Sarah Palin made her highly anticipated debut as a news commentator on the teevee last night, DID YOU WATCH IT? No? Did you check the Fox News this morning and not watch the clip there, because it wanted you to install Flash Player 10, which breaks other parts of your Internets when you install it? Well then watch this clip here! And then watch the exciting Extended Director’s Cut after the jump.

“Well, Bill, I think Nancy Pelosi IS a kook. Now put your tongue back in your mouth.”

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  1. I did catch a moment or two, Bill was trying so hard to conceal his ultra raging hardon for the “Governor”.I was to disturbed by the obvious hostility of the “Governor” for Bill and his total ego failure to recognize it, to watch more than a minute or so.

  2. Gotta agree with her here. No one cares about that stupid book, aside from the parts about Elizabeth Edwards bodice-ripping, which was kinda awesome and kinda not-true.

  3. Anybody who values political commentary from Sarah Palin deserves what they get. And, a court order to go back to grade school to learn some things they obviously missed the first time around. Like, which “grownups” are morons and which ones actually might know things worth knowing.

  4. Would getting fired from Fox (or quitting in anticipation of being fired, to spend more time with family of course) be a new low for Palin, or would that be a positive achievement?

  5. O’Reilly thinks Palin did well in the debate? Did we watch the same debate?

    Sarah, there’s a reason why these men keep telling you you did well. They’re kissing your ass, trying to bolster your confidence so they can get whatever they’re going to get out of you. In Schmidt’s case it would have been a high-level White House position. In O’Reilly’s case he’d like you to get him some more money, and maybe a private session with his custom falafel attachments.

  6. Easy on the eyes, facile but vacuous, little Sarah, home at last, on Fox News. She always had the intellect of (and training to be) a teevee hairhead.

  7. I obtained the power to see the future due to a freak auto accident and I’ve trying to avoid shaking hands with Sarah Palin for the fear of the onerous responsiblity that will fall on my shoulders if I happen to see what terror her future will bring to the planet.

  8. One woman, charged with a task: Neutralize 60 Minutes. Palin and her rag-tag band of teabaggers, birthers, and right-wing falafel masseuses take on the left wing media. Hilarity ensues. (22 mins, TV-14 LV)

  9. This doesn’t end well for Fox or Palin.

    Todd will get tired of everybody at Fox trying to fuck her and she’ll quit.

    Fox will get tired of the Dingbat fucking them.

    Rita Cosby gets her old job back.


  10. I’ll repeat my observation from last night — mostly because I’m still slightly incredulous — around 3:45 they’re talking about Steve Schmidt’s account of flying in to help Palin with her debate prep, which Schmidt says is in absolute chaos. Palin says “I think he’s based [his account] on an anonymous source.” Sarah, honey — he was there. Bill, you twit — if you’re going to shill behind an entertainment desk, you’re going to have to at least catch the big whoppers.
    On the other hand, Sarah’s right about one thing — when I’m looking at candidates to run the country, I could really care less about things like why we’re in a war and against whom — I’d rather hear what my nation’s leaders think about Tila Tequila’s tragic loss.

  11. Oh, Sarah. Even O’Reilly called you on the b.s. of labeling 60 Minutes “biased liberal media.” You’re right about one thing. The mouthbreathers who like you won’t watch anything but Fox News, but that’s because they really aren’t smart enough to change channels.

  12. I like when she says, “but the American people are immediately neutralizing outlets like 60 Minutes.” How long has that show been running, 20, 30 years? And if she really wanted to neutralize the idea that she doesn’t know the difference between North and South Korea, or who we’re fighting in Iraq, she should have stated it, but most likely, she still doesn’t know, and doesn’t care. I have a feeling this is going to get old fast.

  13. Yes, the rest of America, i.e., the rest of America that Sarah knows, are also woefully ignorant of the difference between North and South Korea.

    Korea, Al Qadeda, the Osmonds. Tomato, Tomahto. Who cares?

  14. “Game Change” was total crap, according to Sarah, except for all the parts that involve Harry Reid and Barak Obama and President Clinton and Hillary Clinton. Everything else is a pack of lies. Such as.

  15. Re: the director’s cut: I can’t tell what I like better, when Palin gives O’Reillypig the loofah on a stick or when helldemon McCainpig lolls his protuberant tongue and flashes his terrible teeth at the end….

  16. Next stop, Beckistan. Which is, you know, right across that narrow maritime border from Sanity, and where do do they go when they rear their heads and come into our airspace? Alaska.

