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One of Washington’s most well-sourced reporters, Michael Isikoff, is finally starting to cover the important things: “Now Norris, famed for his expertise in the martial arts, attacks from a different direction. In a new column on World Net Daily, the right-wing Web site, he claims that Obama signed the executive order so that he can slyly, without anyone noticing, create a ‘secret vault’ at Interpol’s New York office to conceal important records about the war on terror from the American public.” Hooray! Obviously the American public can’t handle information, so he might as well. [Newsweek]

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45 COMMENTS

  1. Ailes, Murdoch, Cheney, and Kraut as Bernie in “Weekend at Bernies 3: Fun with Bernies Dead Dick ” Rated XXX for necrophelia, extreme scat munching scenes and golden showers.

  2. Hey, Chuck! Some Muslin (has to be right?) asshole is stealing your WND password to publish jibberish that makes you look like a punch drunk fantasy filled moran.

  3. It’s just like National Treasure! So that means democracy is what will be locked in the vault, so that Nicholas Cage and John Voight can fight some limey villain for it later.

  4. [re=493426]El Pinche[/re]: Are you trying to use this thread to slyly, without anyone noticing, conceal important comments about the war on porn from the American public?

  5. Hey Chuck, why don’t you just take your ass-kicking karate skills, go to Pakistan, or wherever those tearist tactics lurk, and give them a little taste of Texas. Make it like a reality show too. Or is it, “I’m not a tough guy, but I played one on TV”.

  6. Is it merely a coincidence that Chuck Norris starred with Bruce Lee in the last full film made before he died? Is it merely coincidental that the man who spread Texan propaganda in “Walker, Texas Ranger”, has recently advocated for the secession of Texas? Is it a coincidence that he was the most prominent supporter of the most batshit insane legitimate candidate for the Republican nomination in 2008? Is it merely coincidental that this secessionist is a self-proclaimed martial arts expert who believes he could take on the entire US military single-handed?

  7. If crazy were an amplifier, Chuck Norris’ would start at eleven. It just goes to show that working in terrible action movies is not the ideal stepping stone for real policy analysis. But I guess you go to the culture wars with the soldiers you have, not with the ones you’d like to have.

  8. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

    When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn’t lift himself up. He pushes the world down.

    Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever.

    If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.

    So, in conclusion, he will find that vault. Or, the vault will reveal itself to Chuck.

  9. Is it merely coincidence that an entertainer most known for martial arts moves fights the well-spoken president using only words? Is it? C,mon people, this isn’t rhetorical, I’m really confused.

  10. I shook Chuck Norris’ hand when I was a kid, and he nearly broke it. I’m not sure that that karate retard was trying to prove to a 18 yr old boy.

    Yeah yeah yeah, he probably wanted to lick my taint. I know.

  11. Well why don’t you get some of your Delta Force buddies and bust ’em out? It would be a Tropic Thunder meets Space Cowboys kinda thing…NGUYEN!!!

  12. Chuck Norris is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head, which he has done too many times I see.

  13. Y’know, so long as it’s a secret vault in New York for documents, rather than a secret prison in Algeria for Mulsins, I think I can sleep at night.

  14. It’s almost shocking that Isikoff felt the need to rebut Chuck. Is Newsweek planning a Flat Earth issue? Will they be analyzing Ted Nugent’s foreign policy recommendations? Shooting famous fish in a barrel doesn’t make it a more challenging sport.

  15. [re=493443]Radiotherapy[/re]:

    Norris is the real deal, a legit fighter who reigned supreme 30 years ago.

    That would make punch drunk moron more apropos…

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