TODAY IN NEWSMAX EMAILS  2:07 pm January 12, 2010

Newsmax & Offers You Can’t Refuse, Take [Whatever]

by Jim Newell

What is it with the conservative cruises! Weekly Standard Cruise, National Review Cruise, “Newsmax.com” Cruise. Oh, right, they do conservative candidate scouting on these trips! That’s how Bill Kristol met Sarah Palin, on his Cruise to the frozen Alaska. But this one… this one’s just the toe-fucker Dick Morris and whatever person he pays to be his wife.

 
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{ 55 comments }

Monsieur Grumpe January 12, 2010 at 2:11 pm

Do the Somali pirates know about this?

AnnieGetYourFun January 12, 2010 at 2:13 pm

I would sooner have Sarah Palin read the entire Bible out loud to me than listen to Dick Morris talk for more than 30 seconds.

memzilla January 12, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Hmm, I wonder if I can pick up one of those torpedo-carrying dolphins the US Navy trained a while ago…

Extemporanus January 12, 2010 at 2:14 pm

Dear Newsmax reader,

Cruise with Dick on Newsmax’s Shrimping Boat!

Towel not included.

Tugs & Kisses,
Newsmax

memzilla January 12, 2010 at 2:14 pm

[re=493236]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: @twitter.com/somalipirates

Buzz Feedback January 12, 2010 at 2:17 pm

If Dick is paying women to be his wife he needs to spend more because if Google Images has anything to say about it, I wouldn’t fuck the current Mrs. with Bea Arthur’s dick. That’s my time. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal!

FlownOver January 12, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Fox (News or Entertainment, same-same) to serialize as “The Return of the Love Boat.” Dramamine consumption will be high, even in calm waters.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm

[re=493239]Extemporanus[/re]: You’re back!

ella January 12, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Rotten timing. I have to wash my hair that week.

Tommmcatt January 12, 2010 at 2:21 pm

I hear Ellen has shapely, beautiful feet.

bureaucrap January 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Unfortunately, my submarine’s in dry dock; even if it were ready to go, I already sold all the torpedos to china.

whiskey tango foxtrot January 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Yikes. I don’t want to see these two in swim attire. I don’t wanna be around when these two get drunk and “cut loose”. http://www.coverbrowser.com/image/time/3843-1.jpg And this pic is from 1995!

Hooray For Anything January 12, 2010 at 2:31 pm

They’re going to need a smaller boat

ManchuCandidate January 12, 2010 at 2:32 pm

Some navy needs to do a live fire torpedo exercise.

shortsshortsshorts January 12, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Dick Morris is the gayest person I have ever seen. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

JMP January 12, 2010 at 2:34 pm

[re=493249]Tommmcatt[/re]: That would’ve worked better if you got the name right; it’s not ellen, but Eileen. And I heard Dick and her went Toora Loora Toora Loora-aye; and they can sing just like their fathers.

[re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: Egad; are you sure that’s his wife, and not Janet Reno as played by Will Ferrell?

Jim89048 January 12, 2010 at 2:34 pm

[re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: Which one’s the bottom, exactly?

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 12, 2010 at 2:34 pm

[re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: Dayum. That sank my battleship.

SayItWithWookies January 12, 2010 at 2:35 pm

I wonder if this is just a coincidence — probably, since cougars aren’t really the GOP’s mainstay.

S.Luggo January 12, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Will there be hot and cold running prostitutes?

Escape Goat Nation January 12, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Ah Yes, the GOP Miss Cleo for the dumbest of the dumb.
Let’s take a hop into the way-back-machine and look at Toe Sucker’s fabulous prognostications.

“‘Joe the Plumber’ Presents Winning Strategy for McCain”
http://newsmax.com/Morris/joe-plumber-mccain/2008/10/20/id/326016

“‘Undecideds’ Could Shift Toward McCain”
http://newsmax.com/Morris/undecided-voters/2008/10/29/id/326225

“Sarah Palin Is a Godsend for McCain”
http://newsmax.com/Morris/sarah-palin-john-mccain/2008/09/02/id/325133

“Sarah Palin — an American Margaret Thatcher”
http://newsmax.com/Morris/sarah-palin-thatcher/2008/09/04/id/325184

“Political Map Shows Huge Turn Toward McCain”
http://newsmax.com/Morris/dick-morris-state-map/2008/09/19/id/325429

These are but a few examples of Morris’ idiocy.
Only Fox News will keep this stupid fucker employed.

bitchincamaro January 12, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Did someone say “cockbomb”? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/8455116.stm

freakishlystrong January 12, 2010 at 2:39 pm

[re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: That’s a Man, Man!

magic titty January 12, 2010 at 2:41 pm

[re=493237]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Ya know…you’re right.

Hedley Lamar January 12, 2010 at 2:42 pm

I wonder if the ship will be one of those old Cleveland Steamers I keep hearing so much about?

Suds McKenzie January 12, 2010 at 2:42 pm

Dick Morris, … they re going to need a bigger boat.

Escape Goat Nation January 12, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Ah Yes, the GOP Miss Cleo for the dumbest of the dumb.
Let’s take a hop into the way-back-machine and look at Toe Sucker’s fabulous prognostications.
These are headlines from his NewsMax column.

