ATTENTION WHORES  9:45 am January 11, 2010

Blago Is Blacker Than Obama, Because His Father Owned A Laundromat

by Sara K. Smith

That's not racial transcendence!Rod Blagojevich, the Elvis impersonator and Skyped-in reality TV star who became the most trenchant racial humorist since Richard Pryor, made a very bold statement the other day! He said that he was “blacker than Barack Obama,” which greatly offended the nation’s first black president (Bill Clinton).

It’s been a few months since Blagojevich made it out of the “Police Beat” section of the Chicago papers, and Harry Reid can’t have all the fun when it comes to making awkward racial remarks! So:

Ousted Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich says he’s “blacker than Barack Obama” and tells Esquire magazine that he was a real person in a political arena dominated by phonies.

Blagojevich, referring to the president as “this guy,” says Obama was elected based simply on hope.

“What the (expletive)? Everything he’s saying’s on the teleprompter,” Blagojevich told the magazine for a story in its February issue, which hits newsstands Jan. 19.

“I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived,” Blagojevich said. “I saw it all growing up.”

The White House refused to comment.

It will be so fantastic when he gets his own teevee show where he plays a kind of wild cop with a good heart but an unfortunate tendency to say racisty things, and Michael Steele plays his straight-arrow partner who just rolls his eyes every time Blagojevich says “badonkadonk.”

In interview, Blagojevich claims he’s ‘blacker’ than Obama, persecuted by law enforcement [AP]

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Texan Bulldoggette January 11, 2010 at 9:49 am

Ummmm….Rod, a 5-room apartment is a pretty good pad. If you want to play the ‘poor kid who had to walk 5 miles to school with no shoes’, you need to downsize the apt.

bfstevie January 11, 2010 at 9:50 am

SKS comes up with the BEST TEEVEE SHOW CONCEPT EVER! But will it be scripted, or a reality show? And if it’s a reality show, how will they add the two necessary ingredients for every reality show– welding and midgets?

Fox News Light January 11, 2010 at 9:50 am

I read Wonkette..does that make me white??

Whitey Did Katrina January 11, 2010 at 9:50 am

Why would Michael Steele roll his eyes at anyone’s use of antiquated, awkward, or offesnive slang? Isn’t Blago exactly the type of black youngster who he is trying to “hookup” with his “fly lingo” “on the DL” “24/7″?

TGY January 11, 2010 at 9:54 am

Thank you, Rod Blackojevich.

magic titty January 11, 2010 at 9:54 am

[re=492123]Fox News Light[/re]: Pfft. Hell no. Wonkette is the Muhammad Speaks of the Internet.

proudgrampa January 11, 2010 at 9:56 am

Today, we are all blacker.

JMP January 11, 2010 at 9:58 am

Ooh, a teleprompter joke – Blago, when you’re reduced to repeating bullshit right-wing memes, you’ve truly jumped the shark.

norbizness January 11, 2010 at 10:00 am

Nobody’s make a George Jefferson or CB4 joke yet?

OReillysVibrator January 11, 2010 at 10:01 am

Obama’s Muslim, that’s pretty black.

Mild Midwesterner January 11, 2010 at 10:01 am

I take my elected officials like I take my coffee.

proudgrampa January 11, 2010 at 10:03 am

[re=492133]JMP[/re]: He jumped the shark a LONG time ago.

FMA January 11, 2010 at 10:03 am

Can’t wait for his stand-up routine: “See, black guys solicit bribes like this. And white guys solicit bribes like this. Am I right?”

Holy Cow!! January 11, 2010 at 10:04 am

‘Fish don’t fry in the kitchen;
Beans don’t burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin’ just to get up that hill.’

He’s a real George Jefferson.

gefiltefishtown January 11, 2010 at 10:05 am

Laundromat? Doesn’t that make him “More Chineser” than Obama?

hueylong January 11, 2010 at 10:07 am

This is what watching too much of “The Jefferson’s” does to white people.

Mr Blifil January 11, 2010 at 10:08 am

Reid scored more legal black prostitutes, so I’m giving Reid the slight edge.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 11, 2010 at 10:11 am

Wigger, please.

mumblyjoe January 11, 2010 at 10:12 am

In Blago’s defense, he [i]is[/i] well-versed in the Negro Dialects.

JMP January 11, 2010 at 10:14 am

His new excuse, that he was targeted for being “too real”, is even funnier than his earlier assertion that the (Dem-controlled) legislature went after him for supporting the little guy.

