IF JOHN KERRY CAN'T FIX IT...  5:22 pm January 18, 2010

John Kerry Could Verily Be Brought To Fisticuffs

by Jim Newell

John Kerry, who polls suggest is one of only a handful of Democrats remaining in Massachusetts, is furious over the Naked Republican’s insurgent campaign, calling his supporters “tea baggers” and all. He’s already rolled up one sleeve, don’t make him roll up the second! Because then… well then he might have to write a principled letter to the Washington Post — FOR PUBLICATION. Boom. [Boston Globe]

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rocktonsammy January 18, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Please don’t help Senator Kerry.

Send your daughter in that sexy see through dress to help.

Otherwise, don’t help please.

Buzz Feedback January 18, 2010 at 5:30 pm

If anybody’s chin is made to get hit by a lot of balls, it’s Kerry’s.

Mr Blifil January 18, 2010 at 5:32 pm

It’ll be a bloodbath, but a Heinz Ketchup sort of bloodbath…

RoscoePColtraine January 18, 2010 at 5:37 pm

John Kerry remindes me of this scene from Austin Powers. (John Kerry is “Number 2″ in this analogy.)

germansteel January 18, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Typical John Kerry. Just like his 2004 presidential campaign when his political opponents had him totally on the rocks and then he decides to fight back – well after time to do any good.

SayItWithWookies January 18, 2010 at 5:40 pm

John Kerry should be ashamed of slandering the fine, upstanding citizens who support Scott Brown — I mean, 50,000 out-of-state Jerome Corsi fans can’t be wrong, can they?

Suds McKenzie January 18, 2010 at 5:41 pm

Now I’m really bored for some reason.

thesheriffisnear January 18, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Kerry and Coakley all they need is Larry Fine to complete the set.

El Pinche January 18, 2010 at 5:48 pm

Brown’s campaign already runs on 100% rape and anal rage, I don’t think this makes a difference.

Radiotherapy January 18, 2010 at 5:55 pm

We all need to be Swift Voters

Suds McKenzie January 18, 2010 at 5:56 pm

[re=496498]El Pinche[/re]: OK “Snuggies”.

Jim89048 January 18, 2010 at 6:23 pm

Just say it, John–”Don’t make me bust a foot off in yo’ ass”, in your best Negro dialect, if you choose to use it…

Todd Mecklem January 18, 2010 at 6:27 pm

They may have the tea baggers, but we have the grocery baggers. We do still have the grocery baggers, don’t we? I JUST DON’T KNOW ANY MORE!

Oldskool January 18, 2010 at 6:30 pm

It strikes all the fear of a wedding invitation.

Buttery1000 January 18, 2010 at 6:38 pm

Has anyone actually heard of this “John Kerry” before?

S.Luggo January 18, 2010 at 6:39 pm

Gemstone Teabag – $89.95; Get yours soon while supplies last. (Taxes and shipping not included. Not available in Guam or Indonesia.)

Note: Freedom Megaphone is SOLD OUT

BarackMyWorld January 18, 2010 at 6:58 pm

John Kerry’s signature is just like him…tall, skinny, and obviously rehearsed, but not enough to be understandable.

Katydid January 18, 2010 at 7:06 pm

Jesus Fucking Christ, there’s some serious hate going on in the comments section. Robo-commenting Teabaggers. Yikes.

Sentinel10 wrote:
On account of what were hearing about the panthers and ACORN alot of the wives in our neighborhood are scared to vote by themselves so we men will take our wives along when we vote so they will be protected if the panthers and ACORN show up.

HedonismBot January 18, 2010 at 7:09 pm

It amazes me how fickle American voters are. The economy was shitty when Obama took office. It is still shitty, so therefore it must be his fault. We were bogged down in ridiculous wars when Obama took office, and we’re still bogged down in ridiculous wars. Therefore, it must be Obama’s fault.
But, for some reason, people put up with 8 long years of Bush’s collossal fuck-ups, versus barely one year of Obama not quite living up to his promise.
I wish I could say the economy, and America’s continued downward spiral, will dog the next Republican majority as badly as it has dogged the current, stillborn Dem majority. But I know that, when things look bad, Americans always come home to xenophobia and fear.
Have fun winning elections, GOP. We all know y’all can’t govern worth a shit.

