prominent former presidents

George W. Bush Is Now Very Tragic Gun Clown


If you were considering skipping this year’s Safari Club International Annual Hunters’ Convention, starring our country’s first white president George W. Bush, ho ho ho, three words for you good sir: “Also Liz Cheney.”


This makes sense, as Liz Cheney is the actual human equivalent of the act of shooting an animal with a gun, for pleasure. But can someone please get W. the number of the speech wizards who managed to get Michael Steele $20,000-per-engagement?

(Taxidermy hat tip to “Tom G.”)

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner
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100 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    Is this a bunch of fat white guys sitting around in pith helmets?

    Liz Cheney is going to speak about hunting the most dangerous kind of game, an 70+ GOPer lawrat, and how to aim for the face.

  2. Texan Bulldoggette

    Wow, you’d think a former president would at least merit an Amway convention. This isn’t even the fucking NRA!

  3. JMP

    An armed Cheney in the same place as Bush. I’m wondering if our former actual President is afraid his former puppet/figurehead might slip and talk about some of the shit that really went on, and Liz is planning for an “accident” like daddy’s.

  4. WickedWitch

    Juli. You’re killing me. First Michael “I gotta song in my heart” Steele, now Bush and his goddam “intellect.” Can’t get any drinking done if I keep laughing this hard! (Plus, it would be a crime to spit out the Macallan.)

  5. Mr Blifil

    Well he was in Jerry Jones’ box at the football game, and now his favorite team gets to play in New Orleans. I hope he gets to go root them on! Yeah, Texas! Beat down them New Orleansers, make ‘em bleed, bring the pain, IT’S ALL IN GOOD FUN

  6. JMP

    [re=493064]The Cap’[/re]: It’s always a problem with the internet, that it’s hard to convey sarcasm in print. They should have used scare quotes: his “intellect” and “humor” will make… .

  7. FMA

    “Intellect”? Cognitive dissonance, anyone?
    This amused me because in my home state, Pennsyltucky, they call the prisons State Correctional Institutions — or SCI.

  8. snideinplainsight

    She most recently served as Principle Deputy Assistant Lieutenant Adjunct Associate Primary Chief Assistant Secretary of Near East Middle Eastern Affairs, before the current administration threw her out on her keister for not knowing anything and for being a slaveringly, dangerously deranged expert of foreign policy and everything else, in her own mind. It is an honor to present Liz Cheney, and the additional syllables of her first name, as keytard and condone her uniquely unprincipled and frighteningly unmoored conservativities, and to share firsthand (fap fap) her insights. Share the Legacy!

  9. JMP

    [re=493065]memzilla[/re]: That’s not true. The convention should include dinners and parties; there’s sure to be some black people waiting tables and tending bar.

  10. Guppy06

    [re=493065]memzilla[/re]: Then who plays safari guide? Who lugs the animal carcasses back to the jeep for the taxidermists?

  11. Lorax

    Liz Cheney was the “Principle Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs”…and she still is the keynoter ahead of GWB. I guess whoever has the longest title wins.

    At least he’ll be there for the auction.

  12. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=493069]V572625694[/re]: I know, right? There’s so much spelling and grammar fail in Liz’s write-up that English majors worldwide are slitting their wrists.

  13. snideinplainsight

    I really appreciate the creative way they have interpreted the calendar here. Information – Wednesday – Thursday – Sables – Friday – SCI-PAC – Saturday. Maybe they shot Monday and Tuesday?

  14. SayItWithWookies

    “His intellect and humor” — that means he’s going to tell the same “picking up Barney’s poop” anecdote that he’s told in his last four speeches, and he’ll attempt to pronounce Ahmadinejad correctly. In other words, this trick has a lower degree of difficulty than Meghan McCain’s latest tweet.

  15. magic titty

    “During two decades of working in the Middle East her knowledge about America’s role in the world and what lies ahead provides a front-row seat into key events in American politics today…”

    The grammar FAIL(s) here are just staggering. They should’ve just Twittered it.

  16. Gorillionaire

    I have hated Three Dog Night for my entire life. They are the most cynical corporate ready-made bullshit that ever existed. Now I feel justified.

  17. Also

    Why would I waste my money on this event when I can get all the “stupid” I need by tuning into Fox and Palin for free?

