PROMINENT FORMER PRESIDENTS  11:47 am January 12, 2010

George W. Bush Is Now Very Tragic Gun Clown

by Juli Weiner


If you were considering skipping this year’s Safari Club International Annual Hunters’ Convention, starring our country’s first white president George W. Bush, ho ho ho, three words for you good sir: “Also Liz Cheney.”


This makes sense, as Liz Cheney is the actual human equivalent of the act of shooting an animal with a gun, for pleasure. But can someone please get W. the number of the speech wizards who managed to get Michael Steele $20,000-per-engagement?

(Taxidermy hat tip to “Tom G.”)

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 100 comments }

Carrie_Okie January 12, 2010 at 11:49 am

Cheney with a shotgun or GTFO!

ManchuCandidate January 12, 2010 at 11:51 am

Is this a bunch of fat white guys sitting around in pith helmets?

Liz Cheney is going to speak about hunting the most dangerous kind of game, an 70+ GOPer lawrat, and how to aim for the face.

Texan Bulldoggette January 12, 2010 at 11:52 am

Wow, you’d think a former president would at least merit an Amway convention. This isn’t even the fucking NRA!

boyhowdy January 12, 2010 at 11:52 am

Looks like Bush has gotten another tasteful blond highlights job on his hair again.

The Cap' January 12, 2010 at 11:53 am

“His intellect and humor will make this a night
to remember and share for years and years.”

memzilla January 12, 2010 at 11:54 am

Guaranteed, the attendance of this event by black people will equal zero.

freakishlystrong January 12, 2010 at 11:54 am

I’m not sure which is more monstrous; a Bush and a Cheney together, or the Bold N’ Fresh assclown rodeo. Either way, wrrrrreetch.

V572625694 January 12, 2010 at 11:55 am

“Principle” Deputy Assistant Under Secretary’s Deputy’s go-fer?

JMP January 12, 2010 at 11:55 am

An armed Cheney in the same place as Bush. I’m wondering if our former actual President is afraid his former puppet/figurehead might slip and talk about some of the shit that really went on, and Liz is planning for an “accident” like daddy’s.

WickedWitch January 12, 2010 at 11:56 am

Juli. You’re killing me. First Michael “I gotta song in my heart” Steele, now Bush and his goddam “intellect.” Can’t get any drinking done if I keep laughing this hard! (Plus, it would be a crime to spit out the Macallan.)

Mr Blifil January 12, 2010 at 11:57 am

Well he was in Jerry Jones’ box at the football game, and now his favorite team gets to play in New Orleans. I hope he gets to go root them on! Yeah, Texas! Beat down them New Orleansers, make ‘em bleed, bring the pain, IT’S ALL IN GOOD FUN

JMP January 12, 2010 at 11:59 am

[re=493064]The Cap’[/re]: It’s always a problem with the internet, that it’s hard to convey sarcasm in print. They should have used scare quotes: his “intellect” and “humor” will make… .

El Pinche January 12, 2010 at 11:59 am

Any Cheney + guns = good times

FMA January 12, 2010 at 12:00 pm

“Intellect”? Cognitive dissonance, anyone?
This amused me because in my home state, Pennsyltucky, they call the prisons State Correctional Institutions — or SCI.

snideinplainsight January 12, 2010 at 12:01 pm

She most recently served as Principle Deputy Assistant Lieutenant Adjunct Associate Primary Chief Assistant Secretary of Near East Middle Eastern Affairs, before the current administration threw her out on her keister for not knowing anything and for being a slaveringly, dangerously deranged expert of foreign policy and everything else, in her own mind. It is an honor to present Liz Cheney, and the additional syllables of her first name, as keytard and condone her uniquely unprincipled and frighteningly unmoored conservativities, and to share firsthand (fap fap) her insights. Share the Legacy!

TGY January 12, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Well, it’s true he bagged a lot of Iraqis.