No, just like the ethics investigations Sarah Palin, it was for actual crimes & abuses of power.

sra January 11, 2010 at 10:14 am

I think the headline of that AP article is not to be underplayed here.

raysmuckles January 11, 2010 at 10:14 am

I hope they don’t send him to prison, because he is delightfully crazy.

Ducksworthy January 11, 2010 at 10:19 am

Now here is a racist statement if, as is readily apparent, it is predicated on the idea that being a moronic corrupt dipshit is an indicator of being “black”. Since he appointed Roland Burris to the Senate he must have thought that Burris met his definition of “black”.

Escape Goat Nation January 11, 2010 at 10:24 am

I put him in the Mike Huckabee class of charming assholes.

magic titty January 11, 2010 at 10:24 am

3rd Bass would like to have a word with Mr. Blagojevich.

Mr Blifil January 11, 2010 at 10:26 am

Yeah but is he Black 365 days of the year?

ManchuCandidate January 11, 2010 at 10:27 am

Rod don’t get stuck in slammer;
Bribes don’t last long for thrills.
Took a whole lotta tryin’,
Just to get up that hill.
Now we’re up on the TV,
Gettin’ our turn at bat.
As long as we live, it’s you and me Donald,
There ain’t nothin wrong with that.

Oldskool January 11, 2010 at 10:28 am

I believe his hair alone would be a deal-breaker for blackness.

freakishlystrong January 11, 2010 at 10:29 am

Sigh..”this guy”. Blaggo, no self respecting black man would be caught dead with that hair.

DirtyHarriett January 11, 2010 at 10:29 am

So is he saying all this time he was ‘passing’? Traitor!!!1!

Escape Goat Nation January 11, 2010 at 10:30 am

Al Sharpton disagrees.

pub_option January 11, 2010 at 10:35 am

Surely, Blago’s hair is blacker than it is drawn on the ‘book cover’.

whiskey tango foxtrot January 11, 2010 at 10:37 am

Be fair. Blago *is* blacker than Michael Steele.

eclecticbrotha January 11, 2010 at 10:38 am

Rod Blackguyavich, Harry Reid thanks you.

AngryAtheist January 11, 2010 at 10:38 am

The stupid….it burns!

Gopherit January 11, 2010 at 10:38 am

It’s hard out there for a pimp, Rod. Maybe the Muslim Brotherhood will take you in when the Aryan nation tries to shank you in prison.

eclecticbrotha January 11, 2010 at 10:40 am

“Blagojevich” is Serbian for “fair-skinned black who speaks without Negro dialect?” Who knew?

Gopherit January 11, 2010 at 10:41 am

Do you know shit from shinola, Rod?

ivenson January 11, 2010 at 10:41 am

I’m so black that I use “black” and “poor” as synonyms. And I’m so poor that I grew up in a pretty large apartment and my father owned his own business. You know, like the blacks do.

BruceLee5000 January 11, 2010 at 10:42 am


BetterDaysAreComing January 11, 2010 at 10:44 am

According to this
Blago thinks his remarks were stupid. Duh! The taint has returned.

CHICAGO – Ousted Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich (blah-GOY’-uh-vich) is apologizing for what he calls a poor choice of words during a magazine interview in which he claims he’s “blacker than Barack Obama.”

Come here a minute January 11, 2010 at 10:46 am

I was born a poor black child.

Rod Blagojevich is The Jerk.

ivenson January 11, 2010 at 10:51 am

I try to make my statements
Stick like flypaper
Judge says to me yo blago sign these goddamn papers
My boss told me yo blago you’re fired
Yo niga this, yo blago that
I know you’re a blago now ’cause your head got fat
Flava framalama boy you won’t figure
I don’t wanna be called yo blago
Yo blago
Break it down

(With apologies to Mrs D and Flav. Remember, the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11th, 2001 are a joke in your town.)

gurukalehuru January 11, 2010 at 10:51 am

[re=492130]TGY[/re]: Brilliant. Obvious, but still subtle.

gurukalehuru January 11, 2010 at 11:02 am

Isn’t a black guy named Rod a redundancy?

chaste everywhere January 11, 2010 at 11:07 am

Black neighborhoods have laundromats? Why?

An Outhouse January 11, 2010 at 11:21 am

“My father had a little laundromat ”

I think Blaggy meant he was more Chinese than Obama.

