Again, the background cannot be reiterated too many times: on Jeebus’ birthday, a rich 23-year-old Nigerian dipshit loosely affiliated with The Terrorists attached a dime-bag of firecrackers to his boner, held snug by a dirty skid-marked tighty whity diaper apparatus. He tried to blow up his magical cockbomb on an airplane over Detroit and failed and it was over. The government responded by rerouting some chains of command, making sure memos got passed along, what else… oh yes, declaring proto-war on Yemen and Somalia forever, filling the administration’s schedule exclusively for the foreseeable future with national security crybaby mop-up duty, forcing Americans (probably) to get all nakey in front of government employees before riding any airplane ever again, and preemptively determining that anyone from any of fourteen select countries (mostly allies) is a terrorist and must be put through a vice before being allowed to board a U.S.-bound airplane. It’s that last little bit of “Al Qaeda gets absolutely everything it wants so easily” that is already fucking up our diplomatic shit like the dickens!
HEY PROBLEM HERE YOU GUYS — MUZZIES UPSET — MIGHT HAVE TO BOMB THEM (the dollar’s running on fumes, we better fucking hurry!)
Leaders of the affected countries argued that the United States had essentially declared their entire population suspects and created a two-tier system for air travel.
“It is unfair to discriminate against over 150 million people because of the behavior of one person,” Dora Akunyili, Nigeria’s information minister, said Monday, referring Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian accused of hiding explosives in his underwear on the Dec. 25 flight.
The Algerian ambassador to the United States, Abdallah Baali, said he would file a protest once he was given formal notice of the change.
“The United States has the right to protect the security of its citizens,” Mr. Baali said. “But this is discrimination against the citizens of Algeria, who do not pose any particular risk to the people of the United States.”
“We have to be careful not to play into the narrative that Al Qaeda has made up, where it is Islam versus the West,” he said. “We risk alienating the moderate populations that we need to be successful against Al Qaeda.”
HOPE WE KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING HERE HMM?
(Oh and also, an addendum to the first paragraph: we’re no longer sending dozens of innocent Gitmo tortured carcasses back to Yemen, because they would obviously become terrorists now.)
Obama Meets with Security Advisers [NYT]
{ 56 comments }
Nice move?
Well, we could always treat everybody equally — but then the white people would get mad.
I think that is the first “like the dickens” of the decade. I felt a tingle\star burst.
Let’s just make everybody walk.
Why don’t we send Paula Abdul to Nigeria and call it a truce?
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well as an American-Nigerian-Prince I, for one, welcome the anal cavity searches coming my way. Now I have the sad.
From Lawyers, Gun$ and Money, courtsey Sullivan:
Terrorball:
The first two rules of Terrorball are:
(1) The game lasts until there are no longer any terrorists, and;
(2) If terrorists manage to ever kill or injure or seriously frighten any Americans, they win.
[re=489428]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I hope you are not excluding Michael Steele — he would get mad too. Honest injun on that.
OT but Michael Steele is in house with Chris Matthews (Hardball)–I’m sure hilarity will ensue pretty quickly.
With this reaction by our government, we are all pussified, shit-our-pants, cowards now. It’s not just Dick Cheney anymore (although he is still the biggest chicken shit of all time).
[re=489443]germansteel[/re]: I for one welcome our pussified, shit-out-pants, cowardly overlords.
I still say the best and simplest solution is to wait till all the passengers board the airplane and then fill the cabin with knockout gas.
Who told them to be Arabs, eh? And NOW they complain, the whiney little bitches.
But yet any yahoo from Alaska can just come moseying across the border into Iowa with nary a proper groping.
we won the war to end all wars.
we won the war against nazism.
we won the cold war.
we won the war on poverty.
we won the war against drugs.
we won the war against terra.
WE SHALL WIN THE WAR AGAINST OUR FRIENDS!!!111!!
I, for one, am tired of this shit. We are not “discriminating against 150 million people.” What a whiney asshole.
So if I join the TSA I get to feel up exotic babes? Where do I sign up?
But it will get Barry reelected, right? OK fine, democracy doesn’t work.
Shouldn’t the Republican’s position on this be: allow passengers to carry handguns on flights.
And, if that would mean I could saunter to the airport 30 minutes before the flight, with a bottle of water I brought from home and then listen to my iPod whilst it takes off, they would get my vote.
And lets face it, 200 people dying in a plane explosion once in a while isn’t really going to make an impact to the lives of the majority of a country with a population of 300 million.
[re=489441]Come here a minute[/re]: Michael Steele should count — after all, he’s trying to be the white person that the black person Vanilla Ice is trying to be is trying to be.
(Diagram that, bitches!)
There are government officials who would pay good money to be groped by a stranger. They don’t understand why these folks aren’t happy to receive the service for free.
