DAILY BRIEFING  8:42 am January 19, 2010

This Is What Happens When There Are No Kennedys, However Marginal, For Massachusetts!

by Juli Weiner

  • Residents of Massachusetts must decide who they like better: Scott Brown. Or Martha Coakley. [Boston Globe]
  • Many non-Haiti countries have issued a very generous “It’s cool, no worries” in response to Haiti’s debt. [New York Times]
  • Between 2002 and 2006, the FBI illegally listened to 2000 of your phone calls. It also got overly touchy-feely in bars, which you similarly resented. [Washington Post]
  • The massive flooding in California will continue through Thursday. It is likely Jeff Zucker’s fault, somehow. [Los Angeles Times]
  • Upwards of 27 people died in Nigeria’s recent Christians vs. Muslims fight. [Wall Street Journal]
  • Actual AP lede: “Historically, marriage was the surest route to financial security for women. Nowadays it’s men who are increasingly getting the biggest economic boost from tying the knot, according to a new analysis of census data.”  [AP]
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rmontcal January 19, 2010 at 8:49 am

Hopefully the FBI was listening to the conversation where my buddy and I were planning the Vegas trip as opposed to the later one where we recounted all the happenings that should have stayed in Vegas.

ManchuCandidate January 19, 2010 at 8:52 am

I, for one, welcome our new sugar mommy overlords. I will happily work in your sugar caves.

Terry January 19, 2010 at 8:58 am


The way you’ve been working in those sugar caves might need some updating. Just sayin’.

TGY January 19, 2010 at 9:03 am

TEXT ‘CALIDUDE’ TO 90999 NOW!!!!111!!!!

Come here a minute January 19, 2010 at 9:22 am

“It’s cool, no worries”

You must have had this attitude if you loaned money to Haiti in the first place.

Mild Midwesterner January 19, 2010 at 9:29 am

If, as a male, I must now marry for money, will I have to put out whenever my wife demands it? If so, then consider me June Cleaver.

JMP January 19, 2010 at 9:33 am

Great; in 2002 the FBI must have listened to all the whiny messages I left my ex-girlfriend after she dumped me. Fuck.

So the people of Southern California, who usually love to brag about how it’s always warm and sunny there, are complaining about a little rain? Speaking from the East Coast, where we’ve been getting a major day-long rain or snow pretty much once a week or more ever since last May, they should just deal with what’s a perfectly normally, common phenomenon most everywhere else in the world. Stop whining, and stop building in places prone to mudslides.

Monsieur Grumpe January 19, 2010 at 9:42 am

Looks like the Old Lady needs to get a few more jobs so I can be kept in the manner I’d like to be accustomed to.

Hedley Lamar January 19, 2010 at 9:43 am

Dear Juli, Please send your most recent three tax returns and then I will consider your proposal of marriage. Thank you.

ella January 19, 2010 at 9:46 am

“Martha Coakley has run the most malicious campaign Bay State voters have ever seen, and her last-minute reliance on John Kerry’s 2004 failed strategy (blah blah snipped)’ Brown campaign manager Beth Lindstrom said.

Two words: Swift. Boat.

Oldskool January 19, 2010 at 9:55 am

Ya know the FBI won’t be held to account anymore than the gang of criminals in the White House were. The new normal.

JMP January 19, 2010 at 9:56 am

[re=496659]ella[/re]: Brown has apparently misspelled “inept” as “malicious”. For the most malicious campaign, the man who has worked with teabaggers who sent death threats to his opponent and later claimed he had never even heard of the teabaggers, and laughed when supporters called Democrats Nazis and made the curling iron suggestion below might want to look in the mirror.

Looy January 19, 2010 at 10:08 am

That’s a John Solomon story on the FBI! Apparently he works quickly for his new employer.

el_chupacabra January 19, 2010 at 10:11 am


Today, we are all my grandmother.

Katydid January 19, 2010 at 10:25 am

Oh Goodie! My predictions: Glenn Beck: “Isn’t it interesting that ugly male-hating baby-aborting liberal feminist women have brutally overtaken men, at the expense of hard-working, blue-collar, Jeebus-loving, patriotic, real merikun, tough-as-nails men? Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that all this happened after the liberal Democrat and their activist anti-American traitors on the Supreme Court feminists pushed their atheist liberal anti-American agenda when they mandated legalized on-demand abortion? Against our faith-based love in Jeebus? I’m just saying, and I’m the only one who will tell you, that Jeebus rules, and pagans suck abortion titty. Help me help you take back our freedoms to oppress everyone who’s not one of us…”

Pat Robertson: “In the name of Jeebus, I say unto you liberal feminists, repent and accept the authoriti of your husbands and Jeebus or STFU and GTFO and stop oppressing our freedoms to oppress you! Bring back witch burning also.”

Teabaggers (gathering in DC, orchestrated by Rep. Bachmann and egged on by ex-gov. and ex-VP candidate Palin, and well-paid, well-educated, highly intelligent female Fox talking heads who act dumb): “Wimmins now oppress men and blacks (Will Smith?) with their gay commie pinko liberal feministing agenda! We want our dominance back!!!”

GOP politicos: Democrat women, look, Sarah Palin shiny, who so does not earn 100 times that of her guy Todd, shown here without a shirt, for some reason. Look at Todd, womens, you are getting very sleepy.

charlesdegoal January 19, 2010 at 10:27 am

Women nowadays don’t go for the intellectual/wealthy types but for the well-endowed types. Shoudda been a jock, dammit.

JSparks January 19, 2010 at 10:29 am

So wait if Teddy the Drunk were still alive none of the above list would have happened?

coolcatdaddy January 19, 2010 at 10:31 am

“Historically, marriage was the surest route to financial security for women. Nowadays it’s men who are increasingly getting the biggest economic boost from tying the knot, according to a new analysis of census data.”

And they wonder why the gayz are wanting to get married…

Diana Davies January 19, 2010 at 10:43 am

[re=496656]Hedley Lamar[/re]: Don’t forget to get a FICO score!!1!

Sussemilch January 19, 2010 at 10:44 am

[re=496694]JSparks[/re]: Political string theory – Ted was the thread holding everything together, or so it seams. ;)

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2010 at 11:06 am

Actual AP lede: “Historically, marriage was the surest route to financial security for women. Nowadays it’s men who are increasingly getting the biggest economic boost from tying the knot

The divorce, however, is a different story altogether.

(rim shot)

Did I mention I’m writing for Conan now? Finally got my sweet job in teevee!

schvitzatura January 19, 2010 at 11:18 am

The State Department will now be ceded over to become a diplomatic corps composed entirely of Type A Amazon/Boudicca analysts, making low six figures, while this will free up the menfolk to become Air Force drone pilots (“most of the time, I get to fight the war, and go home and see the wife and kids at night”) at reduced marginal pay, since they have the “special spacial coodination” skills and likey the video games.

From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs, also.

donner_froh January 19, 2010 at 11:18 am

The WSJ needs to sharpen up on thier sports reporting. Why give just the total points–27 dead–and not who won the game, Christians or Muslims?

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2010 at 11:56 am

The records seen by The Post do not reveal the identities of the people whose phone call records were gathered, but FBI officials said they thought that nearly all of the requests involved terrorism investigations.

Oh, well that’s okay then, since the FBI said so. And if you can’t trust the people who broke the law in the first place, who can you trust?

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