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Giuliani: Instead Of Getting Legal Representation For The Christmas Bomber, We Could Just Torture Him?

For-hire Olympic demigod Rudy Giuliani went on Larry King’s Larry King program to criticize Barack Obama for how terribly he has handled just about everything related to the Christmas bomber, but mostly for allowing this guy, Failed Nigerian Terrorist, to speak to a lawyer, an actual foundation of our entire criminal justice system. 

Giuliani goes: “I don’t know the inside story. He was talking until he went out and got him a lawyer. You want to talk to this guy for a month. You want to keep him for a month or two get to get you the intelligence he is going give you.” None of these very earnest implications are legal.

Oh and also, recall Obama waited three days before indicating—whilst in Hawaii no less—that attempting to blow up a commercial airliner is unacceptable and our government will be looking into it. SIMILARLY UNACCEPTABLE: “This something you react to immediately. Not after your vacation. The president of the United States, when there is a potential massive attack on the country, should have been on top of it immediately.” Rudy Giuliani is so jealous!

[CNN Political Ticker]

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Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

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48 comments

  1. Manos: Hands of Fate

    Rudy and Larry King in one room. That’s too much troll-like ugly for any TV audience to bear.

  2. dum librul

    “I consider trial by jury as the only anchor yet devised by man, by which a government can be held to the principles of its constitution.” — Thomas Jefferson
    “Screw it, we’re too scared. Torture for everyone! Also 9/11″ — Faux transvestite absolute executive power fetishist.

    I’m so torn!

  3. JMP

    Yes, Rudy, how dare Obama not wipe his ass with the Constitution like his predecessor did. There’s two little things called the Fifth and Sixth Amendments you might want to look into.

  4. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Dear “America’s Mayor:”
    Please follow Dick Cheney down the Yellow Brick Road of Total, Utter Irrelevance and STFU. Also, that dress does nothing for you, and don’t even get me started on that hideous wig.
    No love,
    QAE v 2.0

  5. Sparky McGruff

    I agree. Instead of getting the Jockey Joker Underpants Bomber a lawyer, we should torture Rudy Guiliani. I’m not sure about the “intelligence value”, but the entertainment value would be priceless.

    I’m thinking, for starters, to re-create the taser scene in “The Hangover”. Perhaps we can get Bill Kristol and Newt (“not you, Fat Jesus”) Gingrich to join in. “Sometimes with these big boys, you’ve got to give ‘em two shots!”

  6. Escape Goat Nation

    I don’t know about you guys, but when I go on vacation, I tell everybody not to call me about anything! I don’t want to hear about it. That’s why people go on vacation GOD DAMN IT!

  7. ManchuCandidate

    In 9ud1′s world, everyday is 9houl1an1 Time.

    Vote for 9ud1! Torture for every terrawrist and a plunger in every ass!!

  8. Katydid

    Take that, Barry! Rudy’s admin lost 21 lawsuits for First Amendment violations. He knows how to violate the Constitution, amirite?

  9. TGY

    If Rudy objects, the Law of Perversity requires that the guy gets a lawyer for his underpants, too. It should be an easy brief.

  10. bfstevie

    [re=490401]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: What about Donald Trump and Rod Blagojevich on “Celebrity Apprentice”? Granted, that’s a combination of ugly on the inside and ugly on the outside, but it will cause epileptic seizures to hairdressers around the world.

  11. 4tehlulz

    Isn’t Rudy supposed to be busy running Brazilian death squads? How does he find time to do Larry King?

  12. Aflac Shrugged

    …says the former mayor, whose police department made forced sodomy with a broom handle part of its booking procedure.

  13. JMP

    [re=490415]Katydid[/re]: Now, when the cops got prosecuted or even disciplined for torturing or killing citizens, the random innocent black guys win.

  14. Oldskool

    Jesus fucking Christ, someone please run a wooden stake through the treacherous fuck sending out these (R) talking points.

  15. mumblyjoe

    Hey guys, remember back in 2003 when we all thought that it *might* be acceptable to torture if we knew there was a 24-esque scenario where we knew there was a bomb somewhere and we knew the guy we had knew it, but also only in that situation, and still the people torturing should probably get punished anyway?

    Well, I think it’s quite refreshing* that now we think we should probably torture the dickens out of some guy who couldn’t even set his own junk on fire right, just because, even though we’re already pretty sure he doesn’t know anything about anything. You’ve come so far, America!

    *- read: terrifying and horrible

  16. bfstevie

    Hard to believe Rudy said “… he went out and got him a lawyer.” Somewhere Sister Mary Vicious, who taught little Rudy grammar, is rolling over in her grave. He apparently thinks talking like an ignoramus will endear him to the base. He fails to appreciate that that’s Sarah Palin’s gig.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    “The president of the United States, when there is a potential massive attack on the country, should have been on top of it immediately.”

    The sensible thing would be to let Rudy wander around until he picks a site for the next terrorist response headquarters — that would pretty much guarantee that we’d be on top of it immediately, just like he was with WTC7.

  18. smitallica

    Yes, Rudy, after a failed terror attempt on an airplane while the President’s on vacation, Obama should’ve reacted either IMMEDIATELY, like you would’ve. Or waited six days, like Bush did. But three days? TREASON!

  19. Gopherit

    That’s right, Rudy. Keep flapping those lips. You bailed out of that senate race for a reason. Piss someone off enough, and see how fast a Giuliani scandal breaks.

