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Sally Quinn, Speaking For America, As Usual

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If you read ONLY ONE important (for national security) Washington Post column today, let it be this divine half-drunk prattling from Queen and Spokeswoman of the Washington Premier Socialite Village Lawn Party Country Club, Sally Quinn. Good Heavens! Amazing how offended the comfortably rich and connected 150-year landed gentry of this temporal, diamond-shaped government office park get when three NINNIES briefly puncture their esteemed bubble.

This is such a cartoonishly hilarious column from this beautifully self-centered Peggy Noonan wannabe, you must ENJOY:

Now it turns out that there was a third uninvited guest at the White House state dinner for Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, this one a member of the Indian delegation. It was enough of a shock that the would-be stars Tareq and Michaele Salahi had crashed. But a third? The Salahi story may have been delicious, but the implications of the appalling breach of security are immense. The president could have been assassinated. And had that happened, the Office of the White House Social Secretary would have been as culpable as the Secret Service.


Many in Washington wondered why the director of the Secret Service, Mark Sullivan, did not resign over the state dinner security breach. At least Sullivan testified before Congress on the subject. White House social secretary Desirée Rogers came under fire after the Salahi scandal erupted. From the start, Rogers was an unlikely choice for social secretary. She was not of Washington…

Oh, here she goes, with the “Get that usurper out of my Washington palace. Usurper! Usurper!” territorial stakeout. Who is this Rogers! Desirée Rogers, WHO? AT WHAT ESTABLISHMENT DOTH SHE MOST OFTEN DINE? Where? NEVER HEARD OF IT — DOES NOT EXIST. What… what’s that smell… is that… new money? NEW MONEY! NEW MONEY! BURN THE NEW MONEY!

But [Obama] is not getting credit that he deserves because he is being ill served by those around him who will not step up as needed and take the fall for him.

The president needs to start making that happen. The first step would be to accept the resignations of Sullivan and Rogers today.

Out, out, charlatans! Be gone. The American people want… they want… *gulp gulp*, (President Kennedy gave me this Drambuie, in the forties!)… they want these social ragamuffins beheaded! USURPERS! NEW MONEY! FILTH!

Time for accountability at the White House [Washington Post]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • 4tehlulz

    Shorter Quinn: Uppity black woman is uppity.

  • norbizness

    “It upset me enough that I had to interrupt my servant-beating session to write this column.”

  • hockeymom

    How many people, EXACTLY, are in the demographic that Quinn is writing for?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I can understand her outrage. The Sahalis were white(ish) intruders and the other guy was almost certainly a brown(ish) one.

  • V572625694

    For a woman who fucked her way into prominence with Ben Bradlee, she’s gotta lotta balls.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    Didn’t someone just try to blow up an airliner? Do we really need to keep getting worked up about this?

  • Sussemilch

    Once upon a time Presidents would walk home from the White House after work.

  • slappypaddy

    such a deliciously shocking scandal, i’m wet with excitement. i’ll have to sop up my drippings with some of that new money. are people going to fall on swords? oh, how entrancingly roman! i’m palpitating…

  • S.Luggo

    [re=489215]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Factoid: Tareq Salahi is Palestinian. But he likes the white wimminz.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Ya and those Vanderbilts can fuck themselves. Also.

  • V572625694

    And Quinn’s Wikipedia entry is a rather hilarious blend of shit she obviously wrote about her distinguished lineage and fuckups from her past “career” in the teevee.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Anyone who calls a story “delicious” should be beaten until they resemble leftover hamburger helper. Ugh.

  • Chernobyl Soup

    Wait ’til she hears they’ve let Jews in her country club.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    BTW, howcome this fine Wonkett technology blog isn’t all shouty and frothy and wetting itself with excitement over Googles new “iPhone” product thing-a-jig? It’s been all over the internets now for like, eight minutes.

  • freakishlystrong

    Yes. The Salahi story is “delicious”, the brown(ish) usurper; HEADS MUST ROLL!!1

  • bureaucrap

    Quinn is Washington’s Premier Socialist? I thought that honor went to Comrade Sanders.

