this friggin' guy

Joe Wilson Hiking Appalachian-ish Trail With Intern Babe

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Ooh, an outdoor adventure for shouty South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson. If anyone deserves it, it is him. Maybe he is taking a few days to “write something,” like his state’s governor did when he went hiking. Who is this “Maryanna Lynch” though, like his wife or some such? Maybe she had a career? And didn’t change her last name? Hmm?

No it’s just an ex-intern college student, with whom he is hiking… hiking alone?… in the forests…

So hopefully this will be a sex scandal. Or at least a red herring to conceal the real Joe Wilson sex scandal, some sort of Thailand/boys-type deal.

[Joe Wilson’s Twitter]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • desertwind

    “I have been living… for a congressman” just about says it all.

  • Marlowe

    For a brief second, I read that she was living with a congressman.
    My bad.

  • Suds McKenzie


  • memzilla

    So “Panthertown” is the menopausal male equivalent of “Cougartown?”

  • Sharkey

    Only 6 inches? She will be disappointed.

  • pampl

    I’m with Joe on this one. Nothing quite like ringing in the new year with a 6 inch line of snow and a nubile co-ed

  • Neilist

    “Panthertown National Forest”?

    Oh, cum on, CongressMAN. You mean “COUGARTOWN U.S.A.,” don’t you?

    (Assuming, of course, that Mr. Wilson is one of those increasingly rare, and endangered, heterosexual male members of the G.O.P. . . .

    . . . take It AWAY, Michael “Toe-Tapping Like Bo Jangles Robinson” STEELE!

    (Gesh. The glare of that White Crested Ass Vulture in the upper left hand corner is making me nervous.)

  • chascates

    Joe is married to Roxanne Dusenbury McCrory, who continues to offer him strength and support in his every endeavor. They are the parents of four sons, all of whom serve in the U.S. military, and the proud grandparents of two boys and one girl… Their fours sons are all Eagle Scouts.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I like outdoorsy types. Just one of my harmless hetero kinks, the outdoor sex.

  • Mahousu

    Whoa, whoa, hold it – “Wavus Camp for Girls“??? Has Joe Wilson decided his gender is a lie, too?

  • V572625694

    [re=489536]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: What about the squirrels and chipmunks? Aren’t you ashamed of what you display to them, with your woodsy intercourse? Won’t someone please think about the chipmunks?

  • MBritt


  • Gerry Reene

    He’s out exploring Maryanna Lynch’s Mariana Trench.

  • BlueStateLibtard

    Another Republican bites the dust…this one’s going to be fun too.

  • loquaciousmusic

    [re=489532]Sharkey[/re]: Good wo/man. I was going to come up with something about “6 inches” and “average,” but you got there first.

  • Country Club Jihadi

    6 Inches? You lie!

  • loquaciousmusic

    [re=489538]Mahousu[/re]: “Wavus” is the girls’ side of Kieve, the boys’ camp in Maine. (I know this because I teach at a private school in Connecticut, where every car has either a “Wavus” or a “Kieve” sticker alongside the “Choate” or “Deerfield” sticker on the back of their Lexus SUV.)

  • Crank Tango

    I’m not even gonna look any further and say I’d hit it. and he is.

  • Crank Tango

    [re=489545]loquaciousmusic[/re]: LOL I used to work in the “password” queue for AOL and when someone would ask me how many characters to make their password, I was fond of saying “six is about average.”

  • Hunger Tallest Palin

    There Might Be Diapers.

  • Fox News Light

    This hits so close to me that I have a friend in common with her on Facebook. So please leave my fellow clempson grad alone.


    [re=489550]Crank Tango[/re]: See, I see her and think, “I’d hit it,” meaning he’s probably trying to get in with her little brother or something.

  • donner_froh

    Six inches, 17 degrees. Is that one of the “angle of the dangle, heat of the meat” things?

  • Katydid

    [re=489555]Fox News Light[/re]: My ex covered Clempson when we lived in SC. Jesus Fucking Christ, that stadium. And the Orange Pants. Goddamm, they are serious about college football down south.

    When we lived there in the 90s, the local stations constantly ran commercials intoning James Earle Jones-like Fall means fooball in the A-C-C.

