DOUBLY REACTIONARY  10:45 am January 14, 2010

It’s ‘Contract For America’ Time, Like In The 90s Except NOW

by Juli Weiner

The Republicans’ new strategy for winning back the House in 2010 is comprised solely of their strategy for winning back the House in 1994. Oh yes, it is Time for another Contract with America, except maybe this time, John Boehner hints, it will might be called an “Agenda with America,” because maybe this sound Internet-ier? Boehner, you tease!

Right so, in no way is anyone doing anything to acknowledge that it is not 1994.

Party officials said Mr. Boehner indicated that “the effort – whether it ends up being called a ‘contract’ or an ‘agenda’ or something else – would involve members of the conference and our candidates.”

He put Representative Kevin McCarthy, an up-and-coming Republican leader from California, in charge of drafting the document. [...]

Given the political emphasis of House Republicans these days, the pledges would probably center on spending, taxes, jobs, immigration and a push against government bail-outs and takeovers of failing businesses among other issues.

Exciting, except, N.B.: Newt Gingrich threatens a do-over of this thing every three years, most recently three years ago, when it would have benefited his proto-failed presidential run.

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choinski January 14, 2010 at 10:49 am

I thought only Gays had an ‘Agenda’

Red Zeppelin January 14, 2010 at 10:52 am

So their having a contract with Boehner’s boner? Hey, contract this!

qwerty42 January 14, 2010 at 10:53 am

I think they need to keep the project to reanimate Reagan’s corpse going, but maybe I’m just sentimental. Can we dare to hope this “agenda” will include the all-important “tax cuts for plutocrats”?

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 14, 2010 at 10:53 am

@choinski:Yeah, I thought “agenda” had bad connotations in politics.

So I suppose it’s appropriate, but only inadvertently.

SayItWithWookies January 14, 2010 at 10:54 am

Newt outlines his new Contract for America in a speech you can see here. It’s pretty darn long (five parts) but interesting to watch — he’s definitely still replaying his “Glory Days” moment, except he’s responsible for the budget surplus, etc. The best part is where he outlines (this is in the last video) his five-point plan for America — it’s five tax cuts. How could that possibly go wrong?

supernoun January 14, 2010 at 10:55 am

No–it’s bad when gays or blacks have an ‘Agenda,’ BUT since they obviously do, the conservatives are taking back the word. No longer will homosexuals tarnish the beautiful, tech-y word ‘Agenda,’ because it is now specifically for white Conservatives only. Even Michael Steele doesn’t get to join in on the Agenda fun!

Radiotherapy January 14, 2010 at 10:56 am

Again, I just can’t quit you meme, but haven’t we learned our lesson with making pacts with these devils?

ManchuCandidate January 14, 2010 at 10:56 am

Jeebus, it’s the Star Wars Saga all over again.

GOPers build the “perfect” agenda. It blows up because of reality and Newt’s 2m exhaust port.

Instead of doing something different, they go and build a bigger one based on the same fucked up ideas that caused it to fail the last time and under much much worse economic conditions.

Don’t mind me, but I’m going to put on my Ewok suit, head off to the Moon of Endor and watch this bullshit blow up again.

DC Hates Me January 14, 2010 at 10:57 am

An early draft of Kevin McCarthy’s agenda: They’re coming! They’re here already! You’re next!!!

JMP January 14, 2010 at 10:59 am

Tax cuts, spending cuts, no government saving failing businesses; basically it’s a plan to return to the economic agenda of Herbert Hoover and turn the recession into another depression.

pampl January 14, 2010 at 11:00 am

How about “2.0 with America”? Or “twitter w am’ca”

Gopherit January 14, 2010 at 11:02 am

Sorry, you giant smoking carrot of a man. The teabaggers already beat you to reaching out to the retarded, nascar-loving demographic. They hate you now almost as much as they do those socialist Dems.

Norbert January 14, 2010 at 11:02 am

“Contract America: Shrivel the Economy and Kick Out the Foreigns!”

hockeymom January 14, 2010 at 11:07 am

“Twit Wit America. Yo.”