  17. “Fox said that according to the multiyear deal, Palin will offer political commentary and analysis…She also will host occasional episodes of Fox News’ ‘Real American Stories,’ a series debuting this year that the network said will feature true inspirational stories about Americans who have overcome adversity.” — Announcement of Fox and Sarah sitting in a tree

    Oh hey, it turns out the commentatoring and the showcasing of Murkins who have overcome diversity is ALL ABOUT HER! See, she is news to be commented on, and she has overcome diversity! Yay, it’s Sarah talkin’ ’bout Sarah! All the time!

  18. [re=493805]PickneyPinchback[/re]: “Yay, it’s Sarah talkin’ ’bout Sarah! All the time!”

    Maybe they could give her her own network: “SPN — the Sarah Palin Network. All Sarah, all the time!”

    And then the world could move on…

  19. What that video needs is a fella decapitating live turkeys in the background. I hope Faux News hires the Coen brothers to produce her commentaries. They would do a marvelous job translating that woman’s mind and words to the small screen.

  20. She may not have any actual weapons in her mental arsenal, but we have evidence that she retains the ability to reconstitute her weapon-program related activities, as it were.

  21. [re=493805]PickneyPinchback[/re]: I read “Real American Stories” at first as “Real American Stones”.
    I think I like that better.
    [re=493772]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “I think he’s based [his account] on an anonymous source.” I am so using that line whenever anyone calls me on bullshit. “Mommy, Daddy says you offered to give me my allowance today”. “Well, he based that statement on an anonymous source”.

  22. [re=493748]hockeymom[/re]: BillO may be a first class ass-maggot, but he knows bullshit since the day he sucked its cock. I’m sure he has a firm understanding of her general dumbness.

  23. I do not watch these things- how many times do I have to tell you that! I look for the Wonketteer comments on this crap so I can get insight- if I want it. Palin is dumb and so are a lot of other people- is that news? No and that is why she is on Fox. Ok, now it is time to eat lunch. Goodbye.

  24. [re=493813]PrairiePossum[/re]: Nah; while the Coen brothers have done well with small-town comedy, the sheer surreality of Palin’s broadcasts would be best directed by David Lynch. She could lipsynch old Roy Orbison songs, then inexplicably turn into Balthazar Getty halfway through her show. Besides, she already acts like she’s possessed by BOB.

  25. “I did talk a lot to [campaign manager] Steve Schmidt about the history of the war and about who perhaps was behind the shoe-bomber terrorist and could there have been any connection to ACORN, or James Carville, or Adidas, Jeremiah Wright, Avatar, the Census, or perhaps Al Gore, maybe that state trooper guy my sister ditched,” Palin said. “So I admit that I asked questions about it.”

  26. The funny (or sad) thing is that millions of retarded Americans were in awe of Palin’s clown show. “Look at her! She’s dumb just like me! Just a regular old white christian common folk, just like me! We need you Sarah!”

  27. [re=493813]PrairiePossum[/re] [re=493823]JMP[/re]: I would prefer a treatment by Miyazaki. I feel he would do justice to her view of the world.

  28. The question I have is, will Steve Schmidt and company just stand by now and let her new crop of lies take root? Something tells me we’re going to see every ridiculous piece of shit she spews from now on pertaining to the campaign will be answered. Maybe not on FOX, but, you know.

  29. You know it just struck me, she has done nothing, for nearly a year now, except engage in a campaign to attempt to refute the impression that she is a fucking moron. Oh, and that she is lying, grifting, vindictive narcissistic moron, too. She wrote a book that should have been called “I am Not a Moron.” She has appeared in person, and made use of every form of print and electronic and digital media, to send forth her messsage: “I am not a corrupt, crazy, fucktard.” She is even being paid $100,000 per speach to appear and tell people “don’t believe those folks who say I am a stupid and evil moron, they’re makin’ stuff up, you betcha.”


  30. Hey, she’s not nearly as loathsome as I expected her to be. It took me a whole 2 minutes to hit the little red bars!

    Damn – crazy bitch is pimpin’ her book the way Peter Popoff used to pimp his Magic Healing prayer Towels, but with less class.

    She has a tell: when she’s about to knowingly tell a whopper, she gets this iguana-like sleepy-eyes thing going on … & it happens A LOT in this clip. I don’t think she’s quite as stupid as everyone thinks she is — unless you think quitting a governorship where she was about to be crucified for incompetance & corruption so she can pull down a million-dollar advance for her book is stupid.

  31. [re=493809]proudgrampa[/re]: Maybe they could give her her own network: “SPN — the Sarah Palin Network. All Sarah, all the time!”

