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DEAR SWEET JESUS GOD: “(CNN) – Former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum confirmed to his supporters Friday what pundits have been speculating for months – the conservative Republican is actively considering a run for president in 2012. In an e-mail and letter to supporters of his Political Action Committee, America’s Foundation, Santorum writes, ‘After talking it over with my wife Karen and our kids – I am considering putting my name in for the 2012 presidential race.'” Have those kids even stopped crying yet? [CNN]

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150 COMMENTS

  1. You gotta be shitting me…didn’t this douchenozzle already get bitch slapped off the political stage?
    Next thing your going to tell me is Newt Gingrich thinks time for another contract with America…

  2. Okay, lesson learned from MA special election: in 2012, we can sit back and watch Palin, Santorum, et al try to out wingnut each other, but ONLY if we promise to work our butts off in the general election, and not get all complacent-ly.

  3. [re=495712]dijetlo[/re]: CARY, N.C. — Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich said Wednesday he considers himself among the top Republican prospects for the 2012 presidential election, adding that he believes there will be plenty of GOP options for voters to consider

  4. This would be awesome. The election would come down to whose name has the least offensive connotation: The guy who shares a middle name with a dead dictator or the guy who’s name evokes filthy butt sex jokes.

  5. Rick-on-Dog has quite an ego. President of the United States, Rick? Wow, pretty impressive, huh, Rick? Gonna make the little bitch cry again?

  6. Sure, Rick, sounds like a good idea. Why not embarrass yourself on a nat’l stage instead of just statewide…does losing in Pennsyl/Tucky ring any bells?

  7. What’s with all these Republican candidates who just cold beg us to make fun of their kids, because they’re either drug addicts, sluts, ugly, or retarded, or a combination?

  8. I wish I could just enjoy the hilarity of this prospect, instead of envisioning the vast wingnut army that is assembling. When even Massachusetts isn’t safe, we are in big trouble.

  9. You mean you expected him to resist the lure of the Teabaggers? (My meme of the day).

    The Republic “base” (inhumane douches) will have a wealth of riches from which to choose during the primaries. None of the choices being decent human beings, of course, but a wealth of riches for Teabagging Nation, nonetheless.

    That’s it. Teabagging Nation. I’ve been searching for way to describe the conservatives, collectively. I’ve nailed it. Not tempted to nail any of them, however.

  10. DEMS ROCKED BY POSSIBLE SANTORUM RUN – ARE LIBERALS RUNNING SCARED??

    This is going to be AWESOME. And by “awesome”, I mean, “I just mailed off my application for a residence visa for New Zealand and I hope they let me move there before 2011”.

  11. Yes, Rick — take us back to the magical days of 2004, when all was right with the world. Unhitch the American economy from the onerous burden of regulation; slash taxes for the rich and eradicate all those horrible un-Biblical crutches, like Medicare and unemployment insurance; let the government spy on its citizens without requiring to, say, show a need; and maybe, just for fun, invade a country we don’t like for a trumped-up reason. Why we turned our backs on those days is still a mystery.

  12. [re=495747]Gopherit[/re]: What parent would dress their fat, ugly daughter in a brown, plaid jumper over an ill-fitting white blouse with a disco-sized peter pan collar and puffy sleeves? Then slap a headband on her dishwashy brown hair, clearly in need of a very good trim.

    It’s as if they were daring the wonkeratti to make fun of her. Well, bring it, Man-On-Dog-Rick.

  13. [re=495753]Sharkey[/re]: He’d be better advised to start HERE.

    It’s [usually] Google’s #1 search result for his name, and it’s [unfortunately?] safe for work.

    [re=495761]Crank Tango[/re]: Like a steaming hot crack of fappuccino, baby!

  14. [re=495762]Gopherit[/re]: I forgot to mention the hair combed back from her forehead, exposing male pattern baldness shockingly advanced for a child this age–wait! Does Rick have a cross-dressing son? That would explain a lot.

  15. After he fails in his presidential bid, he can get a job as a reporter on Fox News. Then they can use the slogan “Keeping America covered with Santorum.”

  16. [re=495767]DustBowlBlues[/re]: The kid with the glasses is probably a crossdresser. You’d almost have to be to cling to sanity in that family.

    [re=495768]Extemporanus[/re]: Could be that, too. Except they’d never scalp a white girl.

  17. [re=495774]Gopherit[/re]: When I was a young child, I used to put Johnny West’s cowboy hat, vest, and holster on my little pee-pee, and then pretend that he was a cowboy.

    Maybe it’s something like that: She put a blonde wig on her little boobie, and was pretending that it was a Fox News anchor.

  18. “I love Wonkette to death…but this post is pretty obnoxious in many ways. The ignorant comments, which are incredibly offensive, are I guess to be expected on a post like this. Not a good job.”