Terry January 14, 2010 at 11:08 am

Newt is sort of like that guy from high school you run into 20 yrs later who only wants to talk about when he used to be the pitcher on the varsity team.

hedgehog January 14, 2010 at 11:08 am

2010: Aspiration and Alteration

JMP January 14, 2010 at 11:18 am

“Gingrich 2: Electric Boogaloo”
“Contract w/America: The Squeakquel”

ella January 14, 2010 at 11:18 am

[re=494536]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Agenda’s not a bad word to Republicans if they use it.

finallyhappy January 14, 2010 at 11:21 am

Party officials said Mr. Boehner indicated that “the effort – whether it ends up being called a ‘contract’ or an ‘agenda’ or something else – would involve members of the conference and our candidates

How about “Something Else -America”?

Mad Brahms January 14, 2010 at 11:21 am

Inspired by Pat Robertson, I ask:

If America is the great satan, then is a contract with America a pact with the DEVIL?
Did it just get too real in here?

Anonymous Office Zombie January 14, 2010 at 11:25 am

Yet another remake. And I hear in the new version they recast the president as a black guy… but it’s still going to suck.

Mad Brahms January 14, 2010 at 11:27 am

[re=494530]choinski[/re]: Republicans do too, only theirs aren’t made by Jack Spade.

[re=494555]hedgehog[/re]: If by “aspirate” you mean “choking on one’s own vomit”, then yes, this describes the republican strategy perfectly.

FlownOver January 14, 2010 at 11:33 am

[re=494554]Terry[/re]: And he hopes you’ve forgotten he had an ERA of, like, infinity.

pub_option January 14, 2010 at 11:38 am

Does the photograph show all the states as “blue” before the contract/agenda is passed, or is it implying that they will all go “blue” once the voters discover the details of the contract/agenda?

Cape Clod January 14, 2010 at 11:40 am

[re=494545]JMP[/re]: And their ‘new’ slogan for this agenda is “A Chicken in Every Pot!”

SlouchingTowardsWasilla January 14, 2010 at 11:42 am

They considered calling it what it is – “The Non-Enforceable Contract With Nobody” – but it didn’t have the same tinny ring they were looking for.

Lascauxcaveman January 14, 2010 at 11:43 am

[re=494546]pampl[/re]: If he wants to attract the young voter demographic, which he should, since the GOP is pretty weak there, he should call it something sexier like “Hooking Up With America.”

Paterlanger January 14, 2010 at 11:44 am

[re=494547]Gopherit[/re]: Oh, but if only Boehner can come up with an “agenda” that’s sufficiently Randian (i.e. crypto-racist) to bring most of those tea-baggers on board! Then scholars a hundred years from now will look back and identify that as the moment when America’s nascent neo-independence movement made its deal with the devil and was cursed forever.

PrairiePossum January 14, 2010 at 11:49 am

We are still recovering from the last Republican Agenda which included unfunded federal mandates, war, torture, international embarassment, collapse of our economy, ignoring science, and lots of praying and bible reading. Can’t wait to see what they have planned for us next.

coolcatdaddy January 14, 2010 at 11:51 am

“Agenda” makes me think of the meetings I have at work where nothing gets done, the same problems get worse, but managers get raises and promotions anyway.

Yeah…sounds Republican to me….

El Pinche January 14, 2010 at 11:58 am

Knowing the GOP and conservative hipsters they’ll call it “Cleveland Steamers for America” or something. Conservatives will rename themselves as Shrimpers and hold Salad Tossing Townhalls. Then they’ll cry because the mean elitist nasty libtards are making fun of them.

Sure, Gingy, I’d love to watch you fail and hear about your 100 affairs and rampant hypocrisy in attack ads. Run Gingy run!!

JMP January 14, 2010 at 11:59 am

[re=494554]Terry[/re]: Newt scored four touchdowns. In one game!

