HUMANE SUGGESTIONS  9:56 am January 7, 2010

Giuliani: Instead Of Getting Legal Representation For The Christmas Bomber, We Could Just Torture Him?

by Juli Weiner

For-hire Olympic demigod Rudy Giuliani went on Larry King’s Larry King program to criticize Barack Obama for how terribly he has handled just about everything related to the Christmas bomber, but mostly for allowing this guy, Failed Nigerian Terrorist, to speak to a lawyer, an actual foundation of our entire criminal justice system. 

Giuliani goes: “I don’t know the inside story. He was talking until he went out and got him a lawyer. You want to talk to this guy for a month. You want to keep him for a month or two get to get you the intelligence he is going give you.” None of these very earnest implications are legal.

Oh and also, recall Obama waited three days before indicating—whilst in Hawaii no less—that attempting to blow up a commercial airliner is unacceptable and our government will be looking into it. SIMILARLY UNACCEPTABLE: “This something you react to immediately. Not after your vacation. The president of the United States, when there is a potential massive attack on the country, should have been on top of it immediately.” Rudy Giuliani is so jealous!

[CNN Political Ticker]


Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Manos: Hands of Fate January 7, 2010 at 10:00 am

Rudy and Larry King in one room. That’s too much troll-like ugly for any TV audience to bear.

FlownOver January 7, 2010 at 10:02 am

Because the Terrorithts would be so disheartened if we reacted, huh, lady?

dum librul January 7, 2010 at 10:02 am

“I consider trial by jury as the only anchor yet devised by man, by which a government can be held to the principles of its constitution.” — Thomas Jefferson
“Screw it, we’re too scared. Torture for everyone! Also 9/11″ — Faux transvestite absolute executive power fetishist.

I’m so torn!

JMP January 7, 2010 at 10:09 am

Yes, Rudy, how dare Obama not wipe his ass with the Constitution like his predecessor did. There’s two little things called the Fifth and Sixth Amendments you might want to look into.

queeraselvis v 2.0 January 7, 2010 at 10:10 am

Dear “America’s Mayor:”
Please follow Dick Cheney down the Yellow Brick Road of Total, Utter Irrelevance and STFU. Also, that dress does nothing for you, and don’t even get me started on that hideous wig.
No love,
QAE v 2.0

One Yield Regular January 7, 2010 at 10:10 am

Didn’t Massive Attack break up years ago?

Sparky McGruff January 7, 2010 at 10:11 am

I agree. Instead of getting the Jockey Joker Underpants Bomber a lawyer, we should torture Rudy Guiliani. I’m not sure about the “intelligence value”, but the entertainment value would be priceless.

I’m thinking, for starters, to re-create the taser scene in “The Hangover”. Perhaps we can get Bill Kristol and Newt (“not you, Fat Jesus”) Gingrich to join in. “Sometimes with these big boys, you’ve got to give ‘em two shots!”

Escape Goat Nation January 7, 2010 at 10:12 am

I don’t know about you guys, but when I go on vacation, I tell everybody not to call me about anything! I don’t want to hear about it. That’s why people go on vacation GOD DAMN IT!

ManchuCandidate January 7, 2010 at 10:14 am

In 9ud1′s world, everyday is 9houl1an1 Time.

Vote for 9ud1! Torture for every terrawrist and a plunger in every ass!!

Katydid January 7, 2010 at 10:15 am

Take that, Barry! Rudy’s admin lost 21 lawsuits for First Amendment violations. He knows how to violate the Constitution, amirite?

glamourdammerung January 7, 2010 at 10:15 am

I wonder if you can have lawyers removed from the bar for this type of nonsense.

TGY January 7, 2010 at 10:17 am

If Rudy objects, the Law of Perversity requires that the guy gets a lawyer for his underpants, too. It should be an easy brief.

bfstevie January 7, 2010 at 10:18 am

[re=490401]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: What about Donald Trump and Rod Blagojevich on “Celebrity Apprentice”? Granted, that’s a combination of ugly on the inside and ugly on the outside, but it will cause epileptic seizures to hairdressers around the world.

TGY January 7, 2010 at 10:19 am

[re=490416]glamourdammerung[/re]: You can at least have them cut off.

4tehlulz January 7, 2010 at 10:20 am

Isn’t Rudy supposed to be busy running Brazilian death squads? How does he find time to do Larry King?

x111e7thst January 7, 2010 at 10:21 am

[re=490408]JMP[/re]: Who needs amendments and constitutions when we have toilet bowl plungers.

