Pat Robertson’s PR man, Jeebus, has issued a Statement further proving that Pat Robertson is one of the foremost thinkers of our time: “On today’s The 700 Club, during a segment about the devastation, suffering and humanitarian effort that is needed in Haiti, Dr. Robertson also spoke about Haiti’s history. His comments were based on the widely-discussed 1791 slave rebellion led by Boukman Dutty at Bois Caiman, where the slaves allegedly made a famous pact with the devil in exchange for victory over the French. This history, combined with the horrible state of the country, has led countless scholars and religious figures over the centuries to believe the country is cursed.” And your Wonkette has discovered (“copy-pasted from a real blog”) more information proving that Haiti has in fact been “cursed” since its evil black slave rebellion — not so much by Magical Satan Powers, but by its real-world vehicle of terror: Debt.
The appalling state of the country is a direct result of having offended a quite different celestial authority — the French. France gained the western third of the island of Hispaniola — the territory that is now Haiti — in 1697. It planted sugar and coffee, supported by an unprecedented increase in the importation of African slaves. Economically, the result was a success, but life as a slave was intolerable. Living conditions were squalid, disease was rife, and beatings and abuses were universal. The slaves’ life expectancy was 21 years. After a dramatic slave uprising that shook the western world, and 12 years of war, Haiti finally defeated Napoleon’s forces in 1804 and declared independence. But France demanded reparations: 150m francs, in gold.
For Haiti, this debt did not signify the beginning of freedom, but the end of hope. Even after it was reduced to 60m francs in the 1830s, it was still far more than the war-ravaged country could afford. Haiti was the only country in which the ex-slaves themselves were expected to pay a foreign government for their liberty. By 1900, it was spending 80% of its national budget on repayments. In order to manage the original reparations, further loans were taken out — mostly from the United States, Germany and France. Instead of developing its potential, this deformed state produced a parade of nefarious leaders, most of whom gave up the insurmountable task of trying to fix the country and looted it instead. In 1947, Haiti finally paid off the original reparations, plus interest. Doing so left it destitute, corrupt, disastrously lacking in investment and politically volatile. Haiti was trapped in a downward spiral, from which it is still impossible to escape. It remains hopelessly in debt to this day.
So the lesson is that France was the deal-making counterparty (“Satan”) in this pact. Yet another reason never to trust those gay commie bitches.
(Pat Robertson is an awful, terrible human being.)
Statement Regarding Pat Robertson’s Comments on Haiti [CBN]
Cancel Haiti’s debt [Foreign Policy]
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I’ll have some ‘freedom’ fries, please!
I’d like to take a shit all over that fucker’s playdough face.
Hey, if Pat says someone made a deal with the devil, believe him. He notarizes every one of them.
They were doing so well with that whole “enslaved to the French” thing. It *must* have been a deal with the devil to make their collective luck take such a dive.
Plenty of countries that were broke as shit in 1947 have turned their shit around. Just sayin.
“(Pat Robertson is an awful, terrible human being.)”
What’s with the parentheses? Didn’t you mean Pat Robertson is an awful, terrible human being!!!11!!!
I don’t think God likes it that PR has more money the All Mighty.
He maybe an awful, terrible human being – but sweet jesus is he a good dancer.
Hmm, drowning in debt and governed by thieves. They must be overrun with lobbyists too.
I just had an epiphany! Satan was giving Pat a reach-around while the latter had jumper cables attached to his nipples. Let us pray.
Judging by that picture, Pat is trying to give somebody “The Shocker.”
What a horrible bit of history.
I knew Haiti was screwed from the beginning, but that is wrong on so many levels.
But now it’s OK to hate the french again- they didnt take care of their slaves properly. and they were given the money to do it.
Has anyone checked out Pat flashing the Ronnie James Dio MeTal! devil horns?
[re=494316]clientnumber8[/re]: A lot of countries that were broke as shit after WWII got gobs of development money from the U.S. And they were mostly Europe, also.
It’s Dutty Boukman, not Boukman Dutty. Get it right, Robertson Pat!
The fact that Pat Robertson is still alive proves that either there is no god or that god does not interline worldly affairs. If god did then a bolt of lightning, or a heart attack, would have silenced Pat by now.