JMP January 12, 2010 at 12:02 pm

[re=493065]memzilla[/re]: That’s not true. The convention should include dinners and parties; there’s sure to be some black people waiting tables and tending bar.

Guppy06 January 12, 2010 at 12:03 pm

[re=493065]memzilla[/re]: Then who plays safari guide? Who lugs the animal carcasses back to the jeep for the taxidermists?

Lorax January 12, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Liz Cheney was the “Principle Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs”…and she still is the keynoter ahead of GWB. I guess whoever has the longest title wins.

At least he’ll be there for the auction.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 12, 2010 at 12:04 pm

[re=493069]V572625694[/re]: I know, right? There’s so much spelling and grammar fail in Liz’s write-up that English majors worldwide are slitting their wrists.

snideinplainsight January 12, 2010 at 12:04 pm

I really appreciate the creative way they have interpreted the calendar here. Information – Wednesday – Thursday – Sables – Friday – SCI-PAC – Saturday. Maybe they shot Monday and Tuesday?

Hopey dont play that game January 12, 2010 at 12:05 pm

For an extra 1,000 Liz Cheney will shoot you in the face.

SayItWithWookies January 12, 2010 at 12:05 pm

“His intellect and humor” — that means he’s going to tell the same “picking up Barney’s poop” anecdote that he’s told in his last four speeches, and he’ll attempt to pronounce Ahmadinejad correctly. In other words, this trick has a lower degree of difficulty than Meghan McCain’s latest tweet.

magic titty January 12, 2010 at 12:05 pm

“During two decades of working in the Middle East her knowledge about America’s role in the world and what lies ahead provides a front-row seat into key events in American politics today…”

The grammar FAIL(s) here are just staggering. They should’ve just Twittered it.

Gorillionaire January 12, 2010 at 12:06 pm

I have hated Three Dog Night for my entire life. They are the most cynical corporate ready-made bullshit that ever existed. Now I feel justified.

southern mark smith January 12, 2010 at 12:06 pm

[re=493056]Carrie_Okie[/re]: Here you go.

Also January 12, 2010 at 12:07 pm

Why would I waste my money on this event when I can get all the “stupid” I need by tuning into Fox and Palin for free?

GIJoeIce January 12, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Is this anything like the Super Adventure Club?

Monsieur Grumpe January 12, 2010 at 12:14 pm

It looks like Laura has kicked W out of the house. He must have run out of brush to clear.

Mahousu January 12, 2010 at 12:16 pm

During two decades of working in the Middle East her knowledge about America’s role in the world and what lies ahead provides a front-row seat into key events into key events in American politics today …

I love how the author of the Liz Cheney blurb evidently forgot what he was going to say halfway through the sentence and just started stringing words together.

slappypaddy January 12, 2010 at 12:19 pm

the purchase price to be “a part of history” has gotten way too low. not worth much more these days than a citibank mortgage-backed security maturing in 2047.

TonstantWeader January 12, 2010 at 12:20 pm

“Share the Legacy”, indeed.

boyhowdy January 12, 2010 at 12:21 pm

[re=493108]Mahousu[/re]: Hey, it was done deliberately to appeal to a target audience.

El Pinche January 12, 2010 at 12:22 pm

[re=493098]Gorillionaire[/re]: No Tony Orlando, Ray Stevens ? What kind RINO shit is this?

SayItWithWookies January 12, 2010 at 12:23 pm

Wow — attending the convention is half the cost of the teabagger convention. Go here and click on the “Click here for a printable registration form” (pdf). Seeing Dubya alone only costs $100 a pop, whereas Palin’s speech is what — $375? Either way, if it’s not in front of an international tribunal, it’s waaaay overpriced.

El Pinche January 12, 2010 at 12:26 pm

[re=493116]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “..if it’s not in front of an international tribunal, it’s waaaay overpriced.”

werd.

proudgrampa January 12, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Wow. Just…wow.

PickneyPinchback January 12, 2010 at 12:26 pm

“His intellect and humor will make this a night to remember and share for years and years.”

