attention whores

Blago Is Blacker Than Obama, Because His Father Owned A Laundromat

That's not racial transcendence!Rod Blagojevich, the Elvis impersonator and Skyped-in reality TV star who became the most trenchant racial humorist since Richard Pryor, made a very bold statement the other day! He said that he was “blacker than Barack Obama,” which greatly offended the nation’s first black president (Bill Clinton).

It’s been a few months since Blagojevich made it out of the “Police Beat” section of the Chicago papers, and Harry Reid can’t have all the fun when it comes to making awkward racial remarks! So:

Ousted Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich says he’s “blacker than Barack Obama” and tells Esquire magazine that he was a real person in a political arena dominated by phonies.

Blagojevich, referring to the president as “this guy,” says Obama was elected based simply on hope.

“What the (expletive)? Everything he’s saying’s on the teleprompter,” Blagojevich told the magazine for a story in its February issue, which hits newsstands Jan. 19.

“I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived,” Blagojevich said. “I saw it all growing up.”

The White House refused to comment.

It will be so fantastic when he gets his own teevee show where he plays a kind of wild cop with a good heart but an unfortunate tendency to say racisty things, and Michael Steele plays his straight-arrow partner who just rolls his eyes every time Blagojevich says “badonkadonk.”

In interview, Blagojevich claims he’s ‘blacker’ than Obama, persecuted by law enforcement [AP]

About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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  1. Texan Bulldoggette

    Ummmm….Rod, a 5-room apartment is a pretty good pad. If you want to play the ‘poor kid who had to walk 5 miles to school with no shoes’, you need to downsize the apt.

  2. bfstevie

    SKS comes up with the BEST TEEVEE SHOW CONCEPT EVER! But will it be scripted, or a reality show? And if it’s a reality show, how will they add the two necessary ingredients for every reality show– welding and midgets?

  3. Whitey Did Katrina

    Why would Michael Steele roll his eyes at anyone’s use of antiquated, awkward, or offesnive slang? Isn’t Blago exactly the type of black youngster who he is trying to “hookup” with his “fly lingo” “on the DL” “24/7″?

  4. magic titty

    [re=492123]Fox News Light[/re]: Pfft. Hell no. Wonkette is the Muhammad Speaks of the Internet.

  5. JMP

    Ooh, a teleprompter joke – Blago, when you’re reduced to repeating bullshit right-wing memes, you’ve truly jumped the shark.

  6. FMA

    Can’t wait for his stand-up routine: “See, black guys solicit bribes like this. And white guys solicit bribes like this. Am I right?”

  7. Holy Cow!!

    ‘Fish don’t fry in the kitchen;
    Beans don’t burn on the grill.
    Took a whole lotta tryin’ just to get up that hill.’

    He’s a real George Jefferson.

  8. JMP

    His new excuse, that he was targeted for being “too real”, is even funnier than his earlier assertion that the (Dem-controlled) legislature went after him for supporting the little guy.

    No, just like the ethics investigations Sarah Palin, it was for actual crimes & abuses of power.

  9. Ducksworthy

    Now here is a racist statement if, as is readily apparent, it is predicated on the idea that being a moronic corrupt dipshit is an indicator of being “black”. Since he appointed Roland Burris to the Senate he must have thought that Burris met his definition of “black”.

  10. ManchuCandidate

    Rod don’t get stuck in slammer;
    Bribes don’t last long for thrills.
    Took a whole lotta tryin’,
    Just to get up that hill.
    Now we’re up on the TV,
    Gettin’ our turn at bat.
    As long as we live, it’s you and me Donald,
    There ain’t nothin wrong with that.

  11. freakishlystrong

    Sigh..”this guy”. Blaggo, no self respecting black man would be caught dead with that hair.

  12. Gopherit

    It’s hard out there for a pimp, Rod. Maybe the Muslim Brotherhood will take you in when the Aryan nation tries to shank you in prison.

  13. eclecticbrotha

    “Blagojevich” is Serbian for “fair-skinned black who speaks without Negro dialect?” Who knew?

  14. ivenson

    I’m so black that I use “black” and “poor” as synonyms. And I’m so poor that I grew up in a pretty large apartment and my father owned his own business. You know, like the blacks do.

  15. ivenson

    I try to make my statements
    Stick like flypaper
    Judge says to me yo blago sign these goddamn papers
    My boss told me yo blago you’re fired
    Yo niga this, yo blago that
    I know you’re a blago now ’cause your head got fat
    Flava framalama boy you won’t figure
    I don’t wanna be called yo blago
    Yo blago
    Break it down

    (With apologies to Mrs D and Flav. Remember, the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11th, 2001 are a joke in your town.)

  16. S.Luggo

    Birth certificate?

    Each evening, Blago sings himself to sleep with, “Nobody knows the trouble I see’ed.” — That will go over well at the SuperMax, Rod.

  17. Aquannissiwamissoo

    Rod Blagojevich is the Tyne Daly of “Dirty Harry: Magnum Force.”

    Obama, of course, is Scorpio.

  18. HuddledMass

    [re=492195]chaste everywhere[/re]: “Black neighborhoods have laundromats? Why?”

    And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

  19. mumblyjoe

    [re=492214]An Outhouse[/re]: but, on the other hand, shoe shine. So, that would make Blago half-chinese, half-black.

    Therefore, I submit the argument that he’s really complaining that he’s not getting as much cocktain watress and/or porn star tail as Tiger Woods. BTW, is it still racist that one charismatic Halfrican-American reminds me of the other, just like it was back when we first heard of Woods’ rakish exploits?

  20. hockeymom

    Why are people like Blago and DeLay walking about and shooting TV shows, instead of being in prison like the rest of the criminals?

  21. chaste everywhere

    [re=492249]HuddledMass[/re]: Er, um. Crappy attempt at Guess-I’m-a-Racist “humor” is what the fuck it’s supposed to “mean.” Even so and howsoever, in the interests of party unity and in order to spend more time with family, I respectfully submit my resignation.

  22. yargisbargis

    [re=492141]Holy Cow!![/re]: [re=492134]norbizness[/re]: Obligatory Goerge Jeffersonjoke: Of course you know this means Obama is Harry Bentley.

  23. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=492278]chaste everywhere[/re]: Heh, that was quick. You’re supposed to stick around for awhile, issuing many, many weasel-mouthed non-denial denials through the media circus, thereby raising the embarrassment level to the point where your family doesn’t really want to spend more time with you, and then resign.

    That’s how it’s done.

  24. Aquannissiwamissoo

    i could say, “No tickee, no seatee”

    but that would be horribly racist and not funnee.

  25. problemwithcaring

    No, no. After you have been indicted by a federal grand jury on 16 counts is NOT the time to start bragging about your secret Blackness.

  26. chaste everywhere

    [re=492343]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=492354]Gopherit[/re]: True ‘nuf, but that’s also how ballplayers “retire” nowadays, and I just couldn’t put my family through that.

    ‘s been grand, though. Keep ‘em flyin’, cats and kitties . . .

  27. WIDTAP

    [re=492214]An Outhouse[/re]: Or perhaps it was a reference to having louder shirts, which would make him more Hawaiian than Obama.

  28. JooJoo Bee

    [re=492121]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Maybe he was counting closets and kitchen cupboards as rooms. And probably selling timeshares on them.

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