Re-Elect John McCain Because He Was Tortured!

John McCain, remember this guy? He was the frightening old monster who spent last fall occasionally peeping out from behind Sarah Palin's skirts as she spent $150,000 on Nieman Marcus red patent leather hot pants for her six-year-old and warned America about terrorist pals. John McCain wanted to be president because he crashed his plane a bunch of times back in the sixties, but he did not get elected, so now he has to settle for staying a senator from Arizona forever.

And why should he be a senator? BECAUSE FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN, THAT'S WHY. He's up for re-election in 2010 and has unveiled a brilliant new radio ad. Here's the transcript:

Voice: We know what he endured.

Turned down the chance to go home early.

It was against the prisoner's code.

John McCain has spent his life representing Arizona.

Fighting for the little guy.

Standing up to titans.

Afraid of no man.

Saying "yes" to jobs and small business, "no" to big government.

John McCain is leading the fight against President Obama every day.

Standing tall and outspoken.

Helping Arizona families.

McCain: My lot in life has been to wage war against wrong.

Like today's massive spending at the worst possible time.

Send me back to the Senate. We'll win that fight for Arizona.

Voice: John McCain is Arizona's last line of defense.

Character. Matters.

McCain: I'm John McCain and I approve this message. Paid for by Friends for John McCain.

This shitworks?

 McCain up with campaign ads [First Read]