  • loquaciousmusic

    Why does Andrew Sullivan need to resign?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Come on, people, this is serious — in certain effete circles, the greatest insult is to not invite someone to dinner. Why, it’s the cut of all cuts to aggressive popinjays and upstart jackanapses everywhere. Why, once at a Roosevelt state dinner in 1934 a nephew of John D. Rockefeller, Pennington Rockefeller, tried to get in on a lark. Mrs. R. was quite the populist as you know, and probably would’ve let him in, but the Mistress of Etiquette at the time looked at the dinner list and just turned aside, leaving the youth standing in the foyer. He took his top hat and slunk out, red-faced.
    So if certain people don’t understand this, what is one to do? It’s as though the very fabric of society were rent asunder. One may as well toss the Social Register out the window — or have one’s chauffeur do it for one, of course.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=489219]Sussemilch[/re]: umm… the white house is where they live. and work. and play (ask bill and monica about that one).

  • Chernobyl Soup

    [re=489227]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Most of us are still using Pentium 486 processors. They won’t fit in the new phones.

  • nbawriter

    She’s just trying to claim the back end of that classic saying, “Usurper to Nuts.”

  • user-of-owls

    So is Sally a Jet or a Shark?

  • slappypaddy

    come on without,
    come on within.
    you’ll not see nothing
    like the mighty quinn.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    My favorite part: From the start, Rogers was an unlikely choice for social secretary. She was not of Washington…

    Tut tut and gadzooks, chums. Poor Desiree is but a common interloper on the hallowed inner sanctums of Washingtonia. The hubris! The humanity! The sheer and utter presumption!

    *goes off to wither in a fit of the vapors*

  • Hooray For Anything

    To be fair, Quinn also called for the resignation of Dick Cheney way back in 2003 for eating more than his fair share of hors d’oeuvres at a delightful party thrown by the Ambassador of Luxembourg so it’s not like she’s just against Democrats.

  • Way Cool Larry

    I’m shocked that her column doesn’t have the word “temerity” in it!

  • gjdodger

    Yes, indeed. Who did Desiree Rogers sleep with to get that job, anyway? Certainly, it wasn’t somebody as important as BEN FUCKING BRADLEE, now, was it?

  • Jim89048

    Once upon a time, I might have hit that.

  • Egregious

    It appeareth as though Madam Quinn and her fellow gentry at the Washington Post Publication have blocketh the peasants’ ability to submit ripostes in response to her latest observations on the necessity of proper manners and the hierarchies of social classes. Methinks their decision to foil the dirty masses’ written sallies deriveth from the fact that Madam Quinn’s column reeketh of the type of shite that one often encountereth inside the region of our fair Republic that the hoi pollion insist on refering to as the “Beltway.”

  • betterDeadThanRed

    Thank heaven that she wasn’t around to see Andrew Jackson’s Inauguration!

    “Jackson was the first President to invite the public to attend the White House ball honoring his first inauguration. Many poor people came to the inaugural ball in their homemade clothes. The crowd became so large that Jackson’s guards could not hold them out of the White House. The White House became so crowded with people that dishes and decorative pieces in the White House began to break. Some people stood on good chairs in muddied boots just to get a look at the President. The crowd had become so wild that the attendants poured punch in tubs and put it on the White House lawn to lure people out of the White House.” (From wiki)

  • JMP

    My, who does this Desiree Rogers think she is? Ms. Quinn and her compatriots at the Washington Social Register Post have never dined with her, and the name Desiree sounds somewhat … ethnic.

  • house of the blue lights

    Well I don’t know about DC, but Rogers is a star, a STAR here in the Windy City. Lights sparkle from her eyes, and she ALWAYS gets the best table at [fill in name of hot restaurant, the one that wouldn’t seat me if I came with thousand-dollar bills plastered to my body.]

    Okay, um, going back to work now.

  • bureaucrap

    [re=489249]betterDeadThanRed[/re]: I remember that day…good times…

  • Chernobyl Soup

    Hello Sally. You’re the type of person who Googles herself several times a day. We hope you’re enjoying this.