    I was the noon producer for WSPA in Spartanburg. Ugh.

  • iburl

    Joe, you’re not having it off with this chick? THAT’S A STINKIN’ LIE!!

  • ForTheTurnstiles


    Southern vowels are worse than Southern politicians

  • bitchincamaro

    I’d see a conservative blue dress and a pearl necklace in Mrs. Joe Wilson’s future in front of a hastily arranged press conference if I didn’t know that Mr. Joe Wilson is skilled in the art of double-jointed autocock-suckery. He won’t be laying a hand on his hiking partner.

  • Radiotherapy

    Ohhh yeahhhh, she’s an expert hiker. You know who else was an expert hiker?
    Chandra Levy was an expert runner — hey how did that work out?
    This fool is as dumb as Gilbert Arenas admitting to a felony yesterday.
    6 inches, 17 degrees, indeed.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=489532]Sharkey[/re]: Reminds me of the old joke about why women don’t make good carpenters. *pinching thumb and forefinger together* -because all their lives, men have been telling them that this is what 6 inches looks like.

    A real nail-bender that one, eh?

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=489565]bitchincamaro[/re]: Suckin your own dick isn’t really a scandal. It’s just a party trick. I’d rather he were shagging the lieutenant governor, that clever and sharply dressed Andre fellow who obviously isn’t very gay AT ALL.

  • Servo

    It was a walk in the snow, not a SpecOps exercise, ya glory-grabbin’ shit-for-brains.

  • Radiotherapy

    [re=489566]Radiotherapy[/re]: dammit, html error — it’s hard to twitter in the cold and snow — it’s even tougher with a hard-on!

  • JMP

    Her third summer at the Wavus? Huh? Wait…

    And here’s another truth for you all
    The Wavus was Paul

    So, it means she’s been fucking Dr. Congressman Ron Paul for the past three years.

  • assistant/atlas

    They’re definitely having sex….from a description of the Panthertown region:

    “Greenland Creek and Panthertown Creek are the area’s main waterways, which join to form the Tuckaseegee river, which flows out of the area through gorges with colorful names such as “Devil’s Elbow” and “Bonas Defeat”. The area (generally south of Flatrock Mountain and north of Hogback Mountain) is actually a smattering of finger-like valleys with nearly level bottoms, flanked on all sides by steep slopes and granite domes, in contrast with the typical “V” shaped valleys elsewhere in region.”

    Tuckaseegee, Devil’s Elbow, Bonas Defeat, Hogback Mountain….and yet the Appalachian Trail end up being the euphemism for sexytimes? Stupid Mark Sanford ruins everything.

  • AnSnarkist

    [re=489573]JMP[/re]: Koo koo ka-choo?

    Also, it wouldn’t surprise me about Dr. Paul. I heard that he birthed 9,000 babies. He must have a lot of lovers.

  • Fox News Light

    [re=489562]Katydid[/re]: where u there during the Julie Phillips era? Or were u lucky enough to work with drunken don dudley? By remembering those people’s name do I win a trivia prize?

    Sadly I am happy to know I have a connection to a good wonkette commenter…also Tony Dale.

  • wallythepug

    When she fakes her orgasm, will he yell “you lie!”

  • Servo

    Expert, huh? The world’s mountains and forests are littered with corpses of experts.

  • Crankenstank

    Maybe “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” is to “Hiking Panthertown national forest with an expert” is as “Having Consensual Sex with My Mistress” is to “Paying a Prostitute to watch me crap in a diaper”.

  • twoeightnine
  • El Pinche

    Which one is he again? I’m getting all of my sunburnt republican douchebags mixed up.

  • Sleeves

    Can anyone believe that Detector Wilson was once a Staff Judge Advocate? Col. Joe Wilson?! Did he get much business in that role, I wonder…

  • Paul Tardy

    His Twitter user name is Congo Joe Wilson?

  • malo-ji

    “… despite 6 inches snow, 17 degrees!”

    Methinks he misplaced the comma …

    “… despite 6 inches, snow, 17 degrees!”