Canmon (the Inadequate) January 18, 2010 at 7:12 pm

Hey John, why the long face?

Pithaughn January 18, 2010 at 7:13 pm

Ha ha, the teaparty emporium site has this to say:
A portion of proceeds will be donated to the Heritage Foundation, an institute committed to building an America where freedom, opportunity, prosperity and civil society flourish.

Get it? Civil Society, tea partyers civil, oh the irony.

Katydid January 18, 2010 at 7:29 pm

[re=496517]S.Luggo[/re]: More from teapartyemporium.com:

Freedom Coffee (Decaffeinated)
“Coffee as a political statement? Why, yes!…Coffee has been there for businessmen, teachers, policemen, doctors, lawyers, construction workers, nurses and every U.S. citizen ever since.”

I marvel at how these people’s minds works, at how good they are at manipulating and pandering to the base, with no shame at all.

El Pinche January 18, 2010 at 7:33 pm

[re=496505]Suds McKenzie[/re]:

Ok, ok, I’ve picked out an avatar for Snuggies…I can work with it.


The American voter is a moran.

Katydid January 18, 2010 at 7:36 pm

[re=496530]HedonismBot[/re]: I read on a hate site today, maybe big gubbmint, where someone wrote, as a fact, that the bad economy is entirely Obama’s fault. I know everyone at Fox News and their GOP subsidiary know they’re lie constantly, but I wonder if the everyday teabaggers can recognize reality anymore.

HedonismBot January 18, 2010 at 7:53 pm

Fucking teabaggers. That is all.

El Pinche January 18, 2010 at 8:11 pm

[re=496535]Katydid[/re]: Yes, but it’s the stupids, teabaggers and non-teabaggers, that make me sick. BTW, cute Jack Russell (or not a Jack? has longish ears). I have two Jacks who think they are human.

S.Luggo January 18, 2010 at 8:40 pm

[re=496533]Katydid[/re]: A similar description is used for the Tea Party Emporium’s silver-plated coke spoon, and its reusable douchebag, also.

Re: Freedom Coffee (Decaffeinated)
Why the friggin’ frig de-caf? Shit. The influence of the soul-sucking Nanny State is everywhere.
Who is John Guilt?

dijetlo January 18, 2010 at 9:16 pm

[re=496534]El Pinche[/re]: Have some hope, Snuggie. The latest polling has blacks voting for Brown at 25%, him carrying 2 out of 3 Hispanics and 18 thru 29 year olds.
None of those things are actually remotely possible.
Teabaggers love it when people call them on the phone to ask their opinions, it represents the one moment in their lives when anybody else gives a fuck what they think. Dems are significantly less likely to volunteer for polling. Add to that Tea-baggers lie..a lot and you can explain the oddball internal numbers of the latest polls. So forget the polls, polls are for pundits and political advisers and other folk who have to fill up a lot of time with a bunch of words that don’t mean shit.
Party foot soldiers know one enduring truth pollsters don’t grasp. In the end, it always comes down to the ground game, who can get more of their people to the polls. If that’s the deciding factor, you have to like the chances of the Mass Democratic Machine in this one. They may have put a drunken murderer in the Senate for the last thirty years but hey…they managed to put a drunken murderer in the Senate for thirty years.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 18, 2010 at 9:46 pm

Just a thought. Has John Kerry ever been a part of a battle that he has actually won?

I mean other than the great Senatorial battle to see who would wed the widow of John Heinz?

edgydrifter January 18, 2010 at 9:56 pm

I nodded off about the seventh word of the first sentence. That’s a new personal best for me. John Kerry endurance training is a real bitch.

Paul Tardy January 18, 2010 at 10:01 pm

Back in the day men were of few words, not these crying whining PSTD cases we see on Oprah and Dr Phil. That letter is about as lengthy as the one Gen Travis sent to Davy Crockett to get him to go to the Alamo. Don’t let the Mexicans win this one. Too much is at stake. – Sincerely Travis. What do you Wonk offs think ‘Sincerely’ means anyway? Back when men were men that’s all it took.

torera January 18, 2010 at 10:14 pm

Excuse me but “tea baggers” is accurate description. This past weekend, Boston TV was full of commercials from the “Tea Bag Party” (big banner) endorsing Brown. Fastest organization of a moneyed political party I’ve ever seen. And I’m o-l-d.