  20. rottenart

    To hell with it, let’s just start torturing people at random as we walk down the road. As soon as you pass someone, just scream, “DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT UNDERWEAR OR YEMEN?” If they look confused and frightened, kick ‘em in the junk. Do it for Amurka.

  21. JMP

    [re=490431]mumblyjoe[/re]: Shows what you know. It’s just possible that the guy was working with another Nigerian terrist squad that was about to lay siege to the White House, and only he could lead us to stop them; and the Nigerian terrorists were working with a secret cabal of Russian mobsters who are planning on setting a chemical weapon loose in Los Angeles, and we can only stop them by torturing the last surviving member of that group; and the Russians were working with a cabal of corrupt defense contractors and the turncoat cabinet official to set nukes off in New York, and we can only stop them by torturing the only surviving Russian. HOW WILL WE STOP THEM IF WE DON’T TORTURE THE FAILED WANNABE TERRIST?

  22. glamourdammerung

    [re=490446]magic titty[/re]: Professional courtesy. Well, that and the fact that he was as crooked as they were.

  23. Mr Blifil

    Speaking of Rudy, anybody heard from Bernie Kerik’s repatriated (to Mexico) Mexican nanny lately?

  24. PlanetWingnuta

    this is why i hated rudy when he was mayor of nyc…and scared they may vote him as permanent mayor when 9/11 happend. He ran rough shod over NYC residenets took away some of their rights while all along fucking someone not his wife…i said that him taking away some porn stores right to stock how they’ve done it all the years he was hiding something…yeah like hidding his cock in someone not his wife and having the police via tax payer dollars keep it hidden.

  25. JMP

    Oh, and Rudy; not only was this attack only potential; as in, it didn’t actually happen; but it wouldn’t have been “massive”. Even if the terrorist-wannabe set off his bomb, it wouldn’t have destroyed the plane; and even if it did, it would have just been one plane, which while tragic is not all that much in a country of 300 million.

  26. Come here a minute

    Plus, why didn’t President Obama put the Emergency Command Center in the luggage hold of flight 253?

  27. Ducksworthy

    Yeah and if Bernie Kerik was still director of homeland security like Rudie wanted this would never have happened or if it did at least we wouldn’t have known about it. Whatever it is we’re talking about.

  28. coolcatdaddy

    [re=490446]magic titty[/re]: He evaded the hit men with that nifty costume in the photo, above. It was part of the whole plot that Jack Bauer from “24″ came up with to protect him.

  29. kentuckienne2

    Yes, because that’s truly Presidential — instead of prudently waiting and determining that yes, a teenage nitwit had set his junk on fire in a botched attack, Obama should have made a half-assed guess, raise the terror alert level to red, ground all planes, and arrest all suspicious-looking brown people. Merry Christmas!

  30. Boojum

    [re=490487]JMP[/re]: Rudy meant to say “massive Nigerian cock.”. Or, at least, he was thinking about Nigerian cock when he said massive.

  31. Snarkalicious

    [re=490417]TGY[/re]: What we really need is a Hallmark special on the heart-rending journey those underpants took.

  32. Snarkalicious

    [re=490420]4tehlulz[/re]: Running death squads are kinda like raising goats. All you really need to provide them with is boundaries and fodder and they take care of the rest pretty much by themselves.

  33. lawrenceofthedesert

    Once again Rudy the Red State Reindeer tries and fails to be the Gwen Stefani of homeland security.

  34. BarackMyWorld

    “I don’t know the inside story,” said Guiliani, “but I’m going to now intentionally summarize those events in a completely untruthful and over-simplified way I probably don’t actually believe intended to make both the president and the entire American system of justice look weak to give myself and my party a slight political advantage in an upcoming election.”

  35. Katydid

    [re=490469]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Have you seen “Giuliani Time?” You can watch it instantly at Netflix. It’s simply amazing, what he got away with.

    That picture of Rudy in drag? The year before, at the same correspondent’s dinner, Rudy showed a film of himself dressed up as an African tribal warrior or something like that, at the zoo, trying to fight a lion, ooga booga. He thought this was hi.lar.ious. I shit you not.

    And, yeah, it came out in the 90s that Rudy’s father and uncle were actually in the mob, and his father did time in Sing Sing for being a mob enforcer. In response, Rudy said, I did not KNOW dad was in the mob, even though he had worked at his uncle’s bar, which was really a front for a bookie thingy and had undergone several FBI background checks, which, of course, would have turned up his father’s prison record.

    Watch it, if you can, ’cause it sounds like you live in the NY area. I don’t think there are enough words to describe how big of a prick Rudy is.

  36. President Beeblebrox

    No wai. The appropriate reaction would have been to fly around on AF1 and hide in a Sekrit Underground Bunker for 12 hours. Or run to your Emergency Command Post conveniently located in the SAME COMPLEX THAT WAS ATTACKED IN A PRIOR TERRORIST INCIDENT.

    Fuck him.

  37. Justin TI

    Have any of you not heard about the growing crimes of organized stalking and electronic harassment? You will not believe what is going on right here in our own neighbourhoods under the guise of citizen watch groups and “national security” gone, well, nutz. Believe it or not it appears to be a form of domestic terrorism right here in Canada and the United states. Shouldn’t rights and freedoms be protected here in North American against such torture before protecting them overseas?

    http://www.freedomfchs.com/
    catchcanada.net
    raven1.net

    Thanks for your time,

    Justin TI, Ottawa, Canada.

  38. desertwind

    So some people consider Giuliani entertaining? Because he is everywhere all the time. What’s he selling now?

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