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What is it with the conservative cruises! Weekly Standard Cruise, National Review Cruise, “Newsmax.com” Cruise. Oh, right, they do conservative candidate scouting on these trips! That’s how Bill Kristol met Sarah Palin, on his Cruise to the frozen Alaska. But this one… this one’s just the toe-fucker Dick Morris and whatever person he pays to be his wife.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Comments

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  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Do the Somali pirates know about this?

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    I would sooner have Sarah Palin read the entire Bible out loud to me than listen to Dick Morris talk for more than 30 seconds.

  • memzilla

    Hmm, I wonder if I can pick up one of those torpedo-carrying dolphins the US Navy trained a while ago…

  • Extemporanus

    Dear Newsmax reader,

    Cruise with Dick on Newsmax’s Shrimping Boat!

    Towel not included.

    Tugs & Kisses,
    Newsmax

  • memzilla

    [re=493236]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: @twitter.com/somalipirates

  • Buzz Feedback

    If Dick is paying women to be his wife he needs to spend more because if Google Images has anything to say about it, I wouldn’t fuck the current Mrs. with Bea Arthur’s dick. That’s my time. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal!

  • FlownOver

    Fox (News or Entertainment, same-same) to serialize as “The Return of the Love Boat.” Dramamine consumption will be high, even in calm waters.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=493239]Extemporanus[/re]: You’re back!

  • ella

    Rotten timing. I have to wash my hair that week.

  • Tommmcatt

    I hear Ellen has shapely, beautiful feet.

  • bureaucrap

    Unfortunately, my submarine’s in dry dock; even if it were ready to go, I already sold all the torpedos to china.

  • whiskey tango foxtrot

    Yikes. I don’t want to see these two in swim attire. I don’t wanna be around when these two get drunk and “cut loose”. http://www.coverbrowser.com/image/time/3843-1.jpg And this pic is from 1995!

  • Hooray For Anything

    They’re going to need a smaller boat

  • ManchuCandidate

    Some navy needs to do a live fire torpedo exercise.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Dick Morris is the gayest person I have ever seen. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

  • JMP

    [re=493249]Tommmcatt[/re]: That would’ve worked better if you got the name right; it’s not ellen, but Eileen. And I heard Dick and her went Toora Loora Toora Loora-aye; and they can sing just like their fathers.

    [re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: Egad; are you sure that’s his wife, and not Janet Reno as played by Will Ferrell?

  • Jim89048

    [re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: Which one’s the bottom, exactly?

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: Dayum. That sank my battleship.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I wonder if this is just a coincidence — probably, since cougars aren’t really the GOP’s mainstay.

  • S.Luggo

    Will there be hot and cold running prostitutes?

  • Escape Goat Nation

    Ah Yes, the GOP Miss Cleo for the dumbest of the dumb.
    Let’s take a hop into the way-back-machine and look at Toe Sucker’s fabulous prognostications.

    “‘Joe the Plumber’ Presents Winning Strategy for McCain”
    http://newsmax.com/Morris/joe-plumber-mccain/2008/10/20/id/326016

    “‘Undecideds’ Could Shift Toward McCain”
    http://newsmax.com/Morris/undecided-voters/2008/10/29/id/326225

    “Sarah Palin Is a Godsend for McCain”
    http://newsmax.com/Morris/sarah-palin-john-mccain/2008/09/02/id/325133

    “Sarah Palin — an American Margaret Thatcher”
    http://newsmax.com/Morris/sarah-palin-thatcher/2008/09/04/id/325184

    “Political Map Shows Huge Turn Toward McCain”
    http://newsmax.com/Morris/dick-morris-state-map/2008/09/19/id/325429

    These are but a few examples of Morris’ idiocy.
    Only Fox News will keep this stupid fucker employed.

  • bitchincamaro

    Did someone say “cockbomb”? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/8455116.stm

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: That’s a Man, Man!

  • magic titty

    [re=493237]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Ya know…you’re right.

  • Hedley Lamar

    I wonder if the ship will be one of those old Cleveland Steamers I keep hearing so much about?

  • Suds McKenzie

    Dick Morris, … they re going to need a bigger boat.

  • Escape Goat Nation

    Ah Yes, the GOP Miss Cleo for the dumbest of the dumb.
    Let’s take a hop into the way-back-machine and look at Toe Sucker’s fabulous prognostications.
    These are headlines from his NewsMax column.