S.Luggo January 18, 2010 at 10:26 pm

Why you hate Megster (“5 and a half gauge chiffon, Alan!”) McCain?

Radiotherapy January 18, 2010 at 10:44 pm

Not that we have to listen, but if this does go bad tomorrow, the worst part will be the gloating. Intolerable, incessant, insufferable gloating. And we are on the wrong side. The Dems just do not know how to twist the knife. They are useless at going in for the kill.
No, check that, the worst part will be a frequent, witty, Joy Division loving Wonktard will be heretofore named Snuggie. “tears of sadness for you”
Maybe we could all do a sympathy nom de wonkette name change. I’m thinking:
Ne’er4get NY-23 with an avatar of the scuzzy-yellowed teeth teabagger

the problem child January 18, 2010 at 10:48 pm

Seriously? Nazi, nazi, nazi, nazi? We’re not nazis like you? How is this e even effective teabaggery? Especially from a blonde.

Katydid January 18, 2010 at 11:02 pm

[re=496544]El Pinche[/re]: Thanks. She’s a chihuahua, actually, but she doesn’t look anything like the Taco Bell dog. They make two types of chihuahuas, the classic “apple head,” and my kind.

I love Jacks. They are great dogs, and I had researched the breed before I got the chihuahua, but I had a small child at the time, and thought a Jack might be too much dog for a little kid.

I also have an Italian Greyhound/Rat Terrier mix, and she’s very sweet, but a little schizo. I think it’s a bad combo, because temperamentally they’re very different breeds. Do you find yours are great hunters? I had to switch her collar to a harness, because when she spots birds or smalls animal, she almost breaks her neck lunging for them. The RT in her wants desperately to hunt it, and the IG in her is really really fast, so I’ve learned to sound firm with the words, “Stay!” and “No!” and “Motherfucker are you trying to kill me?”

S.Luggo January 18, 2010 at 11:34 pm

[re=496544]El Pinche[/re]:

Jayzuz fucking Christi, is this comment blog for Pet Fanciers Journal? Go back to Gawker.

El Pinche January 18, 2010 at 11:35 pm

[re=496588]Katydid[/re]: OMG, are they great hunters? I fear the summer and spring time. Both my dogs drag in dead and live birds, snakes, lizards, and giant centipedes. Then they come and drop them before their master (me) as some type of offering. Usually I scream like a 4 yr old girl.

And kids…my Jacks lick kids to near death. They mean well but they are violent lovers.

[re=496585]Radiotherapy[/re]: [re=496561]dijetlo[/re]: My name shall be Snuggies and I don’t give a shit if they gloat. That will soon fade back to back to their sad pathetic miserable lives as hateful racist shitbags with an elitist, negro democrat president until 2012 and thereafter. And I will wear an avatar of Vitter in diapers and shall fill myself with Jack n Coke this Friday eve.

El Pinche January 18, 2010 at 11:40 pm

[re=496588]Katydid[/re]: Yeah, greyhounds are wacky and I’ve never met a sane Rat terrier. You sound like you may have a canine version of Frank Booth from Blue Velvet…”Feed me you fuck!! FEED ME!!”

El Pinche January 18, 2010 at 11:45 pm

[re=496595]S.Luggo[/re]: Hahaha, and there’s more !

Next up: Favorite fish batters and Lean Cuisine meals at 11 pm.

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2010 at 1:41 am

[re=496599]El Pinche[/re]: Let me tell you guys about my pet caterpillar. A really cute woolly bear, all orange and black and fuzzy. Loves crawling up my arm! It tickles!

He’s not much fun these days, though. He doesn’t move at all. For about the last year or so, he just sits there; so I’m thinking he’s hibernating. Or maybe metamorphosing. Which would be sweet!

I mean, hey, pet butterfly!

gurukalehuru January 19, 2010 at 5:56 am

John Kerry? Eh, go ahead and tell me about pet caterpillars or chihuahuas or whatever.

TGY January 19, 2010 at 6:16 am

Alas for Treebeard.

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