    All part of the master plan. For myself, I and fervently praying for the Rapture to come and take her and her followers far fare away.

  32. [re=493826]snideinplainsight[/re]: “And Putin, definitely Putin. Oh, and I forgot Sadam. Him too. He’s always progressing the terrorism, as intended.”

  33. 2008 and she STILL didn’t know where the 9/11 attackers came from? That’s not just lazy and stupid; it’s criminally lazy and stupid.

  34. [re=493866]Ducksworthy[/re]: Captured. I meant captured. Hard to type around a pizza box sitting on the keyboard.

    Sarah is not only “dumb like us” she is standing up for all the stupid people who deserve more than they’re getting. Stickin’ it to the man (i.e. all those people who use big dictionary words like anonymous and actually know what they mean.)

  35. I stopped watching when she referred to Alaska as diverse. I live in AK and believe me, Wasilla is about as diverse as northern Idaho.
    It gave me that feeling one gets when you hear an obvious bigot say something along the lines of: “I have lots of gay/black friends” to prove a point.

  36. [re=493873]Ducksworthy[/re]: Real ‘murricans don’t care about knowin’ stuff and makin’ sense, you betcha, too, and also they are not ashamed of our precious liberties they’re defendin’ over there for which we should be so proud and thankful of them. Whats also important, too, is makin’ sure those terrorists aren’t given any of our precious rights we aree fighting for. If we give them our rights, then we won’t have any, but thats what them crazy kinda folks there in DC, with their always wanting to know stuff and be right and all would do.

  37. [re=493827]El Pinche[/re]: “The funny (or sad) thing is that millions of retarded Americans were in awe of Palin’s clown show.”

    this morning i vote for sad (i’m a bleeding-heart libtard, after all). my mom is a nice old lady. i saw her at christmas. she was pleased by babble spass’s initial national appearance in aug 08. then the other shoe dropped. lots of other shoes dropped. most of them paid for by the political contributions that in part came from nice old ladies. now my mom is saddened and bewildered by the moral collapse of the republican party.

    on the other hand, i am delighted. but i don’t like to see my mom sad. too bad she couldn’t bring herself to vote for the big-eared fellow with the funny name.

  38. I was amused at how much both hated that the other wanted to talk. Bill thought Sarah should just look in awe at him while he talked. Sarah thought Bill should shut up so everyone could hear her brilliance. Neither really seemed to hear the other, they were just trying to get to their turn as soon as possible.

  39. [re=493868]One Yield Regular[/re]: “Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity” –MLK

  40. Later in the show, Palin climbed on top of BillO’s desk, hiked her skirt up, pulled her pantyhose down, copped a squat, and then gave birth to Bristol’s second child illegals-style while screaming “FIVE AND A HALF POUNDS, ALAN!” over and over again in a voice hoarse from maniacal laughter.

  41. I’d like to spend 8 minutes on her just like 60 minutes did, heh heh heh – Beavis or Butthead.

    “Her son was about to ship off to Iraq … When they asked her who her son was going to fight, she couldn’t explain that”. She answered correctly like any thoughtful American would, it’s the really stupid Americans that can answer that question.

  42. Loved the pig video — having the first pig costume’s eyes looking aside in the girl’s direction, instead of straight ahead, was so clever! The dance moves are interesting vaudeville, and the final pig puppet as Freudian French as can be. A tongue like that must appeal to many a sow. But comparing either O’Reilly or Palin to pigs is an insult to porcine intelligence and the magnificent flavor of pork; the two t.v. twits are more on the order of plankton.

  43. [re=493873]Ducksworthy[/re]: It’s time to bring this quote up again: “There are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren’t they?” – Sen. Roman Hruska (R) on Nixon’s nomination of Harold Carswell to the Supreme Court.

  44. [re=493878]Prommie[/re]:

    Faux News is holding for you on line 5. They want to know if you are interested in writing for the new Sarah Palin variety hour.

  45. I think that we need to take it on ourselves to start a feud between Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachann, of the type normally found between teenaged girls. Who is cuter, who more people like, who knows more about the geography of the former Soviet Union?

  46. [re=493897]JMP[/re]: Thanks for that[re=493878]Prommie[/re]: Nice. I wish I could do that but I’m afraid if I do I won’t be able to stop. Sort of like what my grandmother told me about crossing my eyes, in fact a lot like that.