    “‘Joe the Plumber’ Presents Winning Strategy for McCain”

    “‘Undecideds’ Could Shift Toward McCain”

    “Sarah Palin Is a Godsend for McCain”

    “Sarah Palin — an American Margaret Thatcher”

    “Political Map Shows Huge Turn Toward McCain”

    These are but a few examples of Morris’ idiocy.
    Only Fox News will keep this stupid fucker employed.

  • chascates

    Time to fight back with a Wonkette Cruise. But where to go? Up (or down) the Mississippi? The Potomac or Hudson? We can have our pictures taken with SKS’ Lil TruckNutz and be entertained by Riley but what would make the ideal Wonkette Cruise?

  • Tommmcatt

    [re=493259]JMP[/re]:

    Oh, you and your facts. Give me a break, I’m old and can barely see.

  • gurukalehuru

    Conservatives: Not just cruising airport restrooms any more.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=493277]chascates[/re]:
    I think the Wonkette cruise is a Swan paddle boat on the Potomac with Riley.

  • bfstevie

    [re=493277]chascates[/re]: I propose a cruise from Battery Park in Manhattan to St. Georges, Staten Island. And back. They only crash into the dock every forty years or so.

  • Guppy06

    The cruises are quite simple to explain: the ships are Honduran-flagged, and stocked with Honduran cabin boys.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=493280]Tommmcatt[/re]: Facts? I don’ got to show you no stinkin’ facts!

  • Snidely

    Any port in a sturm und drang.

  • UnattendedConsequence

    [re=493277]chascates[/re]: Appalachian Trail?

  • Extemporanus

    [re=493247]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: My WiFi reception sucks fucking coconuts.

    And I hate to be the one to break this to you, but Russ got himself a big black boyfriend.

    Sorry…

  • Extemporanus

    [re=493256]Hooray For Anything[/re]: TOYBOATTOYBOATTOYBOAT

  • Guppy06

    [re=493286]Guppy06[/re]: Nevermind, turns out the ships are Dutch-flagged. They’re in it for the legalized pot.

  • Cape Clod

    [re=493277]chascates[/re]: I say we appropriate the Mayflower II in Plymoth and take a very drunken sail across Cape Cod Bay to Provincetown. With any luck, we’ll strike a right whale on the way.

  • I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    [re=493259]JMP[/re]: “Egad; are you sure that’s his wife, and not Janet Reno as played by Will Ferrell?”

    I just shot twenty five cents worth of Diet Pepsi through my nostrils, thank you very much.

    Seriously though. I just don’t get how Repubs can so easily tap into the populism of the bitters and the poors and at the same time go on luxury cruises every other week. Doesn’t anyone put this together when some lump of armpit cheese like Dick Morris rails about how taxes hurt everyone and then invites those same people on a pleasure cruise.

  • S.Luggo

    The staterooms will be tastefully decorated: http://travel.webshots.com/photo/1109667856045001110sgXyfJ

  • Mr Blifil

    TOE SUCKING IN PARADISE!

  • BeWoot

    [re=493276]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: And Newsmax.

  • PrairiePossum

    Hmmm, how to spend my spring break. I could either spend a week with Dick Morris on a cruise ship or a week in North Dakota shoveling snow. Fargo, here I come!

  • BobTheBuilder

    [re=493255]whiskey tango foxtrot[/re]: I’m pretty sure that’s actually an overweight Tim Curry standing behind the Toefucker Dick.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Isn’t it clear? To engage in the deep depravity that is the only thing that brings them joy anymore, Conservatives must get into international waters.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    i wonder if its too late too book the surprise gay strippers on the boat…or hope for a posideon like adventure…

  • supernoun

    Fear and Loathing on the Conservative Cruise of Doom ‘010… if I start stockpiling drugs and alcohol now, I might be able to do it…

  • thesheriffisnear

    Ship of fools.

  • comicbookguy

    I don’t want to picture what a Wonkette Cruise would look like. I really don’t.

  • Crankenstank

    Is Dick bringing the hookers? Sign me up!!

  • rottenart

    [re=493264]S.Luggo[/re]: God help me for comparing the two, but I think it looks strikingly like Eddie Izzard in full on drag.

  • Long Form Def Certificate

    Yet more evil for which Bill Clinton is actually responsible for leaving to this successors.

    Dick Morris is fake cocaine runs to Mena, Vincent Foster “murder”, shady travel office firings, money-losing land-deals, & Oval Office trysts, times a quadrillion.

  • ordinaryperson

    Dick Morris married a shiksa? Eeenteresting.