TOUGH WHIP COUNTS  12:04 pm January 19, 2010

Breaking Down The Norm Coleman Family Vote On A Possible Run For Governor

by Jim Newell

Laurie Coleman is so shinyNorm Coleman is just weird: “MINNEAPOLIS – Former Minnesota Sen. Norm Coleman says his family voted 3-1 against him running for governor, so he will not join the race.” Thanks for the final tally, Norm. Glad to know democracy is still practiced in some households these days, like when a father can’t make up his mind about whether to seek employment. SO WHAT’S INSIDE THESE NUMBERS?

We believe the voting broke down like so. (If it’s wrong, Intern Riley gets fired five more times.)

Laurie Coleman (the wife who lives in Hollywood): No.
Jacob Coleman (son): YES! “[Norm] tells The Associated Press his 23-year-old son wanted him to run…”
Norm Coleman (The One): “…but that he felt he couldn’t step away from his family for 10 months to conduct the campaign.” No.
Sarah Coleman (daughter): No.

“He says he reached the decision during a family dinner Friday night.”

Jus’ like you ‘n’ me ‘n’ the common folk would reach them decisions, a-yuk a-yuk.

Coleman says he believes he could have won a Republican primary for governor, and that he’s not endorsing any Republican candidate for now.

Umm so yeah, I could definitely run and win, but like… it’d just be such a hassle. And the family. So not worth it. (Would totally win though.) (Just sayin’.)

Coleman: Family voted against Minn. governor run [AP]

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SayItWithWookies January 19, 2010 at 12:10 pm

He thinks he coulda won a Republican primary, when he got creamed in his own family? Servant-leader fail.

Suds McKenzie January 19, 2010 at 12:10 pm

If it was two to two, would the deciding vote be the family cat?, and how long would that take.

uppercanada January 19, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Norm Coleman will now spend the next two years contesting this vote.

Way Cool Larry January 19, 2010 at 12:16 pm

I demand a recount!

magic titty January 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Um, hello. Where is the Jesus vote? Fucking heathens, all.

SmutBoffin January 19, 2010 at 12:20 pm

“Umm so yeah, I could definitely run and win…”

Is this written in your voice, Jim? Because you, Jim Newell, could probably win the MN governorship. Convert to Lutheranism, back the Vikes, bring a hot dish, and your’re in.

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2010 at 12:23 pm

[re=496806]Suds McKenzie[/re]: I’m pretty sure the tiebreaker would be Mrs. Coleman’s hologram, and the two them vote as a bloc, so it’d still be “no.”

the problem child January 19, 2010 at 12:26 pm

His wife voted absentee.

engulfedinflames January 19, 2010 at 12:30 pm

[re=496806]Suds McKenzie[/re]: If it had been two to two the deciding vote would have gone to that waitress with low self esteem.

Snarkalicious January 19, 2010 at 12:37 pm

I dunno…Minnesota governors have been a little fucked up of late. Maybe Norm getting into the race so they don’t have on for 7 or 8 months would be a welcome rest.

JadedDIssonance January 19, 2010 at 12:42 pm

He was unsure about his prospects as the Lizard People Census Data was woefully inaccurate.

WadISay January 19, 2010 at 12:44 pm

If this vote had taken place in Chicago, it would have come out 426 to 1.

magic titty January 19, 2010 at 12:44 pm

[re=496819]the problem child[/re]: +1.

memzilla January 19, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Wait… you mean he lost the Cletus and Brandine vote?

(Of course, since it’s so cold in Minnesnowta, that’s the blue-neck vote.)

bureaucrap January 19, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Laurie coleman also pledged to raise $1 million for the DSCC this year, so Norm could no longer count on her financial support.

bitchincamaro January 19, 2010 at 12:50 pm

“I will now have more time to spend with the family that hates America more than it hates me. But just barely.”

progressiveinga January 19, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Are we sure the 1 yes vote wasn’t a hanging chad? Possibly someone meant to vote for Pat Buchanan and changed her mind at the last minute?

Red Zeppelin January 19, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Maybe he should ask for a second opinion from the Santorum family.

Really, though, it’s just a cop out. Once a lazy hippie, always a lazy hippie.

schvitzatura January 19, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Plan B?

The former St. Paul mayor says he is putting together a think tank and policy institute in Washington.

Those whose families disallow a run for leadership of the Land of 10,000 Lakes leave them no alternative but to become a white dwarf in the vast universe of professional scumsuckers and political patent medicine shillers. Brilliantly original, Norm!

Holy Cow!! January 19, 2010 at 1:13 pm

This just in: Coleman sues family. Court battle to last for months.

sezme January 19, 2010 at 1:24 pm

On this referendum, Lizard People vote Yes.

Come here a minute January 19, 2010 at 1:27 pm

The son only voted for him to be “Minnesota nice”.

martinette January 19, 2010 at 1:28 pm

Being Governor of Minnesota is a ticket to nowhere. Just ask Tim Pawlenty.

Anonymous January 19, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Wonder if he got a vote from George W? He never made a move without his approval when he was in the Senate. It would have been nice to see him loose again.

Extemporanus January 19, 2010 at 1:39 pm

[re=496819]the problem child[/re]: Early exit polling has you as the winner.

[re=496841]progressiveinga[/re]: Any votes cast by Norm Coleman’s suicidal son are invalid.

Schmannity January 19, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Al Franken also carried the family

the bf January 19, 2010 at 1:59 pm

What was Nate Silver’s analysis?

FlownOver January 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm

I’m not gonna believe any of this until I see Nate Silver’s analysis of the poll’s accuracy.

FlownOver January 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm

[re=496916]the bf[/re]: D’OH! Beat by a fraction!

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2010 at 2:09 pm

[re=496807]uppercanada[/re]: “Norm Coleman will now spend the next two years contesting this vote.” And he is soliciting donations to pay for it.

Terry January 19, 2010 at 2:30 pm

No, I think the scene around the Coleman table bore a striking similarity to a recent episode of Big Love. The patriarch at the head of the table announces he wants to run, everyone else in the room recoils in horror for their own individual reasons.

lawrenceofthedesert January 19, 2010 at 3:42 pm

[re=496830]WadISay[/re]: Depends. If it’s a punchcard or paper ballot vote, for example, you find a card or ballot that you like, count the total number voted, then run the card you like through the counter the same number of times (or,if you’re worried, maybe 80 percent the card you like, 20 percent other cards). So if it’s a 3-1 card, you might get something like 426-142, which wouldn’t make anybody blink too hard. If it’s a mechanical machine, you wire it so that one vote no automatically triggers three yes’s, or whatever ratio you think you can get away with (less on the North Side, way more on the South or West Side).

germansteel January 19, 2010 at 3:58 pm

At least now the other candidates won’t be afraid to get into an airplane.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 19, 2010 at 6:03 pm

When is Norm going to sue his wife to over turned her clearly ACORN inspired illegal vote?

Speaking of which, why are the Republicans threatening a civil war if Mark Brown is not seated within 1 hour of the close of voting, but were all right with keeping the Dems from having their sixtieth vote for nearly eight months?

krlars January 19, 2010 at 10:16 pm

What was the turnout? Cause I’m pretty sure you didn’t tally his synagogue girlfriend’s vote.

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