Lol… poor Obama…damned no matter what he does
President Obama regrets that he has incurred the anger of Nigeria and Algeria, which will surely raise his US popularity ratings at least a half dozen points. Further, he requests that you please not t’row him into that thar briar patch.
Is KENYA on the list? Huh? Huh?
Band Name of the Day – Magical Cockbomb
Most of the world looked down on America and it’s citizens due to the efforts of just a few: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld. And those three created more death and destruction than Firecrotch the Terrorist could conceive of.
[re=489455]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: There are some ways to die which are tolerable — e.g., drunken automobile accident, coronary artery blowout — and some ways that are intolerable: airplane hijacking and breast cancer. So we spend all our resources — back-scatter X-rays, mammograms for teenagers — on the intolerable means of death, even though their likelihood is so much less.
This makes perfect sense.
They can fly to America all they want, but only on Ron Paul blimps.
[re=489464]Carson[/re]: I liked their early stuff. The latest Cockbomb efforts are way too derivative.
Overresponse.
Just give Hattori Hanzo steel to every tall blonde on every flight. Probem solved.
“fucking up our diplomatic shit like the dickens!”
Hey watch it, pottymouth. I shouldn’t have to read the D word in a family newspaper.
[re=489430]Suds McKenzie[/re]: I dedicate that one to you.
That first sentence should be on a hundred billboards scattered around Yemen, maybe with a picture of Nelson Muntz.
I will submit to my body cavity search provided that the guard looks like Sam Worthington who was in that giant smurfs in space movie. But not looking like he did in the movie. It’s not that I don’t like blue people, I just don’t trust them.
Let’s declare a proto-war on Semen and Yomalia while we’re at it.
Shouldn’t we be invading Uganda or something? Why bother with the known knowns, if you know that you know what I think that you know what I mean?
[re=489455]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Well said. We are at war. 911 changed everything. Arm the coeds, arm the flight attendents, CELEBRATE your 2nd Amendment rights.
I say fear the bureaucrats, not some bogeymen Muzzies who have a penchant for airliners. Roughly 30,000 gun deaths + 30,000 automobile deaths per year in this country never get mentioned.
Cheney, Murdoch, Homeland Security, et.al. are the ones who profit from this misdirected fearmongering.
This would never have happened if Bush was still Presnint, (and more important, Cheney still VEEP). NO, thirty Nigerians would have gotten on ten planes and crashed them into Cleveland! Oh, the horror!
And to those who would say that the bomber has ‘lawyered up’ and now won’t talk I say just torture some random foreigner! A different one each day. Show it live it on Faux.
Soon no one will want to come the United States and it won’t be a problem.
So what’s to prevent the tear-wrists from sending in someone with European citizenship, all gussied up with dyed blond hair and nice clothes and looking pretty? My mandatory nitrious oxide/pot fumes for all passengers idea is way better.
Look if the stewardess–oh wait, is that my out loud voice? anyway–would simply ask if one prefers the bombing or non bombing section of the plane, this would all be moot. Or unable to be talked about, or whatever that faggotty lawyer term is for just shut the fuck up and welcome to Tizzyland where everyone is in a Tizzy about something, all the time.
The Nigerian Government should hire Orly Taitz. I mean, sure, he says he’s nigerian, but I haven’t seen a birth certificate.
……. put through a viSe, surely.
Only when a “John Smith” from Ottumwa, IA attempts to broast his junk on a Air Algérie flight, in order to reestablish the Greater County of Edessa Co-Prosperity Sphere, we’ll have parity, only then, Morocco Mole…
Are they different countries?
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[re=489624]druhliu[/re]: Look druhliu, I keep telling you you’re getting this terrorist thing wrong, you’re supposed to blow your junk up in America on a plane, not sell it in America on the internet. This is what we get for killing off the smart terrorists first.
[re=489554]lighthouse[/re]: “Vice” it is. I saw what Jim did there.
Let’s do some waterboarding before boarding!
War on Terror Fun Fact #76591:
It turns out that the body imaging scanners being proposed to combat future panty-bombers are in contravention of CHILD PORNO LAWS in the UK (at least) because they produce naked pics of kids. RUH ROH!
Not tighty whities. They were Granny Panties. GET IT RIGHT.
Thank you.
On a serious note, I’m glad to see someone finally calling out the murkin gummit for its abject poverty.
The worst thing is, why didn’t we screen all Nigerians ans algerians two weeks BEFORE Xmas? Do we actually have any new information?
No
But will they preemptively declare Saudis suspects if a bunch of Saudis try to blow up teh aeroplanes? Oh, right…
Oh and also as to the addedum about sending Yemenis back from Gitmo… the Bushites were only doing that because they had assurances from the friends in Saudi that “art therapy” would convert these guys back into non-explosive bearing productive members of society
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