rumors on the internets

Today Marks The Day Rush Limbaugh Squirmed Out Of Mrs. Limbaugh, And Into Our Hearts And Minds

  • David Rees knows that you tentatively plan on touching yourself every time you see Sarah Palin on Fox News. David Rees, always judging! [True/Slant: David Rees]
  • Do not even think about inviting Roger Ailes to your kegger, unless you want to get punched in the dick, as is his wont. [The Plank]
  • The majority of law school graduates will never enter law/pay off their student loans, and as such, most experts agree they should be harvested for their tender meat. [Matt Yglesias]
  • HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUSH LIMBAUGH! Tonight we snort our Oxycontin in honor of you. [RedState]
  • Lou Dobbs stars as himself in the critically-acclaimed The Last Birther. [Think Progress]

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Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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36 comments

  1. Hooray For Anything

    The Yglesias story is one the few stories in the past year or so that brought a smile to my face. Nothing like a little schadenfreude to brighten your day, especially if it involves lawyers

  2. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Fuck, why did I click on the RedState link? Now I feel like I’ve just watched a pack of rabid hyenas spontaneously ejaculate in unison.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    I wouldn’t want Roger Ailes at my party anyway. That fat fuck would hoover down all the goddamned food and drink all the beer.

  4. JMP

    Happy birthday, Rush; may it be your last!

    So, Lou thinks “the extreme left” is creating toxicity by criticizing the insane, debunked conspiracy theories of the actual far right. Yeah, that’s all the left’s fault; have fun in crazyland.

  5. SmutBoffin

    “I’d tell you what he’s getting from RedState, but then that would give the surprise away.”

    Does it involve Erick O’Erick in a cake of some kind? Ew.

  6. Extemporanus

    [re=493400]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Ohhh, now I get it.

    Rush isn’t married, he just likes to fuck his dead mother once a year.

  7. Prommie

    That giant bag of pus was not born, he was squeezed out like the contents of a giant pimple and then ran down the bathroom mirror.

  8. Diana Davies

    I don’t have any cocaine to snort in honor of Rush Limbaugh’s birthday. Can I just have chest pains and pop a few oxy’s instead?

  9. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=493409]SmutBoffin[/re]: I hope its a big bag of cocaine laced with a little cyanide.

    Or more to the point, a big bag of cyanide laced with a little cocaine. Either way, Rush, happy b-day and snort it up! Good for the ol’ ticker.

  10. Ducksworthy

    [re=493447]republicanblack[/re]: “But, Sarah will disappoint all her fans when they realize that Sarah is not as concerned about winning the White House or the Republican party as she is about making money – as much money as she can.”

    I don’t see how being screwed by Sarah for money will disappoint the dupes. They’ve been with the Republican Partee for 50 plus years and have never got nothin’ but abuse. They may be ready to break from the wall street/country club GOP and follow Sarah and the baggers, but they won’t figure out they’ve been had again for several generations.

  11. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=493440]SmutBoffin[/re]: Hell, forget the oxy. Just straight Clorox. Or better yet, Drano Max.

  12. comicbookguy

    [re=493478]Ducksworthy[/re]: They’ll break with the country club GOP and follow Sarah, at $549 a pop, until she’s rich enough to join the country club herself. And the circle is complete. Also.

  13. CaliforniaMike

    [re=493405]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Read those comments on Red State. Rush hasn’t had his dick sucked this many times in this entire life.

  14. comicbookguy

    Sarah’s newly-hired PR firm (Baby Stretched My Pussy, LLC) is already proving to be worth the suspiciously exorbitant fees.

  15. comicbookguy

    [re=493499]CaliforniaMike[/re]: Those comments on redstate are priceless. Go figure, lots of home schooling and “everything I learned about politics and the world I learned from you Rush!” He’s getting the royal tea bag treatment there.

  16. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=493499]CaliforniaMike[/re]: I especially love the ones that have some permutation of “Thank God for you, Rush,” when you know that God is upstairs going, “Oh no, leave me out of this, motherfuckers.”

  17. Aurelio

    But at the same time a “continual flood of graduates” that “only suppresses wages” actually does a lot more than suppress wages, it reduces the cost of legal advice.

    I have not noticed this. All the shysters I know charge $200-250 per hour, and that is considered cheap. The overabundance of lawyers does not make their hourly rates cheaper. It just means they work less hours. “Cheaper” is not a concept comprehensible to the legal mind, which can only grasp “more expensive.”

  18. Radiotherapy

    Lamebo got his b’day present in the guise of Reid’s clumsy comments. That allowed him to make petty “puff the magic Negro” and “light-skinned” jokes for a few days unfettered. Further, he could play his other schtick, the “poor Rush, the victim”, “I am not a racist, libs and coloreds are the racists/ see Donovan McNabb”.
    What this pompous, bombastic POC needs is a mirror.

  19. Jimmy'

    “One day in September of 1988 my dad told me “you gotta hear this guy, he tells it how it is”, I haven’t looked at politics or life the same since.
    Thank you Rush and God Bless You!”

    Yes Rush, thanks loads. Asshat.

  20. Jimmy'

    donner_froh: Since the departure of all the real ‘merkins the tent has shrunk a bit and left only enough fabric for Big Rog to fashion a “comfortable with my body” speedo…

  21. comicbookguy

    “Without you, Rush, this country would be a communist hellhole.”

    You mean it’s not?! I have been totally misinterpreting redstate for at least the past year.

  22. PerhapsSo

    I do practice law, and my meat is likely not so tender, but I will never pay off my loans. So, one for three.

  23. CanadianBacon

    I have never read redstate before today. I now understand why these people are so impressed with Sarah and Rush after reading this compliment ” What I wouldn’t give for the half of your brain you keep tied behind your back!”
    Of course this makes me wonder if he would still be a conservative if he had an entire brain in his head?

  24. Leftie Lucy

    [re=493591]PerhapsSo[/re]: I have a law degree but my law school career services office would condescendingly call my job an “alternative career.” I won’t ever pay my loans and I’m tender and juicy, but at least the hungry lawyer-eaters don’t know where to find me.

  25. lawrenceofthedesert

    Good to hear from the man himself that Roger isn’t just against journalism, but in fact completely antisocial. That’s the target market for Fox News, isn’t it?

  26. Lascauxcaveman

    @ Jimmy’ – I had a guy say pretty much the same thing about Rush to me at just about the same time, and so I gave the Rush show a listen, and my subjective response at the time (I was a Libertarian kid from a conservative family) was: about 1/3 of what he said is COMPLETE bullshit, another 1/3 of what he says is half true (or at least debatable), and the other 1/3 is actually true, which makes him all that more dangerous.

    I think it was the first time in my life I realized there are actually people out there who have a full-time well-paid job of attempting to deceive and manipulate simple minded guys like me.

    So I’ll have to give ol’ Rush some credit in my metamorphosis into a truly cynical Libtard, which is def my comfort zone.

  27. PerhapsSo

    [re=493631]Leftie Lucy[/re]: That’s very stealth of you. At least when the lawyer-eaters come to my office, we have people with guns who will probably protect us. Probably.

Comments are closed.