Ah that’s all in the past. Here, now, today, the British and Dutch, future Muslim nations, claim Iceland owes them $5 billion due to something called Icesave (whatever that is)? Or else they will sick the IMF on our little Nordic island friends. Only you can keep Iceland from becoming the white Haiti by well, I don’t know really, but I guess you could buy some of their cod liver oil off the net, or actually go there and splurge.
Yeah Pat, you tell ‘em.
Countless Scholars believe in the power of curses.
(Scholars from Regent University believe in the power of curses…and that the Earth is 6,000 years old)
Why is Robertson so sure that this story of an 1804 pact with the devil is a true story?
Maybe he was there!!
[re=494316]clientnumber8[/re]: Haiti had a little problem with paying back the 150m francs to Satan’s buddies. See, not only were they dirt poor, but the countries that might have invested the capital to let them develop and have a chance to pay off those debts, wouldn’t touch them with a 100-mile pole, because they all had their noses deep in Satan’s asshole too, in the form of economies deeply dependent on the slave trade. They couldn’t possibly interact with Haiti — their own human chattel might get ideas!
Of course, this was only a problem until they finally saw the error of their ways, banned slavery, and thus were willing to trade with the fine folks of Hispaniola. This was a mere six decades after Haitian independence for the USA, and 8+ decades for Brazil.
Nothing like a half century of externally-enforced grinding poverty to get your new country off to a flying start.
It is a well discussed theory that Pat Robertson is in fact a wild hog that was adopted by a retarded inbreed redneck in Western Virginia, that somehow developed the ability to make grunts that sort of sounded like words.
In honor of Haiti, I am dumping French wine, down my throat.
[re=494329]AutomaticPilot[/re]: Looks to me like he needs a good helping of Exlax.
What pact with the devil did America sign to deserve being cursed by the presense of Pat Robertson?
I guess the good news for America today is owing China instead of France.
alt-text..*giggle* hee hee! I think he’s squatting over Rick Warren’s mouth and about him a mouthful of Holy Fudge.
Ah, you found a way to blame it on the gays after all. Well played.
Not a “Hershey Squirt”, Jim, but rather the labored recitation of an old age-addled Lord’s Prayer:
“Our Farter, which shart in heaven, Callow be thy game…”
[re=494332]FatCog[/re]: Looks more like Beavis, especially in the intellect department.
Pat, don’t try to clarify — I stopped giving a rat’s ass about the details at the point where the devil says “okay.” When things that don’t exist start taking an active role in world affairs, the rest of the story may as well be coming from the guy on the corner who wears three coats in the middle of August — were he head of a multinational enterprise to defraud frightened old ladies, used a satellite television network to do so and invested his filthy lucre with world’s most pathologically authoritarian feudal lords.
Your pathetic attempt at assuaging your conscience — because you know your rapacious greed and smarmy bootlicking have brought the same type of misery on millions of people as colonialism and its many charms has inflicted upon the people of Haiti — are nothing but a flimsy veil of racist apologetics, creative history and your usual condescending faux benificence. So go blow your antebellum snake oil out your ass, you addled hypocrite.
Oh, but one more thing — remind us please which political party’s nomination for president you sought? Oh yeah — the party of Sarah Palin. And George Bush. And Joe the Plumber. Are you getting the idea?
I’m surprised that Robertson’s spokesman didn’t come out and use the standard Republican excuse: It is all Obama’s fault, and the result of Socialism.
[re=494347]CanadianBacon[/re]: Thomas Jefferson taking direct part in protecting plantation owners from any slave rebellion spilling over from Hispaniola into the southern US states has probably guaranteed this country centuries of Pat Robertsons and, their attendant circuses of dumbassery, as retribution.
http://books.google.com/books?id=oPkHfMXUri4C&lpg=PP1&dq=Negro%20President&pg=PA35#v=onepage&q=haiti&f=false
You know, I think if Pat would just give himself over to the true redemption that he can find in Christianity, the people in the United States could really give him forgiveness.
Oops.
alt tag = LOL.
I read a novel in a Spanish literature class about the magic the Haitian freedom fighters used. It was though, I repeat, a novel.