  • JMP

    [re=489214]hockeymom[/re]: I’m not sure, but they all work[ed] for either the Washington Post or the former administration.

    [re=489227]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Some geeks may have dropped some of their Google worshiping after the lukewarm reception to their new AIM-thingy program, which turned out to be, well, pretty much just like AIM.

  • betterDeadThanRed

    [re=489253]bureaucrap[/re]: Alas, I was but a child and missed the party.

  • Vulpes82

    [re=489217]V572625694[/re]: I was just going to say: isn’t she only “anyone” because she fucked some old guy? KLASS!

  • problemwithcaring

    Sally! I always enjoy revisiting the 1998 takedown in Salon: “Sally Quinn has been floundering around for the last couple of decades, when she failed first as a journalist, then as a novelist, before emerging as a hostess in a Washington society that even she admits is in its death throes…A peek into Quinn’s motives reveals a hidden political agenda and the venom of a hostess scorned, and ultimately, an aging semi-journalist propped up by a cadre of media buddies, carping at the Clintons because they wouldn’t kiss her ring. ”

    The bio mentions that she is the daughter of a general, so there’s your security credibility, Wonkett.

  • Katydid

    Speaking of shite over at the WaPo, this from Richard Cohen:

    On the right, [Obama] is being pummeled for…allowing maniacal Nigerians to load their Calvins with boom-boom and fly into peaceful Detroit. It’s a cartoon….Obama could be a great president…Yet his numbers sink as his achievements rise. He is the Johnny Appleseed of cognitive dissonance, so utterly detached that when he wins it seems to be only for himself.

    The fuck? Is “the Johnny Appleseed of cognitive dissonance” seriously supposed to mean something, outside of the people Cohen speaks with in his head?

  • desertwind

    The Georgetown crowd hates the Chicago crowd, don’t they?

    But, then, they hate anybody who’s “not one of us.”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=489268]Katydid[/re]: Oh, I think the cognitive dissonance started when Cohen actually wrote “load their Calvins with boom-boom and fly into peaceful Detroit.” Seriously? Boom-boom? Peaceful Detroit?

  • norbizness

    You don’t go looking for Richard Cohen… he’ll find you.

  • FMA

    Somewhere, Peggy Noonan is mumbling obscenities while throwing down Xanax chased with a tumbler of vodka, pledging to get back at the Quinn bitch for stealing her idea and wondering who Sally had to blow to get her gig…

  • El Pinche

    How disgusting!
    Of course most of you are not aware of the commoner Ms. Roger’s scandalous Canapés where the Capuchin Round rye bread crouton’s are too small for the hors d’oeuvres main center pieces, my my . I’ve nearly spittled my champagne abound my fancy pantaloons from the mere thought! For that alone, Ms. Rogers should be spanked upon her firm rrrround buttocks sternly until they rrripened red like a baby’s bottom. Then she and that rambunctious Jew should be forced to resign.

  • snideinplainsight

    Didn’t they used to pasture animals on the lawns around the White House? Cows, sheep, that kind of thing?

  • snideinplainsight

    [re=489268]Katydid[/re]: I would like to be the Reggie Jackson of cognitive dissonance. No, wait, the Strawberry Shortcake of cognitive dissonance. No, wait, the Bo Diddly of cognitive dissonance. No, wait, …

  • chascates

    Where was Quinn when Monica Goodling snuck in all of those born-again ‘700 Club Lawyers’?

  • snideinplainsight

    I liked her better when she was a Medicine Woman.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    You know what she had to do to get a column, right?

    I mean have you people ever seen Ben Bradlee?

    Have mercy.

  • Berkeley Bear

    The faux celebrities of DC crapping on the new folks as “crass” in some way is nothing new. Mary Todd Lincoln got the crap kicked out of her for not being as fashionable as the daughter of Salmon Chase or the niece of President Buchanon, then further crapped on after she spent money updating the furnishings during a TIME OF WAR!

    Of course, the whole place is a malarial swamp that no one from a truly first class city would live in if it weren’t the home of the President, so Sally Q can kiss Barack’s ring and STFU.

