NOBODY USES STRAIGHT RAZORS ANYMORE  11:00 am January 15, 2010

Exciting White House Coke Scandal Was Just A Prank!

by Sara K. Smith

Nobody uses snifters in the White House eitherHey so here is a thing! Once upon a long time ago (earlier this week, when your editor was busy Googling “galloway drink-soaked popinjay”) somebody took a picture of what looked suspiciously like ILLEGAL POWDERED DRUGS and said basically “Long day at the office, you would not BELIEVE where the office is BTW” and then posted the photo and comment to 4chan, whereupon somebody looked at the metadata on the photo and figured out it was COMING FROM INSIDE THE (WHITE) HOUSE. Except probably not!

Because, see, wouldn’t that be too convenient, for somebody inside the White House to send a photo to a squalid bed of notorious Internet prankery and snoopiness? Also apparently the elevation listed in the GPS coordinates in the metadata is 160 feet above sea level, which DUH, the White House is a mere 60 feet above sea level. This is something we all learn in second grade, after we memorize the states in alphabetical order.

Bottom line is, if Joe Biden is doing blow at work, IT’S STILL A SECRET.

Is Someone Doing Blow in the White House? [BlackBook]
Cocaine at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue [BrightestYoungThings]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 38 comments }

spacecadetjoe January 15, 2010 at 11:04 am

/b/rothers need to come up with some better shit than this

user-of-owls January 15, 2010 at 11:07 am

Republicans condemn Obama for silence on 4Chan-gate! Demand release of White House GPS coordinates!

Buzz Feedback January 15, 2010 at 11:07 am

Shouldn’t that be crack?

memzilla January 15, 2010 at 11:07 am

Believing a trace-route or EXIF in anything from 4Chan is like believing that Joe Lieberschmuck will keep his promises.

FlownOver January 15, 2010 at 11:07 am

Fear not – FockSnooze will have this in heavy rotation by noon. Minus the proof it’s bullshit, of course.

Ye Olde Fap-Smith January 15, 2010 at 11:08 am

Call me old fashioned but I still use a razor blade … and yes, /b/tards need to step up their game, even if it were true, it would be hardly lulzworthy.

southern mark smith January 15, 2010 at 11:08 am

No, but they are doing it in the Shuttle hangar at Cape Canaveral.

Paul Tardy January 15, 2010 at 11:11 am

How about the NASA cocaine ‘discovery’?

memzilla January 15, 2010 at 11:11 am

[re=495329]southern mark smith[/re]: If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

/chemistry geek mode

JMP January 15, 2010 at 11:11 am

Something from 4Chan might be a prank? But they are nearly as reliable a source as Drudge!

Norbert January 15, 2010 at 11:12 am

If my math is correct, someone 100 feet directly over the White House is doing cocaine. That’s restricted air space! Why is Obama so weak on security?

TGY January 15, 2010 at 11:15 am

[re=495335]memzilla[/re]: Funny. Lame, but funny, like ‘upper Jurassic’ for paleontologists.

Crank Tango January 15, 2010 at 11:16 am

I haven’t even seen a blade like that since the 70′s. I always liked using a jar lid for smashing and a debit card for cutting, and a bic biro pen casing for snorting, and shitloads of nyquil as a fire extinguisher…

spencer January 15, 2010 at 11:26 am

It’s just Robert Wexler running for Congress again.

southern mark smith January 15, 2010 at 11:27 am

[re=495335]memzilla[/re]: but I’m insolvent and dissolute.

BeWoot January 15, 2010 at 11:27 am

It should be easy to catch the culprit on this. Just look for bleeding fingers. (Your true devotee knows, single edge is the safety edge.)

But hey, if it will make the Obama White House more aggressive, I say blow the snow!

Theodore Nugent January 15, 2010 at 11:29 am

Is this going to result in the scenario where Josh refuses to ask his employees about drugs in the White House?

Lascauxcaveman January 15, 2010 at 11:33 am

Also: double-edged razor blade?