Fey, I pray that I am being repetitious, but this “don’t pile on rabbit” doo-doo started with Jefferson.
“….[T]o avoid a contagion of ideas, President [and Conservative paleo-Ayn Rand ] Jefferson got Congress to enact legislation to ban from the U.S. all African slaves who had witnessed the Haitian Revolution or who had made a stopover in Haiti.
In 1805, he instituted restrictions on trade with Haiti.”
http://www.raabcollection.com/Presidential/James-Madison-autograph/James-Madison-Autograph-8301.aspx
Ever since, Haiti has been a punching bag.
*********
[re=494343]Come here a minute[/re]: Chateau Cru Limbaugh – First Week Jan. 2010, with a hint of semen, and overtomes of a sweat-stained horsehair sofa in Soho Grecian Bath?
I happily look forward to MC 900ft Jesus calling Pat Robertson out for the wack MC he is.
I wonder if the goddam French would like to refinance my house, with a 143 year mortgage.
I’m tempted to say “Fuck you, Pat”, but he might construe it as a blessing in disguise.
Actually, Haiti suffers from an excess of Born-again Health&Wealth Gospellers, like most developing countries. Since it was the Devil who offered Jesus wealth and power, not vice versa, I think it’s more likely that Pat et al. who worship the devil, and just CALL him “Jesus.
GWB probably thought the Health&Wealth Gospel would pay the debts he ran up for the USA, too.
I thought the only real case of a pact with the Devil was Robert Johnson, King of the Delta Blues Singers.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Johnson_(musician)#Devil_legend
Kill Whitey!
That is all.
Robertson open his insane mouth again just makes me really tempted to go and find a duck to start having sex with:
http://wonkette.com/408838/when-all-americans-can-gay-marry-we-all-gonna-screw-some-ducks
You know who else felt like their country was cursed?
[re=494316]clientnumber8[/re]: Yeah, that article is really stupid. None of the problems he lists (destitution, corruption, lacking in investment, political volatility) are caused by indebtedness and none of them are solved by debt cancellation. Even if he weren’t familiar with the actual research that proves this, you’d think he’d be aware of how little Haiti’s past rounds of debt cancellation accomplished. Or, at least, that Haiti receives enough foreign aid that it could pay off its debt in just a few years if there were some reason for the Haitian government or people to care about the debt.
How soon until Bush Jr. does a fly-over? Or will he stop in at New Orleans for Sunday’s big game first?
[re=494380]Mr Blifil[/re]: Bhutan?
[re=494361]AnSnarkist[/re]: “I read a novel in a Spanish literature class about the magic the Haitian freedom fighters.”
So unrelated to the prayers conducted in a NCAA locker room by the football coach asking for the beneficence of our Judeo-Christian god to allow the opposing team to be struck dead by melanoma. Your point?
Anyroad, not a novel. You read the translation into the Mexican of “God and Man at Yale ”. In the book, “Haitian” is code for “Skull and Bones”.
My question is, who’s the poor bastard assigned to watch the 700 Club every day in order to report on Pat Robertson’s latest dumb-ass outbursts? Is it the guy from Dirty Jobs?
[re=494382]Mr Blifil[/re]: Dubya only did the New Orleans thing ’cause he had to. And besides, Daddy does the poors. Dubya saunters out to some midget rodeo or JV football game every other month and tells the same damn joke about picking up Barney’s poop, then says Jesus and America and freedom, picks up his meager check and gets shitfaced on Bud Lites on the plane home.
Anyway, he’ll visit Haiti as soon as they get a midget rodeo.
Comedy gold.
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0110/31474.html
1/13/10
Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin portrayed herself as a reluctant warrior for freedom on Tuesday during an hour-long interview with Fox News host Glenn Beck.
…
Palin said she would “be perfectly happy to go back to Wasilla, Alaska, with my five children and grandson and raise a happy, healthy family and love the great outdoors and do the things we do in Alaska.”
But, Palin said that she continues to seek the public spotlight because she believes “that in some capacity I can help this great nation.”
[More, much more at link.]
Vodou, anyone?