  18. Mahousu

    During two decades of working in the Middle East her knowledge about America’s role in the world and what lies ahead provides a front-row seat into key events into key events in American politics today …

    I love how the author of the Liz Cheney blurb evidently forgot what he was going to say halfway through the sentence and just started stringing words together.

  19. slappypaddy

    the purchase price to be “a part of history” has gotten way too low. not worth much more these days than a citibank mortgage-backed security maturing in 2047.

  20. SayItWithWookies

    Wow — attending the convention is half the cost of the teabagger convention. Go here and click on the “Click here for a printable registration form” (pdf). Seeing Dubya alone only costs $100 a pop, whereas Palin’s speech is what — $375? Either way, if it’s not in front of an international tribunal, it’s waaaay overpriced.

  21. El Pinche

    [re=493116]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “..if it’s not in front of an international tribunal, it’s waaaay overpriced.”

    werd.

  22. PickneyPinchback

    “His intellect and humor will make this a night to remember and share for years and years.”

    Ah, yes. We enjoyed his intellect and humor for eight long, long years. Unfortunately, we will remember it for years and years. Like a recurring nightmare.

  23. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    There are times when no amount of comedic machinations are needed to improve a situation. Where any comments made would only seek to lower the over all humor quotient of the source.

    “…intellect and humor…” Is just such a case. You can’t make it funnier than putting the Bush head behind it. You simply can’t.

  24. germansteel

    In a perverse way, I believe that part that says Bush’s intellect and humor will make this a night to remember for years and years.

  25. SayItWithWookies

    And where does Dubya get off with this cowboy reputation anyway? Has anyone ever seen him fire a gun, or even hold one? The guys’s afraid of horses, for crap’s sake, and owns a ranch with one cow on it — described as a pet. If he had spent as much time on shaping reality as he did on shaping his various elaborate facades, he might have a chance at being legit — as it is, he’s just a Connecticut Yankee in Judge Roy Bean’s court.

  26. Hooray For Anything

    Is “Near Eastern” an actual place, does it mean and are we talked about like Ohio which is near the East or does it mean she had her desk near “Eastern Affairs”?

  27. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=493129]germansteel[/re]: Agree – While Bush my have the intellect of Trig – it’s still an intellect. And while Bush may have all of the comedic impact of a runny dog turd, it’s still humor. Sadly, this pretty much explains of the aughts.

  28. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=493136]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: Hey, that mortage on his Dallas mansion isn’t going to pay itself.

  29. Lazy Media

    How much you want to bet that 90 percent of this club’s members have participated in a “safari” only by way of a canned hunt in Texas?

  30. Sharkey

    “Cheney is a former State Department official responsible for key elements of U.S. Policy in the Middle East.”
    The “key elements” being the ones where we bomb all the Muslims for their oil. Go Liz!

  31. smitallica

    How will Bush be able to appear at this little shindig when he’s in prison at the Hague for the war crimes he basically admitted to?

    Oh, wait.

  32. Mahousu

    [re=493139]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: For some reason, my wife had us go see them a couple of years ago. To answer your question, no.

  33. gurukalehuru

    I think it’s cute how, under Bush’s picture,they put “click for bio.” Are the people attending this event so stupid they don’t know his bio?

  34. Joey Ratz

    [re=493084]snideinplainsight[/re]: Her mucking around in US Middle Eastern policy would explain why it’s so fucked up. However, this looks just like the time when it turned out that Michael Brown had not been “assistant city manager in Oklahoma City” but rather “assistant to the city manager of OK City”.

    [re=493083]FMA[/re]: I thought the SCI was those ren-faire types. Or is that the SCA?

  35. edgydrifter

    [re=493153]Lazy Media[/re]: No, you’re thinking of the regular, run-of-the-mill NRA safari douchebags. SCI caters to guys who’ll gladly drop $50K to blow a crater in the side of a white rhino surrounded by a bunch of “porters” who avoid eye contact and say “bwana” a lot. And they use maps that still have “Rhodesia” marked on them.

  36. One Yield Regular

    It’s “Principal,” not “Principle.” No wonder these bozos are so willing to fork over gobs of money to be entertained by George W. Bush’s “intellect.”