Aflac Shrugged January 7, 2010 at 10:30 am

…says the former mayor, whose police department made forced sodomy with a broom handle part of its booking procedure.

JMP January 7, 2010 at 10:33 am

[re=490415]Katydid[/re]: Now, when the cops got prosecuted or even disciplined for torturing or killing citizens, the random innocent black guys win.

Oldskool January 7, 2010 at 10:35 am

Jesus fucking Christ, someone please run a wooden stake through the treacherous fuck sending out these (R) talking points.

mumblyjoe January 7, 2010 at 10:37 am

Hey guys, remember back in 2003 when we all thought that it *might* be acceptable to torture if we knew there was a 24-esque scenario where we knew there was a bomb somewhere and we knew the guy we had knew it, but also only in that situation, and still the people torturing should probably get punished anyway?

Well, I think it’s quite refreshing* that now we think we should probably torture the dickens out of some guy who couldn’t even set his own junk on fire right, just because, even though we’re already pretty sure he doesn’t know anything about anything. You’ve come so far, America!

*- read: terrifying and horrible

bfstevie January 7, 2010 at 10:38 am

Hard to believe Rudy said “… he went out and got him a lawyer.” Somewhere Sister Mary Vicious, who taught little Rudy grammar, is rolling over in her grave. He apparently thinks talking like an ignoramus will endear him to the base. He fails to appreciate that that’s Sarah Palin’s gig.

SayItWithWookies January 7, 2010 at 10:42 am

“The president of the United States, when there is a potential massive attack on the country, should have been on top of it immediately.”

The sensible thing would be to let Rudy wander around until he picks a site for the next terrorist response headquarters — that would pretty much guarantee that we’d be on top of it immediately, just like he was with WTC7.

smitallica January 7, 2010 at 10:43 am

Yes, Rudy, after a failed terror attempt on an airplane while the President’s on vacation, Obama should’ve reacted either IMMEDIATELY, like you would’ve. Or waited six days, like Bush did. But three days? TREASON!

Gopherit January 7, 2010 at 10:46 am

That’s right, Rudy. Keep flapping those lips. You bailed out of that senate race for a reason. Piss someone off enough, and see how fast a Giuliani scandal breaks.

rottenart January 7, 2010 at 10:46 am

To hell with it, let’s just start torturing people at random as we walk down the road. As soon as you pass someone, just scream, “DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT UNDERWEAR OR YEMEN?” If they look confused and frightened, kick ‘em in the junk. Do it for Amurka.

magic titty January 7, 2010 at 10:47 am

Why didn’t the mob wack out Guiliani in the 80′s when they had the chance?

JMP January 7, 2010 at 10:48 am

[re=490431]mumblyjoe[/re]: Shows what you know. It’s just possible that the guy was working with another Nigerian terrist squad that was about to lay siege to the White House, and only he could lead us to stop them; and the Nigerian terrorists were working with a secret cabal of Russian mobsters who are planning on setting a chemical weapon loose in Los Angeles, and we can only stop them by torturing the last surviving member of that group; and the Russians were working with a cabal of corrupt defense contractors and the turncoat cabinet official to set nukes off in New York, and we can only stop them by torturing the only surviving Russian. HOW WILL WE STOP THEM IF WE DON’T TORTURE THE FAILED WANNABE TERRIST?

glamourdammerung January 7, 2010 at 10:49 am

[re=490446]magic titty[/re]: Professional courtesy. Well, that and the fact that he was as crooked as they were.

Mr Blifil January 7, 2010 at 10:52 am

Speaking of Rudy, anybody heard from Bernie Kerik’s repatriated (to Mexico) Mexican nanny lately?

PlanetWingnuta January 7, 2010 at 10:55 am

this is why i hated rudy when he was mayor of nyc…and scared they may vote him as permanent mayor when 9/11 happend. He ran rough shod over NYC residenets took away some of their rights while all along fucking someone not his wife…i said that him taking away some porn stores right to stock how they’ve done it all the years he was hiding something…yeah like hidding his cock in someone not his wife and having the police via tax payer dollars keep it hidden.

JMP January 7, 2010 at 11:05 am

Oh, and Rudy; not only was this attack only potential; as in, it didn’t actually happen; but it wouldn’t have been “massive”. Even if the terrorist-wannabe set off his bomb, it wouldn’t have destroyed the plane; and even if it did, it would have just been one plane, which while tragic is not all that much in a country of 300 million.

