This is redneck country more than PA. I hear all sorts of shit talk around here about people having the God given right to punish their kids by beating them to a pulp & into the ground & crap like that. As far as I’m concerned Ken balls won a seat in Alabama.

Nerdalicious January 19, 2010 at 11:42 pm

Tanks you made me split my own spandex with that one. PS: I need a laugh badly.

tootsieroll January 19, 2010 at 11:43 pm

I listened to it on my way home in the car and I vacillated between crying and rage at his stupid platitudes. Is it me, or did he say how he was going to cut taxes, then preceded to say how he was going to maintain the military and Medicare?

Why is it ok to run a trillion dollar tab for a war to kill hundreds of thousands, but it’s treasonous to want to spend that much to provide for the welfare of your own citizens.

These people think he will be a moderate. Not once he’s done playing “London Bridge” with Mitch McConnell and Ensign.

iwillsavethispatient January 19, 2010 at 11:43 pm

PLEASE, can we now get Biden to magic away the filibuster, then pass a lot of liberal legislation in the Senate with only 50+ votes? Or, as the rest of the world calls it, a fucking majority? Gah!

Darkness January 19, 2010 at 11:48 pm

Scott Brown’s MOOBS are America’s next president. Come on. Accuracy people.

chascates January 19, 2010 at 11:49 pm

Some insight from the Boston Gtlobe’s site:

Voter anger caught fire in final days
Massachusetts voters sent Washington a ringing message today: Enough.

Swept off our feet
Voters may not know a lot about their dark, handsome new senator. But they know they won’t be taken for granted.

And to prove that life in America goes on:
APPOMATTOX, Va.—Police were looking for a lone shooter who they said killed eight people Tuesday in central Virginia, then fled in the woods, violently resisting efforts to take him in and even nearly shooting down a police helicopter as it hovered over the area trying to flush him out.

steverino247 January 19, 2010 at 11:52 pm

The Dems gotta stop running “enlightened millionaires” for office because they’re too easily pegged as elitists who think they know what’s best for you. They’re too comfortable to get out and actually meet people where they are and have long forgotten (if they ever knew) the passion it takes to really fight for something. Kerry did it in Vietnam, but lost his balls in the Senate someplace or put them in one of his wife’s bank deposit boxes. He wasn’t hungry enough to be President and Obama was. Running for office is a lot of work and if you won’t do the work to get the job, why should anybody have any confidence in your performance if you win? “I’ll fight for you” is a big fucking lie unless you’re freezing your tits off shaking hands with strangers outside a ball park.

Darkness January 19, 2010 at 11:55 pm

[re=497535]DeLand DeLakes[/re]: I feel so wise in never giving up drinking.

[re=497544]fivepercentyak[/re]: Isn’t this seat back up for election in 2010? or 2012, something earlier than the normal cycle? (too laxy to check… or too +whatevers)

El Pinche January 19, 2010 at 11:56 pm

[re=497562]Bearbloke[/re]: Ahhhh Bearbloke puts the cherry on top ! Thanks!

[re=497532]Nerdalicious[/re]: Haha..yeah, it’s all true. They were basically fucking each other on that channel. I have never seen so many objective journalists and reporters (i can’t keep a straight face saying that) so relieved and happy over an outcome of an election.

Ann Coulter: “Jim Webb is my new favorite Senator.”

Yeah, that was fucking idiotic. I bet it happens, too.

petehammer January 19, 2010 at 11:56 pm

[re=497576]chascates[/re]: Shooting at police helicopters? Whenever I get to the 6-star wanted level, I’m toast. Hopefully this guy will be toast soon.

lawrenceofthedesert January 19, 2010 at 11:57 pm

I guess Camelot is over.

jennx January 20, 2010 at 12:25 am

[re=497569]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Ya, fuck Webb, but my erstwhile hero Barney Franks is pretty much saying the same damned thing. I HATE DEMOCRATS.

shortsshortsshorts January 20, 2010 at 12:34 am

Stop complaining, people. His pubic hair SCREAMS all American— all over the place, forever.

Extemporanus January 20, 2010 at 12:41 am

In honor of Ken’s spot-on alt text—and to remind everyone exactly what was lost tonight—I’d like to take this opportunity to dust off a Cosmo spread I lovingly desecrated last year, when we were young, and the world was still literally our oyster.

Enjoy teabagging that still-warm, cum-encrusted bearskin rug while you can, Senatorfold Micropenis!

chascates January 20, 2010 at 12:46 am

[re=497598]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: And how are the California senate races shaping up?

SayItWithWookies January 20, 2010 at 12:50 am

[re=497596]jennx[/re]: I just looked at Frank’s statement and while it’s ridiculous, it’s not quite as bad as Webb’s. Frank might at least be nudging his fellow House members into accepting the Semate bill, which is at least something. Webb wants to suspand all consideration — meaning you may as well tie it into a burlap sack and toss it off a bridge into the river.

