Scott Brown Has Never Heard Of Teabaggers, Ergo Is Liberal

 Naked Massachusetts person Scott Brown is flyin' high, and is almost certain to defeat Martha Coakley in the state's special Senate election next Tuesday, since he is only losing by five or eight percentage points. Were he to pull off a victory, he would almost certainly switch to the Democratic party within seventeen seconds, because he would be a REPUBLICAN FROM MASSACHUSETTS -- that most untenable of positions, what with Republicans demanding 100% racism and homophobia and violence around the clock. Well, maybe not, but at least he's aware enough of his anachronistic political status to claim no knowledge of this hilarious "Tea Party Movement" that might be his only basis for existence right now.

Republican State Senator Scott Brown toured a medical device company in Chelmsford, using the event to again blast Democratic efforts to overhaul health care and tamp down Democratic efforts to paint him as a Republican in lock-step with the national GOP.

"The allegation that I vote 96 percent of the time with Republicans is inaccurate, but I’m proud of the fact that I’ve stood up against out-of-control spending and taxation in Massachusetts,” he said.

He also claimed that he was unfamiliar with the “Tea Party movement,” when asked by a reporter. When told that different people labeled him a conservative, moderate and a liberal Republican, he responded “I’m a Scott Brown Republican.”

(PSST, ADVISER: NEED NEW BULLET POINTS ON HOW TO HEDGE EVERY POSITION.)

Isn't Massachusetts the only state in the country to be fullygay, anyway? Good luck managing that, Inverse Ben Nelson guy!

[ Boston Globe ]