It’s a great day to be fat in America, because according to new statistics, it is now impossible for us to get any fatter! Eat up, Mister Not Keeping Up With Fatness Inflation! This is how it works: “Obesity rates in the United States are still sky-high, but for the moment they appear to have stopped climbing higher, according to new data released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.” Hear that? Straight from our beloved government disease thingy itself.
One out of every three American adults is obese, and two out of every three are overweight, according to the data. Among children and teens, the numbers aren’t much better: Roughly 17 percent of children between the ages of 2 and 19 are considered obese. All of these percentages have increased sharply since 1980, the data show.
The obesity rate among women and children hasn’t changed measurably over the past decade, however, and it has remained largely flat among men for the past five years, according to the CDC report, which was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
Obesity experts reacted positively to the report, but emphasized that there was little to celebrate about the big picture.
Screw you, skinny “experts.” It is a reason to celebrate, not simply react positively!
It’s not exactly clear what’s responsible for the stabilization of the nation’s waistlines. Experts say that the trend may be due to greater public awareness about healthy diets and the importance of regular exercise, and to the various school- and community-based programs that have been launched to fight the obesity epidemic. The growing popularity of gastric bypass surgery may also have played a role, according to Aronne.
Hmm, we’ll go with “people literally cannot afford basic foodstuffs anymore.” Even the gloriously cheap days of using old bread, two rotten eggs from the neighbor’s trash, and cheese-tasting product scraped from the cat’s litter box to make an affordable eggwich are over. Now it’s simply cheese-tasting product from the cat’s litter box, or bust.
(So really, there’s no problem.)
{ 68 comments }
Oh I’m sure that Barney could get fatter.
That picture would lower obesity rates, because I just lost a pound throwing up. You know you too fat when you have to carry your gut around in a wheelbarrow.
That’s SkoalRebel – he’s carrying his flavored dip from the barn to the trailer.
The Ben & Jerry’s ad on the side really brings this article home.
The CDC report is sponsored by Applebee’s Grilled Shrimp Pesto Alfredo Fettuccine™.
Applebee’s, for a good time in the neighborhood.
Huh, I really thought Ken would have been the one to write about this.
Plateaux, s’il vous plait.
Is that a man or a woman?
Dear CDC:
YOU LIE.
No love,
Mississippi
So, does that dude just pee on the back of his belly? Cuz there ain’t no way he can get his hand down there to aim. I guess he could wedge that gut up on top of the toilet tank and let the urine dribble wherever it wants to go, but if he could lift that much weight, he’d be in better shape.
[re=494998]ella[/re]: Does it matter? Are you thinking of making a connection but you don’t want to be accidentally gay?
Sorry to be serious here but “One out of every three American adults is obese, and two out of every three are overweight” are mind-boggling stats. Wow!
Yikes! That photo is burned into my retinas…thanks for the nightmares…
This is good news for John McCain.
That guy isn’t getting laid anytime soon, he couldn’t find his tallywacker with a ten man search party. Bet he votes like a real Murikin though, bless his fat ass!
[re=495008]knobwurst[/re]: Hey, it’s a natural question. I’d like to know, where’d you get those nice pants, fat person?
Yeah but what’s his stance on net neutrality? Find out at redstate.
And still, more appealing than Pat Robertson.
MORE SUGAR!!!
(nah.. stick a fork in us, we’re done.)
That guy looks like he has an attitude to boot.
His ass is so much higher than his belly button, or at least the fold I think is a belly button.
“Obesity rates in the United States are still sky-high, but for the moment they appear to have stopped climbing higher, according to new data released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”
Don’t worry — obesity rates are just taking a breather on the landing. Hey, are you gonna eat that Twinkie?
Why does Golden Corral hate America?
[re=494998]ella[/re]: That’s a man baby!
Where do I get a wheelbarrow for my panniculus (panniculi?)
My doctor told me to lose about 50 pounds, of which I’ve already lost 25. Every time I feel sorry for myself, I’ll just look at the picture and barf up the miniscule contents of my stomach. It’s win/win!
I’m 6’1″ and weigh about 158 lbs. According to the BMI, my “level of fatness” is 20.8, which is considered “healthy.” In order to be “officially a fatass tub of lard,” I would have to weigh about 190. In order to be “Stevie Nicks in 1992,” I would have to weigh at least 230. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.
[re=495015]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Actually, this is good news for Jonah Goldberg.
Little Debbie shortage to follow.
[re=495052]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Show-off.
Wonkette quiz: What’s everyone eating while reading this article?
[re=495047]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Yeah fucker, and I found your lost 25 over the holidays. Mashed potatoes and gravy, NOT GOOD!
[re=495047]Nigerian Business Executive[/re]: Hope I wasn’t out of line with the “fucker”?
[re=495070]thesheriffisnear[/re]: I’m glad you enjoyed them. I missed them.
[re=495073]thesheriffisnear[/re]: Nope, I have been known to fuck, even when apparently 50 pounds overweight, so I have no problem being called “fucker”, especially since I know you really love me, whoever you are.
[re=495069]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: It’s not what you eat, it’s how quick you bring it back up that counts.
“One out of three” + “two out of three” = “three out of three” Right ????
Mother of God, 100% of adults are obese and overweight ??????
We are freakin’ doomed.
[re=495069]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: I am “eating” a Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA that is undoing some of the 45 minutes I just spent on the treadmill (I like to provide balance in my life). I am also sitting on the couch watching last night’s Law & Order: SVU which, apparently, will kill me.
[re=495069]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Half a bag of Trail Mix. (And yes, I’m wearing sweatpants.)
People ought to just take up smoking again, problem solved.
[re=495069]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Cheese-tasting product, duhhh!!!
I think I just threw up in my pants a little.
I’m going to lose 25 lbs next week, I’m having my right leg amputated.
So, America is flat-lining when it comes to obesity?
It’s still before noon here – this pic makes me hungry for lunch…
Is that a giant sack human lard or are you just happy to see me?
Are Malomars still in season?
[re=495069]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: I’m drinking a glass of Cabernet, and there’s another lined up right behind it.
Does this count?
~
BMI is bullshit, though. I’m 6’1″ and weigh 210 pounds. Fresh out of basic training I weighed 185 pounds and was an inch shorter and skinny as hell. If I weighed 165 pounds like I’m “supposed to” I’d be in an ER with a tube down my throat due to malnourishment.
I’m stuck in a crappy hotel in Dallas, eating the fuzzy mints from the bottom of my purse. Cheese product is sounding good right about now.
[re=495010]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: That’s why we need so many immigrants! Old Americans are too fat to work, too fat to fight!
If you’re out of work, living under a bridge, 5 gallon cans of lard might be the cheapest food available. It really is striking, that in the USA, poor people are FAT, rich people are skinny, while in most developing countries, it’s just the opposite.
What the hell is that?! That picture scared the hell outta me! Cannot un-see!
He needs a “mansierre” and a “mirdle”! Also.
Mmm .. gummi tape worms.
I am going to switch to chewier chocolate bars to get more exercise. How come they don’t make whole wheat Twinkies? If God had meant for us to be thin He would not have invented drive-thrus.
[re=495069]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Right now, just beer. But earlier I had fried tofu, spinach and tree ears in a soy, mustard and ginger sauce over brown rice. Though to be honest, yesterday I ate blue whale stuffed with giant panda.
You know the deal Jim, you use the photo, I get my reality check. Where’s mah monies!?
[re=495206]CanadianBacon[/re]:
“If God had meant for us to be thin He would not have invented drive-thrus.”
Or pasta, bacon, Yorkshire puddings (seriously, a cup of flour, milk, a couple eggs and a ton of butter if you can’t find fat drippings somewhere…), the Hostess company, prepackaged ice cream cones, and lard.
If God didn’t want us to be ginormous lumps of organic material indistinguishable from the couches we are semi-permanently attached to, He wouldn’t have invented the process of deep-frying.
[re=495158]AgnosticTheocrat[/re]: Yeah, BMI seems a little on the light side. When I was scrawny, I was 6′ and 165 lbs. Over the years I ballooned up to 195 and felt a little puffy, but the best I can do now is about 180 when I’m no salt, vegetarian and biking my ass off. (I did it for a couple months last summer, damn near killed me.)
So [re=495080]proudgrampa[/re]:, I’m pretty sure a basically thin and fit person like myself qualifies as “overweight” on the BMI measuring stick.
I saw the other day that Americans eat on average 3700+ calories a day. Do you know how fucking much food this is??! What a bunch of food whores.
[re=495080]proudgrampa[/re]: Let me guess . . . you are statistician with Fox News, right?
It’s very simple:
No economic growth = no belly growth
Americans have become so indebted they even don’t get credit for burgers anymore.
Remember, also, that when you add up the cumulative weights of this generation, you add in all the thousands of wounded from the Iraq war, who minus all the lost limbs weigh a lot less. Another health contribution of the Bush/Cheney team!
What I don’t understand is how the obesity epidemic and the meth epidemic seem to be centered in the same demographic. How do you make and do all that meth in all your single-wides across this great land and still weigh an average of 345lbs!? Meth sould be a great aid to natural selection as a BMI of 43 and an at-rest pulse rate of 145 shouldn’t be sustainable. Guess I’m wrong again…
[re=495243]Herman the German[/re]: “I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today” – J. Wellington Wimpy
Obese people die at a relatively young age. Maybe the obese are dying faster than young fatties are entering the obese category.
[re=495330]GreyPanter[/re]: As a cardiologist I know says “There are fat people and there are old people, there are no fat, old people…”
This post was sandwiched between two thisiswhyyourefat.com posts in my google reader. mmm… this is why you’re fat sandwich…
[re=495346]plowman[/re]: Pish tosh. My Mom lived to be 93 and she was pretty darn hefty, god love her. Great genes, though.
This is the explanation, right here: Restaurant Index show contraction in november
Good thing this recession is going to double dip. Maybe we can actually manage to decrease average American weight. That would be something. Then we need to force all restaurants to list item calories. And fine the hell out of them for getting it wrong by more than 20%, all fines payable to the new national health service.
Comments on this entry are closed.