Way Cool Larry January 14, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Boehner should call it the “Orange Revolution”!

the problem child January 14, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Considering what they have in mind, shouldn’t that be Contract ON America?

schvitzatura January 14, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Knowing Newt’s latest choice of religious denomination…Concordat with America might be just the thing…

Long Form Def Certificate January 14, 2010 at 12:19 pm

What I always loved about the Contract with America is it was kept hush-hush ’til after the GOP won. Then they talked all about how they had run on that platform, won with it, & were going to spend that political capital.

But, seriously — & maybe it were just me, being only 14 at the time & less politically-savvy — when did CWA come up prior to the day after election day ’94?

Long Form Def Certificate January 14, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Also: where are Alaska & Hawai’i, or at the least REAL MERKIN Alaska, on that map?

Dashboard_Buddha January 14, 2010 at 12:34 pm

I always thought it should be Contract ON America.

gurukalehuru January 14, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Jes be careful which agender yer a havin’ the buttsex with, Johnny Boner.

Toomush Infermashun January 14, 2010 at 12:46 pm

[re=494670]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Yeah, it’s the little words – “on” or “to” so much more fitting than “with” or “for”…

Toomush Infermashun January 14, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Besides, I think it’s going to be more like Nancy’s “Just Say No…” Agenda

WadISay January 14, 2010 at 12:55 pm

You would think they could have photo-shopped a black guy or a woman into the flag-waving crowd behind Newt.

Sweet Baby Cheeses January 14, 2010 at 12:57 pm

I just hope Michael Steele comes up with his competing “vision”, which would of course be called WHAT UP AMERICA

revbob January 14, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Boehner’s also proposing racial preferences for Orangeo-Americans.

Extemporanus January 14, 2010 at 1:14 pm

It should be called…”THE PATRIOT PACT”!

You’re welcome, Republicans. I’ll take my payment in small, unmarked, hookers.

One Yield Regular January 14, 2010 at 1:23 pm

How does this fit in with Michael Steele’s new 12-step program for recovery from conservaholism? Are they going to admit their powerlessness, trust in a higher power to restore them to sanity, and make direct amends to the rest of us for having been so utterly insufferable all these years?

Accordion-o-rama January 14, 2010 at 1:54 pm

[re=494542]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Please don’t say “Newt’s 2m exhaust port” ever again (shudder).

Mr Blifil January 14, 2010 at 1:54 pm

May I suggest perhaps “Hand on America’s Supple Thigh?”

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 14, 2010 at 2:08 pm

I thought at first from the picture that this was going to be a post about Gingrich teasing a 2012 run at the Oval Office. The actual post was just as depressing.

dijetlo January 14, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Contract with America 1994

* FIRST, require all laws that apply to the rest of the country also apply equally to the Congress;
* SECOND, select a major, independent auditing firm to conduct a comprehensive audit of Congress for waste, fraud or abuse;
* THIRD, cut the number of House committees, and cut committee staff by one-third;
* FOURTH, limit the terms of all committee chairs;
* FIFTH, ban the casting of proxy votes in committee;
* SIXTH, require committee meetings to be open to the public;
* SEVENTH, require a three-fifths majority vote to pass a tax increase;
* EIGHTH, guarantee an honest accounting of our Federal Budget by implementing zero base-line budgeting.

You don’t think that by recycling the “Contract with America” idea they aren’t going to remind people that they never actually enacted any of the promises they made in 1994?
Maybe they should just call it “Bullshitting America-Redux”

PrairiePossum January 14, 2010 at 2:33 pm

How about calling it “The Great American Reach Around?”

BeWoot January 14, 2010 at 2:55 pm

As long as they don’t try to call it Good Government or Sound Public Policy, I don’t give a rat’s ass how they label the lie.

S.Luggo January 14, 2010 at 3:06 pm

[re=494554]Terry[/re]: Newt’s a catcher, not a pitcher.

Humpback January 14, 2010 at 5:50 pm

“A-gender for America: This time it’s personal!”

thesheriffisnear January 14, 2010 at 6:09 pm

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice…ya can’t get fooled again. Can we?

heathenish January 14, 2010 at 11:01 pm

If there’s going to be a contract I want a union rep. or an agent there to get me a better deal than the last contract. Jesus, why is Newt still alive!

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