Ah, yes. We enjoyed his intellect and humor for eight long, long years. Unfortunately, we will remember it for years and years. Like a recurring nightmare.

FMA January 12, 2010 at 12:27 pm

[re=493108]Mahousu[/re]: They’re apparently trying to pander to the Palin crowd.

Redhead January 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm

“His intellect and humor will make this a night to remember and share for years and years.”

Needs one of these: http://02d9656.netsoljsp.com/SarcMark/modules/user/commonfiles/loadhome.do

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 12, 2010 at 12:37 pm

There are times when no amount of comedic machinations are needed to improve a situation. Where any comments made would only seek to lower the over all humor quotient of the source.

“…intellect and humor…” Is just such a case. You can’t make it funnier than putting the Bush head behind it. You simply can’t.

germansteel January 12, 2010 at 12:38 pm

In a perverse way, I believe that part that says Bush’s intellect and humor will make this a night to remember for years and years.

Tommmcatt January 12, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Wait, the “near east” is Detroit, right?

BlueStateLibtard January 12, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Wow, Bush must really need work.

SayItWithWookies January 12, 2010 at 12:45 pm

And where does Dubya get off with this cowboy reputation anyway? Has anyone ever seen him fire a gun, or even hold one? The guys’s afraid of horses, for crap’s sake, and owns a ranch with one cow on it — described as a pet. If he had spent as much time on shaping reality as he did on shaping his various elaborate facades, he might have a chance at being legit — as it is, he’s just a Connecticut Yankee in Judge Roy Bean’s court.

Hooray For Anything January 12, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Is “Near Eastern” an actual place, does it mean and are we talked about like Ohio which is near the East or does it mean she had her desk near “Eastern Affairs”?

Dashboard_Buddha January 12, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Three Dog fucking Night? Are those guys even alive?

Dashboard_Buddha January 12, 2010 at 12:48 pm

[re=493129]germansteel[/re]: Agree – While Bush my have the intellect of Trig – it’s still an intellect. And while Bush may have all of the comedic impact of a runny dog turd, it’s still humor. Sadly, this pretty much explains of the aughts.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 12, 2010 at 12:51 pm

[re=493136]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: Hey, that mortage on his Dallas mansion isn’t going to pay itself.

TGY January 12, 2010 at 12:54 pm

[re=493137]SayItWithWookies[/re]: This is what’s known as a ‘dud ranch’.

Lazy Media January 12, 2010 at 12:56 pm

How much you want to bet that 90 percent of this club’s members have participated in a “safari” only by way of a canned hunt in Texas?

Sharkey January 12, 2010 at 12:56 pm

“Cheney is a former State Department official responsible for key elements of U.S. Policy in the Middle East.”
The “key elements” being the ones where we bomb all the Muslims for their oil. Go Liz!

Lazy Media January 12, 2010 at 12:59 pm

[re=493102]GIJoeIce[/re]: Yes, if by “like,” you mean “exactly identical to.”

Manos: Hands of Fate January 12, 2010 at 1:03 pm

“President Chimpy McSmikrster I presume.”

smitallica January 12, 2010 at 1:17 pm

How will Bush be able to appear at this little shindig when he’s in prison at the Hague for the war crimes he basically admitted to?

Oh, wait.

bitchincamaro January 12, 2010 at 1:17 pm

I hope this is a Saturday Night Special that goes off as planned.

Escape Goat Nation January 12, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Tickets are still available for Papa Doo Run Run

Mahousu January 12, 2010 at 1:19 pm

[re=493139]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: For some reason, my wife had us go see them a couple of years ago. To answer your question, no.

gurukalehuru January 12, 2010 at 1:22 pm

I think it’s cute how, under Bush’s picture,they put “click for bio.” Are the people attending this event so stupid they don’t know his bio?

proudgrampa January 12, 2010 at 1:27 pm

[re=493177]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: I used to LOVE those guys!

Joey Ratz January 12, 2010 at 1:32 pm

[re=493084]snideinplainsight[/re]: Her mucking around in US Middle Eastern policy would explain why it’s so fucked up. However, this looks just like the time when it turned out that Michael Brown had not been “assistant city manager in Oklahoma City” but rather “assistant to the city manager of OK City”.

[re=493083]FMA[/re]: I thought the SCI was those ren-faire types. Or is that the SCA?

edgydrifter January 12, 2010 at 1:41 pm

[re=493153]Lazy Media[/re]: No, you’re thinking of the regular, run-of-the-mill NRA safari douchebags. SCI caters to guys who’ll gladly drop $50K to blow a crater in the side of a white rhino surrounded by a bunch of “porters” who avoid eye contact and say “bwana” a lot. And they use maps that still have “Rhodesia” marked on them.

ttommyunger January 12, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Laura, Condi and now Liz. Has this man ever gone for a WET hump?

S.Luggo January 12, 2010 at 1:47 pm

I want to see a demonstration of the ED-209.

One Yield Regular January 12, 2010 at 1:47 pm

It’s “Principal,” not “Principle.” No wonder these bozos are so willing to fork over gobs of money to be entertained by George W. Bush’s “intellect.”

Prommie January 12, 2010 at 1:47 pm

[re=493098]Gorillionaire[/re]: Wha? Is Eli coming or something?

Dashboard_Buddha January 12, 2010 at 1:48 pm

[re=493181]gurukalehuru[/re]: Years ago I was an employment counselor helping folks find jobs during Bush the Elder’s realm (yeah, think Carrying Coals to New Castle). Anyway, I was training a new hire and we were co-facilitating a resume writing workshop. She had copied some talking points and buzz words from a book on resumes. She was encouraging everyone to write a one page resume (she was right on this point) back up her assertion with, “Even the president has a one page resume”. To which one of the group participants said, “Well Duh! He’s the fucking president. He would just write, ‘George Bush – Motherfucking President’ on an index card and use that for a resume!”. Probably OT given this discussion, but your comment brought be back to that happier time.

FlownOver January 12, 2010 at 1:51 pm

[re=493065]memzilla[/re]: You’re also forgetting the afternoon “Most Dangerous Game” interactive shooting event.

Prommie January 12, 2010 at 1:52 pm

[re=493088]Guppy06[/re]: And surely there will be some pickaninnies, to warm the feet of those conventioneers suffering from gout or rhuemetism.

rottenart January 12, 2010 at 1:53 pm

I like his half-assed attempt at a smirk these days. It’s like he’s almost aware of what a ginormous cock-up he created. Notice the almost.

rottenart January 12, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Also, he wants to “talk openly”… ummm, can we maybe get him on tape and under oath with all that open talk?

yellowdogdem January 12, 2010 at 1:56 pm

[re=493073]Mr Blifil[/re]: another good reason to root for the Saints.

yellowdogdem January 12, 2010 at 1:59 pm

[re=493095]magic titty[/re]: I have often thought that my knowledge deserved a front-row seat. Not me, mind you, just my knowledge.

chascates January 12, 2010 at 2:02 pm

When you think of our success in the Middle East think Liz Cheney.

FMA January 12, 2010 at 2:02 pm

[re=493129]germansteel[/re]: Sort of like Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

Cape Clod January 12, 2010 at 2:03 pm

[re=493202]S.Luggo[/re]: I want to see a demonstration of the ED209 with Liz Cheney as the test subject.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 12, 2010 at 2:04 pm

[re=493094]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I would think he would want to work on pronouncing ‘nuclear’ first.

Sparky McGruff January 12, 2010 at 2:05 pm

[re=493090]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Hey, Real Murikans don’t need y’all’s stinkin’ grammar. Also.

Oldskool January 12, 2010 at 2:05 pm

When he read “His intellect and humor will make this a night to remember and share for years and years”, wonder if President Shithead threw one of his tantrums. “Even my goddamn sponsors are making fun of me??!! What the fuck?!”