  • JMP

    [re=489577]AnSnarkist[/re]: It’s a secret code, I’m telling you. Ron Paul is dead, and has been replaced by Joe Wilson in disguise! YOU LIE about your identity!

  • El Pinche

    John Ensign is already cleaning up the old semen stains in the Rumpus room at the C Street sex house for Joe’s arrival.

  • rocktonsammy

    There are laws against white trash in a national park.

  • Hutch

    [re=489583]Crankenstank[/re]: Ooh, win!

  • Way Cool Larry

    [re=489531]memzilla[/re]: my thought too!

  • Jim89048

    She’s nice and all, but a quick perusal of the page reveals that Wavus is chock-full o’ camper babes, including Mary Anna’s own sister, Lucy. Yum!

  • Radiotherapy

    [re=489604]Jim89048[/re]: Maybe Yums, but these people are Nutz!

  • Sleeves

    [re=489596]El Pinche[/re]: If Ensign resigns, then Jim Gibbons can fill a vacancy with himself. (I see this quite possibly, actually happening.)

  • Diana Davies

    Hey, I call my ‘gina “Panthertown Forest”, too!

  • Barrelhse

    [re=489594]JMP[/re]: I played Sgt Pepper backwards and, sure enough, it said “Ron Paul is dead. Coo-coo ka-choo.”

  • Barrelhse

    [re=489565]bitchincamaro[/re]: Blue dress? lol

  • Barrelhse

    [re=489610]Diana Davies[/re]: ROFLMAO

  • druhliu

    Air jordan(1-24)shoes $33

    Nike shox(R4,NZ,OZ,TL1,TL2,TL3) $35
    Handbags(Coach lv fendi d&g) $35
    Tshirts (Polo ,ed hardy,lacoste) $16

    Jean(True Religion,ed hardy,coogi) $30
    Sunglasses(Oakey,coach,gucci,Armaini) $16
    New era cap $15

    Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $25




  • druhliu

    fr ee sh i pp ing

    (jordan shoes) $32

    (air max) $34



  • Holding Out for a Hero

    You go Joe!

  • CanadianBacon

    I bet the hiking would be much better if he had Air jordan(1-24)shoes $33. I wonder if the expert hiker brought along a Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $25 to wear in the tent at night. Snow can be blinding so I hope they have a couple pair of Sunglasses(Oakey,coach,gucci,Armaini) $16 and a New era cap $15. 6 inches of snow is no problem when the expert hiker is wearing Nike shox(R4,NZ,OZ,TL1,TL2,TL3) $35. Joe probably looks forward to the end of the day when the Tshirts (Polo ,ed hardy,lacoste) $16 and the Jean(True Religion,ed hardy,coogi) $30 come off. Of course no expert hiker would venture out without her Handbags(Coach lv fendi d&g) $35. I imagine he is getting some FREE sHIPPING .


    Thanks Duhliu-

    pathertown national forest, in the beautful cookiemonster valley. I spent a vacation flyfishing there in the crotchrocket river.

  • Decker

    [re=489547]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: win.

  • Bearbloke

    Maybe Shouty Joe is hiking up to Connecticut to run for Sen. Dodd’s seat, since Dodd will be announcing his retirement tomorrow….

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Joe Wilson is a living steakhouse.

  • El Pinche

    [re=489609]Sleeves[/re]: I’m sure they have an embroidered pillow waiting for him ..along with a Bible and some Holy butt beads.

  • glamourdammerung

    Extra points if he gives her the “Joe Scarbourgh” treatment.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    “Hiking through Panthertown”

    “with expert”

    “despite 6 inches”

    Dear God, he is not even trying to cover up.

    Still, he should pick up a Regent’s Grad, they are into the kinky stuff.

  • Escape Goat Nation

    I’d have to see her tits before I could make an informed opinion on this issue.

  • ExecutorElassus

    “National” forests are communist. Why does Congressman Joe hate freedom so much?

  • NJB

    Does the Panthertown National Forest run through Argentina?

  • x111e7thst

    [re=489548]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Kent?

  • mumblyjoe

    I seriously hope there’s a sex scandal. Because then, he’ll be obliged to hold a press conference of shame, and hopefully somebody who attends said press conference will shout “You Lie!” at some opportune moment during said press conference.