  47. [re=493924]Ducksworthy[/re]: I find it really very difficult to do; its all about using adjectives as nouns and nouns as verbs and seperating the subject from the object as far as possible by putting some loopy quasi-parenthetical remark in between, and then because the sentence is so long and convoluted, using the wrong verb tense or the wrong number when you finally do get to the verb, and always, always, using the wrong preposition to express relation between the object and the subject. And then mention troops fightin’ and “real ‘murricans” aqnd precious liberties, and Trig.

  48. [re=493930]Prommie[/re]: Yes, but she makes it look so easy. Shouldn’t we give her ten points for technique?

    Roscoe P Coltraine, the “nice” judge on Wonkette.

  49. [re=493930]Prommie[/re]: Prommie. I especially like the quasi-parenthetical remarks. But please be careful. The mental deterioration that results can sneak up on you like it did Ronnie Reagan. He used to be a democrat but years of acting like a doofus rotted his brain. (I think seperating is spelled separating, but not to worry, for now, also).

  50. [re=493772]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You are right, of course, but that doesn’t make O’Reilly any more useless than George Stephanopoulos. Which is pretty fucking useless.

  51. [re=493940]Ducksworthy[/re]: Embiggen is a perfectly cromulent word. We’ve got to always progress the way we’re working to embiggen the patrioticness, with people who shouldn’t be burning flags while our brave troops are fightin’ for their liberties they’re abusin’ along irony like and it makes Trig cry whenever a flag of our beautiful nation is burned with desecration too.

  52. Ever noticed how much her book, “Going Rogue”, resembles Mein Kampf? (Screw you, Godwin!) They’re both tales of self-pity and self-aggrandizement, one lonely committed misunderstood genius against the Evil Forces of Everybody Sane, etc. and blah blah blah.

    Except Mein Kampf is better-written. They had actual education in Germany in the early 20th century.

    And Hitler never got to have his own TV show.

  53. So, what do you think happened during the pre-interview that made O’Reilly so scared to actually ask her to explain the difference between North and South Korea? Did she get them confused with North and South Dakota?

    And I thought it was interesting that she never denied that she had no idea who her son was going to fight in Iraq.

  54. No Sarah and Fox, the accusation in game changer was that you didnt know WHY there is a North and South Korea, not that there is a North and South Korea. When your son shipped out in 2008 to Iraq you said he was going to fight the people responsible for 9-11, so nice try at revisionist history. Liz Cheney agrees, all the bad stuff about dems in the book is true and anything bad about republicans cant be true.

  55. [re=494064]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Last night’s New York affiliate Simpsons rerun was the episode in which Apu was showing up all the other men of Springfield with his excessive Valentines gift-giving. The men conspired to stop him, because he was “entroubling all of us” getting them in trouble, with their wives.

  56. There’s probably little I can say now that hasn’t been said already, and I doubt anyone is still following this thread. So I’ll just say this: Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot.

  57. [re=493762]WarAndG[/re]: “AP reporting: USA to change it’s name to EMPIRE of DUMB.”
    That would be a great comment if you knew how to use the possessive form “its”. As it stands, your message gets a bit undermined by the medium (i.e., the English language and its various “rules”).

  58. [re=493879]slappypaddy[/re]: That reminds me. Now that she’s working for FoxNews, doesn’t that mean she can’t run for president and needs to cut ties with SarahPAC and RetardsForAmurkaPAC? Can any lawyerin’ types answer this one??

  59. [re=493886]Extemporanus[/re]: I know I’ve been gone, but did you get a Palin makeover on your avatar? You look so trim and refreshed!

  60. [re=493904]JMP[/re]: [re=494101]speedo[/re]: people are still seeing her through their memories of the young-n-cute Sarah. Her career won’t last any longer than she can keep up that illusion, and gravity will not be denied

    tick …tick …tick …tick …

  61. [re=493886]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=494223]ShiningMathPath[/re]: He was just reloading and now he has a sexy librarian, who’s never been in a library, look.

  62. [re=493775]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: I like when she says, “but the American people are immediately neutralizing outlets like 60 Minutes.” How long has that show been running, 20, 30 years?

    To the Fox audience, she may have a point. For the rest of us, not so much.

    Her interview with O’Reilly was huge, by Fox (and cable news) standards: almost 4 million viewers. For reference, 60 minutes the week before had almost 15 million viewers, which was not a surprisingly high number for them.

    Also for reference: Sarah’s blockbuster interview didn’t pull in the ratings of a Spongebob marathon on Nickelodeon or NCIS repeats on USA.

  63. Is there any chance Sarah is a hologram created by a non-english speaking person using an internet translator? Maybe from one of the former USSR countries that end with stan. It would explain a lot.

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