S.Luggo January 11, 2010 at 11:21 am

Birth certificate?

Each evening, Blago sings himself to sleep with, “Nobody knows the trouble I see’ed.” — That will go over well at the SuperMax, Rod.

boyhowdy January 11, 2010 at 11:27 am

Uh-huh, and back in Serbia, his mama and daddy picked cotton. On shares.

elburrito January 11, 2010 at 11:40 am

‘Blago, go home and get your fucking shoe shine box!’

Aquannissiwamissoo January 11, 2010 at 11:42 am

Rod Blagojevich is the Tyne Daly of “Dirty Harry: Magnum Force.”

Obama, of course, is Scorpio.

HuddledMass January 11, 2010 at 11:46 am

[re=492195]chaste everywhere[/re]: “Black neighborhoods have laundromats? Why?”

And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

mumblyjoe January 11, 2010 at 11:47 am

[re=492214]An Outhouse[/re]: but, on the other hand, shoe shine. So, that would make Blago half-chinese, half-black.

Therefore, I submit the argument that he’s really complaining that he’s not getting as much cocktain watress and/or porn star tail as Tiger Woods. BTW, is it still racist that one charismatic Halfrican-American reminds me of the other, just like it was back when we first heard of Woods’ rakish exploits?

This Cat January 11, 2010 at 11:47 am

[re=492143]gefiltefishtown[/re]: I think it’s “Chines-ier”

Snarkalicious January 11, 2010 at 11:53 am

[re=492136]Mild Midwesterner[/re]: As an emema?

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 11, 2010 at 12:06 pm

Also, Blago don’t know nothing ’bout birthin no babies. It just ain’t fittin’!

hockeymom January 11, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Why are people like Blago and DeLay walking about and shooting TV shows, instead of being in prison like the rest of the criminals?

chaste everywhere January 11, 2010 at 12:25 pm

[re=492249]HuddledMass[/re]: Er, um. Crappy attempt at Guess-I’m-a-Racist “humor” is what the fuck it’s supposed to “mean.” Even so and howsoever, in the interests of party unity and in order to spend more time with family, I respectfully submit my resignation.

Suds McKenzie January 11, 2010 at 12:46 pm

You know who else has a “five bedroom apartment in Chicago”? …Oprah

finallyhappy January 11, 2010 at 12:48 pm

So does this finally make my point that many elected officials are dumber than dirt?

yargisbargis January 11, 2010 at 1:20 pm

[re=492141]Holy Cow!![/re]: [re=492134]norbizness[/re]: Obligatory Goerge Jeffersonjoke: Of course you know this means Obama is Harry Bentley.

doxastic January 11, 2010 at 1:21 pm

Blago, you’re not blacker than Obama, you’re more trifling than Obama

Lascauxcaveman January 11, 2010 at 1:33 pm

[re=492278]chaste everywhere[/re]: Heh, that was quick. You’re supposed to stick around for awhile, issuing many, many weasel-mouthed non-denial denials through the media circus, thereby raising the embarrassment level to the point where your family doesn’t really want to spend more time with you, and then resign.

That’s how it’s done.

Aquannissiwamissoo January 11, 2010 at 1:39 pm

i could say, “No tickee, no seatee”

but that would be horribly racist and not funnee.

Gopherit January 11, 2010 at 1:41 pm

[re=492343]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You forgot the obligatory sex scandal.

zenferret January 11, 2010 at 1:49 pm

[re=492163]freakishlystrong[/re]: Are you sure about that?

Check old little Richard.

Oh wait. Self respecting…. Hmm…

problemwithcaring January 11, 2010 at 1:53 pm

No, no. After you have been indicted by a federal grand jury on 16 counts is NOT the time to start bragging about your secret Blackness.

chaste everywhere January 11, 2010 at 2:08 pm

[re=492343]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: [re=492354]Gopherit[/re]: True ‘nuf, but that’s also how ballplayers “retire” nowadays, and I just couldn’t put my family through that.

‘s been grand, though. Keep ‘em flyin’, cats and kitties . . .

WIDTAP January 11, 2010 at 2:45 pm

[re=492214]An Outhouse[/re]: Or perhaps it was a reference to having louder shirts, which would make him more Hawaiian than Obama.

JooJoo Bee January 11, 2010 at 4:26 pm

[re=492121]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Maybe he was counting closets and kitchen cupboards as rooms. And probably selling timeshares on them.

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