  • BlueStateLibtard

    [re=489283]snideinplainsight[/re]: Woodrow Wilson kept sheep, William Taft kept a cow, the Kennedy’s had ponies. How offended Dames Quinn and Noonan must have been through all that!

  • McDuff

    The Post has always had it in for Washington outsiders. The Style section had a takedown of Bill Clinton shortly after he took office that could be summed up as “That Hillbilly Wears a Cheap Timex Instead of a Proper Washington Watch!”

    I’m sure they covered LBJ from the “yeah, he’s powerful, but he’s still a Texas hillbilly rube” angle. The Kennedys, however, got a pass since they had money, a waterfront compound, a sail boat, and respectably earned rum-running money.

  • germansteel

    What a funny, risque, name for a socialite – Sally Quim.

    What? Oh, okay. Carry on.

  • thefrontpage

    Sally Quinn should resign from reality, since she’s obviously unqualified.

  • Sparky McGruff

    [re=489254]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: “googling yourself”??? Is that what you kids call it these days?

  • Dean Booth

    Bottom line of the univited guest stories: If anything should happen to Obama, it will be his own fault!

  • thefrontpage

    The so-called “Georgetown crowd”–which is really just a bunch of snotty, snobby, self-centered rich people who live in their own bubble world and have very little realistic connection to most of the world and most of the people living in the real world–needs to realized that 99 percent of the rest of the world hates them, and sees them as the idiotic, self-centered, snotty bubble-world people that they are.

    And they should not be writing newspaper columns such as this one.

  • FlownOver

    Methinks The Countess Quinnhelmina of Grahamwick doth bid fair to usurp Dame Peggington.

  • Jukesgrrl

    “And had that happened, the Office of the White House Social Secretary would have been as culpable as the Secret Service.”

    And, yes, we know how many times members of the Social Secretary’s office have taken bullets for the President, so that WOULD have been totally outrageous.

    [re=489220]slappypaddy[/re]: You are correct to wonder why Sally doesn’t consider herself new money. Until she was in her thirties, Sal was a working girl. Well, a working girl with a typewriter … but nevertheless …

    [re=489273]desertwind[/re]: It’s Chicago vs. Georgetown, and it’s also East Hampton vs. Martha’s Vineyard. Now THERE’s a fight.

  • WickedWitch

    Quinn. Noonan. They’re descendants of micks. How dare they act as if they hailed from Mayflower stock!

  • Mr Blifil

    Washington is a village. And they are trashing the place. IT’S NOT THEIR PLACE TO TRASH.

  • UnattendedConsequence

    Logically, if she weighs the same as a duck then she’s made of wood and is therefore a witch. Just sayin.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=489296]snideinplainsight[/re]: I liked her better when she was one of the original MTV veejays.

  • Bruno

    I am ashamed that Barry didn’t cancel his trip to Hawaii and golfing over this. Once again, the disrespekt to the Oval Office is astounding. What’s next no ties & 3-piece suits? We might as well be wearing FUBU

  • Zane

    Not to dampen the hijinks with “reality” but I worked in the Clinton WH and the Secret Service was not pretty porous, and the uniformed Secret Service (at entrances) were snotty (they hated Clinton and the staff). I was in the Press Room one Sat. when the guy with the semi-automatic shot into the WH…and bullets were zipping by! It was a passerby who tackled him, not the SS!

    Another Sat (we worked liked alaskan sled dogs)I was in my office and another working colleague called me and whispered to call the SS, cause a man, dripping blood, had barged into her office and was headed my way. Took the SS about 4 mins to get to us in the OEOB! We all went into the ladies room and locked the door. The guy had climbed the fence and broken a window in the basement. Later another guy climbed the fence. Oh, I was working late when the small plane crashed into the East Wing. Good Times.

    For all your snark…Sally Q. is right. Desiree didn’t do her job. We ALWAYS had people and clipboards and really bad attitudes. I once personally hip-checked a famous actor who tried to barge in. The SS guys liked that! (Granted, they always made Jesse Jackson be escorted cause of his record–but that was just bitchiness).