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 12, 2010 at 2:08 pm

[re=493073]Mr Blifil[/re]: “KA-TRI-NA!! KA-TRI-NA!! KA-TRI-NA!!”

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us January 12, 2010 at 2:10 pm

[re=493196]ttommyunger[/re]: He wet-humpped America pretty good.

Balls! January 12, 2010 at 2:17 pm

[re=493087]JMP[/re]: Here in Reno our black people are actually Mexican.

Balls! January 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm

These people are big game hunters who grace my fine city every year. They have a lot of cash which they spread around at the local restaurants, so I’m sure Bush the Destroyer’s speaking fee is bigger the Steele’s. They’re mostly cave men with big guns. They aren’t really any worse than the vintage car assholes or bikers that also have big conventions here each year.

JMP January 12, 2010 at 2:24 pm

[re=493217]yellowdogdem[/re]: Who needs any reason to root for the Saints; the important thing is that one must always root against the Cowboys. Unless they ever play against the Patriots, then the best thing is to hope for a fortunate catastrophe to take out both teams.

DangerousLiberal January 12, 2010 at 2:41 pm

I never thought we’d see the word “intellect” in the same paragraph with “George W. Bush” unsupervised by the words “without any discernible.”

It’s shit like this that makes me hate Bush more than Lieberman, again.

Suds McKenzie January 12, 2010 at 2:45 pm

Is Liz at The Olive Garden?

drftjgoj January 12, 2010 at 2:51 pm

[re=493059]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Isn’t that the Super Adventure Club?

bored with gravity January 12, 2010 at 2:53 pm

[re=493108]Mahousu[/re]: It could benefit from an “also” or a few “you betchas.”

Jukesgrrl January 12, 2010 at 3:05 pm

[re=493059]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Is this a bunch of fat white guys sitting around in pith helmets?”

I know some SCI members and the answer is yes. And MANY of them are lawyers, too.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO January 12, 2010 at 3:08 pm

So… how’s that coffer fillin’ goin’ George?

doxastic January 12, 2010 at 3:23 pm

You know, of all the qualities/ experiences of her father that Liz Cheney has claimed for herself, this is probably both the most believable and the most ill-advised.

BlueStateLibtard January 12, 2010 at 3:37 pm

This is going to turn into one of those sad Hollywood Movies, where, desperate for attention, the failed hero accepts lower- and lower-status gigs, because he needs the money and the attention. Eventually he’ll wind up living in a trailer in New Jersey, working at the A&P, and being told by his doctor that for his health, he’s got to stop the speaking gigs.

PlanetWingnuta January 12, 2010 at 3:52 pm

sooooooooooooo any chance any youtube people want to record the people going in there and become famoous for exposing more dumb morans?

Darkness January 12, 2010 at 4:29 pm

[re=493397]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: I expect they will be confiscating cell phones at the door. They will, of course, let you take in your high-powered rifle.

Radiotherapy January 12, 2010 at 4:54 pm
lochnessmonster January 12, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Does Lynn get to bring one of Daddy’s shot guns for this event? I can think of a thousand better ways to spend a Saturday night! People REALLY go to stuff like this?

CaliforniaMike January 12, 2010 at 5:30 pm

[re=493093]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: For an extra 100,000, Liz will take off her wig and reveal herself as … DADDY.

glamourdammerung January 12, 2010 at 5:39 pm

[re=493438]Darkness[/re]: I somehow doubt they are going to let folks bring in guns to a Bush event, despite the fact the would probably be more than pleased to do so at an Obama one.

Minnie Mean January 12, 2010 at 7:21 pm

Wabbit Season! Duck Season! Fire!!!!!!

Captain Swing January 13, 2010 at 6:52 am

A Bush and a Cheney. Did someone tell the buffoons behind these shindigs that they could get their dopes cheaper if they hired them in bulk?

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: