pics or gtfo

Only The Computers Know What Osama Looks Like Nowadays

The State Department has used fancy science computers to update its file image of Osama bin Laden from 1998. In the center we have the “well, it could happen” Western-shaven Osama, while on the right we have the more traditional hobo version. Which Osama bin Laden would you fuck the most? The middle one has kind of a “Clooney thing” going on, so… no. Just no. [1010Wins via NY Mag]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  1. chascates

    I bet he’s pretty pale hiding in that cave and all. And he probably has really long finger nails.

  2. Red Zeppelin

    I swear I bought a car from the guy in the middle. It was a 6 year old Jag with low mileage, so even if it was OBL, fuck do I care.

  3. AnnieGetYourFun

    Is this for “Hot or Not”? I’m going to go with “Not” for now, but I might change my mind later.

  4. Manos: Hands of Fate

    The convient thing about being known for having a big beard and wearing a head wrap is that it is pretty easy to avoid detection by removing said accesories. Groucho Mark used to walk around Times Square w/o his grease moustache and no one had a clue who he was.

  5. gurukalehuru

    How much a person’s appearance has changed in the last 9 years depends at least a little bit on how much they WANT it to change. He might have dyed his hair, gotten fat, had plastic surgery or a sex change operation…

  6. Papas got a brand new teabag

    if bin laden got sodomized, under the wahabi fundamentalist law he would have to be stoned to death. so which strapping western homo is willing to take one for the team?

  7. BlueStateLibtard

    I’d like to see him with botox, chemical peels, lip enhancement and extensions. He would look fabulous. It does look like they cleaned up his eyebrows though, which is nice.

  8. Long Form Def Certificate

    Do they have full-body updates including missing limbs? Given OBL is diabetic & getting older, the odds of amputation of at least a foot are pretty good.

  9. BobTheBuilder

    I hate to say this, but curl and dye the hair, cut it close, ditch the beard, and you’ve got: OBAMA! OMG OMG OMG Palin was right all along!

  10. Snarkalicious

    [re=495582]Papas got a brand new teabag[/re]: I vote for Richard Simmons. I’d pay a couple hundo to watch that on PPV.

  11. Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=495594]BobTheBuilder[/re]: They say he’s a terror-mastermind, but those balls aren’t terror-masterminds!

  12. liquiddaddy

    He has such ridiculously exaggerated stereotypical Arabic features, it is virtually the same as if Buckwheat was the most dangerous man in the world.

  13. Bearbloke

    Morning, Wonkette!

    [re=495582]Papas got a brand new teabag[/re]: The guy in the middle is clearly GW Bush, hung over on the morning of 2 January, 2010… but in either’s case, I’d hit (hard} if I can give ‘im a donkey punch and a kerb job

  14. Hooray For Anything

    [re=495581]gurukalehuru[/re]: Yeah. If he’s as smart as they say he is, he would have completely changed his image and gotten rid of the sheep herder look for something more stylish and GQ. Nobody would spot him if he went around in an Armani suit, some gold chains, and got a 4,000 dollar makeover and fake tan.

  15. steverino247

    I’m thinking Tommy Chong, but with more black in the hair and more of it on the top of his head.

  16. stolichnayaaa

    You guys are mixed up- the center image is a projection of Gheorghe Muresan as he will look in 2020. Why? I dunno, ask Romania.

  17. Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=495641]stolichnayaaa[/re]: Ghita!

    [re=495634]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Worked for mid-to-late-nineties Castro.

  18. chascates

    My advice for him: Blue suit, white shirt, red tie, and American flag lapel pin. Orange tan optional.

  19. Xenopus

    Shouldn’t be too hard to spot a guy with one black eyebrow and one gray eyebrow, if he ever leaves the cave.

  20. snideinplainsight

    Eeny Meany Myknee Moe,
    Catch a Krugman by the toe,
    If he hollers, make some joke about beard length and the Laffer curve,
    Eeny Meany Myknee Moe!

  21. villageatrois

    OBL has been dead for several years. In 2020 what do you think the CIA photos will look like? Will he be younger and hipper and more dangerouser?

  22. S.Luggo

    The downside of snarking Osama bin Cheney is that it makes you sound like Jo-Go.

    Anytrail, the middle pitcher is totally stoopid. As a devout Shia, Osama — like Charlie Crist — would never remove his beard.

  23. ThePerfesser

    No wonder they can’t find him in Beheadistan. He’s running that kebab place and buffet on M Street right by Sign of the Whale. Excellent Shiraz salad. Also.

  24. alzronnie

    He works the counter at my neighborhood convenience store. Dude is always on the cellphone. I was there on Christmas day and am pretty sure that he was talking to the Nigerian wannabomber, making me wait for him to ring up my Hornitos. I’d turn him in but he always throws in a bag of ice for free.

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