C’mon, that photo is from, like, 1978 or something.

Come here a minute January 15, 2010 at 11:35 am

You can tell Joe Biden is high on coke when he says “LITERALLY” all the time.

fatherfigure January 15, 2010 at 11:50 am

d00d, +ha+ i5 ttly N0T a str8 RzR, 1+5 a 5@fety r@zr!!!HAHA UR N0+ KN0w!n6 UR R@Zrs!!!

S.Luggo January 15, 2010 at 12:06 pm

Let us not mock Barney’s serious coke problem.

Socialist hip replacement January 15, 2010 at 12:15 pm

100 feet high above the White House? NOW THAT’S GOOD COKE.

Snarkalicious January 15, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Like Barry would chop ‘em and then just walk away.

SayItWithWookies January 15, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Now, if it had been a picture of a pile of kif next to a bowl of apples, they mighta had something.

freeradical January 15, 2010 at 12:38 pm

I call bullshit. Nobody cuts blow lines that thick anymore. We’re in a recession!

Extemporanus January 15, 2010 at 12:42 pm

After further study of the metadata, I was able to determine that the photographer used a Grandmasterâ„¢ flash.

Extemporanus January 15, 2010 at 12:46 pm

[re=495349]BeWoot[/re]: Great work, detective!

The culprit has just been apprehended!

Ye Olde Fap-Smith January 15, 2010 at 12:57 pm

[re=495395]freeradical[/re]: Agreed, I haven’t seen people cut out gators of such length and girth since at least 2005 or so. America is in decline!1!!!

bureaucrap January 15, 2010 at 12:58 pm

It’s Orszag’s. Or more precisely, his latest girlfriend’s.

An Outhouse January 15, 2010 at 1:03 pm

[re=495325]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Its not coke, its smack. They can afford to snort the stuff because they’re getting tons of it shipped directly from Afghanistan. Obama sent our brave, patriotic soldiers there just to assure a good supply for his homeys to sell to Chicago school children.

problemwithcaring January 15, 2010 at 1:25 pm

[re=495351]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: That or Leon Phelphs is the new director of OBM.

One Yield Regular January 15, 2010 at 1:36 pm

I’m fairly sure I already saw this photo – or something like it – here:

http://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Medium-Photography-Occult/dp/0300111363

lulzmonger January 15, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Which is sadder: that the b/tards always bite down on the hook so readily, or that after all these years there are still mooks out there willing to cast yet more prime bait into that septic tank of the Interwebs?

Trolling 4chan = pissing into an ocean of piss.

So, this is almost exactly like any average day for a US Senator.

Darkness January 15, 2010 at 2:37 pm

[re=495351]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: coke heads must be easy to find, just look for the ones missing their fingertips.

Jukesgrrl January 15, 2010 at 2:43 pm

It was only a matter of time until the Twitbook crowd appropriated the British moniker Bright Young Things, which has been around since the days when Evelyn Waugh and his pals were going down, as they say, to London. But BrightEST Young Things? Really?

I’ll see you at Claridge’s for gin and nibbles at five.

bago January 15, 2010 at 2:48 pm

/b is the epitome of being a teenager. Looking and pointing at gross stuff, getting teenage girls to show some boob, it is adolescence defined. It has given us such delights such as lolcats and “Tits or GTFO”.

Exterminatus January 15, 2010 at 8:16 pm

Aren’t the elevation readings from a GPS device garbage eleven times out of ten anyway? Being off by one hundred feet of elevation is not uncommon with GPS, but that still that doesn’t affect the fact that the entire set up seems wildly improbable and is from a source that is frequently inaccurate anyway. Since I can’t find the original image, nor the “decrypted” longitude and latitude measured to within feet, the picture is bogus.

Darkness January 15, 2010 at 10:51 pm

[re=495836]Exterminatus[/re]: our craptastic little handheld is usually off by +-10 feet. But that’s with a full compliment of satellites locked.

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