    Ms. Rodgers and the SS agents should all go, now. And the SS chief should be taken to the secret basement and be beaten til he gets it right. Just sayin’.

  • Zane

    Sorry, that should have be “…the Secret Service protection on the grounds and at the gates was pretty porous”. Learned my lesson, don’t talk on the phone while posting.

  • imissopus

    [re=489407]Zane[/re]: We’re not necessarily ripping Sally Quinn’s point, just the way she made it. Have you not been here before?

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=489402]Zane[/re]: That just shows what YOU know. Alaskan sled dogs do not work on the Jewish Sabbath.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=489225]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Indeed. And anyone who uses “of Washington[or anywhere]” as a modifier should be flogged until their flesh resembles a Sloppy Joe.

  • FlownOver

    [re=489368]WickedWitch[/re]: Indeed. As a Mayflower stockboy and part-time party crasher myself, I reset the impertinence of these bimbos-come-lately.

  • Jim Newell

    [re=489402]Zane[/re]: Nah. Those terrible violent things you just mentioned? They have not happened yet. Three harmless dingbats who were not invited (but maybe had an in? I stopped paying attention) but still went through all security clearances upon entry got to go to the fancy dinner. It’s something they should try to fix for the future, but it’s not a grave threat, it’s not violent, but it’s very… minor. Obama was not in any danger of being “assassinated,” as so many people without logical minds have rushed to say. The DC Social Scene just freaked out to this level because it doesn’t like these new, young publicity whore social climbers, who circumvent the WASHINGTON LADDER OF RESPECT AND DIGNITY AND TRADITION, and get into all the cool parties without doing “the work.” It’s true. They’re fucking insane people, the ones who run this city.

    Supposedly this Secret Service is dealing with 4-5 times more threats, daily, than ever before. They are faaaaaaar from porous when it counts. So far they’ve done pretty well, no? Why fire the head of Secret Service and some party planner for missing these secured loser morons once, as their biggest mistake of all time? Sally Quinn just wants it for her own sense of justice.

  • desertwind

    [re=489354]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Woo yeah, I can imagine… You know, Sallyquinn and Benbradlee own Grey Gardens (true!) and summer there for the month of August. (not sure where they summer in June & July. Barbados? Monaco?) The rest of the year, the place is haunted by dead ghosts (as opposed to when they’re there & it’s haunted by living ghosts) and some caretakin’ friend.

  • desertwind

    [re=489494]Jim Newell[/re]: I read a Georgetown lady’s website (Carol Joynt – it’s horrible but instructive). and, man, they want Desiree’s head. Perhaps if Desi attended dinner parties they’d allow her to breath their rarified air. Too funny how shocked & offended they are that the newcomers aren’t panting to nibble canapes & chitchat in Georgetown’s finest parlors!

    It IS the favorite Washington parlor game, isn’t it?

  • rocktonsammy

    How many dickheads with big belt buckles and cowboy boots just walked in the back screen door when ever they felt like it during Jr.’s 8 years?

  • gradgrind

    All that poor, naturally pale prose from Miz Sally and I’m still jonesing for the real thing, the holy grail of half-awareness — a champagne fluteful of bubbly encyclicals about Life in the Upper East Universe from the silverplated keyboard of Dame Peggington of Mannahattashire. (The Vicodin’s the secret, makes it xtra bubbly!) That Quinn woman is not fit to refill La Peganova’s ice bucket.

    Speaking of Her August Noonanness, where the hell’s she bin? Scotchgarding her minks before airport security vulgarians paw them with no regard for their provenance? Back to work, Peg, I can’t be expected to get my laffs from the B team.

  • Jim Newell

    [re=489585]desertwind[/re]: Oh she’s the lady who lost Nathan’s! THE ELITES HAD TO QUEST FOR A NEW GATHERING PARLOR!

  • AddHomonym

    FIRE THE TRAVEL OFFICE!!! (This is proven effective.)

  • grrbrown

    wow, pretty weak article. try writing more than 50 words at a time coherently.