nobody uses straight razors anymore

Exciting White House Coke Scandal Was Just A Prank!

Nobody uses snifters in the White House eitherHey so here is a thing! Once upon a long time ago (earlier this week, when your editor was busy Googling “galloway drink-soaked popinjay”) somebody took a picture of what looked suspiciously like ILLEGAL POWDERED DRUGS and said basically “Long day at the office, you would not BELIEVE where the office is BTW” and then posted the photo and comment to 4chan, whereupon somebody looked at the metadata on the photo and figured out it was COMING FROM INSIDE THE (WHITE) HOUSE. Except probably not!

Because, see, wouldn’t that be too convenient, for somebody inside the White House to send a photo to a squalid bed of notorious Internet prankery and snoopiness? Also apparently the elevation listed in the GPS coordinates in the metadata is 160 feet above sea level, which DUH, the White House is a mere 60 feet above sea level. This is something we all learn in second grade, after we memorize the states in alphabetical order.

Bottom line is, if Joe Biden is doing blow at work, IT’S STILL A SECRET.

Is Someone Doing Blow in the White House? [BlackBook]
Cocaine at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue [BrightestYoungThings]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith
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38 comments

  1. user-of-owls

    Republicans condemn Obama for silence on 4Chan-gate! Demand release of White House GPS coordinates!

  2. memzilla

    Believing a trace-route or EXIF in anything from 4Chan is like believing that Joe Lieberschmuck will keep his promises.

  3. FlownOver

    Fear not – FockSnooze will have this in heavy rotation by noon. Minus the proof it’s bullshit, of course.

  4. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    Call me old fashioned but I still use a razor blade … and yes, /b/tards need to step up their game, even if it were true, it would be hardly lulzworthy.

  5. memzilla

    [re=495329]southern mark smith[/re]: If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

    /chemistry geek mode

  6. Norbert

    If my math is correct, someone 100 feet directly over the White House is doing cocaine. That’s restricted air space! Why is Obama so weak on security?

  7. Crank Tango

    I haven’t even seen a blade like that since the 70′s. I always liked using a jar lid for smashing and a debit card for cutting, and a bic biro pen casing for snorting, and shitloads of nyquil as a fire extinguisher…

  8. BeWoot

    It should be easy to catch the culprit on this. Just look for bleeding fingers. (Your true devotee knows, single edge is the safety edge.)

    But hey, if it will make the Obama White House more aggressive, I say blow the snow!

  9. Theodore Nugent

    Is this going to result in the scenario where Josh refuses to ask his employees about drugs in the White House?

  10. SayItWithWookies

    Now, if it had been a picture of a pile of kif next to a bowl of apples, they mighta had something.

  11. Extemporanus

    After further study of the metadata, I was able to determine that the photographer used a Grandmaster™ flash.

  12. Ye Olde Fap-Smith

    [re=495395]freeradical[/re]: Agreed, I haven’t seen people cut out gators of such length and girth since at least 2005 or so. America is in decline!1!!!

  13. An Outhouse

    [re=495325]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Its not coke, its smack. They can afford to snort the stuff because they’re getting tons of it shipped directly from Afghanistan. Obama sent our brave, patriotic soldiers there just to assure a good supply for his homeys to sell to Chicago school children.

  14. lulzmonger

    Which is sadder: that the b/tards always bite down on the hook so readily, or that after all these years there are still mooks out there willing to cast yet more prime bait into that septic tank of the Interwebs?

    Trolling 4chan = pissing into an ocean of piss.

    So, this is almost exactly like any average day for a US Senator.

  15. Darkness

    [re=495351]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: coke heads must be easy to find, just look for the ones missing their fingertips.

  16. Jukesgrrl

    It was only a matter of time until the Twitbook crowd appropriated the British moniker Bright Young Things, which has been around since the days when Evelyn Waugh and his pals were going down, as they say, to London. But BrightEST Young Things? Really?

    I’ll see you at Claridge’s for gin and nibbles at five.

  17. bago

    /b is the epitome of being a teenager. Looking and pointing at gross stuff, getting teenage girls to show some boob, it is adolescence defined. It has given us such delights such as lolcats and “Tits or GTFO”.

  18. Exterminatus

    Aren’t the elevation readings from a GPS device garbage eleven times out of ten anyway? Being off by one hundred feet of elevation is not uncommon with GPS, but that still that doesn’t affect the fact that the entire set up seems wildly improbable and is from a source that is frequently inaccurate anyway. Since I can’t find the original image, nor the “decrypted” longitude and latitude measured to within feet, the picture is bogus.

  19. Darkness

    [re=495836]Exterminatus[/re]: our craptastic little handheld is usually off by +-10 feet. But that’s with a full compliment of satellites locked.

Comments are closed.