  37. Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=493181]gurukalehuru[/re]: Years ago I was an employment counselor helping folks find jobs during Bush the Elder’s realm (yeah, think Carrying Coals to New Castle). Anyway, I was training a new hire and we were co-facilitating a resume writing workshop. She had copied some talking points and buzz words from a book on resumes. She was encouraging everyone to write a one page resume (she was right on this point) back up her assertion with, “Even the president has a one page resume”. To which one of the group participants said, “Well Duh! He’s the fucking president. He would just write, ‘George Bush – Motherfucking President’ on an index card and use that for a resume!”. Probably OT given this discussion, but your comment brought be back to that happier time.

  38. FlownOver

    [re=493065]memzilla[/re]: You’re also forgetting the afternoon “Most Dangerous Game” interactive shooting event.

  39. Prommie

    [re=493088]Guppy06[/re]: And surely there will be some pickaninnies, to warm the feet of those conventioneers suffering from gout or rhuemetism.

  40. rottenart

    I like his half-assed attempt at a smirk these days. It’s like he’s almost aware of what a ginormous cock-up he created. Notice the almost.

  41. rottenart

    Also, he wants to “talk openly”… ummm, can we maybe get him on tape and under oath with all that open talk?

  42. yellowdogdem

    [re=493095]magic titty[/re]: I have often thought that my knowledge deserved a front-row seat. Not me, mind you, just my knowledge.

  43. Cape Clod

    [re=493202]S.Luggo[/re]: I want to see a demonstration of the ED209 with Liz Cheney as the test subject.

  44. CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us

    [re=493094]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I would think he would want to work on pronouncing ‘nuclear’ first.

  45. Sparky McGruff

    [re=493090]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Hey, Real Murikans don’t need y’all’s stinkin’ grammar. Also.

  46. Oldskool

    When he read “His intellect and humor will make this a night to remember and share for years and years”, wonder if President Shithead threw one of his tantrums. “Even my goddamn sponsors are making fun of me??!! What the fuck?!”

  47. Balls!

    These people are big game hunters who grace my fine city every year. They have a lot of cash which they spread around at the local restaurants, so I’m sure Bush the Destroyer’s speaking fee is bigger the Steele’s. They’re mostly cave men with big guns. They aren’t really any worse than the vintage car assholes or bikers that also have big conventions here each year.

  48. JMP

    [re=493217]yellowdogdem[/re]: Who needs any reason to root for the Saints; the important thing is that one must always root against the Cowboys. Unless they ever play against the Patriots, then the best thing is to hope for a fortunate catastrophe to take out both teams.

  49. DangerousLiberal

    I never thought we’d see the word “intellect” in the same paragraph with “George W. Bush” unsupervised by the words “without any discernible.”

    It’s shit like this that makes me hate Bush more than Lieberman, again.

  50. bored with gravity

    [re=493108]Mahousu[/re]: It could benefit from an “also” or a few “you betchas.”

  51. Jukesgrrl

    [re=493059]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Is this a bunch of fat white guys sitting around in pith helmets?”

    I know some SCI members and the answer is yes. And MANY of them are lawyers, too.

  52. doxastic

    You know, of all the qualities/ experiences of her father that Liz Cheney has claimed for herself, this is probably both the most believable and the most ill-advised.

  53. BlueStateLibtard

    This is going to turn into one of those sad Hollywood Movies, where, desperate for attention, the failed hero accepts lower- and lower-status gigs, because he needs the money and the attention. Eventually he’ll wind up living in a trailer in New Jersey, working at the A&P, and being told by his doctor that for his health, he’s got to stop the speaking gigs.

  54. PlanetWingnuta

    sooooooooooooo any chance any youtube people want to record the people going in there and become famoous for exposing more dumb morans?

  55. Darkness

    [re=493397]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: I expect they will be confiscating cell phones at the door. They will, of course, let you take in your high-powered rifle.

  56. lochnessmonster

    Does Lynn get to bring one of Daddy’s shot guns for this event? I can think of a thousand better ways to spend a Saturday night! People REALLY go to stuff like this?

  57. CaliforniaMike

    [re=493093]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: For an extra 100,000, Liz will take off her wig and reveal herself as … DADDY.

  58. glamourdammerung

    [re=493438]Darkness[/re]: I somehow doubt they are going to let folks bring in guns to a Bush event, despite the fact the would probably be more than pleased to do so at an Obama one.

  59. Captain Swing

    A Bush and a Cheney. Did someone tell the buffoons behind these shindigs that they could get their dopes cheaper if they hired them in bulk?

Comments are closed.