    And then I will give that person a dollar.

  • MMS

    [re=489527]desertwind[/re]: Ah yes, the beauty of dangling modifiers.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=489661]mumblyjoe[/re]: I do not think it matters if there is a scandal or not. Going off into the woods with a teenage intern is going to cause rumors no matter what. It also shows the same really poor judgement Wilson seems to be going out of his way to be known for.

  • converse

    Wavus Camp for Girls = Wilderness Escort Service

    Seriously, look at the “counselors” on their website–HOT!!!

  • binarian

    [re=489660]x111e7thst[/re]: or Pomfret

  • slithytoves

    What the fuck is a “expert” hiker? That’s like being an expert walker, which most people achieve before they can tie their own shoes.

  • Pompous Magnus

    “Maryanna” looks like a dude. Buttsecks with a firm grip on the hiking stick!

  • Egregious

    Simmer down…granted, it’s from the Washington Examiner but…

    No lie: Rep. Joe Wilson really hiking
    By: Nikki Schwab and Tara Palmeri
    Washington Examiner
    01/05/10 9:00 PM EST
    Those politicians from South Carolina sure do enjoy their “hikes,” but unlike disgraced Gov. Mark Sanford, Rep. Joe Wilson, R-S.C., doesn’t lie.

    Over the weekend, Wilson posted to Twitter: “Great way to begin new year hiking through Panthertown national forest with expert hiker Maryanna Lynch despite 6 inches snow, 17 degrees!”

    And according to his press secretary, that’s just what he did.

    The lawmaker has a mountain home in Sapphire, N.C., and the Lynches are his neighbors and good friends. Lynch is a former intern with the congressman; however, several members of his family joined him on the trip.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=489617]druhliu[/re]: Do they aell penis hats? Joe likes to one-stop.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=489711]Egregious[/re]: ” … several members of his family joined him on the trip.”
    His Spanish translator.
    His Asian masseuse Kiki.
    His gerbil.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=489711]Egregious[/re]: Those politicians from South Carolina sure do enjoy their “hikes,” but unlike disgraced Gov. Mark Sanford, Rep. Joe Wilson, R-S.C., doesn’t lie.

    Since the first sentence of the article is easy to verify as incorrect, I am not sure this really clears him of anything.

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=489686]slithytoves[/re]: Code for “gives sloppy ones.”

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=489711]Egregious[/re]: And according to his press secretary, that’s just what he did.

    Well that settles it for me. Joe Wilson’s paid press secretary: I can think of no more reliable guardian of truth, justice, and secret gang rapes in the woods.

  • McDuff

    17 degress? There had to be some ‘shared bodily warmth’ going on in that sleeping bag.

  • Gopherit

    [re=489531]memzilla[/re]: Yeah, “Hiking through Panthertown” is now my Euphemism of the Day.

  • Capitol Hillbilly


  • K.C.

    The Birthers of a Nation: or, The Addison (“Joe”) Graves Wilson Story

    Here’s to that Southern fried fool
    Who’s Big Pharma’s favorite tool!
    He rather suck cock,
    Or serve in Iraq,
    Than drink ‘Bama’s Aid of the Kool.

  • freeradical

    [re=489555]Fox News Light[/re]: I am a ClemPson grad, too! I was there in the mid-80s, and lived close to the football stadium. I would park cars on my (rented) group house lawn on game days for cash, beer, or weed. Good times.

  • gurukalehuru

    Is Wonkette not posting anything on Wednesdays now? Or are you observing Russian Christmas?

  • gurukalehuru

    Whoops. I’m an ass.

  • MOG

    And so cabin fever sets in.

  • Swessdawg

    Holy crap! That camp is a thirty-something male’s dream.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=489756]Mr Blifil[/re]: As I recall, Sanford’s press secretary vouched for his location as well.

  • agentbuzz

    Disgusting 62-year-old perv. Old bastard following in Strom Thurmond’s footsteps, fucking the help. Punking a kid 40 years his junior.

  • southernmapart

    CongoJoe didn’t lie, he bragged!