How could I resist posting on this flim-flammery? My take is here
[re=494394]PickneyPinchback[/re]: ¿Dónde está?
Reminds me of the curse of the Billy Goat Tavern… The Cubs STILL can’t win a World Series!
[re=494391]S.Luggo[/re]: About half of it is here — and frankly, it’s embarrassing. I had such conversations with girls once — probably the last one while sitting on a porchswing outside some party during orientation week at college. But then I started learning things, and became able to talk about issues with some specificity — not just blather about how the system has to change — but it needs good people to stand up — but those good people are going to have to sacrifice — but are Americans willing to sacrifice? I think, Glenn, that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. I really do. Really, I just wanted to get them spayed and neutered after listening to that shit.
Boycott ABC “Family” and all indie stations which carry this senile bullshitters 700 Club.
Dead Soul; or, Le Chanson de Pat Robertson
“Lord Jesus! You are so damn hot.
“You niggers? I’m ‘fraid, not one jot.
“Oh, Christ! What’s that stench?
“And they even speak French!
“It’s Hellfire that is your sad lot.”
[re=494340]PsycGirl[/re]: Exactly.
“He was white, white as you folks… with empty eyes and a big hollow voice.”
If it happened, Pat was there.
Pat is Reptilian, not human. Just ask “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Jesse Ventura, Alex Jones or David Icke.
[re=494341]superannuated_grad_student[/re]: Why are you such a pessimist?
There are always US (or Euro or Asian) investors willing to buy 3rd World debt at a deep discount and then spring in the event of default (and then demand ownership in a country’s assets as condition of maintaining the country’s borrowing rating). They follow international loans like summer bats targeting May Flys. Some socialist/libtard economists have termed these investors “vampire funds”. Yet, aren’t their kind that has kept our financial system strong?
[re=494396]S.Luggo[/re]: En la ciudad de Nuestra Señora de Los Ángeles. Here we cower in dread of God smiting us with The Big One for our hedonistic ways. Also, because of all the Mexicans who think they really founded this place. Imagine.
The pact was sealed in 1791…not 1804. 1804 was when they won independence.
People, take it from your uncle Dijetlo. When entering long term reciprocal agreements with creatures from the infernal plane of ultimate evil READ THE FUCKING FINE PRINT…it’s just real estate, closing dates are important, substantial penalties may apply (Jesus Christ, what a pack of cherries…).
The good news? The curse if lifted as of 1991-the year they elected Aristides President
The bad news…apparently they were better off cursed (meh…it happens)
Whoa, shit!!! Look at his left hand, he’s making fucking devil horns!!!1!
[re=494391]S.Luggo[/re]: to be fair, no one is gonna pay her $30k to spend time with her family.
pat robertson, you miserable subhuman fuckpuddle… you have special talent for equating actual human suffering with religious myth. please, go eat a sam’s club family-sized barrel of herpes.
I just donated all of my money to Pat Robertson’s efforts of exposing the demons in everything. Even though I’m now broke after this effort, I still trust this money is being used for the purpose of good and prosperity everywhere. Tomorrow if I can raise the same amount, perhaps we can see more of the evil shit fuck. HUZZAH.
[re=494419]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: have you seen how strong pat’s legs are? he can squat thrust the seismic demons out of porto prince and pander for money at the same time!!!
Truly, Robertson is one of the most miserable excuses for a human being on the planet.
The people who really worry me, however, are the ones who actually take this walking pile of dog shite seriously…
[re=494399]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Such people believe that their place in life is due to some developed quality. Hence all others below them are dweebs, tards or slackers or a product (as conviently thought) of the Nanny State.
No use pointing out to them the function of history, geography, war, local economy, birth order, parents, or chance.
If you comment upon the dispossessed, maimed, orphaned, sick or poor, and you then say, “there but fortune go I”, the paleo-cons, neo-cons, palinites, paulistas, libetarians, ReThugs, birthers, deniers and teabaggers will look at you as if you had uttered a phrase in Esperanto.