  19. That pic revealed to the world that those parents had imprisoned their kids in a basement for their entire lives up until about 10 minutes before the photo was taken, and home-schooled them by reading Revelations at them from the other side of the basement door, but in a babytalk voice.

    It’s a couple of years later since the photo, surely those kids must now be a) S&M porn stars b) crackheads c) Shining Path guerillas d) Young Republicans

  20. For example, the daughter in the back is probably now totally into Goth styling and cutting, Junior is devoted to his buttplug and Manhunt profile and Miss Frowny has given up the dolly for masturbating to Twilight merchandise.

  21. The hilarious thing is that Santorum’s brand of crazy would probably be too sedate for the new Republican Party.

    Being pro-life is so 1990’s. Are you willing to advocate civil insurrection and hanging the first black President from the nearest convenient tree, Rick? Then maybe you’re not Republican enough, bud.

  22. I always felt sorry for the little Santorum girl. Not because her daddy lost the election, but because she’s gotta see that picture for the rest of her life.

  23. Where exactly is Rick Jr’s hand? Is that what’s causing lil sis’ expression? anal masturbation on your sister is still incest in Jeebus’ eyes.

  24. [re=495781]arewethereyet[/re]: I don’t drink either, so you have get drunk for three of us. What’s the Dos Equis guy say? “Strong, my friend.”

  25. Gee, I feel terrible I made Shorts sad but, you know, this picture is just too good. If it were my kid, I’d be making fun of her, too. Behind her back. With a screen name like Dust Bowl Blues.

  26. 2012 Republican primary season: Mittney, Santorum, Palin, Paul, Pawlenty,

    Sounds like the starting infield for a new National League franchise, the
    Coprophagiacs.

    If you get my meaning, if you get my drift.

  27. I’m pretty sure that by “I am considering putting my name in for the 2012 presidential race,” Santorum meant that there was going to be a lot of butt sex during the 2012 Republican primaries.

  28. Hopefully Dan Savage can create something equally successful for Limbaugh and Palin. I Googled Santorum and the first search result was, um, well it explains the looks on the faces of his family in that picture.

  29. [re=495873]Diana Davies[/re]:
    You must mean Catholic ‘convert‘ Newt Gingrich (born Newton Leroy McPherson, bastard son of Larry McPherson). Newton was admitted to the Church by using his nomme-de-plume, Mephisto Dickwad and by claiming that his [first] ex-wife gave cancer to herself by participating in a Satanic ritual with Haitian slave Dutty Boukman. And so it has been said by Pat Robertson and so it shall be written.

    Stupid, stupid RC priests.

  30. [re=495873]Diana Davies[/re]: Coda.
    “Newt Gingrich. I met him once and he stared at my tits.”

    Newton was merely sussing out any opposition to his firm, yet caressing grasp.
    Why do you hate the American political process?

  31. The vapid glare and insincere smile of the oleaginous patriarch; the rictus grin on the blank visage of the multiply-betrayed bleached-blonde spouse; the pouty “OMG I HATE EVERYONE” attitude of the cutter teen daughter; the devil-son with his Omen-ish death stare; and the pathetic oversized doll-clutching sourpussed nerdy afterthought: First Family material if I ever saw it! I will totally love this photo forever and ever.

  32. [re=495750]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Come on down! The weather’s fine!
    [re=495829]boyhowdy[/re]: We did unfortunately elect a National government at the height of recession hysteria, but they haven’t touched the (shitty) universal health care, the legalized prostitution or the legal gay marriage, so it could be worse, like, you know, the real America. Conservatives here are total wusses.

    [re=495800]dave666[/re]: [re=495809]edgydrifter[/re]: No one believes me when I tell them that they brought home their poor, dead baby. I didn’t make it up, right?

  33. [re=495910]HonestInjun[/re]: Nope, you didn’t make up the dead baby story. No wonder those kids look kinda screwed up. Their parents are freaks. And, the youngest one up front was probably convinced that Daddy was Jesus’ choice in the election; when Daddy lost that meant that Jesus lost, too. And, when your mom makes you and your doll wear home-made clothes, you’re probably in a fragile emotional state to begin with.

  34. say, do you have that picture of John Roberts’ kid dancing in short pants in front of President Bush?
    I love that photo. And why didn’t Alito’s daughter dance when he was nominated? I would have paid money to see that.

  35. I here declare my willingness to give up political obscurity, and reannounce my narrow minded bigotry to the world, in yet another campaign of wilfully ignorant gutter sniping.

    My skin is purer than any democrat’s soul.
    I have never been tainted by anything.

    I shall save America from freedom and democracy and eliminate any chance of a bright future.

    And, oh yeah, you better not vote against me …

  36. Up To Here Again: You sound noble, credible, and scare me to death. Where do I sign up to work for you? Or, rather, please tell me what to think and what to do.

    Sincerely,
    Your Obsequious Lemming

  37. [re=495936]Up To Here Again[/re]: So when I go into Starbucks and I see an employee with a badge that says “Coffee Master” does this indicate they have been promoted to the latte production line?