“‘Joe the Plumber’ Presents Winning Strategy for McCain”

“‘Undecideds’ Could Shift Toward McCain”

“Sarah Palin Is a Godsend for McCain”

“Sarah Palin — an American Margaret Thatcher”

“Political Map Shows Huge Turn Toward McCain”

These are but a few examples of Morris’ idiocy.
Only Fox News will keep this stupid fucker employed.

chascates January 12, 2010 at 2:44 pm

Time to fight back with a Wonkette Cruise. But where to go? Up (or down) the Mississippi? The Potomac or Hudson? We can have our pictures taken with SKS’ Lil TruckNutz and be entertained by Riley but what would make the ideal Wonkette Cruise?

Tommmcatt January 12, 2010 at 2:50 pm

[re=493259]JMP[/re]:

Oh, you and your facts. Give me a break, I’m old and can barely see.

gurukalehuru January 12, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Conservatives: Not just cruising airport restrooms any more.

ManchuCandidate January 12, 2010 at 2:55 pm

[re=493277]chascates[/re]:
I think the Wonkette cruise is a Swan paddle boat on the Potomac with Riley.

bfstevie January 12, 2010 at 2:55 pm

[re=493277]chascates[/re]: I propose a cruise from Battery Park in Manhattan to St. Georges, Staten Island. And back. They only crash into the dock every forty years or so.

Guppy06 January 12, 2010 at 2:56 pm

The cruises are quite simple to explain: the ships are Honduran-flagged, and stocked with Honduran cabin boys.

proudgrampa January 12, 2010 at 2:57 pm

[re=493280]Tommmcatt[/re]: Facts? I don’ got to show you no stinkin’ facts!

Snidely January 12, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Any port in a sturm und drang.

UnattendedConsequence January 12, 2010 at 3:01 pm

[re=493277]chascates[/re]: Appalachian Trail?

Extemporanus January 12, 2010 at 3:01 pm

[re=493247]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: My WiFi reception sucks fucking coconuts.

And I hate to be the one to break this to you, but Russ got himself a big black boyfriend.

Sorry…

Extemporanus January 12, 2010 at 3:04 pm

[re=493256]Hooray For Anything[/re]: TOYBOATTOYBOATTOYBOAT

Guppy06 January 12, 2010 at 3:07 pm

[re=493286]Guppy06[/re]: Nevermind, turns out the ships are Dutch-flagged. They’re in it for the legalized pot.

Cape Clod January 12, 2010 at 3:14 pm

[re=493277]chascates[/re]: I say we appropriate the Mayflower II in Plymoth and take a very drunken sail across Cape Cod Bay to Provincetown. With any luck, we’ll strike a right whale on the way.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 12, 2010 at 3:17 pm

[re=493259]JMP[/re]: “Egad; are you sure that’s his wife, and not Janet Reno as played by Will Ferrell?”

I just shot twenty five cents worth of Diet Pepsi through my nostrils, thank you very much.

Seriously though. I just don’t get how Repubs can so easily tap into the populism of the bitters and the poors and at the same time go on luxury cruises every other week. Doesn’t anyone put this together when some lump of armpit cheese like Dick Morris rails about how taxes hurt everyone and then invites those same people on a pleasure cruise.

S.Luggo January 12, 2010 at 3:19 pm

The staterooms will be tastefully decorated: http://travel.webshots.com/photo/1109667856045001110sgXyfJ

Mr Blifil January 12, 2010 at 3:44 pm

TOE SUCKING IN PARADISE!

BeWoot January 12, 2010 at 3:44 pm

[re=493276]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: And Newsmax.

PrairiePossum January 12, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Hmmm, how to spend my spring break. I could either spend a week with Dick Morris on a cruise ship or a week in North Dakota shoveling snow. Fargo, here I come!

BobTheBuilder January 12, 2010 at 3:46 pm

[re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: I’m pretty sure that’s actually an overweight Tim Curry standing behind the Toefucker Dick.

Lionel Hutz Esq. January 12, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Isn’t it clear? To engage in the deep depravity that is the only thing that brings them joy anymore, Conservatives must get into international waters.

PlanetWingnuta January 12, 2010 at 3:54 pm

i wonder if its too late too book the surprise gay strippers on the boat…or hope for a posideon like adventure…

supernoun January 12, 2010 at 5:34 pm

Fear and Loathing on the Conservative Cruise of Doom ’010… if I start stockpiling drugs and alcohol now, I might be able to do it…

thesheriffisnear January 12, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Ship of fools.

comicbookguy January 12, 2010 at 7:57 pm

I don’t want to picture what a Wonkette Cruise would look like. I really don’t.

Crankenstank January 12, 2010 at 8:17 pm

Is Dick bringing the hookers? Sign me up!!

rottenart January 12, 2010 at 8:49 pm

[re=493264]S.Luggo[/re]: God help me for comparing the two, but I think it looks strikingly like Eddie Izzard in full on drag.

Long Form Def Certificate January 12, 2010 at 10:22 pm

Yet more evil for which Bill Clinton is actually responsible for leaving to this successors.

Dick Morris is fake cocaine runs to Mena, Vincent Foster “murder”, shady travel office firings, money-losing land-deals, & Oval Office trysts, times a quadrillion.

ordinaryperson January 13, 2010 at 11:34 am

Dick Morris married a shiksa? Eeenteresting.

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