[re=494347]CanadianBacon[/re]: There were two pacts, actually – this one, and 12 years later, this one – and unfortunately, it may take a stake to the dying heart of “Real Merika” to break them…
Pat Robertson is a misanthropic, sociopathic,
nasty, bitter, bloviating,
racist, pasty-faced neo-nazi,
aryan supremacist, pampered, pompous,
greedy, grasping, slime tongued liar,
TV Huckster, Christian hypocrite,
flapjawed fool
with the conscience of a sewer rat
What other kind of person could say a thing like that?
how many vodou curses am i gonna have to put on a bitch?
I grew up in Virginia Beach, just down the street from that sonofabitch’s monstrous campus. And I worked in several grocery stores right around there and never saw that fucker in there ever.
Although I did see his female 700 Club cohost in KMart once. Bitch.
Fuck Robertson et al at this particular time. Why is Haiti so poor? They’ve been Cuba’d ever since they gained independence. Gee a majority black country gaining independence in the early 19th century when the whole of the Americas depended on slaves to drive its economy…Fuck Robertson Toussaint l’ouverture should rise from the dead and kick his ass but he is probably too busy helping the poor Haitians to give a fuck. Donate to the Red cross or other non religious affiliated charities to give the finger to this asshat.
@I-man
Speaking of which, here’s my friend playing Toussaint l’ouverture:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31DPMa7olT4
“Let us prey. . .
on the poor, and the meek,
and the very small of mind. . .”
[re=494345]stew[/re]:
Ole Pat made a deal with the devil just to get through this very strenuous BM.
Lovin’ the alt-tex!
Centuries from now, when scholars look back to see how Christianity died, they will see the likes of Pat Robertson and say, “Ah, yes, now we understand!”
[re=494316]clientnumber8[/re]: Right on! How dare those Haitians squander all that Marshal Plan money we gave them after we defeated the Nazis in Port-au-Prince.
“But France demanded reparations: 150m francs, in gold.”
To which the Haitians should have responded “Kiss my black a%^ that you were so recently beating”
…and, yes, Pat Robertson is going to burn in Hell.
[re=494349]El Pinche[/re]: 2 preachers, 1 cup
I never knew that. That’s just. Wow. That’s a diamond studded ass fucking that lasted for centuries. that takes TALENT to pull off.
Also, I’m now angling to get into Hell for the sheer purpose of watching Pat burn alongside me.
Holy fucking shit. And he is serious with a following.
That old send your money to the lord via my address must make
a person delusional. If they made a deal with the devil
where are the guitars or fiddles?
[re=494381]pampl[/re]: Yeah, get it together, Haiti, and give us back the money we lost when you freed yourselves.
[re=494337]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Yes. That’s why W decided to have them staff the justice department. They’re still there, dug in like ticks.
At least two callers on this morning’s Washington Journal said that the problem in the United States is the Jewish bankers. Between Jewish bankers and Satan, no wonder we can’t get anything done. Damned dolchstoss.
[re=494454]Larry McAwful[/re]: I am pretty sure they said “Jew bankers”. Being Jewish, I am used tot he terminology. And as for me, I think the problem with America is turdsacks like pat Robertson and his low IQ followers.
So how do I get in on some of the deal with the devil action?
http://religiousfreaks.com/2006/06/30/church-lady-and-pat-robertson/
Al Franken as Pat Robertson being interviewed by the Church Lady.
Appréciez-vous des idiots!
[re=494425]gurukalehuru[/re]: Karl Rove, given half a chance.
[re=494425]gurukalehuru[/re]: And, to top that off, he’s a “sinner”. Not only is he breaking a commandment – Thou shalt not bear false witness (was he in Haiti to witness the deal with the devil? not unless he’s the devil – which is a possibility) – but Jesus also said, “What you do
for the least of these, so have you done to me”. Therefore, Pat Robertson is bearing false witness against Christ. Pat, you are a sinning piece of shit – burn in hell you monster!
Oh, and there’s that other line Jesus said, “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.” Think about that Patty when you are illegally flying your “relief” planes to your diamond mines. Fuck you, Fatty Patty, you fucking fucker!
Sick, depraved, crazy-to-bloodcloth backra baldhead! Jah! Lick ‘im wid thunder and lightning!
I don’t mean to get up on my atheist soap box here, but it seems to me that Ol’ Splitfoot is the only party in this preposterous story that did the Haitian people any good.