  38. Rick won’t last long in the primaries, the loons will go for Palin, the relatively sane will vote Romney and folks that like curry & naan will go for Jindal. I’m for a Newt/Keyes ticket but then again I’ve been off my meds for a few weeks…

  39. Can I just tell everyone that I thought that photo had been photoshopped until a moment ago when I googled it, and not only is it even real, but google auto filled “Rick Santorum’s daughter” for me?

    Oh. My. God.

  40. [re=495941]gurukalehuru[/re]: And of course, you forgot Pawlenty…just like everybody else will.

    The ad against Rick will be easy. Just show Rick talking for thirty seconds. He’s extraordinarily hateable , the guy oozes santorum.

  41. “Santorum Blankets Iowa In Last-Minute Burst”

    “GOP Primary Heating Up: Gringrich Smears Santorum On Hannity”

    “After Raucous Debate, “Santorum” On Everyone’s Lips”

  42. [re=495952]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I’m not sure which is worse, displaying emotional kids during concession speaches or making fun of that mistake.

  43. “I have no great burning desire to be president, but I have a burning desire to have a different president of the United States,” said Santorum…

    Flaming asshole.

  44. [re=495962]plowman[/re]:
    displaying the kids is worse: he’s asking for sympathy, he’s hiding behind his kids, or, he doesn’t know how hideous his children are and this will serve as a wake up call.

  45. [re=495962]plowman[/re]: Fuck that. Rick “Man On Dog” Santorum is raising a bunch of emotionally retarded kids. The Addams Family kids would have been more fun to play with than these weirdos. And it’s not making fun when you call a spade a spade.

  46. [re=495968]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: should be meme’d/shortened to simply “Manondog”? sounds a littler sumerian!!

    oooh, the santorum brood could probably get on well with those basement dungeon kids from austria or maybe the “flowers in the attic” children. I SMELL A PLAYDATE!!1!

  47. [re=495967]knobwurst[/re]: Yeah, your’re right, they wouldn’t be a target if they weren’t put there in the first place and it’s as corny as Al kissing Tipper at the 2k convention…

    [re=495968]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Beyond the Santorums, or maybe Penn. Child Welfare Services, who knows how they are being raised unless there are some known ‘incidents’ like Scott Brown’s juvie record, you know, neighborhood cats disappearing, some homeless coming up bludgeoned to death. I gotta admit they are not the most photogenic kids in that particular shot.

  48. [re=495747]Gopherit[/re]: > I love the fuck out of that picture.

    It’s like Diane Arbus came back from the beyond for one more shot. Which is not to say that she wanted to be there either, but this family’s sheer animal magnetism voodoo butter is able to pull the dead from their graves. “The Power of Santorum compels you!!”

  49. [re=495952]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Me, too! I always thought that picture was photoshopped. It looks like a combination of The Adamms Family and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

  50. [re=496036]El Pinche[/re]: Spectacular! No doubt an accurate depiction of home-schooling at the Santorum McMansion.

    My favorite sentence from Santorum’s Wikipedia entry: “While working at the law firm of Kirkpatrick & Lockhart, he represented the World Wrestling Federation, arguing that professional wrestling should be exempt from federal anabolic steroid regulations because it was not a sport.” Genius.

  51. [re=495919]gurukalehuru[/re]: [re=495728]Aurelio[/re]: Finally So far I have given Obama the benefit of the doubt because Michelle is such an attractive Negress.

  52. [re=496034]avoidinggradingpapers[/re]: You are right!! the kid in the back looks like the Augustus kid who kept eating and the girl looks like the girl who turned into a blueberry- the one in the back just looks like trouble.

  53. [re=496038]Jukesgrrl[/re]:

    Not found in Wikipedia, here’s a Santorum quote from 2006 on election night :

    “Bob Casey…Ere this night does wane, you will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!”

  54. [re=496053]El Pinche[/re]: Would that Rick was so creative. Well … maybe if someone from the bowels of the Vatican fed him the line. Which, now that I think of it, is distinctly possible. That wife of his has Opus Dei written all over her.

  55. Santorum, Palin, Huckabee, Mittens, Pawlenty…now we need a kooky fringe racist like Tancredo (Steve King!) and a fucking batty libertarian gold bug (Ron Paul’s still, what, 96? He can still do it!).

  56. [re=496157]Mr. Tusks[/re]: It’s a way of life in the corporate world. Not to mention Hollywood, where I don’t think you can become a studio head unless you’ve been fired from at least two other studios. Why would politics be any different?

  57. [re=496043]finallyhappy[/re]: Yeah, and even the mom looks like the mom of the blueberry in the Johnny Depp version. And some Pugsley and Wednesday action going on there, too.

  58. Shouldn’t that political action committee of his have the word ‘family’ somewhere in the title? Or has Sanctimoniorum finally given up on fighting teh geys?

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