Extemporanus January 20, 2010 at 12:53 am

[re=497542]BarackMyWorld[/re]: [re=497546]clientnumber8[/re]: That was actually a solo ode Black Eyed Peas lead “singer” Will.I.am wrote in celebration of Barack Obama being elected president.

Which leads me to ask: Why does Scott Brown hate Haiti?

El Pinche January 20, 2010 at 12:53 am

The following can suck a dick:

1. Tim Kaine and DNC (should suck it hard then get fired)
2. Rahm Emmanuel
3. Jim Webb
4. Barney Franks
5. Coakley
6. Obama (yeah, that’s right)

Speaking of screams…At least Howard Dean won some elections. Tim Kaine’s strategy is apparently losing every damn election. What about Al Franken? He fought for himself basically…the DNC left him for dead.

shortsshortsshorts January 20, 2010 at 12:55 am

[re=497604]chascates[/re]: We have two Senators here, right? I thought we were 36 million people with MAGIC AXES. Well you can’t be right everyday.

El Pinche January 20, 2010 at 1:00 am

werd to Larry McAwful for offering rides and such. We hope you did not get eaten by very ecstatic and hungry teabagger tonight.

SayItWithWookies January 20, 2010 at 2:06 am

[re=497607]El Pinche[/re]: I’d give 4 and 6 a pass for now, but otherwise amen — especially Kaine. And wasn’t Emanuel trying to get rid of Howard Dean after 2006? Over Dean’s successful 50-state strategy, if I’m not mistaken. Rahm’s strategy of giving away the best parts of healthcare in order to placate a Republican minority that voted lockstep against the bill anyway turned out to be not such a good idea — who knew?

new complexnegro January 20, 2010 at 2:06 am

I bet all those Gay closeted republicans have a secret cruch on him!

mynameisdetroit January 20, 2010 at 2:36 am

Thanks for nothing, Marther – you’ve let the teapotters win.

Extemporanus January 20, 2010 at 4:37 am

[re=497603]Extemporanus[/re]: “Photofuckit.com” must have my account flagged or something. They already killed the image, and it’s not even not safe for work!


Hopefully, this here latest upload will stay up long enough for me to find a new image hosting website more accepting of Burt Reynolds-Mario López-Levi Johnston 3-way desecrations.

glamourdammerung January 20, 2010 at 6:30 am

There is a 9-and-a-half fingered Jew that really needs to be thrown under a bus.

QueenOfTheDamned January 20, 2010 at 6:49 am

No surprise. This just helps give all the “lawmakers” an excuse to not pass any healthcare, which they never intended to do in the first place. That became obvious to me when they decided to hold those bullshit town halls during the summer. Total BS from everybody on every level! When have they done that before? The bottom line is that here in the great land of the brave and the free, nothing will be ever be done that hurts big money. Never. And whatever it takes for that to happen. It was all decided 50, 60 years ago at least.

Scaggsvillain January 20, 2010 at 6:55 am

Hahahahahaha! SUck it, libtards! :)

Scaggsvillain January 20, 2010 at 7:06 am

[re=497607]El Pinche[/re]:

Teabaggers are giving. Libtards are receiving. Marcia got a nice pearl necklace last nite. Muhahahaha! :)

Scaggsvillain January 20, 2010 at 7:12 am

[re=497561]brown_recluse[/re]: Eat up, matey! :)

El Pinche January 20, 2010 at 8:17 am

[re=497655]Scaggsvillain[/re]: Suck my bawwlllss!!!!!!!!!!

UnattendedConsequence January 20, 2010 at 9:55 am

Pull down the shades cause he’s comin’
Turn out the lights cause he’s here
Runnin’ hard down the street
Through the snow and the sleet
On the coldest night of the year

Beware, beware, beware of the Naked Man

wallythepug January 20, 2010 at 10:28 am

Well this is good news for Levi! His Playgirl spread will not impede his future political career.

Army of None January 20, 2010 at 11:50 am

Why bother calling it Health Reform Legislation? We all saw how Senator Leiberman from Conn. hand-tailored it to the Special Interests of the the Insurance industry centered in his state. It’s a bill that mandates that people buy more health insurance, the way that they must insure their cars. That’s all it is. The hell with it. Kind of douchey of Hopey to sit back and let this spectacle go on as long as it did, while people were concerned about more pressing economic concerns.

Accordion-o-rama January 20, 2010 at 11:54 am

Heck of a job, Brown eye!

getoffmylawn January 23, 2010 at 7:43 am

Naked Cowboy for US Senate/NY. Sign petition now and receive a copy of Ayla’s CD.

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