[re=494375]assistant/a
I’m gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see, I’m gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see. When I kill all the whities I see, then whitey he won’t bother me, I’m gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see.
Then I’ll get a white woman who’s wearing a navy blue sweater.
Is Pat Robertson calling the Haiti earthquake “an act of God”?
Goddamn, is Pat Robertson classy or what?
I thought that bastard died a few years ago!?. Since Jeebus dedicated most of the new testament to bashing homosexuals, it is only right and proper that these poor third world shitholes, loaded with the ultimate sin be reduced to ruins. Witness the power of the almighty (plate techtonics). It’s basically why God (plate techtonics) has turned the Indian Ocean into a washing machine.
Alt-Text: “Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!”
Honestly — WTF were they doing continuing repayments for the privilege of NOT being enslaved any longer?? How fucked up is that!!!
Fucking French fucks.
Everyone knows Satan only offers riches & power for signatures, he doesn’t offer poverty & hunger – his minions, otoh, cause poverty & hunger to gain the riches & power they were promised.
PR = ¡hijo del (recontra) diablo! = Pepe le pieu = douche -10
An important photograph: when Pat closes his eyes, it’s to let us know that he’s in direct contact with Yawah. They chat frequently each day, and Pat expects Y. to Friend him shortly on the Cosmic Tweeter. It’s also how Pat looks as he gets the oil from his snakes. I’ll take Oscar Robertson or even Dale Robertson any ol’ time.
Compare the stats on a Catholic country like Haiti and an atheist country like Cuba.
AIDS, death rate, life expectancy, birth rate — the atheists seem to be in much better shape.
I do hope that Catholic charities are including bundle of condoms in their care packages.
Teh wikipedias sez:
On 22 August 1791, Boukman presided in the role of houngan (priest) together with an African-born priestess and conducted a ceremony at the Bois Caïman and prophesied that the slaves Jean François, Biassou, and Jeannot would be leaders of a slave revolt that would free the slaves of Saint-Domingue. A pig, which symbolized the wild, free, and untamable spiritual power of the forest and the ancestors, was sacrificed, an oath was taken, and Boukman and the priestess exhorted the listeners to fight bravely against their oppressors. Days later the Haitian Revolution began.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutty_Boukman
France is the Devil in Pat’s scenario? Well, hell. It all makes sense now.
[re=494794]Barrett808[/re]: This was all around the time of the “Reign of Terror” in France, so the Voodoo Revolution, The Haitian Conflagration, could accurately be called the world’s 1st War on Terror.
Pat Robertson is richer than Haiti. His existance makes me sure that god does NOT exist.
I’m sure you meant well, Wonkette, but I want to point out that the original article you linked to/quoted (“Haiti: the land where the children eat mud”) goes through every single racist stereotype of Haiti: child slavery; a pitiful population stuck in the past; elevating charity from rich countries above Haitian self-reliance; the “unappreciated White savior” narrative and fear-mongering about Whites being under threat, etc. I mean the author does point out that a lot of it is rich countries’ fault, but that doesn’t excuse the stereotyping. I don’t think racist and skewed reporting like that should be circulated — bigoted stories about Haiti do a lot of harm, no matter how allegedly charitable the intent of the article.
I agree with everything you said yourself, though. It’s just the article you quoted I have a problem with.
Also, Terry: France wasn’t defeated For All Time during the Haitian revolution, just beaten enough to get them out of the country. They delivered their demand for reparations with gunboats. Kinda hard to tell people with gunboats to kiss your ass without getting, you know, shot. By the gunboats.
But yeah, if hell exists, Robertson’s gonna fry in it for all eternity. Amen.
…I meant to say gunships in addition to all the blockades and embargoes that have already been mentioned here. Gunships, blockades, embargoes, all sorts of tactics used to grind Haiti down. I’d be damn proud to be American if my country was half as much a beacon of hope as we’ve claimed to be, instead of stomping all over countries like Haiti — hell, a slave revolution has way more “beacon of hope” potential than our revolution did (no offense to my ancestors who fought to get us free, but America wasn’t literally enslaved).
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