WarAndG January 7, 2010 at 11:26 am


Come here a minute January 7, 2010 at 11:26 am

Plus, why didn’t President Obama put the Emergency Command Center in the luggage hold of flight 253?

Ducksworthy January 7, 2010 at 11:35 am

Yeah and if Bernie Kerik was still director of homeland security like Rudie wanted this would never have happened or if it did at least we wouldn’t have known about it. Whatever it is we’re talking about.

coolcatdaddy January 7, 2010 at 12:13 pm

[re=490446]magic titty[/re]: He evaded the hit men with that nifty costume in the photo, above. It was part of the whole plot that Jack Bauer from “24″ came up with to protect him.

sezme January 7, 2010 at 12:31 pm

[re=490401]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Yes, but what if a terrorist were to bomb that room? Hmmm…

kentuckienne2 January 7, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Yes, because that’s truly Presidential — instead of prudently waiting and determining that yes, a teenage nitwit had set his junk on fire in a botched attack, Obama should have made a half-assed guess, raise the terror alert level to red, ground all planes, and arrest all suspicious-looking brown people. Merry Christmas!

Boojum January 7, 2010 at 12:39 pm

[re=490487]JMP[/re]: Rudy meant to say “massive Nigerian cock.”. Or, at least, he was thinking about Nigerian cock when he said massive.

Snarkalicious January 7, 2010 at 12:43 pm

[re=490417]TGY[/re]: What we really need is a Hallmark special on the heart-rending journey those underpants took.

Snarkalicious January 7, 2010 at 12:47 pm

[re=490420]4tehlulz[/re]: Running death squads are kinda like raising goats. All you really need to provide them with is boundaries and fodder and they take care of the rest pretty much by themselves.

Suds McKenzie January 7, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Is he the “Mayor of the Brazilian Wax” now??

Suds McKenzie January 7, 2010 at 1:13 pm

[re=490520]Come here a minute[/re]: nice

[re=490410]One Yield Regular[/re]: *sigh*

lawrenceofthedesert January 7, 2010 at 1:29 pm

Once again Rudy the Red State Reindeer tries and fails to be the Gwen Stefani of homeland security.

BarackMyWorld January 7, 2010 at 2:15 pm

“I don’t know the inside story,” said Guiliani, “but I’m going to now intentionally summarize those events in a completely untruthful and over-simplified way I probably don’t actually believe intended to make both the president and the entire American system of justice look weak to give myself and my party a slight political advantage in an upcoming election.”

Katydid January 7, 2010 at 2:34 pm

[re=490469]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Have you seen “Giuliani Time?” You can watch it instantly at Netflix. It’s simply amazing, what he got away with.

That picture of Rudy in drag? The year before, at the same correspondent’s dinner, Rudy showed a film of himself dressed up as an African tribal warrior or something like that, at the zoo, trying to fight a lion, ooga booga. He thought this was hi.lar.ious. I shit you not.

And, yeah, it came out in the 90s that Rudy’s father and uncle were actually in the mob, and his father did time in Sing Sing for being a mob enforcer. In response, Rudy said, I did not KNOW dad was in the mob, even though he had worked at his uncle’s bar, which was really a front for a bookie thingy and had undergone several FBI background checks, which, of course, would have turned up his father’s prison record.

Watch it, if you can, ’cause it sounds like you live in the NY area. I don’t think there are enough words to describe how big of a prick Rudy is.

President Beeblebrox January 7, 2010 at 2:41 pm

No wai. The appropriate reaction would have been to fly around on AF1 and hide in a Sekrit Underground Bunker for 12 hours. Or run to your Emergency Command Post conveniently located in the SAME COMPLEX THAT WAS ATTACKED IN A PRIOR TERRORIST INCIDENT.

Fuck him.

Justin TI January 7, 2010 at 7:27 pm

Have any of you not heard about the growing crimes of organized stalking and electronic harassment? You will not believe what is going on right here in our own neighbourhoods under the guise of citizen watch groups and “national security” gone, well, nutz. Believe it or not it appears to be a form of domestic terrorism right here in Canada and the United states. Shouldn’t rights and freedoms be protected here in North American against such torture before protecting them overseas?

Thanks for your time,

Justin TI, Ottawa, Canada.

desertwind January 7, 2010 at 9:06 pm

So some people consider Giuliani entertaining? Because he is everywhere all the time. What’s he selling now?

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: